FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 07/04/20

Saturday, July 4, 2020

People That Screwed Themselves Over In Court

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about various people that were their own worst enemies in court. Some criminally dumb criminals just seem to ask for it. For more absurdity from the courtroom check out these ridiculous overheards during court proceedings.

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Text - abunchofsquirrels • 4d Unfortunately my best story for this is from my own client. We had a client who was on the board of directors for a company, and was being sued for allegedly not telling the board something. His part of the case was really only a smaller part of a larger and more complicated case, so while there were a lot of other issues in the case overall, the entire case against him specifically essentially boiled down to whether or not he told the board about X. I and few other

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Text - EducatedOwlAthena • 3d Years ago I worked in personal injury, and we had a woman come to us saying that she slipped and fell outside of a nail salon because they hadn't swept up the wet leaves outside the door. So we take the case, and almost immediately we get a call from opposing counsel saying he's going to courier us something important. We open it, pop the disc in the computer, and right there is security cam footage of our client picking up the wet leaves, putting them on the sidewa

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Text - quelindolio • 3d I was tangentially involved in a custody dispute. Dad alleged mom was doing all sorts of things and he should have the kid. Dad's attorney grilled mom for about 20 minutes on texts she had sent claiming to sell her prescriptions. She wouldn't admit it. Dad's attorney moved on and eventually ended with, "One more question. Where did you get the pills you were selling." Mom responds without thinking, "Oh my doctor prescribed them." Reply 1 1.8k ...

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Text - devinple • 3d Had a bylaw officer harass me almost constantly for 8- months for violating a by-law: I had parked my motorcycle in my driveway. He ordered me to remove it, and tried to levy fines for the violation. He went after my landlord and tried to get me evicted. Eventually, I got a lawyer and filed a complaint. When asked to point to the bylaw I was breaking, he did and even read it out, which basically read: No parking or storing anything in a driveway other than an automobile. He

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Text - McCarty898 • 3d My father as a young lawyer was trying to get a case to take place in one state and not another because the insurance laws were more favorable in state A. The company he was in litigation with wanted it in state B for that reason, and claimed they only distributed in state A but had no locations in it and should not have to go to court in state A. Well this company was a soda company and my dad has a major diet soda addiction, he goes through at least a 12 pack a day. So t

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Text - throwRA1a2b3c4d1 • 4d When my client filed a restraining order against his ex and then asked me to leverage the restraining order just so he could get back with her. In our state, if you do this, you'll have to pay the other persons attorneys fees. Reply 552 ...

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Text - Not a lawyer but this story still applies. My parents have a jewelry store and the landlord was trying to extort them to sign a lease for nearly double what it was appraised for. Problem was, the lease they signed and the landlord signed said when they renewed the lease both parties were to get their own appraiser then meet in the middle of what the two prices were. Landlord didn't like what his appraiser said so he refused to tell my parents what the appraisal was. So for two years he se

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Text - ELAKSAVKD • 3d My phone rang in court and forgot to put it on silent. The ringtone was the mortal kombat theme song. Reply 1 587 ...

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Text - MisterMarcus • 3d A law professor once told me about a case from decades ago when he was defending a young woman on drugs charges. In court, his line of defence was basically to tell the truth: this woman had turned to drugs due to trauma and instability in her life, but she was now in a steady loving relationship with another woman. For the first time, she had some peace and security in her life, genuinely working on overcoming her demons, and was unlikely to re-offend again. was It was

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Text - Belgian_friet • 3d Not a lawyer, but a law student. This was in a case that my professor showed us in class. Some guy was accused of something, I cannot remember what, but the judge spoke him free because there wasn't enough evidence he had done it. Guy said "thank you judge, l'll never do it again". DA appealed and got him convicted Reply 681 ...

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Text - Not a lawyer, recent law school grad studying for the bar. This happened summer after my first year of law school, I was making a court appearance as a student attorney (basically, a rule in my state that lets students practice under attorney supervision). I was working with the public defender's office, representing a client at a first appearance on a probation violation/bail hearing. On a probation violation, the judge is allowed to hold a defendant without bail (keep them in jail until

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Text - I once had an idiot client who put out a public statement announcing that a subordinate had resigned. Then the subordinate announced that he had not resigned, and furthermore, had no intention of resigning. Then my idiot client put out an email announcing that he had fired the subordinate. Then I had to advise my idiot client that he didn't have the right to fire the subordinate. Then I had to explain to my idiot client that he couldn't fire the man because he is not my idiot client's sub

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Tagged: Criminally Dumb Criminal , FAIL , cringe , askreddit , ridiculous , Reddit , illegal , stupid

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Entitled People and Their Preposterous Demands

Whether you're trying to find a job, practice your craft, give away some scrap metal or just selling a lawnmower, you could run into one of these entitled folks and their ludicrous demands. It's gotta be free, close to free, or delivered for free, and get ready to have abuse hurled at you the whole time. A boss, family member or complete stranger could be an entitled person with unreasonable demands.

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Text - Hello, i saw your ad foe the ps4. 00:48 How wonderful! I'm currently selling it for 150 dollars. 00:49 I feel like that's a bit high, can we go down to around 50 dollars? I don't have that much money. 00:50 No, sorry. Im pretty firm on my price. I can't go that low, im really sorry. 00:51 Fuck you 00:51 Im sorry, i can go down to 130, is that fine? 00:51 You only went down 20 dollars? Seriously? Im having a rough time. 50 dollars. 00:53 Oh, shut the fuck up. If you're having it "rough" yo

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Text - Local Guide 51 reviews 22 photos a year ago On this hot memorial day weekend I was told I can no longer get a the family military discount of 10%. because I am the son-in-law of a military veteran that served in Vietnam. The discount is only for the military individual. It's pretty cold to offer a veteran a discount for him and his family only to take it back and say not anymore. it was a small way of saying thank you for over the past years but starting today, we (Lowe's Corp.) are no lo

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Text - レ 30 May My neighbors. They have a huge driveway I asked if my kids could ride bike in the drive way and she said no and they have a big pool to for hot weather and they said we can't use it so annoying Posted in Recommendations to 30 neighbourhoods Thank OComment 57 Q137

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Text - today 14.28 Hi! I'm here from your post about pet commissions and wanted to say they're so cute I would like to get one for my new puppy :) Hello! That sounds great, and thank you so much! Aight cool, should I send reference pics? Sure, but l'd like to settle on a price first if that's ok Bruh you're still charging during quarantine? Wack Sorry? I mean we're in a pandemic Imao and you're out here charging people for art I mean.. that's what I do. I'm not making people buy my stuff, but im

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Text - 11:51 O 25° • diabetes strips CB 1d Hey, a friend told me you are giving away free diabetes strips. Can I have them? ME 1d Sorry, I already arranged to have them delivered to someone earlier today. 1d Oh, I really needed them. If you already gave them away, can you just send me the money for those strips? I can do PayPal or Venmo. Each pack costs about $100. 1h Umm... Sorry, I just had a few extra boxes of strips. I don't have that much money just lying around. Reply to message

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Text - D 35 Hey! Here are my non negotiable dealbreakers so don't swipe right if you: Are short (less than 5'11 or 180cm) Live with your parents (or have within the last 5 years) Have roommates Have never been out of country Do not go on 2+ vacations a year Watch MMA or Boxing Like anime Don't have a clean home Vork less than 30 hours a week Will need to work past the age of 65 Have ever cheated Have kids Have a cat/ cats Don't love Méxican food Are awkward in person Do not take initiative

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Green - 3:26イ 3:264 3:26マ +1 (269 +1 (26 +1 (26 Craigslist. Is the scrap metal still available? uveI a U rue uIve HUIII yuur location. I'l be home around 5:30 if you're able to drop the metal off to me. we're gonna be back here tomorrow and Saturday! Just let me know. Hi there, yes it is! We got lots, feel free to stop by any time before 6 today to pick some out :) Why not just drop off the pieces on the back of the truck to me? 1 am 5 minutes away. I don't have Oh, I'm so sorry I think we had a

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Text - Holidappy Tip #5. Have A Free Photographer A professional photographer can easily cost you around $800 - $3,000. Now that is a waste of good money. As photographers run their own business, you may want to approach them and strike a bargain: cover your wedding and they can use it as a platform to advertise their business. That is a win-win situation there. If that does not work out, try to look for a budding photographer in your family or perhaps, that friend of yours who is brilliant when

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Text - $450 31047, Kathleen Hi! Is it still availabl200.00 good work contactblee? 15:24 Yea nah not for 200 good luck elsewhere 15:25 wow that's exactly like the lawn mower my grandfather was using when he had a heart attack and died 16:10 Damn that sucks. 16:11 500.00 16:11 w

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Text - Cuttings and plants • $2 Label Chat Mark as Sold I really dont like to be ignored, especially since im trying to buy something from you. Is what I circled available or what??? Not with that attitude it's not. I'm sorry, l've had a very busy last two weeks, as if that's even your business. Thats not my problem. Youre selling something, people are gonna message, so respond. It's obvious you dont need my money. Thanks for nothing. Youve been reported as well. I'm not a business lady. Just a

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Text - Mark as Sold More Options Me Is this still available? I can give you pretty much however many you would like but to warn you they need a lot of space when grown, and should be grown in a greenhouse or under a cloche Is it free Possible frer Free Yeah, they're free as long as you'd be happy to pick them up No thanks i no more need Okay How many would you like? Delivery possible pls Needed free delivery If you pay for them I'll deliver them They're literally free How many can u give Its fin

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Text - 10:14 AM Are still selling that used iPhone 10? Yes, what about about it? How much is it? $450 Can we do $30 I said $450 and I'm sticking to $450 Fuck you Do you want the phone or not? The thing isn't even in that good quality. Burn in hell Well your ass is negotiating the the price by a crazy amount. We can do $430 $20 discount? Fuck you and your phone Double tap to like Message.. +,

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Text - 09:47 Message Report $4,500 11 h ago Hey that's too expensive drop the price so I can buy it 1h ago Lol what would work for you? 32 min ago The lowest Message...

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Text - Bring me food and l'll pay yoy You* Likeee taco truck No. You blocked me because I wouldn't give you 50 bucks. Now you want to use me JAN 18 AT 5:33 PM Lmao offering to pay isnt using you. You are a tool though lol

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Tagged: demands , wtf , complaints , demanding , lol , entitled , cheap , money , choosing beggar

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Important Twitter Thread On Living With Depression

Andy Richter decided to call out a Twitter troll after their insensitive remark regarding depression. He handles the glaring display of ignorance in glorious fashion. Saying "cheer up" to someone living with depression is on par with telling a person who has asthma to "just breathe."

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Text - Andy Richter O @AndyRichter Oh really? Well "go fuck yourself" is a directive. asia @_asiastabler depression is a choice <>

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Text - Andy Richter O @AndyRichter Quote-responding to this tweet may seem like shooting fish in a barrel, & yet it is 30 mins later & I have pulled over after school drop-off to respond further becausel am angry.

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Text - Andy Richter O @AndyRichter Thave been followed by an ever- present amorphous sadness for almost my entire life. I am 51 yrs old. It varies in strength from a casual unresolvable suspicion that I will never find the joy that others do in a sunset, to the feeling that being dead might a respite & a kindness

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Text - Andy Richter @AndyRichter I've been on meds for decades. I'm a devout believer in the talking cure of therapy & it's structure & hope & absolutely life-saving sense of progress. I have a successful career. I'm in love w my wife of 27 yrs, & my 2 kids are the best ppl I know. My life is full. I am lucky

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Text - Andy Richter O @AndyRichter And I will still reach the end of my life having walked through most of it with an emotional limp. I do not wallow in self-pity. No one did this to me. It is just how it is. I am just unlucky.

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Text - Andy Richter @AndyRichter "Depression is a choice" = "your pain is your fault" "You can overcome this if you just try hard enough" = "Your pain is making me uncomfortable. Please shut up."

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Text - Andy Richter O @AndyRichter If you are unburdened by depression, real true depression, count yourself lucky. Keep your quick fixes to yourself. This is the kind of bullshit that kills people. Learn, then speak. Or just be lucky and quiet. <>

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Tagged: twitter , andy richter , emotional , depression , mental health , social media , celeb

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Cute Interruption During BBC Interview

Kids just do the darnedest things.

Submitted by: (via BBC)

Tagged: news , adorable , cute , bbc , funny , Video

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Tumblr User Explains Their Annual "Moving of the Jesus"

It's a passive aggressive holiday ritual. Some families have elf on the shelf and others have "please take that horrible excuse for a Jesus away." For some more religious-themed tumblr shenanigans, here's a Tumblr thread on holy water loopholes and for more unique family dynamics here are people's weirdest family tics.

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Text - grumpsaesthetics every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)". now, it's important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don't want to decorate

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Text - now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he's so ugly it's an embarrassment to the family eventually i grew tired of her

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Joint - grumpsaesthetics and so it begins..

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Text - voxiferous i was not fucking ready for this photograph iopele this photo makes the whole thing so much better ... and I cannot stop laughing help I need oxygen

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Tagged: jesus , christmas , wtf , religion , tumblr , traditional , lol , family , funny , weird

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Entitled Karen Tries To Scam Restaurant Owner, Fails Miserably

Man, oh man, this Karen came in trying to stir up some unnecessary drama from the start. Fortunately, the restaurant owner had his wits about him and ultimately ended up playing Karen like a true boss. Just picturing her face when she realized the very "waiter" she was complaining about was the restaurant owner is enough to make one's heart swell with joy. Check out some more Karen content with the time that a demanding Karen insisted that she worked at the store...

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Text - r/TalesFromYourServer u/hicctl • 1y + Join Let me speak to the manager young man, I will have you fired. The owner and me are good friends !!! Long First let me explain a few things here. This is not my story as such, but I got to witness it first hand. A good friend of mine is from a family that owns 3 very successful Italian restaurants (with a pizza oven that uses actual wood, really top of the line). So he learned the business basically from the day he could walk ;) When he was 25 he

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Text - So he created a solid business plan, and had his eyes on a prime location. It is 50 meters away from the biggest parking area in the city, with 400 parking spots, where several times a year we have big city fairs, and anybody who wants to go in the park strolls right by it. So his dad said he would finance him but as a credit to be paid back in a timely manner. They agreed on everything, and a year later he opened up. The story takes place about 2 years after they have opened and the plac

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Text - rues this relationship with an iron fist. They sat down on the table next to us, and after not even a minute she rudely asked us why she has no menu yet, and to get off our lazy asses. I already wanted to tell her I do not work here, but he winked at me and walked over to their table giving them our menus. I call her EL and my friend just friend. DISCLAIMER this was nearly 15 years ago, so the spoken words are not word for word, but represent what was said. EL: it is about time you get of

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Text - EL: About time, did you have to brew it first or what is taking so long. My friends patience is starting to wear thin, but he still stays friendly. Friend : You saw me walk to the bar and make your drinks right away, then return right away. Those beers take a bit to pour correctly,I am sorry, but there is no way I could have brought those to you any faster. EL: We are customers and this is how you talk to us ? Ever heard of the customer is always right ? How can you be so rude to paying c

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Text - EL(Interrupting him): SHUT UP ! How dare you !!! I will have you know me and the owner are old friends. I will have your job over this, now get me your manager. Friend : PLEASE I need this job. EL: TOO LATE, you should have thought about this before you treated guests this rude. NOW. GET. ME .THE . MANAGER 1. Friend : right away miss to bring out beer to bring our beer So he went behind the bar and had a short talk to one of the older guys working there. Let us call him OG. Both return to

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Text - EL (suddenly playing the sweet old lady, that is so00000 nice): when we came in here, your server sat there with someone and played chess. WE waited and waited, and finally asked nicely if we could have a menu. He rolled his eyes at us and gave us the menu from his table. Then we ordered drinks, and he walked over, made our drinks and then just stood there for a good 10 minutes before he brought out beer. And when I politely asked him to bring out beer he was really rude to me. Since I kn

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Text - Friend : of course not, she came..... EL (suddenly all the mask of friendlyness gone, starts screeching): What are you asking him for, i just told you what happened. Are you calling me a liar ? Wait till the owner hears of this. At this point my friend and OG could no longer hold it back and they started laughing. EL : YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, NEVER EVER HAVE I BEEN SO INSULTED.

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Text - Friend : Yea I know, what til the owner hears of this, oh wait the owner already did hear of this. I AM THE OWNER, and I have never seen you in my life, nor have you ever eaten here. You 2 are just trying to scam a free meal out of me, by being impossibly difficult till the server finally snaps or does something wrong, so you can aks for a manager and lie to him about what happened. Now you pay for your beer, and then you go, and do not even think of coming back, you are banned. Wow, I ha

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Tagged: customer service , entitlement , satisfying , awesome , restaurant , karen , win

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NFL Analyst Fumbles When Asked Unscripted Question

Never forget the time that this NFL analyst proceeded to have a breakdown after being asked a question off the script.

Submitted by: (via Monica TV)

Tagged: sports , FAIL , nfl , cringe , Awkward , ridiculous , Video

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Entitled Karen Can't Wait In Line For Two Minutes

Seriously, just a little common social decency can go a long way.

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Text - r/pettyrevenge + Join u/mrbritian • 3h Entitled Karen couldn't wait in line for 2 minutes so I wasted her next 15 The title of this post pretty much covers the whole story but anyway l'll explain the whole situation. The cast Mr Britain: me Mr Britain sr.: My dad and coworker Karen: the entitled bitch who has patience as long as a fishes memory about ten seconds

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Text - So for a bit of context I work in a small shop in retail because if this all staff work the shop floor and till area. I was putting out stock as I had been asked to by my manager and my dad was working the till (he's ex RAF and just works a few hours a week to keep himself busy hes also the reason I managed to get the job in the first place). That's when I here the dread noise. Karen: AAAAHHEEM!!!! I continue doing what l'm doing can't leave stock lying in the middle of the floor

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Text - Karen: HEY YOU BOY GET ANOTHER TILL OPEN NOW!!! Mr Britian: ok l'll be down when I finish this can't leave stock in the middle of the floor someone might trip. Karen: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT OPEN A TILL NOW!!! I finish what I'm doing and walk down to the till area and would you believe it the bitch is second in line. Mr Britian: Mr Britain sr do I need to open another till customers are getting impatient Karen: JUST OPEN A FUCKING TILL

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Text - Mr Britain sr just shrugs So I did as she asked But I made sure to take as long as possible I scanned things wrong I asked all the questions and I scanned really really slowly in the end the two minute wait she would have had if she'd just stood quietly and waited ended up being 15 minutes it wasn't much but I just wanted to be awkward sorry about formatting I'm on mobile 815 29 1 Share BEST COMMENTS fqge • 3h People like that are the worst. They think employees are just people that can b

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Tagged: customer service , entitlement , FAIL , ridiculous , tifu , karen

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Life Pro Tips That Are Real Life Cheat Codes

Life is a confusing emotional rollercoaster of just trying to avoid fails and mishaps as often as possible. With that being said, why not take some pro tips that might actually help you hit your stride without having to exert too much effort. For instance, the tip about training pets to respond to fire alarms could literally be life saving one day.