Friday, December 4, 2020

Man Spins Apple Fast Enough For It To Explode


What a time to be alive. Spinning an apple fast enough to literally get it to explode is one of those things that you probably never thought you'd actually see happen, a couple decades ago or so. But here we are. In all of its glory you can feast your eyes on an apple that's spun so fast that it explodes. And, you can see it all happen in slo-mo. Beautiful stuff. 

Submitted by: (via The Slow Mo Guys)

Programmer Takes Revenge On IRS Phone Scamming Company


This programmer managed to write a script that proceeded to call phone scammers 28 times a second, which resulted in service denial and prevented any future scams. If that ain't the work of some kind of modern day hero, I don't know what is. Those scammers had no idea what they were walking into. 

Submitted by: (via Nicole Mayhem)

Math Proves That Santa's Life Is Terrible


The Santa Clause is the heartwarming family tale of Tim Allen murdering Santa Claus which seems like a pretty good deal until you do some math and realize that single night of delivering presents lasts thousands of years thanks to Santa's magical time-stopping powers. Which makes us wonder, did Tim Allen actually kill Santa, or did Santa fake his death to escape from the endless torture of being Big Man Christmas? We investigate with Movie Math!

Submitted by: (via Cracked)

Bank Manager Insists On Being Unreasonable, Older Siblings Get Involved


While older siblings might be prone to picking on their younger siblings, there's also something strangely consistent about how they'll go to war with anyone that takes on that role that's not in the family. This bank manager clearly underestimated the older siblings that'd eventually get involved. Should've given out that grown up card before the other grown ups got involved. Check out some more juicy revenge drama with this dude who flipped the script on some nightmare neighbors.

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Text - r/pettyrevenge Join u/Nefirzum • 21h 1 3 3 Don't mess with my family lul I did not do the revenge but it was made for me. New at this and not English so sorry for the spelling. TLDR at the bottom. Background. I grew up almost exactly between two small villages. A and C. Since our house belonged to the same postal route as village A we did all our postal and banking in that village. Even when I went to school in village CI still did banking etc in A. When I eventually got a job and apartme

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Text - Around 2006 We had just gotten a shopping mall there, smack in the middle of nowhere, and one of the shops processed payments a little different from what we were used to. Normally when you pay it reserves the amount that you can't touch, and after two days it goes as payment. The thing they did was that they reserved the amount, then released it just to withdraw the whole amount from the month in one go. So if you use like 50 to buy food a little bit at a time and darn I still got 50 lef

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Text - I came in and got greeted by one of the cashiers, who turned out to be an old classmate, and I explained about my card and she explained why it got eaten. So I was like just order me the same one. And she was like wait you're grown up now you can have a VISA. And I was like oh darn you're right. That would be so much easier since we're close to the border and I couldn't use my old card for internet shopping nor in other countries. She started processing an application and we were talking

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Text - I left that bank crying feeling so bad and like a loser. I called my mother and told her and she just blew up. So we talked a while but since it was my break I went back to work. I was glad that day I was moving the lawn (maintenance at the mall) which takes about five hours so I could be alone. About an hour later my mother calls me up. And I barely answered before she just 'The bank is gonna call you soon lII talk to you later' click... Ok? And two minutes later a new number called and

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Text - -Hi this is the office manager at bank C how are you?- Ehhh fine?-We seem to have had a misunderstanding about the card. You know there are several packages of VISA accounts.-Ehh ok no I heard nothing about that you just looked at me and chased me off.-Ehhh yeah umm ahhh why don't you come in and we'll get you sorted ok?-Ok. I hang up all confused, tf happened? He sounded all bashful and apologetic. Way the opposite from when he was nose in the air in the bank. But I went up and he greete

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Text - -Did it go well?-I got a VISA card? How what happened?-Well I called the head of bank A (our personal banker for years) and told her what happened. She was not happy. She said she'd call him and set him straight about the overdrafts.-That was all it took? He didn't trust me? (Don't really explain the royal treatment)-Oh no she also told him that for his information, the girl you just turned away, her three older brothers are CEO in three companies that ALL do their banking with us in the

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Work Memes to Blunt the Daily Grind


Work sometimes feels like a total racket, but it's something we all have to do, so at least there's that. In addition to knowing your coworkers have to go through the same thing, there's also work memes to help get through the day. Do work memes make work easier? Not necessarily. But they are a pretty decent alternative.

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Workwear - Boss: Why aren't you working? Me:I didn't see you coming.

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Lip - Maybe if i work hard Go above and beyond Never use sick or vacation days The company will notice And appreciate

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Text - My boss: Why are you so late? Me: Why are you so obsessed with me?

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People - Me walking into work with my two hours of sleep Let's get this UN A bread

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Style - (•_^) <) )P Per ( (> my (•_•) <) )> e-mail

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Human - Me if my boss thinks I'm ever dressing up for work ever again. StupidResumes

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Text - EVERY COMPANY: we'd like to promote "mental health in the workplace" ME: how about employing more ppl so the ppl employed are less pressured and paying them more to offset the stress of spiralling living costs and also giving ppl perm contracts EVERY COMPANY: lol no not like that

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Finger - MY JOB HAS THIS COOL THING WHERE IF YOU DO YOUR JOB VERY WELL, YOU GET TO DO OTHER PEOPLES JOB TO0

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Workwear - When you convince your boss it's a two person job, just so you can chill with your homie boon

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Text - lawful good neutral good chaotic good Warmly, Best, Cheers, lawful neutral true neutral chaotic neutral Thanks, Sincerely, Sent from my iPhone lawful evil neutral evil chaotic evil Regards, No sign-off Ciao,

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Nature - When you are having a good time then you start thinking about life

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Bottle - Lots of work done today WORK DOCUMENS

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Human - My boss New hire with hope in their eyes Me ready to shit on our company any chance I get

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Clothing - Labor rights in the US, a visual guide HEY, BOSS, DO WE GET VACATION DAYS? rtv6. YOUR JOB IS A VACATION-- FROM POVERTY. rtv6.

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Collar - When you forget to submit your timesheet

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Whiskers - Designer Client

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Motor vehicle - Client Requirements Client Budget

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Ocean - It, when it do People not thinking that it be like it is

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Cheek - Me coming to work at 6 am after going to bed at 2 am samon.without. the L

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Product - me 30 minutes into my 15 minute break

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Product - Me after graduating college and using my degree to simply send and receive emails 40 hours a week. 123RF 123RF

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Lip - When you leave things for tomorrow and tomorrow arrives

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Organism - Me: Fuck work I don't really give a shit about this 9am shift! ** 8:55am ** Me: @Miinute! Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit

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Comfort - I be drowning in champagne, but the "cham" is silent

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Elbow - When you send an email and immediately go to the Sent box so you can "read it from their perspective"

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Lip - When they open Powerpoint and you see slide "1 out of 243"

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Text - hey buddy @ComicsHey interviewer: how are you with excel me: i hate it interviewer: an experienced user then

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Finger - When you're tired as shit, but you've gotta get ready for work

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Tumblr Thread: The Unsettling Reason For Unrealistic Animation


Here we are yet again with the wonderful, wandering minds of the Tumblr world delivering just the kind of informative, and unsettling thread that really takes the brain for a trip. Apparently, there's an actual reason why us human beings can feel the cringe chills come on when animation seems to be too realistic. It's called the uncanny valley effect. What makes the effect so unsettling, is reflecting on why we could've developed that kind of "survival instinct" in the first place. Was it because there used to be some sort of alien monster thing scouring the globe back in the day that was a threat to homo sapiens' survival? Maybe so, maybe so. Check out some more gold from Tumblr with these cooks that bonded over their dysfunctional family members.

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Organism - *157 % 15:01 vrabia Folgen NEON NO @Neon woof studios: ok it's absolutely imperative that the audience knows which one is a GIRL wolf and which one is a BOY wolf studios, every single time: ok wait I got it 3:09 AM - Apr 19, 2020 - Twitter for Android pipocaflamingo Folgen Sorry to say, but they do the exact same thing for humans too.

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Animation - @ *I 57 %O 15:01 pipocaflamingo Folgen Sorry to say, but they do the exact same thing for humans too. pipocaflamingo Folgen It's amazing how people in the notes and comments are absolutely FURIOUS at me for the included Frozen comparison. Special shout out to everyone trying to prove that real people look like this. fastascardboard Folgen

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Head - all @ *i 57 % O15:01 fastascardboard Folgen ORIGINAL TheMamelessaoll MY EDIT Roosa Karsson Not to mention that when people edit these

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Blue - @ *I 57 % O15:02 Roosa Karsson Not to mention that when people edit these characters to have better facial proportions, the originals look like bizarre fish people. simonalkenmayer Folgen How humans draw themselves is always fascinating to me despairgyaru op why are you speaking like you aren't human i'm scared simonalkenmayer Folgen Eh...perhaps read my blog description. 61below Folgen

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Text - ll @ *i 57 % 15:02 hauntedcreek Folgen K simonalkenm... Follow The Creature's Cookbook Welcome. You may call me Simon or Simone. I am the author of the Creature's Cookbook novel series, but more importantly, I'm a very old anthropophagic cryptid, or "people eating monster". Yes, a real one. No, not a clever performance art piece or a plea for attention. My books are classified as fiction, but that is entirely the point. I eat humans and I write about it, and for some reason, people find i

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Text - ll @ *i 57 % コ15:02 helloitsbees Folgen this post has EVERYTHING hyenasnake Folgen I think I know the reason for why people prefer "unrealistic" animation. For some reason, humans really don't like things that look like humans but aren't quite human. Hence why a lot of people are uncomfortable with movies with animation like Monster House and The Polar Express. It looks too realistic to us and sets us off. Scientists call this the "Uncanny Valley" effect and its thought to be an evoluti t

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Text - @ *i 57 %D 15:02 Scientists call this the "Uncanny Valley" effect and its thought to be an evolutionary tactic for survival. The funny part is. No other animals that we know of experience the uncanny valley effect. Only humans. Which leaves the question: what was out there that mimicked humans so well and was so dangerous to us that we evolved to have this as a tactic for survival? soft-necromancing-crow Folgen Oh hell yeah this is what l'm here for niuniente Folgen Which leaves the quest

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Green - @ *I 57 %D15:02 athelind Folgen Okay, I've seen this thread a dozen times before, but not with this addendum. vrabia Folgen i made the original post in the throes of unmedicated depression because that's where my sense of humor was at the time. i don't check my activity page. seeing it barge onto my dash months later with +250k notes and this exchange attached to it like a bunch of rattling tin cans attached to the tail of a rabid dog running loose is fucking WILD look-at-all-those-fando

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Text - @ *i 57 % コ15:02 masochist-incarnate Idk why dont we ask the "people eating cryptid" who claims to be from a species that's easy to hide and apparently passes as human who's like, 3 reblogs above this? princesshamlet Folgen Crewmate There is 1 Impostor among us fuckingconversations Folgen Hey fun fact; Back when Homo sapiens weren't the end-all of hominids, we also had some other two legged "humanish" cousins like the Neanderthals, Denisovians, and more! There were nine different species

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Text - @ *i 57 % 15:03 There were nine different species of "humans" By 10,000 years ago, they were all gone. The disappearance of these other species resembles a mass extinction. But there's no obvious environmental catastrophe - volcanic eruptions, climate change, asteroid impact - driving it. Instead, the extinctions' timing suggests they were caused by the spread of a new species, evolving 260,000-350,000 years ago in Southern Africa: Homo sapiens. Neanderthal skeletons show patterns of trau

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Text - @ *i 57 % 15:03 Basically: the reason we as Homo Sapians find other human-ish figures unsettling and have an instinctual fear/aggression response called "The Uncanny Valley" is because we literally TOOK OVER THE WORLD by hunting down and killing every other hominid on the planet. Dunno if the "9 species of hominid genocide" was a result of uncanny valley or the cause of it, but it's a pretty sure bet to guess they're linked. Read more about it here :) isaacsapphire Folgen This is a wonder

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Revenge Of The Week: Parents Use Trees To Block Occupancy Permits


Man, it sounds like these rude developers were insistent on being as unreasonable as possible. They clearly underestimated the lengths that folks would be willing to go to, to stop their efforts. The rest is history. Talk about a sweet symphony of pro revenge. If this story of revenge got you going, check out this story where a landlord wouldn't pay for electricity during winter, so the tenant took a nuclear revenge.

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Text - r/ProRevenge u/PhuckingPhabulous • 14h + Join 1 8 1 Parents use trees to block occupancy permits Obligatory, on mobile. So my parents bought their house in the early 90s in a very expensive city. They bought the garbage house on the block & 30 years later it's quintupled in price. This is relevant - my parents live in a very upscale suburb of said expensive city, think San Francisco, New York. The city is run by old ladies who don't allow anything. Drive thrus are not permitted in the sub

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Text - Anyways my parents live on a granite hill with a gorgeous view of the valley. This hill is very windy. Imagine my parents have a long rectangular house (mid century to help you imagine) and the hill & street wrap around one end of the rectangle going up hill. The curve is basically a U. There is another shallower curve below us so it's basically an upside down S. Large trucks CANNOT get up their street. They can't make it past the first turn, much less the turn at my folks' house. Mid siz

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Text - Okay so to the story - The sweet elderly neighbor above my parents' house passed away a few years back. She had a beautiful well maintained mid century (albeit all original) with a gorgeous view. Not much property but the view is amazing. Of course developers snap it up, not realizing how much of a bitch it is to get permits in this stuck up suburb. That's hurdle #1. Instead of modernizing this gorgeous mid century, the developers of course need to rip it down to the studs and completely

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Text - Developer switched to medium large trucks. And started driving over my parents' property. My parents also have a brick mailbox that is part of the fencing. They hit the mailbox so hard it moved the mailbox and the fence. Remember how my parents live on a hill? Yeah that fence is part of the retaining wall. They were also continually doing damage to the edge of my parents property by driving over it. Important part- the trucks were so big, they were hitting one of my parents trees on the t

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Text - Welp, fortunately for my parents we have a nosey Nancy Nextdoor who loves to be the neighborhood watchdog (we've known her 30 years, she's polite friends with my parents at this point). Anyways she's big into conservation. Her garden is amazing. She ran into my mom and my mom told her what's happening. She goes, oh just report it to the city. And the plan was hatched. All of the neighbors had a meeting at my parents house (they'd done damage to I think 4 different neighbors at this point)

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Text - At this point the new house is almost complete and theyre filing for their occupancy permits. Well the city decides that they can't have their occupancy permits until an arborist goes and checks on my parents' trees! So guess what? They'd done some significant damage to the trees. The city decides to block the permits until the developers have paid for some kind of shit with the trees (sorry I can't remember the details, I'll have to ask my dad). Also they have to repair all the mailboxes

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Text - Long story short, it took them 1.5 years to finally get the occupancy permit. The house then sat on the market for another 2 years (overpriced and ugly and a 'party house' built in a wealthy suburb on a street with no parking?). My parents think they took a huge loss on that development based just on property taxes alone. Karma. Edit: my dad reminded me that since they did damage to the retaining wall, they also had to send an engineer out to check the damage and they had to pay to rebuil

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Twitter Thread: Hilariously Dumb Bits Between Partners


If you've ever found someone special to share some time with in this mad world, you've likely participated in carrying on some hilariously dumb but highly addictive bit with your partner. You probably had no idea why you were doing it, and why it was so funny without fail every time, but you continued to do with admirable, stubborn persistence. 

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Screenshot - livebloggingmydescentintomadness Follow Sophia Benoit @1followernodad Literally nothing on earth is better than repeatedly doing a bit your partner doesn't like 10:51 PM · 26 Jun 20 · Twitter for iPhone Brona C. Titley @bronactitley · 13h Replying to @1followernodad Whenever my wife mentions being gay, I scream "YOU'RE GAY???!" at her, as if I've just learnt it for the first time ♡ 14 t7 91 3,947 Rich James @richjamo · 20h Replying to @1followernodad Whenever my wife comes into the

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Text - C. D. Ford @c_d_ford · 1d Replying to @1followernodad When I'm playing video games I tell my wife I'm dedicating my victory to her and she hates it. Q 14 27 43 2,779 cynthia, she's a really cool dancer @tart.. · 15h v Replying to @1followernodad There's a sign out front of a church facility down the street that has the word "rector" on it. Every time we walk by l yell "Rector? Damn near killed 'er!" and start laughing hysterically 5 27 8 592 Clams Rockefeller @ClamsLaRock · 13h I had a si

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Text - Queen Astro Babby Jess @SpicyAstroBa. · 9h Replying to @1followernodad I pretend to be angry and say "I'm going cycling, don't wait up." Then proceed to get on the stationary bike in the living room adjacent to the couch he's sitting on. 27 1 165 Donnacha Bolger @DrDonieBaseball · 20h Replying to @1followernodad My wife HATES the smell of veggie sausages. Whenever I make them I rush into whatever room she's in and use a sausage as a microphone to REPEAL interview her with. It's the corner

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Text - Douglas King @douglascodes · 15h Replying to @1followernodad I do "That was the name I used to dance under" bit anytime there is a good phrase. A sign that says "Hot Wax" "That was the name .." An ad for "beef tips." "That was.." White gravy. "That was..." Нeavy cream "That was...." %3D 3 107 Matt Ayling @MW_Ayling · 12h Replying to @1followernodad Whenever I see an RV towing a car I gasp and tell my wife, "good lord look how close that guy is tailgating that RV!" She hates it 68 Burden E

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Chin - ABRATHO. IAm TheScott @scottb804 · 13h Replying to @1followernodad I tell my wife more often than I'd like to admit that "P'Il be making a note on your performance evaluation". She hates that. It's been a decade. 27 ♡ 42 Xander King @pastelxbreeze · 16h Replying to @1followernodad I call my boyfriend sport and champ and bud like a midwestern dad because I'm 6 months older than him. He HATES it and then I squish his cheeks and say hes throwing a tantrum and I swear to god I can see his sou

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Text - LAPD Tampon Investigations Unit @Ra... · 15h Replying to @1followernodad The only bit my wife really hates is the Borat voice. The best was when she had an appointment with a midwife. I looked her right in the eyes, slipped into the Borat voice, and yelled "Mid-wiiiiyyyfe!" She murdered me. 1 27 2 112 AHR - Wash Yer Hands @ahopeross · 15h Replying to @1followernodad Too many to count. My favourite may be my ongoing gag that every time I'm responsible for something that I deadpan that I th

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Screenshot - lacey @lacefaced · 13h Replying to @1followernodad My husband says "gas lamp" in place of "gaslight" on purpose as a form of "gaslamping" me. 27 5 2 310 Jeff The Tweeter @DonJewxote · 15h Replying to @1followernodad Acting like I have no idea what she's talking about midway through a conversation. Works with a person, place, or thing. "Gonna hang out with Jimmy after work" "Cool tell Jimmy I said hi" "Who?" 3 163 L Mitch @L_Mitch23 · 19h Replying to @1followernodad I mix up less and

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Text - acab @wherbkat · 12h Replying to @1followernodad My wife is an RN at an ICU in nyc. I started to drive her to work when the pandemic started. When she would put on her mask to get out of the car I would shout "Masquerade!" in the way they do in Phantom of the Opera. Did that for like a month. 27 3 3 153 Char Char Binks @little_lotty · 14h Replying to @1followernodad I like to do this thing when my husband asks me to do something. I put my shirt over my head like a hunchback and say "yes m

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Ear - dinosaur dumps @FaaipMusic · 12h Replying to @1followernodad I've been sending my wife this photo for weeks 35

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Text - Lindsay Lee Wallace @lindsaywallace · 22h Replying to @1followernodad It's this kind of opinion that enables people like my partner to do things like constantly pretend that a faceless man from another dimension is standing in the corner of our room making custard, and frankly I won't stand for it 1 63 Hummus @hummus_tea · 11h This is such an amazingly specific bit I can't help but applaud them for it 1 27 11 Lindsay Lee Wallace @lindsaywallace · 10h yeah his name is The Bellhop and he ha

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Text - Rhi Meow Replying to @1followernodad Every night when I need to get out of bed (while both awake) I roll over my boyfriend instead of getting out of my side I also get in the same way @Rhimeowmeow · 16h 27 1 O 116 Jamieson Bruce @JamiesonBruce · 15h Replying to @1followernodad Whenever tubas are mentioned around here (this happens surprisingly often), I always make reference to the fact that my SO used to play the tuba. She hates that. Also, she has never played the tuba. 1 157 kenzie @ke

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Chin - Daniel Says Abolish Police @DGarraston · 15h Replying to @1followernodad My partner hates puppets, she thinks they're weird and creepy so every now and then when I'm talking to her from the other room, l'll pop my hand around the corner and do the hand puppet thing. GIF ALT 27 1 154

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Text - Billy Christ @RedLetrCrusader · 14h Replying to @1followernodad When my wife says anything close to a truism I say, "It's like that old song:" then I make up a twangy country song anout it. If I really want to bug her l'll make up a whole back story about the song. 2 27 2 79 JM @Jamesjr54 · 12h Need examples. For science. 1 27 10 Billy Christ @RedLetrCrusader · 11h The last hit was "You're Gonna Need a Bigger Spatula Than That" by Plumber Eddie and his Set of Pipes, the founder of a short

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Text - I purposely mispronounce words like faux and tsunami. I just get glares as she knows I do it on purpose lol dramaro My hubby is a big car enthusiast, specifically Subarus. He does the "Subie Wave" anytime he meets another modified Subaru going down the road. I swear up and down that I've never seen anyone return the wave and that I don't believe it is actually a thing. O purpledefendorprincess s thewillowtree3 My girlfriend is still adamant that haggis don't exist. When she comes to visit

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Text - Every time there's a love or sex scene on TV and my wife is in the room, l'll pick one of the kids and say, "That's how you were born." I've also used it during weird scenes, like with the facehuggers in aliens and when Quato first appears in Total Recall. Drives them all crazy. O mikeoliveri S saturdayboy

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Text - I tell long elaborate stories with absolute convictions but it's just a convoluted setup to a pun. My wife doesn't believe anything I'm saying anymore until l'm done and she can confirm there was no pun. Also l'll make statements about myself that are completely impossible and get offended that she didn't know. Like she'll say "Oh, let me pop that pimple" and l'll go "Why would you say that!? You know I don't have skin!" PRESS START kneghx S turnoffthestars

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Text - My kids and I pretend to fall fast asleep as soon as my husband walks into the room we're in. I mean, awful fake snoring, muffled giggles. Just horrible acting really. And he always pretends we've died a horrific carbon monoxide induced death. werekeepinittogether 3 yespumpkindoodlesthings

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Wholesome Memes To Keep The Feels Pumpin'


In this world of pain and guarded sarcasm, it's important from time to time to actually acknowledge that sometimes things can matter or at least be kind of nice. Wholesome memes can help keep things moving in a way that many of us might agree is sort of healthy. If nothing else, wholesome memes keep the feels intact.

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Tagged: aww , wholesome , Memes , lol , nice , meaningful , good