Friday, October 23, 2020

Seal Screaming Like Tom Hanks


Nothing to see here, just a sea lion yelling exactly like a man. 

Submitted by: (via Xgrade242)

We Remade Tenet for $20


Our friends at Cracked are back at it again with some pure comedy gold. It's probably too dangerous to go see Christopher Nolan's "Tenet" in theaters right now, so we went ahead and remade the movie for, like, $20. You can now safely watch "Tenet" from the comfort of your beanbag chair. You don't even have to wear pants!

Submitted by: (via Cracked)

Biggest Air Cannon In The World


Just imagine if they had two monster smoke rings collide. Like actually what would happen? Maybe nothing at all. That being said, this massive contraption would be way too much fun to play around with. 

Submitted by: (via Laborky Cz)

Programmer Shuts Down IRS Phone Scam Center


Not all heroes wear capes, some of them just devote their skills and time toward shutting down those dang IRS phone scam centers. This is the kind of victory that just makes everyone feel good, except for the phone scammers, of course. 

Submitted by: (via Nicole Mayhem)

Prime Examples That Kids Are Dumb and Weird


Sure, children aren't exactly full-on people with cognitive skills or hand-eye coordination, but that shouldn't give them an excuse for being some of the stupidest and weirdest people ever. Kids are dumb and weird. Everyone knows it, and everyone remembers it. Whether it was when we tried to hid behind sheer curtains or try to make a point, we were just proving that kids are strange and dumb.

1.

Text - Kids_kubed l @Kids_kubed 3: Mommy, I don't want dinner!! Me: l'm not making dinner, I'm making you a big snack 3: Yay! Snacks!

2.

Child - He wants to get on the bus. The bus on the TV

3.

Text - Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal My toddler just spent five minutes explaining that he can't use his imagination because he traded it to a kid at daycare for some fruit snacks. Ok, bro. 10:46 AM · 11/11/19 · Twitter Web App 5,197 Retweets 194 Quote Tweets 64.4K Likes

4.

Text - When I was a young child, (Approximately 6-7) I had invited my friend to a sleepover at my house before I would move away in a few weeks. We had an awesome time, however, that would soon change. I had decided to show her a tour of the woods in my backyard. We walked for a while until I realised: we're lost. I tried to find the way out, and she started building a house out of leaves. We made it home, and according to my mom, she could literally see us.

5.

Food - KitchenAidd

6.

Text - Mail Delivery Subsystem 2 days ago 2. Oct 17 to me v Address not found Your message wasn't delivered to dad@gmail.com because the address couldn't be found, or is unable to receive mail. LEARN MORE

7.

Child - He thought that if he colored himself green he would grow into the incredible hulk

8.

Text - S pace is so Space is about 50 suns. g.

9.

Text - The girl I nanny (7) has to do an influential person project, so I reccomended Bethany Hamilton. I told her the shark attack story and how she went on to be a total badass, right? She didn't believe me so I showed her a picture of Bethany now, and the she looks at Bethany's son and goes "well, why does he have both arms?" and I literally had no idea how to explain that shark attacks aren't genetic Imao

10.

Text - When I was younger my parents would tuck me in at night. They would always lay the blanket up to about my waist. I remember having trouble falling asleep because my arms were cold, but pulling the blanket up to cover me fully never occurred to me. Years later, I wish I was exaggerating, but l'm not, I still remember this moment: I came to the idea to pull the blanket over my shoulders. Best sleep I ever had, never went back.

11.

Hardwood - he's searching for that

12.

Text - Chris Wilson @cwilso My... My daughters built a slug hospital and found 30+ "patients" who are now escaping and nothing in the parenting books prepared me for this.

13.

Pink - Shes crying because she is cold but doesn't want to put on her sweatshirt.

14.

Text - Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars Me: That'd wreck the economy 5: I just- Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation 5:29 AM - 7 Sep 2015 17 12,465 19,433

15.

Product - O r/interestingasfuck Posted b 3h • i.redd.it When a 6.8 earthquake hit Olympia, Washington in 2001, a shop owner found that a sand-tracing pendulum recorded the vibrations. /r/ALL 1 12.3k 140 Share Award Y BEST COMMENTS - AutoModerator • 3h • Please report this post if: It is spa | AWard I was in kindergarten when that earthquake happened. I was in the computer lab and had just gotten done hitting a button I'd never pressed before (probs escape or delete) and I thought I hit self dest

16.

Text - randy @leakypod one time when i was snowboarding with my dad one of the big trail map signs had a "you are here" sticker so i asked how they knew where we were and i think thats when he knew i was gonna be a fucken idiot

17.

Text - Lex @LexMobileGaming Life hack for you future dad's; convince your kids hate something you actually like. you My 5 and 7 year olds just spent 10 minutes "tormenting" me by massaging my shoulders. Be sure to tell your father or father figure tomorrow that you appreciate them tomorrow and everyday! 11:33 AM Jun 21, 2020 · Twitter for Android 19 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 684 Likes

18.

Child

19.

Text - I archaeologysucks When I was a very small child, my mom used to bury coins in my sandbox, leave huge boot prints in the sand, and tell me pirates had come in the night and buried treasure. I would be out there happily for hours, with my little sieve, and my mom got a quiet morning to herself for the price of a handful of pennies. I was always kind of skeptical about Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, because visiting every kid in the world did not seem reasonable. But the pira

20.

Text - Robert Knop @FatherWith Twins y Follow 6yo: I need to fart Me: No, we're eating 6yo: Ok, I'll just hold it in with my hand *Farts 6yo: It didn't work 5:06 PM - 20 Jan 2016 6 17 123 V 312

21.

Selfie - 12.99 go Egga Egga Eggo

22.

Text - no Boos a Lad GPLS ULALD

23.

Pumpkin

24.

Text - My 4-yr-old brother just asked us to play the song "Soft Robber" ..he meant Smooth Criminal 9:04 PM · 27 Sep 20 · Twitter Web App ED

25.

Floor

Submitted by:

Tumblr Thread Appreciates Night At The Museum


This quick Tumblr thread honors the cinematic achievement that was Night At The Museum. At the very least, if you haven't seen it, you might feel like giving it a go after checking out this recap. Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt was definitely a solid move. 

1.

Hair - goddessofidiocy okay but why don't more people talk about Night at the Museum like poc characters and people being portrayed by poc people

2.

Forehead - this movie is so good

3.

Outerwear - and it has one of the funniest, best, most ridiculous friendships in movie history and you have Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt I mean

4.

Jacket - and if all that didn't convince you there's also at-Rex skeleton that playa fetch with one of its own ribs THIS MOVIE cosplayer-m

5.

Text - DON'T FORGET THE QUIRKY AND FUNNY IMMORTAL VILLAIN SQUAD LED BY DICK VAN DYKE OR THE EASTER ISLAND HEAD THAT LOVED BUBBLEGUM (or, as he called it, gum-gum) OR THE FACT THAT THEIR HISTORICALLY-ACCURATE CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DIDN'T SPEAK ENGLISH

Submitted by:

Department Lead Throws Employee Under Bus, Gets Their Comeuppance


Tammy was out there playing with fire. Fortunately, this employee was able to catch Tammy and some other shady cheaters, and ultimately serve them the justice that they deserved. Tammy just had to learn the hard way that the truth can set you free, or more accurately, it can turn you loose. 

1.

Text - r/ProRevenge u/Limecherrry • 3y + Join Department Lead threw me under the bus and got me suspended. Background: I work with a Client services center and do Project Planning and Over-site. I have privileges and security clearances to that which not even low- management have but no authority to delegate tasks or make requests. This is important because a low level manager can order me to pull client-restricted data they normally don't have access too. While they have to go through their sup

2.

Cheezburger Image 9565760512

3.

Cheezburger Image 9565760768

4.

Text - Nearly a year goes by and I was given a task for some forensic research on a closed off, highly controlled database. Many department leads were involved, including Tammy whom I had little contact with after the above incident. I took several painstaking weeks to sift through several hundred thousand records and this was supposed to be routine data queries. What I found was something different. A massive series of date errors that didn't match up to previously compiled reports taken from t

5.

Text - Turns out that Tammy and several other leads in her department had been using the client order placement log in's to manipulate order placement times weeks after the fact to it made them look really good. Because the "client" appeared to change the order dates, no red flags were present when first investigation took place on ACTIVE orders. They were manipulating past orders a little at a time. They were the top department for months on end because of this and even got bonuses and recognit

6.

Text - After presenting my through findings, our compliance department concluded that several leads/managers were fudging dates to make their departments look better than they were actually doing. The result was, 1 termination of a backstabbing bitch named Tammy, 1 demotion of a lead who knew of the deception but didn't say anything. The 3rd lead had already left the company earlier in the year. I'm told that Tammy is also being being sued for the bonuses and rewards she earned in false pretense

Submitted by:

History Memes for some Hardcore Knowledge


What's better than looking and dumb memes and feeling smart at the same time? Absolutely nothing. That's why there are history memes to feel smart about. Sometimes you gotta take a deep breath and drink in that memeshake with an extra helping of facts and geography. That's the good stuff.

1.

Animated cartoon - Chinese people in 4000 BC discovering silk for the fist time: THAT WORM IS POOPING MONEY!

2.

Text - take home. Fa piece of, mexico The US in 1846 Don't mind if I do.

3.

Motor vehicle - Americans becoming Atheist after the Cold War. Russians becoming Christian after the Cold War

4.

Text - spuki @desukidesu Wow this huge wooden horse is great! [Review updated] ***** Ok what the fuck

5.

Face - Archduke Franz Ferdinand: *get shot* The whole of Europe: Quicksaving..

6.

Organism - When you're a small island nation and you hear the ocean playing god save the queen My time has come

7.

Text - Me: Napoleon wasn't even that short- British People: First off, get out of here with your facts.

8.

Skin - EUROPEAN HISTORY U.S HISTORY

9.

People - Americans naming new towns: You'll be a place in Europe

10.

Terrestrial animal - America Accepting the fact they lost in Vietnam

11.

Face - Untaming Undead Savage @FredTaming when medusa showers is it like this or like this 1:02 PM Oct 21, 2020 - Twitter Web App 136 Retweets 11 Quote Tweets 604 Likes FALSE. THE SHOWER CAP WAS INVENTED IN THE 1960'S AND MEDUSA WAS SLAIN BEFORE THE 8TH CENTURY B.C.E. imgflip.com

12.

Organism - 16th century woman: *lives alone with a cat* Church of England: What you have done has made God very unhappy.

13.

Cartoon - Military Uniforms Military Uniforms before WW1 after WW1

14.

Facial expression - Teacher: *Find the value of x* Roman student:

15.

Arm - Stalin Don't panic, I'm in charge now. BENKENOBI417 USSR That's why weftre panicking.

16.

Text - UK and US Language Differenes Fries Chips Airplane Aeroplane Subway Underground USA Thirteen Colonies

17.

Conquistador - England: "Come over ;)" Denmark: "I can't. You're too far" England: "My king isn't home and we have silver" Denmark:

18.

Wall - Men in the 1600s Women who could do math

19.

Technology - Persians: *assemble the largest army in the world * Some Greeks hiding in a pass: 11:57 $10794

20.

Cartoon - Look, what LeBron accomplished this year was amazing, but there's no way he could hang with defenses in 500 AD in the Maya league; the game was just so much more physical back then

21.

Joseph Johns escaped from prison so many times that the government had to build a special cell to keep him in. The governors were so confident in the cell they had made that they said " if you get out again, we'll forgive you " Johns escaped that cell as well. You may have outsmarted me, but I outsmarted your outsmarting!

22.

Orange - Albinus: Longinus: Brutus: Just do it

23.

Fictional character - China: You better stop selling Opium to our people or else Britain:

24.

Adaptation - 1800s doctors when they find out that draining a patient of all of their blood doesn't actually fix anything The science seemed so solid.

25.

White - French people every aristocrat in France in 1799

Submitted by: