Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Opossums Eating Bananas are Strangely Hypnotic


Who cares about cats or whatever else pets people have when you could watch these little lords of trash open-mouth chew some bananas. God it sounds weird it's like a typewriter made of mouths.

Submitted by: (via Chris Cunningham)

Tagged: opossum , wtf , banana , possum , cute , lol , eating , weird , Video

Man Tries To Be Normal And Happy After Brutal Divorce


Finding laughter through the pain is a beautiful thing. This guy certainly pulled it off. 

Submitted by: (via Jeff Simmermon)

Craigslist Room For Rent Goes Sour, Nuclear Revenge Ensues


I mean, the Windows 98 touch was just pure evil. Jill was in way over her head. Good for this dude for assessing the situation as it spiraled out of control, and ultimately taking the kind of pro revenge that left the nasty "landlord" in a helpless state of psychological rage. Check out some more housing drama with this case of pro revenge where a landlord wouldn't return a security deposit, and proceeded to get defeated by a smart tenant ready to bring about their demise.

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Text - r/ProRevenge u/Kuriente • 3y Join Craigslist Room For Rent Goes Sour I was in the process of joining the military, simply waiting for the date to enter service. "It would take at least a month, but no more than a year." Apartment lease had expired, no month-to-month payment option. Looking for some short-term housing. I was single, worked 2 part time jobs, & had cash in savings. I'm quiet, flexible, simple needs. Just needed the simplest of accommodations. I went to Craig's List. Met with

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Text - awful graphic art fan fiction on her PC, probably never sold anything but was completely obsessed with her own work and would talk about it constantly. Jill had pets. So. Many. Pets. Like 20 cats, 4 dogs, a room of birds out of their cages, and several acquariums. A bit weird/slightly skewed version of reality, but seemed nice, had a room available and price was okay. I would pay a flat rate for rent and utilities, provide my own food, and come and go as I please. Neither of us ever signe

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Text - Things fell apart rapidly after that. She became manipulative, started making financial demands. The electric bill was high, I needed to pay "my part". She had bought enough groceries for both of us without informing me, but now that milk had soured and bread molded I needed to pay for "wasted groceries". Old busted up door knob on the side of the house broke off while taking out trash, so I needed to buy a new one. Etc... Individually these didn't bother me much, but there was a pattern.

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Text - Got back from work. In my room my guitar was gone, and in its place, a bill. A bill from a plumber who had installed a toilet. "My bathroom" needed some work done. Jill had "lost all trust" that I would fulfill "financial obligations" after I "freaked out about money before." My guitar was hostage, locked in her bedroom until I paid for her toilet upgrade. She literally added a padlock to her bedroom door. Time to get out. I told her I was moving out the next day (a friend already offered

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Text - A week later, called Jill the day before the cable transfer. She said she would drop off the equipment, oddly, only while I was at work. I texted a reminder, "please don't forget to drop off modem", and she responded, "left it in a bag outside your front door". Weird, but whatever. I get home that night. No bag. No modem. I text, "did you leave it at the right house? can't find it", she responds, "yes". Cable got installed, still no modem. It'll cost me if I don't turn in the old one. Now

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Text - Jill took a pottery class on Thursdays, out of the house for 2 hours. Her front door had a combination keypad for entry instead of keys. She claimed she would change the combo when I left, but probably didn't know how to do that. Waited until after the time she left. Drove past. No one home. Parked a block away, walked to front door, entered the code. Still works. Straight to her bedroom. Not padlocked anymore. Look, there's my router and modem, right where they shouldn't be because they'

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Text - Called me in a frantic rage 30 minutes later. "YOU STOLE FROM ME!!!" "What?? Jill.What are you talking about?" "YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE AND STOLE FROM ME!!!" "Wait...someone broke into the house?? I'm sorry, I don't know anything about that... What did they take?" Her remarkable psychological gymnast skills. Walks right up to the ledge of almost admitting that she lied to me and stole my things (after-all, such an admission was required for her version of events to make any sense at all)

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Tumblr Thread: A Legendary Bus Catching Story


This quick Tumblr thread about a dude's struggles with catching the bus should strike a chord for anyone out there who navigates the daily grind of public transportation. It can be a tricky and infuriating business trying to synch up with that bus route schedule. Sometimes, we just don't make it, and are left to wallow in a puddle of defeat. Thus was not the case for this victorious commuter. You love to see it. 

Check out another fun Tumblr thread with this awesome dentist who didn't give a heck.

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Text - ainaraoftime bus drivers who re-open their doors when they see someone running towards the stop are neutral good. any other kind of bus driver is automatically lawful evil soaringsparrows chaotic evil: the bus driver who saw me running to the stop and waited until i was at the door to close it and drive away

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Text - 43501 Time to bring back my husband's legendary bus story: Taking public transport for the first time in over two months, I made my way to the stop five minutes early. On my way there, I spotted my bus which also happened to be early (the chances ikr) and frantically waved for it to wait for me. which it did, up until I tried to board. I took a bit of time crossing the road because of some confused traffic and when I finally made it, the driver slammed the doors shut in my face and took o

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Text - Determined to catch the bus which rused me, seemingly on purpose, I took chase, but it quickly became evident that I could not outrun something that wasn't made of flesh and bone. Defeated, I crawled back to the bus stop and sat down, resigned to my fate of waiting another 45 minutes. Then, not one, but two cars (with people inside) pulled up and told me about how they'd seen my valiant effort and offered to chase that bus down for me. The first I politely declined, but the second man fel

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Facepalm Moments From The Dimmest Bulbs


We all fall prey to brain farts, and sometimes those brain farts end up manifesting in unbelievably clueless statuses for the rest of the online world to tear into with ferocious passion. Outside of the brain farts, the internet also invites a whole lot of blind ignorance. If we're lucky, we get to see those folks called out by some remarkable retorts.

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Transport - Outdoor yoga in a dome pop-up coming to Toronto cp24.com/news/ Danny @Danny_MAZE So we just let the homeless sleep in the fucking rain and snow because why?

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Text - 4 days ago Hey jackass, we use MPH in this country. 1 ^ | v 12 Reply 3 days ago Wheels is an Australian magazine, we use metric measurements. 12 ^ | v Reply 16 hours ago You're on the internet, which is American. Therefore you can use American (the best) measurements. 시 ▼6 Reply 3 hours ago Attually, the world wide web was first developed in CERN. I don't blame you for not knowing that, you're apparently an American.

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Text - The elevator doors opened up and a guy walked in the elevator. It was just me and him in there and he said "I love you." And I'm not rude so I said "I love you too". He gave me a weird look and pointed at his Bluetooth.

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Skin - This is what happens when you put a penny in a microwave for 2 minutes LIBERTY Yo you just made me start a fire in the house

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Text - Just read something about replacing "I'm sorry" with "thank you". So, instead of saying "sorry I was late", say "thank you for waiting for me". Replacing negativity with positivity and gratitude and breaks the "i'm sorry" cycle. Powerful. 10 2.8K 285 Comments • 1.1K Shares Like Comment Share de Thank you for letting me sleep with your sister. >

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Text - C6'3.Slim.Bahamiank If you use facial recognition for anything..the govt has your face lol Tash THEE Baé Wait until you find out about driver licenses.

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Text - IF YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER WAS THE AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU HAD... HOW RICH WOULD YOU BE??? fonzworthcutlass $34,523,2674 gochellzgo 93,780,9632 boystop 585,214,172 sexualified Hold up..

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Vehicle - What color should I paint my wheels for the strip this year??? 138 102 Comments O Like Comment Mike Why didn't you just take the fuckin wheels off...

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Technology - ellentube #TheEllenShow #Ellen #EllenDeGeneres Can This Teenager Use a Rotary Phone? 2.7M views 4 days ago 56K 6.6K Share Download Save day ago "Oh look at these stupid kids. They can't use a rotary phone. They can't use a phone book." M Wow, it's almost like as technology advances, older things slowly become useless and obsolete. Kind of like Ellen...

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Text - iwouldliketobutteryourmuffins S takineko Follow REI tilthat TIL blind people have a hard time drawing because they interpret the world as three-dimensional and struggle to portray it as two-dimensional. via reddit.com worlds-leading-gnome-expert And here I am, an idiot, thinking it's because they cant see Source: tilthat 3,920 notes

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Text - NOBODY IS ENTITLED TO CHARGE UP ANY MOBILE PHONES OR OTHER ELECTRICAL DEVICES ON THESE PREMISES. IT IS THEFT OF ELECTRICITY AND YOU MAY FIND A DEDUCTION HAS BEEN MADE FROM YOUR PAY. PHONES SHOULD BE SWITCHED OFF.

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Text - Brittani Nichols @BisHilarious Called a restaurant to make a reservation but couldn't think of the word so asked for a food appointment and now I can never show my face there again

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Text - Ingredients 1/2 cup rice 1/2 cup water 11 milk 1/4 cup sugar 1 tsp vanilla essence REVIEWER: DATE: 01-06-2015 19:13:50 RATING: **★★* I was wanting to use up some full cream milk. bought by mistake instead of light milk., and came across this recipe. Have just cooked it and the rice is so beautiful and creamy l only added 1/3 cup of sugar as my husband doesn't like things too sweet, and it's perfect for us. Thank you very much for posting.

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Text - Friend has been complaining about finding an avocado on his lawn every day for weeks now. Why would someone keep throwing avocados in his yard? Who would do that? You guys he just realized he has an avocado tree 8:51 PM · 8/22/19 · Twitter for iPhone 2,213 Retweets 22.9K Likes

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Text - Tony Hawk O @tonyhawk girl at restaurant: "Are you Tony Hawk?" me: "Yes." her: "Why?" I had no idea how to answer. >

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Text - What's the dumbest thing you've ever heard? Discussion 7.0k 6.9k 1, Share BEST COMMENTS VnGChrome • 3h 1 Award I drive for Uber on the weekends and one time a girl who was in her late 20's told me that I was making her uncomfortable. I haven't said a word the whole trip so I asked how I could make the situation better. She said she didn't like how i kept "playing with the fidget stick in the middle of my car." I drive a manual. She then told me that I didn't need to use that because "her

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Text - Snee ee Thusds Jewant il Here is the schedule hey, i think you have the wrong number Then what is your number because I have the 51 that is my number Read 11:36 AM Ok then why did you say I have the wrong number because i'm not...the person you're trying to text

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Text - Murphy's law states that the best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question; it's to post the wrong answer. What are some examples where you applied this law? ఎం 1 000 Answer Follow Request More 1 ANSWER David Donnelly, Freelancer Answered Nov 20, 2018 This is Cunningham's Law and not Murphy's Law. Murphy's Law is “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong". via @ReddlyApp

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Text - Dude I just spent an hour arguing with half the fucking company that there can't be 60 grams of sugar in a 50 gram gummy worm I was called a fucking moron, and that while I might know math I don't know shit about science I was also told that if you added salt to water it doesn't increase in mass or weight either, because it dissolves Furthermore, I was told that if you have ice and melt it into water, it'll weigh less The last two were arguments made to convince me that I was wrong about

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Junk food - THAN OUR 12 OZ. French's Since 1904 DELI MUSTARD SPICY BROWN Dali 100% natural, gluten free. no fat. 18 OZ. (510 g) 8173491 How is 18oz 50% more than 12oz?

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Entitled Parent Thinks School Bus is a Private Chauffeur


Anyone who's ever waited for a school bus knows that the bus is under no obligation to come directly to your front door. This parent had a hard time understanding that they're not the only person whose kid goes to school. Entitled people show up everywhere and push demands onto everyone, like this customer who chose the wrong free glasses and got a response from the owner.

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Text - 2 years ago This school is pretty new and lack organization. Also the school is very inconsiderate of their students safety. I feel as if I'm having to protest for better bus transportation. SMH. The school Transportation director insist on picking my 6 yr old up in the mornings from across the street of a busy intersection near a plaza parking lot. instead of putting her up in front of my apartment complex entrance. No one showed any concern or care about the situation. < Share

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Text - Response from the owner 2 years ago Our school is a charter school that serves students from all over counties. We carefully plan our routes to be efficient, and surrounding attempting to keep the travel time as short as we can with such long đistances. It is important to us to provide transportation so anyone who wishes to attend may do so. Because we cover such a large area, we must choose stops that serve as many people as possible, and parents generally have to bring their students to

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Text - home or work. The stop you requested was not a safe place for the bus to sit and wait, so we could not add that to the route. However, we hope that having a bus stop in the parking lot so close to your home allows you to conveniently bring your child to the stop instead of having to come all the way to the school.

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IV Tech Lets Absurd Patient Think He's the Janitor


This one is partly on the patient and partly on the hospital. It's like that classic joke where a patient gets poked and prodded by random dude in a doctor's coat. Sometimes people's expectations and rudeness precede them, like this customer kept asking for a man, and he ended up in the legal department.

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Cheezburger Image 9514155520

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Cheezburger Image 9514155776

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Cheezburger Image 9514156032

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Cheezburger Image 9514156288

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Cheezburger Image 9514156544

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Cheezburger Image 9514156800

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Cheezburger Image 9514155264

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Things that Happen to Look like Other Things


Sometimes it's too hard to fight your brain, and you just have to accept that you thought the top some lady's head looks like Oscar the grouch. These and other double-take-inducing photos of skewed perspective are enough to make you think about whether or not your eyes are actually on your side.

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Mouth

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Flagstone

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Flower

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Leg

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Dog

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Rock

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Head

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Refrigerator - 0000nw

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Tree

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Door handle

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Leaf

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Car

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Insect

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Dog

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Mountainous landforms

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Wood

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Food

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Tree

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Architecture

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Joint

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Egg

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Black

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Citrus

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Ceiling

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Snow

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Cone - 5028

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Chinese herb tea

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Sky

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Mountainous landforms

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Snout

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Human leg - 00000 C0000

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Flower

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Iron

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Sink

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Cucumber

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Drink

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Food

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