Sunday, November 22, 2020

Petty Opinions People Will Defend to Their Last Breath


We may not have fully rounded opinions on life or the universe, but holy crap do we know exactly how we want the dishwasher loaded. Just take these things people are certain of but have zero proof to drive home the fact that people get extremely passionate about minute details. We'll argue all day about the right way to eat a banana.

1.

Text - TyrannasaurusGitRekt 3.4k points · 6 months ago Hayden Christensen's Anakin was brilliantly acted, but poorly written

2.

Text - XocoStoner 42.1k points · 6 months ago · 3 R 3 & 4 More edited 6 months ago Improperly installed HID lights should be ticketed aggressively... blinding everyone in the road should be illegal.

3.

Text - Bumblebeee_tuna_ 40.7k points · 6 months ago - edited 6 months ago 2 & 7 More You're not the only person in the grocery store, lady! Move your cart to the side IN ANTICIPATION of others trying to get by. It's not predicting the future and you really need to work on your spacial awareness.

4.

Text - M14535955 40.3k points · 6 months ago Push your goddamn chair in when you stand up from the table.

5.

Text - freddymercury1 37.8k points · 6 months ago 2 & 2 More How the dishwasher is loaded. firelock_ny 11.3k points · 6 months ago The only thing worse than being the only one in the house who does the dishes is being the only one in the house who does the dishes properly.

6.

Text - alwaysmyfault 36.9k points · 6 months ago edited 6 months ago O O 3 & & 6 More That box of useless cables in my closet? You know the one that has a bunch of old USB cables, RCA cables, even S-Video cables, and a shit load of AC adapters I can't find the ends for? Yeah, that box is mine, and I will NEVER throw it away. Even if it only comes in handy once a year, I'll be damned if it doesn't feel great feeling like a dang hero when your friend or family member needs one of those "useless" c

7.

Text - NotTheNoogie 35.8k points · 6 months ago 43 3 2 & 6 More When not in use, the microwave is a clock. Stop leaving your unused time on there! You just have to hit the cancel button once, damn!

8.

Text - LadyLazaev 31.8k points 6 months ago O It's "hear, hear" not "here, here." Get it fucking right.

9.

Text - BudCrue 30.7k points · 6 months ago 3 & 2 More I'm an astronomer, I know nothing about your dumb ass astrology sign so stop telling/asking me about it.

10.

Text - HT2424 28.2k points · 6 months ago 32 Scrape your damn plate off before putting dishes into the dishwasher. I'm home from college right now living in a 5 person home, and my sister is the only person who understands this. Everyone else basically puts meals in the dishwasher, or they let things like cereal get stuck to the plates and cups which drives me crazy lol. It's a dishwasher, not a garbage can!

11.

Text - sputtertots 28.1k points · 6 months ago Close the dang cabinet doors! Close all the doors!

12.

Text - shiny-spleen 24.9k points · 6 months ago "should of" is not, and has never been, a grammatically correct phrase.

13.

Text - BigglyBootyBuster 23.8k points · 6 months ago Flying cars are dumb. The idea is nice until you realize that it's too much responsibility and it costs too much for your average idiot to operate legally and safely.

14.

Text - astonersfriend 23.1k points - 6 months ago People who don't mix their sour cream so it isn't soupy on top before they use it, what is wrong with them?

15.

Text - redbeardeddragon3 22.4k points · 6 months ago 3 2 & 2 More Those new 'extra safe, high visibility' headlights should not be installed in any vehicles larger than a wagon. I don't need LED spotlights pointing into my eyes from the front and all three mirrors. Seeing is fun for other drivers too.

16.

Text - red-mekanik 22.1k points · 6 months ago Monopoly is an inherently unbalanced and badly designed game. ON PURPOSE. Whoever starts winning will simply keep winning, and the rest of the player's get a slow slog to bankruptcy. And the winner is usually the most ruthless person at the table. This is why it breaks friendships. It was meant to show the unfairness of unregulated capitalism, and somehow it became an American classic. But compared to modern games, it's terrible.

17.

Text - ghub311 21.4k points · 6 months ago I bought the house so the spot in the S 2 driveway closest to the front door is mine. Roommates, park your asses on the street.

18.

Text - princessaurus_rex 18.4k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago Just this weekend my husband and I got into an argument because he claimed I fell asleep watching YouTube on my phone at 3am. I said I went to bed around 12. He's a web developer with a penchant for systems so went to the home network it showed no wifi traffic after 1am. Showed him my YouTube history the thing I was watching was 2hrs long and was paused at 45 mins in. So..he's wrong but here it is Wednesday he's still but

19.

Text - KelpCakeDanny 18.2k points · 6 months ago edited 6 months ago Q2 3 2 O 4 That if my wife just stops asking me questions and watch the movie- she'll understand what the movie is about

20.

Text - ShoulderCake 16.0k points · 6 months ago Espresso, not eXpresso

21.

Text - ThiccPapaSIZZLE 15.7k points · 6 months ago Throw away your trash at the movie theater

22.

Text - poorfolkbows 13.5k points · 6 months ago 2 That teleporters kill the person and create replicas on the other end.

23.

Text - Dentedbutstillgood 12.2k points · 6 months ago it IS worth pulling all the hardware off of furniture I'm throwing away. i might use it to build something someday and screws/drawer handles/whatever are expensive. Also, never mind that huge pile of saved up hardware in the garage. My mess is my business...

24.

Text - hesipullupjimbo22 11.5k points · 6 months ago · ¡2 33 edited 6 months ago All water does not taste the same

25.

Text - SupKilly 10.8k points · 6 months ago O O 2 If you put meat into a grilled cheese, it's not a "gourmet grilled cheese". It's a Melt.

26.

Text - AndThenThereIsJess 10.4k points · 6 months ago S If you tell me you are going to "defiantly" do something, I am going to picture you doing it with defiance. All angry. Marching around pissed off that you had to do it. It's definitely, people. Def-in-it-ely and de-fi-ant-ly are two completely different words with completely different connotations and definitions.

27.

Text - tomatoz 8.9k points · 6 months ago 6 S MSG is not dangerous and it's sad so many people miss out on its deliciousness because of misinformation!

28.

Text - happypness 8.4k points · 6 months ago People that dont know the difference between losing and loosing get my downvote every time

29.

Text - SpanglesMcGlorywings 8.1k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago Please don't try to have a conversation with me when I'm in another room, especially if I'm doing dishes, laundry, making food, showering, etc. I'm trying to listen to you, but cannot clearly hear what you're saying. Odds are I'm going to ask you to repeat yourself three times or I'm going to ignore you until I can come to where you are. Either way, you'll likely be pissed about it. I now understand why that pissed my m

30.

Text - Chan273 7.0k points · 6 months ago Not every Indian dish you eat is "curry" flavoured. Stop!

31.

Text - [deleted] 4.3k points · 6 months ago edited 6 months ago If you hate small talk, AND are disgusted by the word "moist", AND think pineapple on pizza is a crime against humanity, there's a 50% chance you're a boring person who gets all their opinions from the internet. Sorry O

32.

Text - brokendowndryer 4.1k points · 6 months ago Han Shot First! You can't tell me otherwise, George Lucas.

33.

Text - EquivalentInflation 3.8k points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago 28 is the worst multiple of 7.

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Dubious Advice from Questionable Strangers


When reaching out for advice, it's good to take things with a grain of salt and understand that everyone might not have your best interest at heart. Some people just want to see the world burn, and that's what makes things interesting. For some even worse advice, here are some dumb and bad life pro tips to not do.

1.

Text - LITTLE JOSEPH @casablankstare Life hack: save time by crying about two things at the same time

2.

Advertising - DON'T WASTE PUMPKIN A GOOD "HALLOWEEN" IS OVER, BUT THERE ARE MANY SCIENTIFIC PUMPKIN APPLICATIONS Cat Helmets Earth Friendly Diapers Plastic diapers are bad for our earth. A pumpkin diaper can come right off and help fertilize new growth! Vegetarian Thanks- Giving Feline concussions don't have to happen. A pumpkin helmet can prevent severe cat brain damage. Save your pumpkin a month and save money on turkey. You'll also learn how age affects a vegetable's taste.

3.

Text - Katherine @MageOfSolitude Autumn is the perfect time to work on your beech body, gnarled and mossy and deep in a haunted forest, visited only by owls and deer and foxes and ghosts, whispered secrets to by the stars

4.

Text - Here's What You Should do if You're Taking a Bath and Suddenly You Wonder, "Am I Soup?" STEP ONE: Check tub to see what it's filled with. STEP TWO: If tub is filled with carrots, celery, onions, and vegetable stock, you are soup. STEP THREE: If tub is filled with just water, you are still soup, but it won't be as flavorful.

5.

Drink - BEST RAINY DAY ACTIVITIES Staying in bed Reading a book Standing motionless in a haunted cemetery Coffee obvious plant

6.

Text - too many bills to pay? not liking your current life? Dont know what to do? Become A Crab Rangoon! - Golden Tan - Very Hot - Loved by Millions - Fatter the Better - No Responsibilities

7.

Tire - Protect your privacy by cutting off the antenna the government put on your car tires

8.

Text - Kyle Y @KylePlantEmoji "I can't, too busy": - no one believes you - tired - allows for future invitations "I can't. Not since the accident" - mysterious - fresh - prevents future invitations

9.

Life's short. Buy those shoes, miss this month's rent, lose your job, get evicted, lose your friends, ruin your fucking life. Treat yourself.

10.

Text - USING DATING APPS • exhausting & boring • you get too many replies or no replies at all HANGING OUT WITH RACCOONS YOU MET IN AN ALLEY • exciting & fun • they won't mind if you complain about your ex • they'll teach you to hotwire cars

11.

WARNING: Your mother will hate it obvious plant SHARPEN YOUR TEETH HOME KIT Improves self-confidence Intimidates rivals Provides self-defense in an increasingly cruel and unsafe world Includes nail file and gauze

12.

Water - Hydration Tip Drinking i gallon of water a day helps you avoid other people's drama because you are too busy peeing. Stay-hydrated my friends!

13.

Text - ALA hea BATHROOM TIP. If you cry in the shower it looks like you're extra good at crying.

14.

Text - Chuck Wendig @ChuckWendig HAPPY FRIDAY. THE WORLD IS CRAP SO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOURSELF. BUY A BOOK. HAVE A BIG-ASS LATTE. WALK AWAY FROM SOMEONE SAYING STUPID SHIT. PET A PUPPY. SMELL A BABY. SIP A WHISKY. PUT A HEX ON YOUR JERK BOSS SO HE PUKES UP SERPENTS. TODAY IS A YOU-DAY, A DAY TO ENJOY YOU!

15.

Text - arahir zan Following @tagteamme Replying to @arahir i'm TELLING ya!!! comic sans makes the words fly out like you're shooting them out of a rocket launcher it's true serainechor update: this actually works. i'm so angry. vsquaredk my friend told me about this and I laughingly suggested it to my wife (who had a good number of essays to write and less than a week to write them). She finished 3 essays in 2 days using comic sans. She was livid.

16.

Text - memewhore Jason @longwall26 It's not the most ethical move in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby. trveroman Concept- someone tries this trick with a cursed halrpin or some bullshit, but the malevolent old woman whose spirit inhabits the object instead grows very fond of the baby. Now, the parents not only have to deal with the child, but the blood- soaked, horrific specter that plays games with the baby and rocks it to sleep from beyond the gr

17.

Text - Ygrene @Ygrene The trick to doing crimes is to wait until after 5pm when all the police have gone home for the day 8:58 PM · 2019-06-17 · Twitter for iPhone 453 Retweets 15 Quote Tweets 2,558 Likes

18.

Text - Andrew G. @marginoferror Don't fight a cat. Use your brain. Use drugs. (From a veterinary textbook) Normal Hypertbyrod Oter and athere 19ne) 7 Pretty sound advice e fandling: General considerations The cat is faster and has sharper teeth and nails than you do. It has no 'code of ethics' or considerations for its own future. In a fair fight it will win. 1. DON'T FIGHT A CAT 2. USE YOUR BRAIN 3. USE DRUGS

19.

Text - elizabeth @prvserpine Be the Persephone you want to see in the world. Add pomegranate seeds to your salad. Wear autumn's decay like a perfume and spring's soft blooming like jewelry. Weave flower crowns in a cemetery. Write love poems to death. Capture your beloved dark god.

20.

Text - baby beholder @AxolotICure "Ladies and gentlemen" is boring and gendered. Consider replacing it with "friends and enemies." II Gender neutral v Exciting / Informs the spies in your midst that you're on to them. Drives home the point that one is either with you or against you.

21.

Text - viking @NOTVIKING whenever i get change from a store i always put it in a little jar when i get home. it doesn't seem like a lot but over time it adds up so on a rainy day when i'm hungry and don't have lunch money i can just go into my piggy bank and eat the coins

22.

Text - thisishangingrockcomics u have to sit on some soft grass or, a mattress in the sun sometimes to give your shadow a soft place to rest. she's always on that pavement.. cement... floorboards... it's not good for her taylor-ruth I want everyone 2 know was on lethal amounts of Benadryl when I made this post.

23.

Text - Public Speaking Tip Forget nudity! When you give a speech, picture everyone as a dog because dogs are not judgmental and will like O you no matter what.

24.

Text - Sara K. Runnels @omgskr saying "thank you" when someone compliments you - boring - obvious - ends conversation saying "omg GO ON" when someone compliments you - funny - unexpected - increases your chances of more compliments

25.

Text - TechnicallyRon @TechnicallyRon You can't outrun your problems but you can jog slightly in front of them and pretend you can't hear them because you have your headphones on

26.

Text - laura flores @soyeah_imlauraa + close ur tabs. If it's meant to be, you'll find ur way back*+ 3:43 PM · 2020-08-18 · Twitter for iPhone 20.3K Retweets and comments 161K Likes

27.

Text - Doth @DothTheDoth Start off each morning with a cup of coffee, respect that time wants you dead, be good to each other & then disappear beyond the tree line. 9:55 AM · 2020-08-06 · Twitter for iPhone 1,041 Retweets and comments 3,599 Likes

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Tagged: tips , wtf , jokes , advice , lol , weird , stupid