Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Student's Lord Of Rings Speech Met With Deafening Silence


You might think that you've cringed hard before, but you haven't seen this dude try to get a class riled up before an exam, before. All of his fiery, emboldened passion is met with a devastating tidal wave of gross indifference from the rest of the classroom. 

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Mike Tyson's Intense Preparation For Roy Jones Jr. Fight


For real, we're looking at "The Curious Case of Mike Tyson." This legend is aging backwards. His explosiveness seems like it's better than ever. Roy Jones Jr. still has some time to cancel that upcoming bout in November. 

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Quick Tumblr Post On Humans' Willful Ignorance


Many of us suffer from some kind of self encouraged amnesia, involving our well being and various medications/supplements/etc that we use to maintain that well being. For whatever reason, the process of time crawling along invites in us a terribly self-destructive forgetfulness. In this particular, quick Tumblr thread we see a couple solid points made about the importance of Head and Shoulders shampoo/conditioner for the dry and itchy scalp, as well as the life saving role played by medications for anyone who has had a liver transplant. 

1.

Text - andhumanslovedstories I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought "why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff," so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It's alright if you can't because apparently I fuckin couldn't either

2.

Text - andhumanslovedstories Cutting something out of your life because you think you don't need it any more only to realize that it was in fact working as intended and preventing a problem that will return should you stop doing this is a good experiment to run periodically with something small like dandruff shampoo, lest you start to think it would be a good idea to do this with like let's say public health and the social safety net and vaccines

3.

Text - thomrainierskies Follow I had a liver transplant when I was 14 and like six months later I was chatting with my surgeon and he said “there's gonna come a time, probably when you're a teenager, where you're gonna think, 'I feel great, why am I still taking all this medication? I haven't needed it in years. and you're gonna want to stop taking all this medication. Guess

4.

Text - what's gonna happen then? You're gonna go into rejection and your liver is gonna start failing, and you're gonna be dying again, and we're gonna have to find you another liver. So don't do that." And I said “why the fuck would anyone do that?" and he said “people are stupid."

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Text - every once in a while when I get annoyed by a pharmacy or don't wanna get out of bed to do my drugs I think "ugh, this is dumb, why do I do this?" and that conversation slams into me like a truck and I remember that I am, in fact, stupid Source: andhumanslovedstories 93,388 notes

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Employee Pranks Boss, Boss Pulls The Reverse UNO Card


What began as a silly spider prank, evolved into a rollercoaster of unforeseen circumstances. Just picturing a prank backfiring to such an extent that you're literally staring at your boss who looks like he's having a heart attack, is enough to give anyone with a decent head on their shoulders, the fear. As it turns out though, this boss was merely taking the prank to the next level, and pulling the iconic reverse UNO card. Did the boss take it too far, by letting things play out for as long as he did? Maybe so. At least we got this story out of the experience. 

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Text - r/tifu + Join u/prankeyprank • 1d TIFU by putting my boss in the hospital M I'm typing this from home as my work unexpectedly received a half-day for my antics. So my boss and I have been having a little prank war. Nothing extravagant nothing harmful: just fun little office pranks to keep spirits up. I work in corporate insurance so most of my day is spent behind a desk and it gets very boring at times.

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Text - Well my boss pranked me good last week with the help of an IT guy that sent an email which the font size in the email slowly decreased and then all the sudden a picture of a baboons ass popped up with a farting noise (which my boss made sure the sound was all the way up on my little desk speakers). Scared the crap out of me and made my coworkers laugh. Anyway, I'm thinking I gotta get him back. My buddy works on the same floor but has permission to come in a little earlier as he is in man

3.

Text - I waited until after lunch to spring my trap. I walked into his office "what's up boss Blah Blah blah." Hes sitting at his desk, prime position for a spider drop down. Sol go to tie my shoe and unhook the fishing line that I taped to the leg of his desk. I started lowering the spider. Eventually the spider comes down and touches his nose. He starts freaking out and falls out of his chair clutching his chest gasping for air. I just kinda stood there in shock like "SHIT!" Anyway, paramedics

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Text - TIFUPDATE putting my boss in the hospital M So l'll begin where I left off yesterday. original post if you haven't seen it Paramedics loaded my boss onto a wheeled stretcher (or whatever they call them) and put him in the back of an ambulance to go off to the hospital. I seriously thought that he was in big trouble because the paramedics were treating him like he was having a severe heart attack. He looked like he was on the verge of dying as they loaded him up.

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Text - Anyway, afterwards my other manager tells us all to go home. It was Labor Day so there weren't that many people working. I go home and am freaking out, nervous as hell until my manager called me and told me my boss was stable but it was close. "Come in tomorrow for work at 10am we need to have a discussion" At this point l'm double freaking out because l'm thinking "shit l'm going to get fired over a stupid ass spider prank." I get into work at about 950 and I make the dreaded trip up to

6.

Text - He takes me to my bosses office. Which I thought he was going to ask what the spider on the fishing line was doing there and then, after I answered, fire me. Door was already open and after I walk in my manager tells me to take a seat and then he closes the door after I step in (he stayed out). I sat down, pretty much sweating out of my clothes and all the sudden, to add insult to injury, my boss sneaks up behind me and yells "THOUGHT I WAS DEAD HUH!!!" Well at that point I basically shit

7.

Text - At this point I'm both relieved, terrified, and just generally shook. And he sits down and tells me how he did it. Apparently the manager (my buddy from last post) that let me in early on Labor Day told him about my entire plan. My boss knew about the spider and pretty much planned around my move The fucker literally let a bunch of workers have a half day to foil my prank and got his EMT buddy to make a quick stop by to "treat his heart attack." I'm never pranking my boss again. On a good

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Tagged: boss , employee , FAIL , prank , tifu , Reddit

People That Hit Their Own Self-Destruct Buttons


Sometimes, we don't even need the clueless people of the online world to get called out. Sometimes, they do our jobs for us. The following collection of human beings were their own worst enemies on the internet. They accomplished this by tweet/posting statuses with minimal brain exertion. 

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Text - @kaylasheagg *opens instagram* yep, everyone's life is still better than mine *closes instagram* *opens twitter* ah yes. my fellow trash bretheren

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Text - r/Showerthoughts u/SavageManO615 · 3h If you are 1 in a million there are 7000 people just like you 67 14 i Share BEST COMMENTS asoupo • 3h Poor bastards. + Reply 1 15

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Text - James Blunt O @JamesBlunt · 2h It's called the menopause, Matt. Matt Burns @RealMattBurns · 2d Can't believe l'm saying this, but I'm really enjoying @JamesBlunt's new album. What is happening to me?! O 109 27 655 ♡ 10.5K

4.

Text - mo @classically The fact that Head and Shoulders doesn't have a body wash called Knees and Toes disappoints me almost as much as I disappoint my parents.

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Text - wittyidiot @stephenszczerba I'm instantly attracted to people who have regrettable tattoos because it shows that they are able to live with a mistake, like being in a relationship with me would be

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Product - Lance Ulanoff O @LanceUlanoff · 13m There's your new iPhone 11! #AppleEvent 131 2I 1,632 1,983 ruby @l3avethecity · 12m That's the ugliest thing l've ever fuckin seen 6. 27 18 302 ruby @l3avethecity Replying to @13avethecity and @LanceUlanoff And I've looked in the mirror 10:58 AM · 10 Sep 19 · Twitter for iPhone 1 Retweet 78 Likes

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Text - She passed on the scalloped potatoes because. "I dont really like seafood." It was at that moment where I knew she was dumb enough to sleep with me.

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Organism - jules @cowboij about to comment "twin" on a pretty girls post to ruin her day >

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Text - aha ha • 5 months ago Yo mama so blind,she called me pretty. 5.6K 1 目 222

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Text - maritza @mariitzaaxx · 1h the earth is flat 1 sharkmeguy theory debunker . · 1h And I have a gf maritza @mariitzaaxx Replying to @sharkmeguy awe im happy for you 22:22 · 28 Apr 20 · Twitter Web App sharkmeguy theory debunker . · 2m Replying to @mariitzaaxx No we are both lying

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Text - Antwoorden valerie • 6 maanden geleden her cough is faker than all my friendships combined 12K 113

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Text - 1 Okay? Why do I feel like your iq has actually dropped recently Like - Reply 13m - Edited |Because i am interacting with idiots like you Like - Reply · 1m

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Text - fred nietzsche @cognitarians · 5h Posting about group chats is the lowest form of posting 4 ♡ 48 i'm sam spooner and i'm back from... @mezhraiontsy Replying to @cognitarians not invited to any either huh

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Text - J Munoz · 2 lata temu I never flirt with a girl who flirts back, I just can't go out with someone with standards that low. 6,1 tys. 目 25

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Text - * Cold Splidgy * Replying to @YouTube @_Splidgy_· 17h anyone else wish there was a dislike button on twitter? O 23 2736 3,799 YouTube O @YouTube · 13h we have one on YouTube :) 163 27 138 ♡ 4,070

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Eyewear - Comments 4.1K 芒 X Unfortunate Circumstances • 1 day ago Arnold can only smoke his stogies if his wife lets him. Unlike me, who doesn't have anyone to love or actually care about me. So, I can smoke my stogies whenever I want. Checkmate, Austrians.

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Text - Patricia @patriciarose_ Replying to @MaxZatlin Anyone who can't spell or use punctuation is in no poisition to questions people's intelligence. 4:38 AM · 8/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Bess Kalb @bessbell The only thing a blue checkmark means is you did not have many friends in high school and then went into media or entertainment. Eg by @petersagal 11m • 7/16/20 • 11:37 AM

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Text - YOU MATCHED WITI | 2019-12-03 You got plans tonight? I'm thinking we can get together, split a bottle of slivovitz, and make some mistakes Today 16:06 I never make mistakes Sorry You swiped right on me so you've made at least one Sent

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Text - Kim Kardashian West @go... ·5m v my check mark is real Eggward @Eggward2305 Replying to @govrnmentvenus @HomeAlonQTPIE and @chescaleigh That check mark is as real as my YouTube career POWERED BY 16 Tube Buddy -1 SUBSCRIBERS MILESTONE Jan 01, 0001 Eggward

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Students Mess With Teacher's Plants, Teacher Takes Pro Revenge


This teacher/dad used his apparent superpower of not being affected by poison ivy, poison oak, or poison sumac to teach some rascal students a valuable lesson in not messing with people's plants. Just picturing their faces when they learned about the stunt that dad had pulled is enough to put a smile on the face. Outside of that glorious lesson, this dad is well on his way to being Poison Ivy's most feared enemy. 

1.

Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/Zeldaspellfactory • 1y Just Desserts for Destroying Teachers' Plants This happened to my father, not me. I find it rather funny and definitely ProRevenge. My father was a teacher. He taught several subjects during his career, and spent the last fifteen years teaching science. He spent most of his career teaching the more difficult students. One year the teachers were all upset because students kept killing their plants by ripping off the leaves.

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Text - My dad wasn't really fond of plants. Even though he didn't like having a lot of plants around the house, he started thinking of ways to get the kids to stop killing the other teachers' plants. Finally he came up with a way to teach the kids not to mess with plants. A few days later, he put 3 potted plants by the window in his classroom. He had a sign by the plants warning kids not to touch the plants because they were dangerous. He told every class that they were to leave the plants alone

3.

Text - He made sure to check the plants near the end of every class. 2 days after putting the plants out, he noticed that a lot of the leaves were missing from one plant. He had all the students line up against a wall and he checked all of the desks for leaves. He didn't find any of them. The next day, two students come in before school with their parents. They want to know what kind of plants he had. They had horrible rashes all over their hands and groin area. Their parents were quite upset at

4.

Text - My father told the parents that every class was warned to not ever touch the plants. He showed them where the sign was and let them see the very clear warning. Then he asked the boys how they got rashes in that area? The boys had to tell their parents that they ripped leaves off of the plants of every teacher they had, and that they thought the sign was just to keep kids away from the plants. When the whole class was lined up so that everything could be searched to find out who destroyed

5.

Text - The boys missed several days of school until the rash cleared up. My father then told each class that the plants were poison ivy. It taught the entire class not to mess with other people's plants. You never know what might happen. It stopped the plant destruction for that year. Of course the administration made a rule that you could not have dangerous plants in the classroom. No one thought to make a rule about this because most people do not plant poison ivy in pots and take them to scho

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Dumb and Clever Puns to Love and Hate


Puns are one of those things that even though you might hate, you can't really avoid. Try as you might to avoid them and yell at the people who bring them into your life, but someone will always come back with a sackful of puns to spill all over your life. They're both incredibly clever and horribly dumb at the same time.

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Motor vehicle - Come home quick, the dog had an accident! What kind of accident?! HEW He forgot to put the car in Bark I literally hate you

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Soil - Day 47 of quarantine: I started growing my own pot.

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Bowl - Babe, look what I bought! What is this?! - It's a pan, duh!

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Ceiling - No one: Beatboxers:

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Meringue - Iwas watching an Australian cookery show and the audience clapped when the chef made meringue I was surprised as Australians normally boo meringue

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Text - 50 Shades of Grain Porn Flakes Special D Rice Frisky Captain munch Cheery Hoes Adult cereals kory

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Tattoo - Doctor: Which knee hurts? Ме: De

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Archery - HAVE YOU EVER TRIED BLIND- FOLDED ARCHERY? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING

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Vegetable - why couldn't the green pepper practice archery? ...because it didn't habanero

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Material property - I BOUGHT A WOODEN WHISTLE BUT IT WOODEN WHISTLE SOI BOUGHT A STEEL WHISTLE BUT IT STEEL W0ODEN WHISTLE THEN I BOUGHT A LEAD WHISTLE BUT IT STEEL WOODEN LEAD ME WHISTLE

11.

Text - "There is no iron in the iron you use to iron shirts. Which is, ironically, both ironic and un-ironic" - Jeremy Irons English Teacher:

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Text - When a star goes supernova: STAR WA S D

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Child - Mama, is this safe to eat? No, it's for storing valuable objects Centryate

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Text - neutralnewt: iiiarclight: how to be cool A) cool sunglasses emoji B) is that a god damn pun. in emoticon format

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Face - My van *gets stolen* Me: Where did my

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Tree - No one: Black bear-y bush:

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People - If you think taming raptors is hard. INAGINEORAGONS

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Shed - Jonathan Richardson @MrsJonJo I'm presuming the people who live here make excellent milkshakes

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Text - Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club. It was open Mike night.

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Vehicle - I hope this dude is going STRAIGHT home... made with mematic

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Horse - I have always wanted to own a pure bread horse

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Vehicle - HANDY JUAN IF JUAN CANT FIX IT NO JUAN CAN.

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Material property - SHARE Coke WITH America Pablo Escobar: Don't mind if I do.

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Transport - Nosure what her religion is, but.lettuce pray for her.

25.

Dog breed - I almost forgot my briefcase! it contains important lab results

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