FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 06/01/20

Monday, June 1, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Cultures Collide Over Size Of UK

Laughs in Australian.

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Text - im-a-tnuc-deactivated20181220 I don't know why, but I think some Americans don't realise how big the UK is.... American Customer: you're English right? Do you know the bookshop between Wales and Bristol that has lots of books in? Me in my head: yeah mate, I know that one. Classic. Love to pop down there on a cheeky break between work. What a wanker... lizq-vs-the-kitkatuprising the continuous 48 states are is almost 39x the size of the isle of great britan that's your answer

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Text - A mymindsecho For reference: North Sea Edinburgh Glasgow United Kingdom Denm Isle of Man Leeds Hamb Dublin Manchester oOsheffield Liverpool Birmingham Bremen tretand Amsterdam Bielefeld Netherlands Dusseldort London Belgium Gern Cologne Lurembourg Frankfurt Paris That's JUST Texas. pukicho When will the UK learn that they are puny little ants in which to be crushed???

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Text - toastpotent where's that post where the british person was like "oh yeah i only get to see my dad 2-3 times a year because he lives so far away :/" and a person asked “oh no how far away is he?" and the british person said “75 minutes"

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Text - op it literally takes about 20 minutes to get to wales from bristol, op that's a reasonable question do you understand geography amandabel1man leave europe alone you fucking colonizers

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Text - darkvioletcloud It takes my mom an hour to drive to work. Sometimes more. Europeans are cowards. armchair-factotum "Leave Europe alone you fucking colonizers" Should we tell them?

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Text - keyhollow I drove 6 hours just to pick someone up and bring them home because it's nbd choochoobear Sorry, I'm still stuck on "Leave Europe alone, you colonizers." lasombritas do they know

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Text - cuteskitty OnIMaps @onlmaps Follow Chile Is Long Enough To Stretch From Lisbon, Portugal To Moscow, Russia When Overlaid On Europe. #map #maps Entori Lera Unted Kingdem Mendwt and Poland Germany 76 Ukraine M Frag Romania taly igaria

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Tagged: world , tumblr , ridiculous , UK , culture , funny tumblr

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Man Hunts For Mystery Beep In His House

Yay, a fun adventure!

Submitted by: (via samuraiguitarist)

Tagged: cool , technology , awesome , Video , win

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Astronauts Give Tour Of Their Capsule

Dads still doing dad things in space. This tour of the SpaceX Crew Dragon spacecraft is something else!

Submitted by: (via NASA)

Tagged: Astronomy , astronaut , Video , space

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Star Wars but the Sound Effects are Cardi B

We're not sure if there's any overlap between Star Wars fans and anyone who listens to Cardi B, but here's something for those three very interesting people.

Submitted by: (via TheMexicoHouse)

Tagged: star wars , sound effects , cardi b , editing , Movie , lol , silly , dumb , funny

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Dumb Design Fails that were Someone's One Job

If you've felt like you've done a bad job with something before, don't feel bad, cause someone has most likely done worse. You probably didn't include an inconspicuous "shart" in a sign, and you probably haven't buried a fire hydrant in cement. There are too many impressively unprofessional "not my job" moments and sloppy design fails out there to even compete.

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Clothing - ENJOY A MASSAGE ANYTIME, ANYWHERE In the office In the Car At Home Car Plug

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Hoodie - Polo Ralph Lauren Tie Dye Hoodie Was £135.00 Now £89.00O (Save 34%)

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Fried food - hrooms, chil and broccok Chick Siced chicken breast market vegetables, ded chicken with Cashew Nut Chicken (Gai Phad Med Ma-Muang) Sauteed sliced chicken wi cashew nuts, Sweet peppet and dried chili. 16 16 Basil Chicken (Gal Phad Kraphao) Chicken with broccoli, onions, sweet basil Aeaveds, gartic and chili pepper. 8 Thai Avocado C Lightly stir fried chicke with slices of avocado and garlic sauce. Coconut Mango Chicken Lightly stir fried chicken with coco freshly sliced mango and swo

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Building - Enrichment Center NOW ENROLLING Infants to School Age step up to quality 1-STA AWARD WINNER!

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Text - After Before From this. to this! See green grass in just 6-8 days 1 lb. bag from • 1 Lb. bag covers 500 sq. ft.• Ideal for sun & shade • No more bald spots Grows in virtually all soils $1099 Quicklawn® Lawn Seed Evergreen Quicklawn® stays lush and green all year - even in sizzling summer heat and temperatures down to 20 degrees below zero. Grows in just 6-8 days, resists insects and disease and withstands heavy traffic and kids. 38970 1 Lb. Bag $11.99 2 Bags $10.99 Each

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Fast food - Hot off the yum. Scanner & Service ATIVE Sep/ofice

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Building - VOLLE FLEXIBILITÄT AB SOFORT AUCH MONATLICH KÜNDBARI ust Fit Es pet um dch TOUTLET GLAS

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Font - BGN PLN 14 14 25 RON KN 89 HU 11900 CZK EXI O WEST VIRG NIA NORTH DAKO A NEW ORK PHILADE PHIA CALIFORN A FRANK URT MAIN MLIXL) XL

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Novel - EMERGENCY PONCHO TERPROOF plyethylene Нood Sizing : 50" x 80"

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Clothing - BUFECET CODE BUVS Dream Momny 30%? 40%? 50%? BUTGET d CODE BUYS CODE BUV4 USD v umanS olo Dream Mommy Buy 2, Get 3rd 30 % OFF Home BEACHWEAR MPLATE DESIGN.

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Motor vehicle - CUMSIN TICO np kama lama

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Text - lol washi 19ton Love Goodnight Washi wangton Read 3:43 AM iMessage

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Poster - 504 DONT KILL YOUR CHILD MALAYSIA

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Drink - Azz 1380 Pu ORANGE JUICE 2 LITRES USE BY RABALCAND sS TH t

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Building - Check as out Www.hansenfoodshart.com www.hansenfodshart.com

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Pink - AUARANTER QUALITY QUARANTEE SMELLY BALLS They smell fruity!

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Tagged: design fail , FAIL , job , design , you had one job , lol , ridiculous , mistake , stupid

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Karen Gets Evicted, Lies About Eviction, Loses In Court

Oh boy, did Karen really set herself up for ultimate failure in this scenario. Sounds like she got evicted, tried to lie about the eviction, and then got easily defeated in court. Karen shouldn't have even tried.

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/thelovelylandlord · 292d 1 3 1 Your lease is still valid? Even though you were evicted? Ok. (Originally posted on MaliciousCompliance) I'll try to keep the details vague enough to keep me anonymous (hence the dummy account). This might be a little long- buckle in. I am the landlord of some apartments in the city. I sign the lease agreements, and go over the basics with tenants, although they don't usually want me to spend hours delving into the fine print. 99% of the

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Text - One lady, let's call her Karen, had been paying her rent via a new bank account and new checks for the last several months. All of the sudden, we got several chargeback fees on our account- she had put a stop payment on the checks, and closed the account. I immediately called her. Me: Hey, Karen, it looks like your checks bounced for the last few months. I just wanted to make sure everything is ok. Karen: Oh no! I promise l'll get this fixed. Me: Ok. You've been a good tenant in the past,

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Text - Karen: Oh god no, I'm an old woman, I can't afford to be evicted- I'm trying so hard to pay! Can you give me another shot? Me: As long as you pay before the court date, the eviction doesn't have to go through. The court date arrives, and guess who hasn't paid yet. At court, the judge rules for a 24 hour notice to vacate. Karen, in tears, comes up to me afterwards. Karen: Can you please give me another chance? | can't afford to go anywhere else. Me: I'm sorry, Karen, but the only way I cou

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Text - So I left, and I thought that was that. My maintenance guy would come in in a few days to do the inspection and clean up, and then we'd put it on the market. He shows up a few days later, and there's a problem... they're still there. So I call the sheriff, to schedule a set- out. A problem, though. According to the sheriff, the 24 hour notice was no longer valid, as we had struck up a deal afterwards, so the court had reversed the eviction decision. I had no recollection of having decided

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Text - I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I sent Karen a copy of a new lease agreement, asking for the debts, in addition to rent for a first month, and a new security deposit. Her lawyer then contacted me- yes, she had the money to hire a lawyer, somehow- informing me that, in fact, her old lease agreement was still valid, as my "deal" (you know, the one that would require a NEW lease agreement) invalidated the eviction decision. So I filed for eviction, on the grounds that she had n

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Text - We show up at court. Karen has her lawyer. Karen is bursting, grinning like a fool, like she's won the lottery. Her lawyer looks fairly happy as well. The judge asks me to speak. Me: I would like Karen to leave the apartments, but she is refusing, despite the fact that according to the court's last decision, she should have left over a month ago now. Judge: And, Miss Karen? Lawyer: Miss Karen cannot be ejected from her home without a new notice. Yes, she has not yet paid past due rent, ho

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Text - deal, giving her the time she needed to pay via verbal agreement. This deal, made directly after the last court date, invalidated the last decision, so Miss Karen will require a new decision, and therefore, a new notice, before she can rightfully be evicted from her home. Until then, her lease agreement is still valid. (insert legal crap) Judge: And Landlord? What do you have to say? Me: Well, your honor, I have to agree. They have made a very, very compelling argument. Karen and I did in

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Text - still valid, I guess. Well, according to the terms of the still valid lease, there are some additional things that the court needs to be aware of, that l'd like to go over for clarification. I'm sure you have a copy, your honor? Judge: Yes, I do. Me: And you have a copy, Lawyer? Lawyer: Yes, I do. Me: Excellent. Well, your honor, if you look at section 4, subsection A, on page 2, you will see that after 10 days of nonpayment, a late fee of $100 is applied. If you continue reading to subse

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Text - of $10 per day are applied, until full payment is rendered. If you continue to subsection C, you will see that failed payments necessitate a chargeback fee of $50 per failed payment. If you will continue, your honor, to page 4, section 7, subsection F, you'll see that if a tenant is in any way responsible for a loss of rent, including: leaving an apartment in less than move-in ready condition, failed payments, or, lastly, refusal to vacate in the case of an eviction, the tenant is respons

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Text - page 8, section 14, subsection A, you'll note that the tenant is responsible for any and all legal fees resultant from the eviction process, including attorney's fees, such as for the attorney I hired to help me review this lease agreement. Finally, on page 10, the last page, section 17, subsection B, you will see that the tenant is responsible for all HVAC services rendered on their unit. As we sent in a company to fix the unit in Karen's apartment at her request, we have the invoice her

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Text - At this point, the lawyer has gone completely pale- it's clear that he was more concerned that I would fight the whole "deal" thing, than the terms of the lease he thought he'd have to fight to keep valid. Karen looks utterly shell-shocked, her mouth slightly agape, like a child confused by a game of peek-a-boo. The judge, meanwhile, is completely unfazed, until I hand her the invoice, alongside my maths, a spreadsheet, and a piece of paper with the total debt owed circled and highlighted

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Text - charge yet another $50 fee for failed payment, should another personal check bounce. Judge: Lawyer, do you have anything to say? At this point, the lawyer looks like he's about to pass out. Karen seems to have stopped breathing. The judge remains silent for a moment, and then collects herself. Judge: I'm afraid you'll have to address that matter of debt in a different court than this one, Landlord. We are here only to judge whether Miss Karen is to be evicted from her home today.

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Text - Me: Oh, if she wants to stay, l'd be happy to let her. As long as she agrees to continue to abide by the terms of the lease agreement, specifically those clauses outlined above. And pays the debt owed today. Judge: I'm going to rule for a 24 hour notice to vacate, unless Miss Karen can produce payment at this moment. Karen sits, still, quiet, speechless even. Her lawyer is eyeing the window, I like to think contemplating his decisions in life that led him to this point. Maybe thinking abo

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Text - Judge: Right, a 24 hour notice to vacate. And, Landlord? Me: Yes? Judge: You'll want to file those charges in small claims court... or a higher court, if it exceeds the amount that you can legally pursue in small claims. Me: Already filed, your honor. The case has now been resolved... and needless to say, I got a fairly significant bonus, in addition to a slight raise. Edited to add a tl;dr: Tenant was evicted, but lied to get out of the eviction, claiming her old lease was still valid. I

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Tagged: housing , revenge , awesome , eviction , Reddit , karen , win , apartment

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Evidence that Kids are Bizarre and Dumb

Kids give people way too much proof that they're stupid and weird. They have completely irrational fears, make horrible choices and they're easily tricked. We know because we remember having irrational fears, making horrible choices and being tricked. They usually get better, but in the meantime here are moments that show kids are dumb and weird.

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Text - Cartet Name Oh, What A Thankagiving! Creative witing Giving Thanks I am thankful for... tor.. my hoes house by CArter

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Text - Miriel Thomas Reneau @mirielmargaret I'm writing a condolence card. Gregory (5) asks what I'm doing. "I'm writing a note to say how sorry l am that my friend's mom died," I say. He pauses for a VERY fraught moment and then asks, oh so tentatively "...that's just to be kind, right? You're not the one who did it?" 17:37 · 16.05.20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - ch O poop CWC O diarrhea sounds O diarrhea O poop sounds O 2wweeswwsdeewwddeee O gyttgrrg

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Design - Bath mat $15 O Edmonton, AB Bath mat for sale. I bought it last week and my 1 year old is terrified of it.

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Text - YumCherryPies 9 months ago when my yu-gi-oh card said "destroy this card" I actually ripped it It 225 REPLY View 7 replies

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Text - Animal Crossing: New Horizons Yesterday at 6:23 PM My son thinks the letters and gifts from mom on AC are from me. 99I don't have the heart to tell him they aren't from me. I get hugs and kisses every time he gets one. Posted in r/AnimalCrossing by u/SodaSylveon reddit

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Text - My dad's name is Aaron so when I was little and he said he was going to run errands, I heard "Aarons" and figured that adults just called the chores they had to do by their own name, and to this day I still secretly think of my chores as Ellies :)

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Text - 9+ facebook 1 My daughter told me she is the most talented swimmer out of everyone she knows because she can swim without moving her arms or legs at all...she is floating on her back

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Text - Six year old son: "Daddy I found something but I'm not gonna tell you what because you'll tell me to stay away from it. Don't worry though l'll be fine." Okay then sounds good 7:58 AM 5/24/20 · Twitter for iPhone 20 Retweets 655 Likes 2h Replying to ivino.. Update: it's some kind of animal's egg. He's right. I did tell him to stay away from it. 3 274 333 1h Jpdate: I went to take a look and turns out it's just a rock. My son insists it's either a snake egg or a dragon egg but no it's defi

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Text - one time i was playing chess on the computer and i tried moving my knight outside of where it can move and i got a pop-up saying "illegal move!" and then i cried for an hour because i thought i was gonna get arrested

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Learning - ACURRENT AFFAIR Six-year-old Sydney boy racks up $8000 bill on iPad without parents' knowledge 9now.nine.com.au

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Text - N 3 52% 3:03 PM Kids police - fake call App 4.3* Ratings and reviews A Google user *** 2019-02-21 horable police didn't come ...

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Text - darthsquidious: My four year old cousin is freaking out because we went to a restaurant and the forks had three prongs instead of four Every time someone said the word "fork" she said "no it's a threek" I can't wait for this kid to be old enough to use tumblr

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Illustration - Cidu did Past Present Future Skeam train Cow cor car 52

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Text - Yesterday at 12:28 PM · I just found this in my 8 year olds search history "Per China"????!! somebody fucking help me 8% 1:11 PM Boost + Search YouTube tity tity more tity girls show their pergin girls show their per china K. K K

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Text - hello hi 1 year ago (edited) When I was younger I thought Jon Bonet Ramsay was Gordon Ramsays daughter and the reason he was so angry all the time was because his daughter was dead It 6.2K 目88

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Text - When I grow up I want to be a Mailbox

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Text - Week The Water Cycle Directions: Look at the diagram. Then, answer the questions. Water storage in ice and snow Condensation Water storage in the atmosphere Precipitation Evaporation A+ Runoff Spring Evaporation Surface runoff Inliltration Groundwater discharge Water storage in oceans Groundwater storage 1. How does the diagram help you understand the water cycle? t doesiit help me anderstand CYcle. 2. List one question that you have about something in the diagram. the water What does it

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Land vehicle - DAD O IlikenxMO A. tke MDAD C

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Shoulder - 2V18 and I curse all the time watch fuck 1 minute ago Logan u dont need to sencor ur curses I'm 9 O reddit Posted in r/comedyheaven ...

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Tagged: FAIL , funny stories , kids , moments , lol , dumb , idiots , funny tweets , stupid , children

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