FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 01/23/21

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Technically Accurate Moments That Are Hard To Argue With

Why should we be so obsessed with being completely factually accurate when being technically accurate is at least half as good? These technically accurate moments that aren't exactly wrong serve as a guide for what we can get away with saying without being totally inaccurate. Sure, it might completely miss the point and make you look like an idiot, but you'll still be right in your own, little way.

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Text - bundyspooks 1970s: Satanic cult attempt to "possess" a car. hellotailor isn't it sort of easy to possess a car. like, you just inhabit it physically and then make it do whatever you want.

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Text - My competitors think im just some cocktail server from dallas BRI, 24 COCKTAIL SERVER DALLAS, TX

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Text - Jon Erlichman O @JonErlichm.. · 4h Breaking: Google buys Fitbit for $2.1 billion 76 t7 914 2,599 Maitrey Jukar @EmptyJayy Replying to @JonErlichman Oh. Bad deal. I bought mine for $69.95.

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Text - Kabiyesi, The King @ImranSZN Performed some experiments yesterday and discovered that Fertility is Hereditary. So If your parents didn't have children, chances are, you won't either O 10:41 · 09/01/2021 · Twitter for Android

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Chin - Can I see pictures of people who have their tv built into the wall. Thank you 34 250 answers Like Answer Alan Mooney No problem

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World - That's going to look stupid in 60 million years

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Circle - n ter y PoL Hape. BEBO MUBEU-LVRO eyesopenkattniss: hpstuffs: "A big part of the story is lost when it becomes a movie." a big part of the story is lost when you cut a fucking circle out of it

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Retail - OVER SEVEN CAUSTOMERS SERVED SINCE 1998

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Text - I got vaccinated as a kid. As a result, I'm now starting to gray and bald. My balding got so bad I had to shave my head. I've also gained weight. Because of vaccines I have started aging instead of dying as a baby.

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Motor vehicle - TOPSHOP Waterloo please The station? Well I'm a bit fucking late for O4 NKL the battle

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Text - standard thursday eric @ericisajoke I was wondering if spider-man's spider sense is based on an actual thing spiders can do so I googled "can spiders sense danger" and the national wildlife federation treated me like the dumbass I am National Wildlife Federation's NWF.ORG TOPICS Q BLOG Spider Sense Spiderman is able to sense danger lurking near, the warning signal coming as a pain in his head that varies with the intensity of the threat. Spiders can detect danger coming their way with an

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Nature - How different elements produce different colored firewors... Barium Caesium Magnesium Sodium Uranium Copper

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Shoulder - the priory of the hązęł tree @cisgenderhaver yet another unrealistic body standard for women

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Text - kya? @bohatconfusion My friend once messaged me and said, 'When you sit on a toilet, you're connecting your butthole to a city wide network of connected buttholes' how do i unthink this >

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Text - 9) Write a number with a I in the hundreds place. G66 10) Write a number with a 6 in the tens place. 222 11) Write a number with a 2 in the ones place. 333 12) Write a number with a 3 in the hundreds place. The Teacher Listen here, you little shit

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Text - 山 How would you write "I changed a light bulb" on your resume? wasaka Single-handedly managed the suc- cessful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

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Text - David Hughes Following @david8hughes If you're ever hiking in the woods and you get lost, just look up and find the brightest star in the sky and you'll know which way space is. 11:13 AM - 5 Mar 2019 345 Retweets 1,641 Likes 10 t7 345 1.6K

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Text - Alice places a prepared slide on her microscope, but when she looks into it, she can't see anything. Suggest one reason why not. She is blind.

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Fluid - 3.09 @ 3 al 66 Bag of coke $10 Listed 11 hours ago in Moorhead, MN Send seller a message Is this still available? Send

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Motor vehicle - The Republican. WHERE THE NEWS HITS HOME Olaba

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Organism - They don't know I named myself

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Mode of transport - r/stupidquestions 191d If a coconut has hair and produces milk why is it not considered a mammal? 56 1 Share 14 Cuz it grows on a tree 10 191d So do squirrels 26 r/Angryupvote Ltade with mematic T

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Blue - She: what's wrong? Me: BREAKING NEWS LIVE Every "c" in Pacific Ocean is pronounced differentlyONN E19 PM PT CUOHO PE TIHE

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Head - C @ 56% 4 6:25 PM Could I request a picture edit please. Could the phone be removed and his hand be holding me instead? Metro by T-Mobile LTE Thanks ERICA Be the first to answer this question Answer O Like Julius Pleasant Jr FICA 11 Like Reply

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Tagged: jokes , correct , lol , dumb , technically correct , funny , stupid , accurate

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Most Obvious Lies People Were Ever Told

The thing about crossing paths with a pathological liar is that they're so caught up in the process of keeping up with their various lies that at some point they seem to start believing them, themselves. It's both a disheartening and vaguely humorous situation to come across. On the one hand you can feel that compulsion to snap them out of their obvious game of lying to everyone they cross paths with, but you also don't want to be the truth-telling straw that broke the camel's back.

For some more juicy content on liars check out the triumphant times that liars got called out.

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Text - lurkity_mclurkington · 21h 2 3 8 7 Awards When a co-worker told my own story back to me as his own. Twice. Reply 4 12.2k 3 ...

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Text - Monkey-Tamer · 22h When I was a public defender my dipshit client called up his victim from the jail phone the night before his trial. He said kill repeatedly in an attempt to intimidate her. When I was telling him how stupid this was his excuse was that he was watching Kill Bill and someone changed the channel on the cell block communal TV. That dumbass is now doing 28 years in prison. O QReply 1.6k 3 ...

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Text - fritzj • 22h When my friend was an infant, her mother put her 2- year-old sibling in her crib while the mom left the room briefly. When mom came back, my friend was crying and had teeth marks on her forehead. When mom asked the older sibling what happened, she calmly said, "She bit herself." Reply 1 1.8k 3 •..

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Yellow - Malzun • 23h S 8 15 Awards "We're not playing favorites." Reply 25.6k ...

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Text - LaLionneEcossaise · 21h 5 Awards I speak French, though l'm losing it from lack of use. But one of my college guy friends started dating a girl "from France." He was all excited because she could talk to me in her native language and I could help translate. So he brought her to a party at my sorority house and introduced us. I greeted her in French with a very simple, "bonjour, bienvenue, comment ça va" which is just hi, welcome, how are you. Blank stare and red face in response. She then

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Text - He looked at her and she just turned and left. He followed then returned a bit later and said he had caught up to her and she started screaming at him in perfect Midwestern accented English that he was a jerk for setting her up to look like a fool. He had genuinely been excited that he could introduce her to someone she could talk to so he was blown away by her accusations and then angry that she lied. She apparently felt faking an accent would make her more appealing or something. I woul

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Text - MeowthThatsRite · 23h 3 8 11 Awards In high school a buddy told me that he didn't steal our other buddies watch. He was wearing the watch when I asked him about it. Reply 41.6k ...

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Yellow - Apol_lopA • 22h F 20 Awards I can finish this CIV game tonight... | Reply 1 17.1k ...

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Text - reusethisname • 23h 2 Awards As a tax accountant, I'm told lies about how much money people actually made all the time during tax season. My favorite was a guy telling me he's broke because he only makes $35,000/year in NYC so my (very reasonable) fee is too much for him. He says this after he asks me if he can deduct the new BMW 5 series he just bought his son all cash. Reply 21.5k ...

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Text - ping500 · 1d 3 4 Awards "The company is in a great shape so don't pay any attention to rumours about financial trouble" # Q Reply 4 33.1k

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Text - Readordie5 • 22h 3 8 4 Awards A childhood friend and I met up for coffee one day after not meeting for a few years. He casually "let it slip" that ever since he earned a black belt he has had to register with the state as a "human weapon". Reply 8.4k ...

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Text - PancakeOnMyForehead · 1d 4 Awards When my little brother mixed like 50 condiments, including sprinkles, ketchup, cereal n stuff, into a bag of popcorn an ate it telling us it was delicious when his face looked like hed just ate 10 extremely sour warheads at once. He later admitted he just wanted us to eat it but we never did. Reply 1 17.9k 3 ...

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Text - Miskelaneous · 22h S 7 Awards My ex told me he was in a car accident, totaled his car, broke a few ribs. (He was trying to get sympathy so i would get back together with him.) Blaming the accident on me, since he was "Distracted" after the break up. He sent me a photo of his car smashed in, i google searched it. First pic of his make/model that was wrecked. He formulated the story after the picture. But here's the deal, the wheels didn't match. So i drove by his house that evening, car wa

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Text - sunset117 · 20h O 8 2 Awards My first watch was an omega and I saved up on high school to get it. One of my good friends back then asked to wear it for 1 period and would give it back at lunch. He begged and begged so as a hs kid I gave in or couldn't keep saying no I guess, weak on me, obviously. WelI, He smashed it (apparently smashed the glass to test it) gave it back and said it was a fake and that's why the glass cracked and said he didn't do it and it just fell apart. Asshole became

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Text - Beemermann • 1d 7 Awards Any Lieutenant saying that the platoon can go home early on a friday if you work hard right now Reply 10.8k ...

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Text - ChristOnABike122 · 22h 2 Awards My brother told me I was a dragon and I totally believed him. Man I was a dumb kid, but now l'm a dumb Adult Reply 2.1k ...

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Text - barto5 · 22h I used to work with a guy that was a serial liar. Couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it. So many lies, but this is my personal fave: • background - Keep in mind that at the NFL combine the 40 yard dash is the standard for speed. 4.5 seconds is great. 4.4 is elite. And the fastest time ever recorded - by a prospect is, I believe 4.24 seconds. This yutz I worked with claimed that back in his army days, he ran a 4.2 flat - in combat boots. Let's just say Il'm skepti

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Text - Underbash • 23h Used to play D&D with a pathological liar. (Side note, he had the most INCREDIBLE luck with natural 20 rolls.) Another thing about this guy is he always tried to act like a macho tough guy too who had been in serious scrapes and such. So one time, unprompted, he said under his breath, but obviously wanting us to hear, "I've got to get this shrapnel out of me." We were just like, "sure man, whatever you need to do."

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Text - thescrounger · 23h I had a friend in college who was a serial lair. Just all kinds of crazy things, that must've satisfied some psychological need, all of it harmless. He told me he developed a theory on how to bend light passing through air and pitched the idea to the physics department, which set up and experiment and proved his theory to be true. He was a general studies major. I kept pressing him "Well which professor was it? How did the experiment work?" Etc. Just kept digging deeper

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Yellow - GuidingLightPony · 23h 3 21 Awards "Your call is important to us." Reply 4 41.8k ...

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Text - Knight_Owls · 21h 1 Award When I was a kid, the internet wasn't a thing so, my friends were whoever happened to live in the neighborhood. One kid was a well known liar and exaggerator. We were maybe 14 years old at this time. This kid could play guitar and was always talking himself up about it and talking about "his band." He actually could play, but "his band" did not exist. One day, I called him at his house, from my house. I don't remember what it was about, but a few minutes into the

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Text - Phishstyxnkorn • 1d 3 6 Awards "I did brush my teeth, I swear." Reply 13.2k ...

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Text - CaptValentine • 21h "I feel good enough today." For flight training, anytime you fly you have to sign off that you are physically and mentally fit to fly. This means you have eaten in the past 6 hours, had a 10 hour rest period including 6-8 hours of sleep no longer than 16 hours ago and that you do not have any excessive outside stresses. People lie about this all the time. Reply 205 5 ...

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Text - lickyoursisterstoes · 23h 3 Awards My mom after 11-year-old me accidentally destroyed her favourite vase by throwing my brothers stuffed animals around the living room: I'm not mad. Reply 1 3.3k 3 ...

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Text - Daikataro • 22h 3 29 Awards "We cannot give you a raise right now, but we will compensate you as soon as the budget allows". Turns out "when the budget allows" is "when you already have another job offer and put in your two weeks notice". Reply 50.6k ...

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Text - ImpaledLuck · 23h 3 11 Awards "We will keep your resume on hand, and let you know if any other positions open up." As a recent graduate job searching, it hurts Reply 24.5k ...

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Text - Itsrandomness014 • 1d 3 2 Awards Yeah I did all my homework in like 5 minutes I promise Holy SHIT this comment blew up. Thanks lol A Q Reply 19.6k ...

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Text - Beautiful_Yoghurt278 · 21h Someone once told my own story back to me. I told them something funny that happened to me, and 6 mos later they told me back my own story, only that it happened to them. Reply 185 3 ...

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Text - AbeLincolnsBallsack • 21h 1 Award In the early 90's I was at work making $5/hour, and a co-worker looked me straight in The eye and said he had bought a surface to air missile from China and kept it stored at him moms house in a different city. Wtf dude? That's not even close to believable. Q Reply 183

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Tagged: quit your bullshit , FAIL , cringe , Awkward , lying , askreddit , ridiculous , Reddit , internet memes , caught , liars

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Karen Assumes Customer Works At Liquor Store, Reality Check Ensues

Oh man, that must've been real satisfying. Nothing quite warms the heart like one customer putting another rude and belligerent customer in check. It sounds like this particular customer was in the right place at the right time when Karen showed up looking for her precious wine coolers. All this quick little tale's missing is a round of applause from everyone else that was in the store.

Check out some more juicy Karen drama with this Karen who raged at a grocery store employee, so another customer put her in check.

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Text - r/IDontWorkHereLady + Join u/throwralco • 3d 1 Just take your warm winecoolers and go, Karen. XL I'm excited to type this story, so my apologies if it's all over the place! I've dealt with Karens before, but not like this. I never thought l'd encounter one in the wild. Last night, I took a trip to my local liquor store to get some bourbon for my apartment. I'll admit - l'm there often. The employees are cool, lowkey, and most importantly... they don't judge me for frequent visits. I pick

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Text - Karen is holding a pack of blue, gross-looking winecoolers. She goes, "I'd like these cold." I chuckle politely. "Oh, sorry. I don't work here." I do a quick scan of the store and spot an employee a few aisles away, stocking shelves. I point to him. "It looks like he does, though." I turn back around and continue reading the bottle in my hand. Karen did not accept my response. "Umm. Yeah, you do. I see you here all the time," she answered, very rudely.

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Text - I turn back, chuckle again and say, "Yeah, they should hang a plaque in my honor for how much business I give them. ButI really don't work here." I took my bottle and continued down the aisle. Karen followed closely behind me. She was definitely not social distancing. She scoffs, "Well, can't you just go look for me anyway, since you're here so often?!" I was kinda shocked by this request. Like... what? I simply replied with, "I'm actually on my way to checkout, but l'm sure that employee

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Text - Karen did not like this one bit. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?! YOU LITTLE BRAT!" I know I shouldn't fuel the fire, but l'm pretty sarcastic by nature, and I just couldn't help it. I turned to her for the last time, and said, "Well judging by your appearance, I wouldn't expect you to know how to treat people with basic human decency. I hope those winecoolers help heal whatever wounds are possessing you to act like a child. Fingers crossed you brought your ID!" It's like she malfunctioned.

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Text - I happily picked them up, and brought them back where they belonged, earning a smile and a nod from the employee. Lemme tell ya, the bourbon tasted even better after that. Edit: oops, spelling... 2.1k 104 1, Share

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Tagged: customer service , drinking , FAIL , cringe , Awkward , ridiculous , karen

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Funny History Memes and Moments That Put Things In Perspective

One doesn't have to go rooting around in history books long to find something extremely weird about our collective past. There are too many history moments that are too dumb to seem real already, and we keep making more every day. If there's one reason to get into history, it's so you can get these sweet historical memes to become one with time.