Sunday, May 17, 2020

Tumblr Post: Escaping From A Coffin If Buried Alive


Well, well, this quick and informative Tumblr post provides just the kind of knowledge that one would sincerely hope they never have to employ. Yes, we're talking about making an escape from a coffin, if one ever finds themselves in the predicament of being buried alive. Hopefully, it's knowledge that never needs to be used. But here it is anyways. Good old Tumblr pulling through in the weirdest of ways, yet again. 

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Text - laufie How to escape after being buried alive in a coffin. It could happen to anyone. People bury a person alive to scare them or to get rid of them. In this situation, rely only on yourself. 1. Do not waste oxygen. In a classic coffin there's only enough oxygen for about an hour, maybe two. Inhale deeply, exhale very slowly. Once inhaled - do not swallow, or you will start to hyperventilate. Do not light up lighters or matches, they will waste oxygen. Using a flashlight is allowed. Screa

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Text - 2 Shake up the lid with your hands. In some cheap low-quality coffins you will be able to even make a hole (with an engagement ring or a belt buckle.) 3 Cross your arms over your chest, holding onto your shoulders with your hands, and pull the shirt off upward. Tie it in a knot above your head, like so: knot collar Science

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Text - This will prevent you from suffocating when the dirt falls on your face. 4. Kick the lid with your legs. In some cheap coffins the lid is broken or damaged already after being buried, due to the weight of the ground above it. 5. As soon as the lid breaks, throw and move the dirt that falls through in the direction of your feet. When it takes up a lot of space, try pressing the ground to the sides of the coffin with your legs and feet. Move around a bit. 6 Whatever you do - your main goal

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Text - lilmuneca this is one of my biggest fears so this is helpful Source: vk.com

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Chad The Alpha Asks Man To Break Up With Girlfriend


Oh man, "Chad the Alpha" is on one. This conversation just stinks of delusions. Alpha bro reaches out to another dude and literally asks him to break up with his girlfriend, because he suspects that she'll be happier with him. Yeah, okay, Chad. 

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Text - Active now 12:47 PM Hey man, can I talk to you about I guess so what about her

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Text - I've been talking with her a lot and we've grown pretty close. I know you're her boyfriend and all but I was gonna politely ask if you could break up with her? I just really feel a connection to her and she would be happy with me That's funny because she told me you were creepy and constantly text her even when she doesn't reply. You need to stop talking to my girlfriend and get tf out of my dms

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Text - LOL You know she's just using that as an excuse because she'd rather tell you that then the truth, which is that she met a nice, charming alpha male You betas are all the same.

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Text - Wtf did you make her block me Tbh I should thank you I didn't even want that ugly whore anyway have fun with her though beta Double tap to like You're insane

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Witty and Stupid Jokes that are Technically Right


While we don't always have the intended answers, we can at least be smart asses about things. Technically correct jokes have the benefit of making the teller feel smart while there's not really any new information needed. These silly puns and clever jokes are technically accurate, so you can't say they're completely wrong.

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Text - 6% 22:47 r/AskReddit Posted by u/theredditwill 2 · 4m For 24 hours all crimes are legal. What crimes will you be commiting? 3 Share SINGLE COMMENT THREAD VIEW ALL kurtduds • 3m None, because they're now legal Reply Vote theredditwill • 1m Listen here you little shit Add a comment

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Text - Tweet Jay Foreman O @jayforeman 23h Knives are better deserving of the name chopsticks. 16 17 122 1,159 See replies

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Text - chippingthegoalkeeper I have a lot of pet peeves but I think the biggest one is when people say things like "oh it's such a small town, only 35,000 people" like bitch my town has 200 people, you need to pick a new adjective thegoldengals According to Wikipedia, a small town is 1,000-20,000 people. So although you are correct in stating that 35,000 people is not a small town (it is a large town), you are incorrect in thinking that you live in a town. You live in a village. You are a villag

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Product - CHRON.COM Prisoner who died and was brought back claims his life sentence has technically ended enyol @engxl he not wrong

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Text - salem @mightbesalem he's not a drug dealer mom he's a freelance unlicensed pharmacist 8:46 PM 4/9/20 · Twitter for iPhone uli View Tweet activity 38.1K Retweets 215K Likes

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Conversation - Not to sound racist but I like cheese But that's not racist Yeah, that's what I said

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Text - Callum @cheesepuffswit1· 1h Replying to @Slimecicle You can fly, but only straight down 84 FlompMcDomp @FlompMc... · 1h v What are you gonna call it? 17 @elliottisabitch · 1h Gravity 3 85

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Text - wivernryder How in hell do you get "Dick" from "Richard"? mttheww you ask him nicely

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Text - Greta Today 9:43 pm If you could rearrange the t and the a in your name thatd be great

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Text - slavery Americans have literally no banter eyeofthelionfish idk what country this is coming from but we've probably beaten you in a war at some point slavery I'm American thescourge-sisters Civil war

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Label - This printer is here temporarily In the greaker schema of thing S, arent we all? Srosse a effocer

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Eyewear - how my family sees me how i see my family

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Product - My girl said "no more sex in bed until you put a ring on it" hope she likes it

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Text - Claire @AzureDoo Husband and I reminiscing about the time I texted him on my way home: "Can you start cooking those sausages?" Then added < 3 as a cute little heart. He cooked 2 sausages.

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Cartoon - "If a toy from toy story died, the humans wouldn't know, and the other toys would have to watch them play with corpses" Me:

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Computer keyboard - No one: Literally no one: Soue F12 Poert 6. R. Page Deie End Ca D. H. к V. B. N. At Gr

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Text - astelic C-***: @Astelic · 21h now instead of saying "-2k19" we can say "-2k2k" this is awesome!! 43 27 18 527 Ziaia @Ziaia6 Replying to @Astelic Were living in 2020 while shes living in 20002000

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Text - Benjamin Dada @DadaBen_ No sex before marriage. Say it after me. GİLLEY @TraeGilley Me it.

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Vehicle - Ladies Fas

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Face - All languages travel at the speed of sound, except sign language that travel at the speed of light VF

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Cartoon - Patrick Star. License to kill FISHING LICENSE DATRICX AT STRR PatnicA Posted in r/dankmemes by u/boomroasted06 O reddit

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Banner - LAMAR 1-800-233-9942 STAY OFF THE TRACKS THEY ARE ONLY FOR TRAINS IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU'RE NOT A TRAIN WEST COAST EXPRESS

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Text - Monika @justbestdoki Writing tip: 19:37 · 4/11/20 · Twitter for Android

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Money - I found a coupon that gives you 5 dollars off at any store FEDERAL NOTE RESERVE THE UNITED STA OFAMERICA MF 02789533 * F6 TATES UNITED RESTRVE THIS NOTE IS LEGAL TENDER FOR ALL DEDTS. PUBLIC AND PRIVAYE 02789533 * D. Tin f the Uni Sue. Saretary fthe Treanry WIISIS EDERAL LL.

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Text - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates are always upset when I tell them l'm a bus driver.

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Amusing Images of Confusing Double-Takery


The brain works really hard to make sense of the constant stream of information coming at it, and for the most part it does a pretty good job. That said, a small shift in perspective can turn unassuming situations into double-take inducing photos of intriguing perspective. Your brain is doing its best, but at times it's name match against double-take causing images of skewed perspective.

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People - This looks like a dope concert until you realize it's a cotton harvester

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Muscle

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Dog - It took me five minutes to understand this not disturbing photo.

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Text - Linsey Davis @LinseyDavis Welp I'm never wearing this top again @a.memeingless.life C NEWS PRIME STIMULUS STALEMATE DEMS BLOCK GOP RELIEF BILL OVER CORPORATE "SLUSH FUND" Pablo Escobarner (blue check) @PabloEscobarner It makes you look like Helena Bonham Carter as the Queen of Hearts lol

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People

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Physical fitness - i thought this lady was giving birth to a damn rotisserie chicken

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Tree - This cat looks like it's holding a little cat-sized machine gun

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Photograph - historicaltimes Cleaning women washing a crucifix, 1938 via reddit thewolfbroughtindoors Me, thinking they're hosing an emaciated child down the stairs: oh jesus... Me, realizing it is in fact our lord and savior on the cross: oh, Jesus...

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Mammal - My high ass thought this cat had a hole in it etoptree

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People

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People - Leg

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Bird - Robert Maguire @RobertMaguire This picture of a crow is interesting because..it's actually a cat 7:01 am · 28 Oct 18

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Organism - The Richer Single mom @MogulWomanOllie I love mini apples!! Did you know there's a small village in South Africa where they grow? Now you know! NAIJA TWITTER SAVAGES S. @BadmanSophss God cleanse my mind and renew the right spirit within me.

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Canidae - Had to do a double take. PICTOPHILE APp

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People

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Dog - RUBY s Weatet Ruby with a bone in her mouth makes it look like she heard some jaw-dropping news

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Adaptation - For five seconds, I thought this was a T-Rex

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Vacation

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People - I can't unsee “ Captain Tiny Arm" and his baby sidekick "Mega Hand"

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Tree - so yeah im his queen Snoop Dogg @SnoopDogg Bruh I deadass didn't see him in the first pic Imfaoo00

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Footwear - Young girl posing with a bag of popcorn

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