Monday, September 14, 2020

Best Fails of 2020 (Part 1)


Oh boy, buckle on up for a compilation of this year's best fails to date. As long as this earth keeps spinning, and people keep making decisions before putting in the thought necessary to avoid utter catastrophes, we're going to have more fails coming out of the woodwork. 

Submitted by: (via Fail Blog)

Quarterback Throws Touchdown To Himself


That's some Madden cheat codes stuff right there. It's not every day that you see a quarterback accidentally throw himself a touchdown. Oh to have been there when this occurred. Nowadays, we're busy living through an NFL season where fans are all forced to watch games from their homes. 

Submitted by: (via Robert Carneal)

Facepalm Moments of Intense Dumbness


Human beings can do some absolutely incredible things when it comes to observation, innovation and expressing nuance. At the same time, there will always be those of us who aren't exactly running on all cylinders.  And then sometimes we're just having an off day. These are the producers of facepalm moments of mystifying dumbness

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Organism - I'm dying. My mom bought this book for my 6 year old and I just called to ask if she had actually opened the book. She hadn't. a IF ANIMALS COULD TALK I WINK I HAVE A COKE PROBLEM FOLAR BEAR "NHEAL THE FUCK ALL NE KEYS?" KANGAKDO BY CARLA BUIWIN L 1OSH CASSIDY

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Text - @acidkawhi bitch you mean food???? A elijah @fakeleny 1d has anyone tried making edibles but without weed? like virgin edibles or something 6:45 PM 2020-09-11 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - ISTOP My housemate left, he owes me $20, and he took the shower head

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Product - 23:36 yeah lol id be freaking out to if my clock was displaying nonsense numbers you are aware that's a 24-hour set clock right? so it's just saying its 11:36 pm? im sorry if this isnt "pc" but i dont care about the british customs

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Vehicle - 一

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Bowling - E BARRE STRIKE 2 RRA

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Text - 3 hrs 14 True love is when my boyfriend eats the pickles off my burger because l don't like them, even though he doesn't like pickles either. Like Comment and 14 others like this. Or you could both not eat the pickles. 3 hrs Like 64

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Asphalt

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Text - Q can a blind person Q can a blind person dream Q can a blind person see again Q can a blind person drive Q can a blind person cry a can a blind person see Q can a blind person become ias Q can a blind person see light Q can a blind person be a doctor Q can a blind person sleep with their eyes open Q can a blind person go to jail

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Text - some quack &+ Folgen @hurlarious my fav colour is also hitler BOUTIQUE SALES / CLOTHING & ACCESSORIES/ MY FAVORITI MY FAVORITE COLOR IS Jiter

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Transport - चकिया धर्मल ल्ट CHAATHERMAL LT

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Text - Replying to I got dumped for having red hair. My boyfriends Mum didn't want to risk having ginger grandchildren, so she made him dump me. He married a blonde and had two ginger kids..Karma. My Kids are blonde. 8:45 AM · Aug 18, 2020 i)

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T-shirt - There are two types of people in this world: 1 Those who can extrapolate 1) from incomplete data "So two of my classmates just asked our professor if his shirt is missing a 2nd part."

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Text - Sol had a wedding in my Calendar for this Saturday and I was very stressed out becausel didn't know whose it was andI was afraid I was going to miss it. Then I realized that it was part of my 20 year plan and I set it like 5 years ago. It's my wedding, l'm missing my wedding. 15/08/2018, 01:48 52.9K Retweets 358K Likes

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Text - r/AskReddit Posted by u/getfookenrekt 12h 6 8 O 11 1 7 6. 10 What is a common thing in your country but rare in others? 14,1k 8,3k Share SINGLE COMMENT THREAD VIEW ALL Frightnite20 • 7m FREEDOM!!!! 田 Reply Vote getfookenrekt : 6m That's a flag of Liberia

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Text - In my hungover state I went food shopping. Reached for a pack of sausages & someone reached at the same time so l stepped back & said "sorry you go ahead". I then realised l'd actually seen my own arm in a mirror & had apologised to myself in front of a lady handing out samples

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Text - Hi this is micropost we have had dificultys geting you on the xbox data bayse we recuire youre email and pasward to get you back on our databayse Learn2spell@school.com My pass is Stupidk1d Omg yoy actualy fel for it have fun geting hack Reply: 0/500

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Transport - NORWAY Fuxing racist with his confedarate flag 9:10 AM · Jul 20, 2020 695 82 people are Tweeting about this Replying to @etrnl_classic It literally says Norway on top, holy fk 9:14 AM Jul 20, 2020

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Facial expression - VOU MATCHEO WITH ROZ ON S0 where did d you get that yoda dol haha it's just photoshopped no not the photo. i mean the yoda doll yeuh it's not a doll, unforturutely! anyways! what kinda movies do you like? besides Star Wars, presumably :) Sert so you just.put a fake image on your profile? that's literally the definition of catfishing, you're a liar and a sneak and I'm reporting you. not letting you fool anyone else with your little tricks. Carter 21 a Lives in Chicago O less t

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Text - 45 mins · A Is there any sort of book subscription for kids that exists where you order books and once you read them you return them and get more? 7 Comments Like לו Comment It's called a library. 01 38m Like Reply

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Font - Never let a stranger sit by themselves, you'll be surprised what tales they have to tell 9:32 PM · Dec 21, 2016 23.7K 9 6.2K people are Tweeting about this Replying to @spicyjumex Bro this is your grandma we go to church together cmon 9:07 PM · Oct 15, 2019

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Organism - I stole a packaged Ham from the store today & gave it a proper burial. Now the animal's soul can finally be at peace. RIP little buddy. t å Tribute video of burial to follow. #Vegan 169 27 180 281 Why not give it to someone who needs it more? This could have given a meal to a kid in poverty or a homeless person, not very thoughtful. 1 27 1 42 శ్రీ Replying to I would rather let them starve than feed them meat

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Product - "My wife's calculator wasn't working due to a lack of light so I told her to use her phone. This was not what I was expecting."

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Motorcycle helmet - Biker Lover Sponsored · * This is my relationship goal. Get them now here: https://rebrand.ly/rdc241 MY BEARD IS THE ONLY HAIR PLACE BEARD HERE THAT HODrWEE YÖUR LEG 16 4 Comments 3 Shares

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Text - i couldnt find my headphones and its late at night solution: get a stethoscope and put it up to the speaker with the computer on low volume if i cant find my headphones what makes you think im going to find a stethoscope just lying around

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Cook Makes Petty Spite Pizza, Customers Love It


Sometimes customers make demands they don't know they don't want, and sometime they go as far to boldly complain at the wrong store. On rare occasions, when the frustrated cook thought they were getting some kind of revenge on their demanding customers with a new monstrous creation, it "backfires" in a way where everyone gets what they want.

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Text - r/MaliciousCompliance · Posted by u/Clueguy 4 days ago Pizza not spicy and well done enough for you? Alright then... oc s So quite a number of years ago I worked at a large Pizza Chain. The one with the red roof. Every Tuesday evening a group of 12 people would come in to eat. Usually within 30 minutes of closing time. They would order 1 large vegetarian pizza, with hot peppers, and ask for the pizza to be well done. They would also ask for chillies on the side. You might think, ok, what

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Text - They started asking for more hot peppers and complaining that the pizza wasn't spicy enough. They also started sending the pizza back to be cooked more (it was already pretty dark). Well, one day they sent the pizza back but this time asked for it to be remade not just cooked more. At this point it was 15 minutes to closing, I had cleaned everything and was pretty much finishing up my shift. Of course the manager has to appease the customers. So I start making them another pizza. They wan

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Text - I cut the pizza and give it to the waitress. I'm now waiting to get an ear full after the customer complains. All prepared with my reasoning that I'm making what the customer asked for. I finish my shift and the manager calls me over. Turns out the customer did ask to speak to a manager.. The customer said it was the best pizza they have had since they started coming and it was just how they wanted it. They asked if it could be made this way each week and left a nice tip.

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Text - Veeence 3.4k points · 4 days ago Delicious Compliance.

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Text - JFerrer619 315 points · 4 days ago Wasn't this also why potato chips were invented? Moonpenny 166 points · 3 days ago https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potato_chip#Saratoga_Springs_legend OU SECURE MCAfee A legend associates the creation of potato chips with Saratoga Springs, New York decades later than the first recorded recipe. By the late nineteenth century, a popular version of the story attributed the dish to George Crum, a cook at Moon's Lake House who was trying to appease an unhappy c

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Text - Lorindale 129 points · 4 days ago Reminds me of a story about some friends of my parents. They had a small diner/steakhouse, the husband cooked and the wife waited tables, this was probably in the early 80s. One day an old cowboy comes in and orders a rare porterhouse. Steak is cooked, sent out, and returned. Not rare enough. Okay. Steak number two. Less cooked, but still sent back for being not rare enough. The husband was kind of pissed at this point. He cranked the flat-top until it sh

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Tagged: pizza , revenge , spicy , lol , story , funny

Quick Tumblr Post On Common American Sayings


Every now and again the brilliant minds of Tumblr actually nail it. In this case, we have a quick and hilariously accurate post about common American sayings, and the actual meanings of those sayings. There's a whole lot more chaos bubbling under the surface of an "it goes" than some folks might realize. 

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Text - gerrycanavan When Americans say... It means... Awesome Good Fabulous Good Amazing Good Great Fine Fine Bad OK Bad Not so great Really bad Driving me completely nuts Challenging Hilarious Unexpected Probably For sure Forever 30 minutes Let's get coffee sometime Let's stay in touch My friend My best friend Goodbye; I like you Goodbye; I don't like you that much A person I know A person I know and also like I'm afraid of Americans

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Text - lindsayribar This is super real. justgot1 Completely accurate. next-time-you-invite-pam @pre-successful America exposed.

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Text - themightyglamazon It's hilarious watching non-Americans react to this with fear because I read it just nodding along like "yes, in fact this is How Things Are, there you go" sexycraisinthanos If you ask an American how they are and they respond “Super." that means they want to die

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Text - themightyglamazon ACCURATE one-for-all-plus-ultra If they say they're peachy it means they're tired of existence drneverland If they say "Living the dream," it means "please kill me, I hate my job so, so much."

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Text - accordingtomyresearch also “that's a great question" means "I have no freaking idea" aampharros if asked “how are things going?" and they reply “its going" it means theyre in the middle of a mental breakdown thethp this is all accurate and i hate it Source: twitter.com

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Jerk Company Overworks And Underpays Female Employee, She Gets Last Laugh


Companies that put their employees through the ringer, overworking them while underpaying them, are the worst. It could be a toxic manifestation of higher-ups being so far removed from the inner-workings of the business itself that they have no appreciation for all the hard work that goes into the system, to keep it functioning. Or, maybe it's a willful blind ignorance. Either way, we love nothing more than seeing an employee fight back against a company that wronged them (and other coworkers). This woman's revenge was the definition of professional. 

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/EngrChik127 • 3h Disrespected, overworked and underpaid female employee gets the last laugh I have always been a hard worker thanks to my parents' work ethic and raising 3 kids on a shoestring budget. My dad took every bit of overtime he could get, missing holidays and never using vacation or sick time so my mom could stay home with us kids and have a hot meal on the table every night. When we were school aged, my mom went back to school and got a job where she could

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Text - So it was natural for me, the oldest of 3, to apply for jobs as soon as I turned 15, landing a retail position where I worked every hour allowed by my work permit. I saved up enough to buy a used car before I was even old enough to drive, and once I got my driver's license I worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time to save for college. I got a summer internship at my dad's company that led to me working my way up through the industry toward an engineering position, which I was already studying in col

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Text - As a salaried Jerks Inc. employee I was not paid overtime, but still worked a minimum of 60 hours a week, and often 80-100 hours a week when I worked at remote job sites all over the U.S., which was about 80% of the time. These jobs had me busting ass outside all day in the scorching summers of the southern U.S. to the frigid winters of the northern states. My manager at the time strictly enforced the policy of only 1 paid comp day after any given trip, even if l'd worked 2 consecutive 10

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Text - One day I was called into my manager's office and reprimanded for frequently using the company phone, designated for business use only, in the middle of the night. I pointed out every one of those calls on the phone bill were from our customers needing emergency technical support. He had no idea my job required 24/7 on-call response. After 5 years, I had a small team under me who put in the same grueling hours and enjoyed the same $500 "bonus" each year. I was repeatedly denied requests t

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Text - After a couple months, former clients started calling asking me to work on some big projects. When I told them they would need to call Jerks Inc., they said they already had and my entire team had quit shortly after I did, leaving no one there capable of doing the work they needed. I decided to start a side business intending to work a couple weeks per quarter, but when word got out I was back in the industry, it quickly became more than a full time gig. My old team had also refused to si

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Text - When my team and I walked into Jerks Inc.'s conference room for the first project meeting, the managers stared down at the table. I couldn't hide my huge smile as I handed out our rate sheet which was around 10 times more than they had paid us as employees. TL;DR: I quit working for a company where I was disrespected, grossly overworked and underpaid, and the company had to begrudgingly contract my newly created multimillion dollar company with all of their ex- employees, for the same wor

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Wife's Overheards Of Medical Student Husband


We love our collections of overheards here. Overheards are a great expression of all the crazy kinds of seemingly nonsensical things that we can overhear while out walking around this wild world. Sometimes, you can hear something and instantaneously recognize that no amount of context is going to provide clarity to that conversation. Peoples say some weird stuff. In this case, we have a quick and hilarious collection of things a wife's medical student husband was caught saying. 

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Text - winsert Dolly emoji here- @BuhRooklynne Okay, posting these all to one thread so bear with me Did I tell you all about the time l thought I did a pretty hairdo and I asked my medical student husband how it looked, and he said.. "It looks like a uterus." 1:11 PM · 11/4/19 · Twitter Web App

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Text - ~insert Dolly emoji here- @BuhRooklynne KID TOY: When the light turns read, talk into the speaker! I'll turn it into a song! Okay, Go! HUSBAND: GYNOCOMASTIA 6:12 PM · 12/3/18 · Twitter Web App

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Text - winsert Dolly emoji here- @BuhRooklynne WIFE: *showering, hears husband bounding into bathroom* 1) NORMAL HUSBAND: Time for sexy times! 2) MY HUSBAND: *excitedly* I JUST LEARNED WHY YOU GET CONSTIPATED BEFORE YOUR PERIOD STARTS, YOUR PROGESTERONE INTERACTS WITH SMOOTH MUSCLE TISSUE WHICH INCLUDES Y 1:13 PM · 11/4/19 · Twitter Web App

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Text - vinsert Dolly emoji here~ @BuhRooklynne ME: okay two year old daughter of mine. Let's go read some books MEDICAL STUDENT HUSBAND: I'm already reading to her. *looks back down at his school lectures* Causes of adrenal gland failure in the kidneys are as follows 1:21 PM · 11/4/19 · Twitter Web App

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Text - ninsert Dolly emoji here- @BuhRooklynne MEDICAL STUDENT HUSBAND: *plops down on the couch exhausted after studying* ME: how are you doing? MSH: *automatically* Trophoblasts form the lining between the uterus and the placenta and can become cancerous but 90% of hpv infections are resolved by the immune system 7:26 PM · 12/5/19 · Twitter Web App

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Text - ninsert Dolly emoji here- @BuhRooklynne MEDICAL STUDENT HUSBAND: I like this bread. It's soft, yet firm. Like a prostate should be. 8:15 AM - 12/8/19 · Twitter Web App

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Text - ~insert Dolly emoji here~ @BuhRooklynne ME: How are your patients at the hospital doing? MEDICAL STUDENT HUSBAND: They're fine I guess. I mean, they are in the hospital. 9:17 PM · 8/16/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - winsert Dolly emoji here- @BuhRooklynne MEDICAL STUDENT HUSBAND: *doing a practice ear exam on me* aw babe you have the most beautiful tympanic membrane l've ever seen 7:54 AM 8/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Wholesome Security Team Saves Office Plants


When things went down too fast for employees to save their plants from their building, the security team went through the process of turning the office into a makeshift greenhouse. For some more wholesome Tumblr threads, here's a neighbor who's helpful for no reason, as well as a barista who is the definition of chaotic good.

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Text - wafflesrisa Here's something cute When lockdown happened in the UK it happened very suddenly. At the law firm I work at, our office building emptied overnight when everyone was told to work from home. No time to clear our desks, no time to bring office plants home. Fast forward three and a half months - everyone assumes that their plants are dead. But then! An email goes round! It's turns out that one of our security guards is a florist, and -

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Text - -the security team has moved EVERY SINGLE PLANT from all 12 FLOORS of our office building into the cafeteria. It's been turned into a temporary greenhouse. Cacti and succulents and spider plants and terrariums and potted ferns AND! Each plant has been INDIVIDUALLY LABELLED by hand with post-it notes with name and desk location so the plants can go home after lockdown ends To give some indication of the scale of the endeavour:

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Houseplant

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Text - If you zoom into the centre right photo you can see one of our security team happily waving The plants are being taken care of tenderly. They get sun and water and are spending happy times with other plant friends Source wafflesrisa 35,704 notes ...

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Trainer's Boyfriend Cheats On Her, Real Life Avengers Assemble


We would really like for this to be true, but regardless of whether or not this is a work of pure fiction, it is certainly quite the engaging read. Plus, any situation involving a cheater getting it in the end, is a win in our books. Check out some more juicy content on cheaters losing with this cheater who got left on top of a mountain.

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Text - throwtime: I'm about to have a fun afternoon. So my trainer's bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He's holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.

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Text - She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and... wait for it.... a Navy seal. We're gonna go get her shit for her. This should make for an interesting story.

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Text - So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That's what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude's house. But I'm very proud to say, this ended without violence. Arrival:

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Text - So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker's explorer and headed over to dude's house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of l'd say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like

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Text - your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and

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Text - behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of

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Text - relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like "FINE. Go take what you're looking for." Retrieval: So we're all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely

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Text - guessing. We didn't even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn't enough, I guess they were letting

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Text - him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there's me. Who was causing general mischief.... He said to take what I was looking for, that's what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because "you guys look like you

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Text - have it under control, and l'm a sucker for egg salad." We were in and out in 15 minutes. Delivery: So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl's spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don't.

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Text - She sent us all an email once and didn't blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. "OMG what did you say to him?" Nothing. We're not messenger boys. We're delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff.

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Text - Then she got to my box and asked "Wtf is all that shit." So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then

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Text - unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like "So.... Chipotle?" And we all got burrito bowls. What a great day. Martial artists, nonviolence, and a seriously lovely little bit of harmless vendeance. I love this whole storv.

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