Friday, March 10, 2017
Seahawks Punter Jon Ryan Tweets Hilarious Send-Off to Kicker Steven Hauschka, People Can't Even Handle It
Jon Ryan's teammate Steven Hauschka went ahead and decided to sign on with the Buffalo Bills, and let me tell you right now as a Seattle Seahawks fan, this is straight devastating. At least Ryan pulled through with a comedic farewell, and naturally the Twitter reactions to said tweet only served to contribute to the bittersweet joke.
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Jimmy Kimmel Reveals the States With the Most and Least STD Cases
If you're reading this and you happen to hail from Alaska, then you've my sincerest condolences; cause bruh, you apparently live in an STD-ridden state populated by sexually active folk with a staggeringly underdeveloped ability to use protection.
Submitted by: (via Jimmy Kimmel Live)
Traffic-Stopping Beards and Homeless Hairstyles Stole the Show at This HS Hockey Tournament
These Minnesota hockey bros really let themselves go. What are we dealing with here? Did the coaches find these guys huddled around out back of the arena passing around a pipe of crystal, while chugging glue like it's gatorade? All jokes and jabs aside, I'll be the first to concede that many of these dudes are rocking biblical proportions of flow, so that's gotta count for something.
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20 Impressively Crazy Tinder Pickup Lines That You'd Never See Used In Person
I'm fairly confident it could be last call at your nearest college bar that has a wide reaching reputation for over-serving Fratastic boozehounds to the point of adult-diaper-not optional-inebriation, and you still wouldn't witness these pick up lines being slurred and lobbed around the bar at the nearest face. That being said, can honestly say I was pleasantly blown away by the sheer ridiculousness of these Tinderized openers. If only we had the follow ups.
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Cheating Boyfriend Gets Caught By Girlfriend In Stupid Text Exchange, Gets Savagely Destroyed
Ah, good 'ol Spring Break has just about near rolled around. A time to take things south of the border --- lethal amounts of tequila and other illicit substances in tow, to chase down reckless decisions, break things, Snapchat all of it, no ragrets, and all the while do everything within one's perpetual drunken capacity to not get locked up in a Mexican prison cell alongside a Wino that has a biblical case of swampass. Our shitshow couple of the day, clearly failed to keep things together; and unfaithful boyfriend definitely kicked the hornet's nest when he strayed out the boundaries of a faithfulness.
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40 Brutal Flaming Roasts For Your Friday FAIL Fixing
Happy Friday FAILers.
Here's your fixing of some supremely brutal roasts. Because we care.
Per usual, these people volunteered themselves for these brutal roasts on /r/roastme. No innocents were harmed in the making of these barbecues, but some egos were probably a little bruised.
Join us as we revel in the rabid insults these people endured.
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Father of Twin Daughters Loves Scaring the Shit Out of Hotel Guests Shining Style
The last thing you want to hear when staying at a Courtyard by Marriot is "come play with us."
Pretty much anything having to do with The Shining is a hotel no-no. But that's not stopping this dad from sending his twin daughters around to scare the shit out of guests when they stay at hotels.
Love making my girls do this in hotels to shit people up, makes the grief of having twins worthwhile. http://pic.twitter.com/n4spPDHX96
— Wefail (@wefail) March 9, 2017
No, thanks.
In addition to loving the shit out of this, people also think it will scare the shit out of them.
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Girlfriend Baits Ignorant Boyfriend Into Cheating With Kim Kardashian Lookalike
I'll be the first to say that these 'To Catch a Cheater' videos are easily some of the most cringe-inducing if not infuriating (on the part of the poor boyfriends) dating meets temptations experiments to surface on the internet.
The guys in these videos are essentially thrown into the whoreish, scantily-clothed chambers of borderline sexually-volatile situations, instigated by unusually attractive young women. Not always the case on that last part.
Submitted by: (via To Catch a Cheater)
These 'Neighbor From Hell' Stories Will Have You Thankful You Don't Live Next Door to Them
In a perfect world full of sunshine and unicorns that shit rainbows, someone's home should be their sanctuary, place of solace...their safe haven from the unforgiving, crazy elements of the outside world. Unfortunately fantasy clashes with reality and we'll unfortunately find ourselves living painfully close to folk seemingly off their rockers and at odds with, well, everything that doesn't comply with their impossible standards. These 13 people are prime examples of the shitiness that is dealing with crazy neighbors.
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This Friday's Dedicated to Savannah Montano, Who Has An Ass That Looks Like the Bottom Of Heaven
Before the backlash ensues for posting a list of a 'hot chick in a bikini' -- something a surprising number of users here don't seem to be on board with -- can I just invite you to consider the fact that yes, another week is almost in the books (or it already is, if you're lucky); and we should probably celebrate the long-awaited occasion by driving ourselves wild with thirst for a young lady with a bottom seemingly carved by fucking Michelangelo himself, before she fell from heaven. Too far? Oh well. Upvote if you like hot chicks in revealing bikinis. Upvote if you like Fridays.
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People on Reddit Are Admitting the Pettiest Breakup Reasons, and Honestly, Some Are Better Off Alone
People break up for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it happens because two people have grown apart and have come to an honest decision about the state of their relationship.
Other times, it's because someone chews too loudly.
You have to be honest about the petty breakups, and that's what Reddit is for. People over there are admitting to their pettiest breakups, and it is so entertaining. Enjoy the schadenfreude and bury that pettiest breakup deep inside you.
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Guy Lends Girl He Has Massive Crush On, a Pen During Lecture, But Indirect Kiss Catastrophe Ensues
Poor bro was probably so flustered and caught up in the divine intervention that was his classroom crush asking for a pen, that he was just plain doomed from the get-go. That being said, I can't think of a more soul-crushing way to watch your hopes and (wet) dreams blow up before your eyes. Better luck next time, broheme.
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The Daily FAIL: 50 Memes to Start Your Day Off Right
Paul Ryan Used a PowerPoint to Explain Trumpcare and, Surprise, People Are Meme-ing the Hell Out Of it
Why do politicians keep doing this?
Every few weeks another politician stands in front of a screen to make their case, and it just gets destroyed on the internet. As if Trumpcare didn't have enough bad press, now it's getting another meme-ing. One healthcare plan can only take so much meme-ing!
http://pic.twitter.com/EXCzJbvObD
— Daniella Diaz (@DaniellaMicaela) March 9, 2017
He's asking for it.
Trumpcare might be on meme life support, but it definitely can't afford the deductible.
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Finally, Someone Recut Zootopia as a Crime Thriller
When it's not enough that you have a family film that brilliantly straddles the line between fun animated comedy and socio-political metaphor, why not recut it to be really, really scary? This is kind of like the gritty reboot of Zootopia.
Still, this is really well done. It looks like a real trailer, if you're into that sort of thing.
Submitted by: (via CineFix)
Kids Photobomped this BBC Interview Like Someone Escaping the Texas Chainsaw Massacre House
Playtime's over.
During a BBC interview with Professor Robert Kelly about South Korea, Kelly's children made an unexpected cameo, wandering into his study and on camera.
As cute as this is, the best part is when a woman rushes in chasing after the children, like Leatherface hunting down someone who escaped the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house.
She lets them out of her sight for one second and they escape.
Submitted by: (via BBC News)
This 90s Toy Commercial Parody Will Take You Back to a Time When All Action Figures Did Was Smash Through Brick Walls
Remember those old action figure commercials where GI Joe, Batman, and the Ninja Turtles would just crash through bricks and stuff? Well, this video harckens back to a day when figures like that reigned supreme.
LoneWolf, the only action figure bad enough to crash through a brickwall, is coming at you in all its nostalgic glory.
Submitted by: (via Mike Diva)
Watch This King Kong Statue Burst Into Flames at "Skull Island" Premiere
This guy really hates reboots.
At the Vietnam premiere of the new film Kong: Skull Island a giant, promotional model of the famed ape burst into flames, in a perfect metaphor for the state of blockbuster entertainment. The fire was caused by a nearby volcano simulation that was meant to promote yet another reboot of Merian C. Cooper's 1933 masterpiece.
More so than the fire, watching Kong set ablaze should have you wonder what this says about the state of cinema. Are we relying on old properties to take care of the heavy-lifting? Are modern studios getting rich off the backs of other people's creativity? Is it cool to watch a Kong statue burn? Questions for another time...A massive gorilla statue burst into flames at the Vietnamese premier of Kong: #SkullIsland after fire from a model volcano began to spread http://pic.twitter.com/2mMo3AWeg9
— Sky News (@SkyNews) March 10, 2017
Submitted by: (via @SkyNews)
Footage of a Helicopter Blades Synced Up with Camera Frame Rate is Amazing
What's cooler than a helicopter? A helicopter with static blades.
On Twitter, people are sharing video footage of what happens when you sync camera frame rate with the speed of helicopter blades, and you can see why. Watching a helicopter just float into the air is strangely satisfying and very, very cool.
Check out some of the footage below.
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Chelsea Clinton Made Some Gross-Ass Pancakes and Now Everyone Is Making Fun Of Them — But Seriously, They're Green
When you whip up a batch of some piping hot pancakes, before you eat, you must share. Why shouldn't everyone on the Internet be allowed to share in on the fun?
That's what former First Daughter Chelsea thought when she made a batch of spinach pancakes, which definitely don't look like fake vomit you get from a magic and/or joke shop. This has a green tinge all it's own.
Spinach pancakes for #NationalPancakeDay (we won't eat them all tonight although Charlotte would if we let her)! http://pic.twitter.com/9zgWZ0k94W
— Chelsea Clinton (@ChelseaClinton) March 7, 2017
My thoughts exactly, and I like pineapple on pizza!
But I'm not the only one who thought this was weird and sick. It's been a while since I've been served up roasted pancakes, but I definitely won't say know.
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Stallone Is Dishing Out Some Rocky War Stories, Including the Time Hulk Hogan Put Him in the Hospital
Sylvester Stallone has every reason to feel pleased about his Rocky legacy. It's among one of the most beloved film franchises of all time and even has two good-to-great conclusions, Rocky Balboa and Creed, respectively.
So you can't blame him for giving some awesome stories about the times he got destroyed in the ring by the people playing his film opponents.
These two from Instagram detail the times that Hulk Hogan sent him to the hospital and when he got in the ring with Smokin' Joe Frazier, the man who almost got the part of Clubber Lang, which famously went to Mr. T.
These are so cool:
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