Saturday, June 6, 2020

Totally Random And Hilarious Scottish Tweets


Man, oh, man, we can never get enough of these Scottish tweets. They do a wonderful job at reflecting the culture, and on top of that, it's way too much fun to try reading these out loud. You might end up sounding like a Scottish person yourself, if you really go for it. Check out more hilarious Scottish Twitter gems over here.

1.

Text - Text - kylemcavoy @_kylemcavooy Took a dyslexic burd hame last night n she ended up cookin ma sock

2.

Text - Text - Liam @LiamUTLR Mental how in Scotland if ye ask yer maw for something instead of saying naw they repeat ye n fire a ye on the end. "Maw cana get milkshake?" "A milkshake? Al fuckin milkshake ye" wit does that even mean

3.

Text - Text - Elliot @mullen_elliot So many birds taking photos through big mirrors in the garden and I just keep picturing them carrying it down the stairs and their parents going where the fuck you going wae that

4.

Text - Text - Robby @Rab_mullen A canny eat crisps wae ma left hawn

5.

Text - Text - Tweet Callum Shepherd @callumshepherd_ Uft a just said a popcorn snicken chackbox at kfc hahahahahah 14:50 · 17/05/2020 · Twitter for iPhone 142 Retweets 2,795 Likes Stephanie @Stephjbrown_ · 15m

6.

Text - Text - Kieren Ragg @_madferit_ Know how burds posts pics of their maw saying how stunning she is, am heavy howling just imagining guys dain that with their da's hahaha >

7.

Text - Text - kenzie @kenzieeeee10 15 weeks off the drink and never batted an eye lid but Cannae go 15 minutes without a biscuit. If there's a biscuit anonymous help group someone point me in the direction of it rapid

8.

Text - Text - molly miller @mollymiller_1 · 19h people calling their dugs human names will| forever be tremendous patter, in the park earlier n sumbdy shouts on GORDON the spaniel fuckin gordon 151 27 693 10.3K

9.

Text - Pasture - A BBC Scotland O @BBCScotland BBC Scotland Bull's bid to scratch 'itchy bum' cuts off power to 800 homes BBC NEWS Bull's bid to scratch 'itchy bum' causes power cut bbc.co.uk

10.

Text - Text - Frankie Boyle O @frankieboyle We'll meet agaaaain, on a conga liine in Hell-- 11:31 · 09/05/2020 · Twitter Web App 741 Retweets 5,968 Likes

11.

Text - Text - Lauren Ryan @xx_lorn No chance did my sister spend her bday money on a chinese off just eat that had saved her ex bfs address for the delivery, and her ex and his new burd ate the Chinese and won't pay amy the money back for it enever even said to the driver it was a mistake so they could return it

12.

Text - Text - The Blurst of Times @BatmanAnderson There's a neddy bird that lives across from me and constantly blares shite dance music. My wee brother just referred to her as 'Bassmunter'

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Text - Product - @Mikeey_Paton no chance is a bird on snapchat eating a frozen can of Tennant's gtf e *. w

14.

Text - Text - Babs @JackMorrison94 Mental how when you go abroad you suddenly start treating money like Monopoly money 10 euro for 1 Scoop vanilla ice cream? No bother mate here's a 20 keep the change x

15.

Text - Text - Perry Sloan @SloanPerry when you push a pull door and the person behind says "you need to pull" aye cheers lad sure next plan was to start lifting from the bottom

16.

Text - elrow jam @JamieClay_ do american mcdonalds have bouncers too or are we just animals

17.

Text - Text - Deril Wyles @DerilWyles Guy from the TV licence chapped my uncles pals door and he told them he didny have a telly and the guy was like you've got an aerial on your roof and he said l've got a pint of milk in the fridge disny mean l've got a coo out the back and shut the door

18.

Text - Text - Çåttüm X @callumkchadwick mental how someone out there has eaten the most crisps in the world and they dont even know about their achievement

19.

Text - Text - Calum Paton @calum_paton lassie ID'd me at tesco and said "is this you or your twin brother" if he was ma twin he'd be the same age as me ya badger

20.

Text - Lawrence Ward @LawrWard The population of Scotland is around 5.25mil and there are 600mil cats in the world so if every cat decided to invade Scotland each Scot would have to fight off around 114 cats each and I really don't think they could pull it off

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Admin Tells IT Guy to Look Busy So He Runs Errands


There's that age old problem of being hired to do a job that works on a task by task basis, but you're still paid hourly, so half of your time is spent pretending to do your job just so management stays happy. These guys said screw that. For some funny IT stories, here are ridiculous requests IT workers received.

1.

Text - r/MaliciousCompliance Posted by u/kc1328 4 days ago Cant be visibly doing nothing, it affects employees morale. No problem. oc M My buddy and I were hired to be a glorified help desk, support, hand holders for a special project. Senior management at a large corporation had their laptops upgraded including new software they had never used and major upgrades of software they had previously used. We are talking maybe 20 people spread across 3 buildings downtown, all within walking distance o

2.

Text - My job was to sit in a office and take calls for any issue and I mean any issue that popped into their head. The only thing more entitled than senior management are their admin people. My buddies job was to actually go to their desk and hold their hand with what ever issue they had, oh and "read the ##$! manual" was not part of the support plan :-) he was great at it. After the first couple of weeks things settled down and we received very few calls. So my buddy was sitting at some desk d

3.

Text - So I realized that our service level agreement said we had to respond within 30 minutes (it was always much less especially if he was in the building). So I told my buddy to fuck off, go shopping, sit in starbucks and read the paper. No one but me knew where my buddy was at any time and I was the only one who dispatched him. So I said to my buddy " do what ever you want as long as you drop what your doing and be at the persons desk within 30 minutes." And if they called for help, occasion

4.

Text - So my buddy went to the movies, went clothes, shoe shopping, sat in the park, Etc The busybody admin assistant called about a problem one day and said "I never see him at his desk anymore, where is he ? "I said " he is much busier now, his morale and I'm sure your staffs morale must be much better now" No one ever found out about our malicious compliance. The managers he helped loved him and wanted him to stay on. He said no until.they tripled what he was making. About a year later he was

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Husband Learns He's Having Triplets


What a beautiful video capturing the genuine, shocked reaction of a man who learns that he's got three kids on the way. Whoa. Buckle up, dad. 

Submitted by: (via Stephanie Valas)

Radio Tower Threat is Bold HOA Fighting Strategy


Depending on where you live, an active Homeowner's Association can be filled with some of the most boring, cruel and power hungry people you've ever met. Their draconian rules can suck the life out of your own living situation and you can be punished for something as simple as where you choose to store your garbage bins. So here's an interesting strategy to combat their rules. And for more, here's someone who got revenge when the HOA tried to remove their trampoline.

1.

Text - Well There's Your Problem Podcast @wtyppod folks;; Here's the best piece of advice when dealing with an HOA. If they ever start giving you trouble, just threaten to put up a radio tower in your backyard. Like let's say you just got a trampoline for your kids to enjoy and your HOA tells you that you have to take it down.

2.

Text - Send them a letter back saying "Okay, but with all of the extra room I'll have in my yard, I'm planning to install a 40ft HAM radio tower. Due to the HAM Radio Parity Act, as well as the Local Community Radio Act, both issued by the FCC, it is entirely within my legal rights to install infrastructure on my property that aids in the use of private and public radio communications. The FCC's jurisdictions take precedence over local and community policy, and a fine of up to $300,000 can be ch

3.

Text - trampoline due to this HOA's guidelines, then I suppose it's an easy decision. If there's any input or concerns you have on my decision, please don't hesitate to contact me ". This is basically the easiest way to tell your HOA to fuck off and leave you alone. Best part is that if they try to call your bluff, you can apply with the FCC to get the construction of a HAM radio tower subsidized. They have absolutely no power or authority to stop you, so they'll let just about anything slide if

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Low Budget Fixes and DIY Solutions


People get very crafty with their low budget DIY solutions. It's not stupid if it works. It might be ugly, dangerous, illegal, and admittedly pretty stupid, but if it works it works. But hey, what do you do if you want a ride on lawn mower and you don't have the cash to buy one? You resort to a masterful low budget DIY solution.

1.

Automotive exterior - A couple just flagged me down honking and waving, when I stopped they told me I was about to lose my pipe wrench. I told em it was a step and it's welded on. They proclaimed me King of the Rednecks right there on the spot.

2.

Yellow - SE FUNZIONA NON È STUPIDO! bastardidentro BD

3.

Red - 00

4. Instant Rubber Mallet

Blade - Toolsmith 16 oz Tools

5.

Adaptation

6.

Jeans

7. Impossible to lose iPhone case

Gadget - SAMSUND 19

8.

Vehicle - NAMM HAMM HD 12

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Vehicle door

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Motor vehicle - This Polish Mig-15 was used to remove the ice from the train tracks, just as the Polish rail service did in 1960,and yes... it had to be handled by a pilot! (Photo cleaning the train tracks from unknown author)

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Rear-view mirror

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Vehicle - GAC

13. Hammock

Property

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Motor vehicle

15.

Grass - 14206 Kawsk

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Net

17. Trash bin wheelbarrow

Grass

18.

Leg

19.

Car - JETZT in 0,751 RHÖN GLAS Der Genuss reiner Natur ÖKOTEST SPRUDEL sehr gut RHON aus den Tiefen des Biospharenreservats

20.

Floor - Okay, brake lights are fixed.... lol O00000 000000 CCC

21.

Motor vehicle - 60 80 5. 100 40 09286 BOS 120 20 O OR 3000 RPM 140 MPH UNLEADED FFUEL ONLY

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Land vehicle

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Razor

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Vehicle

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Room - DOD-sor MAAIOTKA Nestie. NESTOGEN 1. SEL

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