Thursday, December 31, 2020

Funny Tweets about God Making Animals


The features and behaviors of different animals are so varied and weird and specific that it makes you wonder what kind of thinking would have went into them. A lot of these tweets about animal designs feel like a real "5 pm on a friday" kind of job. People put a lot of thought into how god would've made plants and animals.

1.

Text - @ L @ N @LikeAlwaysWrong *god creating alligator* G: See that log? Angel: yeah? G: Fill it with teeth A: Say again? G: FILL IT!

2.

Text - Text - milty @themiltron [god creating jellyfish] how bout an evil bag

3.

Text - jackson @tricycle_champ [god making bats] GOD: just like a hairy black potato with wings ANGEL: um GOD: ANGEL: god? GOD: also it sleeps upside down like an idiot

4.

Text - Text - Poorly Drawn Turtle @NoTheOtherJohn Follow [God creating the Walrus] GOD: What if a dog bear fish- ANGEL: U mean a seal? GOD: Yea yea. What if one of those fucked a saber tooth tiger?

5.

Text - Text - tater tot bros y Follow @thetits [God inventing the hippo] How bout a fat horse that's always trying to sneak up on you in a pool

6.

Text - @DisObeyJay *God creating Hyenas* So, it's a cat dog with jaws of steel Angel: Sweet G: But it laughs like Fran Drescher A: TF is wrong with you

7.

Text - Text - When We emery lord Collided @emerylord God, making cats: black! white! stripes! Jesus: no i need a fancy one God: ...ok, this one has socks. Jesus: more. God: ...tuxedo. done.

8.

Text - Text - Nathan Buckley Follow @duplicitron When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.

9.

Text - an pigeon, @imskytrash Follow [god creating spiders] what if i made a tiny land octopus that could walk on walls

10.

Text - Text - dan mentos @DanMentos [god inventing horses] make a sexy donkey

11.

Text - Text - Olly @Chumpstring y Follow [god creating the turtle] Just trap that nasty lizard in an army helmet.

12.

Text - jackson @tricycle_champ Follow [god making chimps] GOD: shrink a gorilla & make it smart ANGEL: Ok. And what sound should it make? G: literally just have it fucking scream

13.

Text - FRO VO Follow @fro_vo *god making chihuahuas* how bout a big nervous wall-eyed rat

14.

Text - tomsauced @trojansauce [god creating moles] GOD: lol make it blind ANGEL: erm.. ok GOD: haha and deaf ANGEL: why? GOD: haha just cos

15.

Text - Sam Grittner Follow @SamGrittner "Jam that tiger in that dolphin." - God creating sharks

16.

Text - audrey farnsworth @audipenny y Follow [god, creating ducks] Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know

17.

Text - Olly @Chumpstring y Follow [god creating the fox] How about a red catdog?

18.

Text - milty @themiltron Follow [god creating cats] this fat squirrel lives indoors

19.

Text - Viktor Winetrout Follow @Cpin42 [god creating turtles] How about a dick-faced rock with four legs?

20.

Text - Jhorts Follow @JhonRules [god making an emu] how about you just take that pile of hay and give it legs i'm gonna go on a smoke break

21.

Text - O Good Account O y Follow @SortaBad [God creating the kangaroo] "Okay how about like an alive backpack that jumps around"

22.

Text - Olly @Chumpstring Follow [god creating the owl] How about an old-man bird?

23.

Text - milty @themiltron [god creating bees] Put a needle on its butt. "Come on God, wha-" Make its puke delicious. "WTF."

24.

Text - AKA Dave Follow @Dahmerscookpot God creating kittens G-make them really fluffy & adorable like little furry hugs Angel-that's so swee.. G-& put razor blades on their feet

25.

Text - Bownuggets @Bownuggets [God creating praying mantis] Make an insect that does karate Angel: k Now make it bite her husband's head off Angel: dude we need to talk

26.

Text - @matt_ nelson [God creating spiders] "Make it have 8 legs" Seems excessive but ok "And 8 eyes" You need to calm down a li- "Give it a butt rope"

27.

Text - jackson @tricycle_champ [god making pandas] GOD: cow bears ANGEL: what GOD: did i fucken stutter ANGEL: GOD: take it a cow and make it a bear

28.

Text - GoaT FacE @EndhooS [God creating a turkey] God: Make it like a shitty brown peacock... Animal technician: Anything else? God: Hang a nut-sack on it's face lol

29.

Text - milty @themiltron [god creating snakes] how about a sock that's angry all the time

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