Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Guy's Tinder Game Is A Modern Marvel


This Tinder gem involves a dude writing a sonnet about a first love, for his new match. These heights might very well never be reached again. The fact that the dude composed a sonnet, and infused it with that raunchy hidden message is nothing short of a modern marvel. 

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Text - Emilia 12:27 AM A sonnet about a first love 1:18 AM What a nice, nonironic ask. Subject matter's adorable, so here: She places hand to chest with heart a-blaze, Each halting thump a dance of heat and joy. No other one could brighten up her days, Delightful nights' embrace with caring boy. No earthly sight as great as she to him, Undressing nude in morning bedside light.

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Text - Declaring unbound feeling on a whim, Engagement? marriage? Wedding dresses white? Soon bride and groom, they loved with all their heart, Expecting everything to stay the same. Mirages ripple, warp, and tear apart; Idealized people's pictures do the same. Love lost is better than a love not shared, In some pursuits, the rich are those who dared. Liked by Emilia Aaaand there go. A sonnet thingy Oh my god Made my whole night, that was beautiful

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Text - Just wait until you read the first letter of each line LMAO Okay night officially made That was great l'm still laughing Then you don't even wanna know about what happens if you read the first letter of each word in my first response

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Product - Oh my god Do you do this to every girl? Lmfao000 because that's actually a talent If only it ended there, Emilia Read the first letter of the second word of every line In what message?

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Text - In the poem, the first letter of the second word in each line Honestly, you deserve it after all that Is that the end of the hidden messages so i can give it to you haha What if I told you to read the first letter of each of your own messages Lmao nah you've reached the end

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Alligator in Sewer is Freaky as The Dickens


This guy happened to find an alligator in the sewer in front of his house. You know, just kinda chillin'. Waiting in the darkness. With its piercing yellow eyes.

Submitted by: (via Tony Mack)

Tony Hawk Pro Skater Review Is Pure Gold


The game was just way ahead of its time. This review might actually make you want to figure out a way to fire up Tony Hawk Pro Skater again. 

Submitted by: (via videogamedunkey)

Weirdest Things H.R. Employees Have Seen


This wild AskReddit thread has human resources employees describing the weirdest stuff they've ever seen, on the job. People are full of surprises. One certainly wouldn't want to find themselves sharing a space with any of these folks. We're talking about some serious curveballs. 

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Text - thedarlingbuttsofmay • 2h I once had a temp job in HR. I was scanning lots of old personnel files, and the one perk of the job was reading old complaints against people. The best one I came across was a mediation caused by one member of staff accusing another of witchcraft.

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Text - StaceysDad • 2h The maintenance guy had been living up above the ceiling of the building. He had built a little cubby living area with electricity and a small fridge and everything. Edit: For years.

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Text - TenDollarTicket • 2h F 2 Awards Years ago I worked HR for a retail store. A manager would always clock out on time however the alarm wouldn't be set until about 30-45 min after he clocked out. Since we had a lot of trouble with internal theft we assumed he was stealing. Loss prevention approved the installation of cameras across all stores but we were told not to talk about it to see if we could catch any internal theft. The way the ceiling was set up,the cameras weren't too obvious but i

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Text - Blueiguana1976•4h O 1 Award I was a recruiter, and you would be shocked to see what some people actually have as their personal email. Most people have come around to using just their name, but then every once in a while you'll have to verify that "brownglitter69" is in fact how they would like to be contacted.

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Text - smokefrog2 · 3h I work HR for a call center. Entire company has around 500 employees, maybe 250 of them are in the call center. Entry level work, tiny bit more than minimum wage. A girl started her first week doing really well and then week two got really weird. She walked into the CEO's office (on another floor in the building) WHILE HE WAS MEETING WITH SOMEONE, to demand that he buy her a dog because she thought having a companion would improve her work performance. That was the entiret

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Text - Garimasaurus • 2h One of my relatives worked in tech support for a really high-profile company in Silicon Valley during the height of the dot com boom. Some guy who desperately wanted to work there was emailing his resume to HR one thousand times every day. Several times a day, the number of emails would get too overwhelming. So the people in HR would just select everything in the inbox and delete all of it, whether it was from the applicant or not. My relative had to show them how to fil

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Text - McNugget_Princess • 3h The new receptionist was coming in every morning and opening up programs/documents to make it look like they were busy, and they'd sit with one hand on their mouse and one hand on their keyboard and stare blankly at their screen for 8 hours a day and not do anything. They'd also consistently pick up the phone and hang it up without saying anything so that it would stop ringing. I sat in on their termination, and the employee started screaming at the manager about ho

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Text - T469 • 2h I work at my family's business in the industrial sector, and HR is one of the hats I wear. 2018 was insanely busy for us, so we had to hire a staffing agency to get some General Labor guys in. It's a simple wax-on, wax-off kind of job. The most memorable part of that hectic summer was one temp that the agency sent over for 3rd shift (Midnight-8AM). We will call him Bobby for this story. Bobby shows up wearing nothing but a pair of cargo shorts, so we had to provide pants, shirt,

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Text - Canuckleball • 1h Guy came in to the interview in sweatpants and a hoodie, and said he didn't need the job because of how much money he was making illegally, but he wanted to have a job so the IRS didn't get suspicious. Weirdest part is I don't live in America, I very much doubt the IRS cares about Canadian tax returns.

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Text - Savgrod96 • 2h Hi. I'm not in HR but my mom has been for quite a while. A few years ago when my mom worked at an automotive plant, my mom had an issue with an employee who would clock in on time and then dissapear. She asked another of the floor employees if they had seen him and was told "he's in the parking lot." So, my mom and one of her co-workers went out to the parking lot and found the employee asleep in his car. Apparently, he'd been clocking in and immediately going out to his ca

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Text - testreddit01LP • 2h I don't work at HR but remember one time, a girl HR started working on a software company, she got her pc hacked (I think he remote her desktop and typed in a notepad) by an IT member with a "wanna date me?" message. weird.

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Text - Championpyro • 2h Younger guy brought a toddler and baby in a stroller to his interview. He expected me (front desk) to watch them while he interviewed. I mean thanks for making the effort to come in and interview, but l'm not responsible for your kids.

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Text - Poeticlandmermaid2 • 1h Someone put their social security number on their resume.

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Choosing Beggar Wants Free Art, Artist Delivers Free Art, They Complain


Ah, yes, another sweet case of the choosing beggar waving their entitlement around, and in this case, getting their comeuppance. It's nice when someone involved in a negotiation with a choosing beggar tacks on the responsibility of serving the choosing beggar up a nice reality check. It seems like this particular reality check still might've soared right over their heads. Oh well. 

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Text - Hi l'm a huge fan of your work it very good. I need you to draw my OC because you good artist and I like your arts a lot. I don't have money but it would mean a lot to me for you to draw my OC for free if you ignore this then your a mean artist and I wont be fan anymore. oh no!!!!!!!! so you won't be a fan of me anymore if i don't draw your OC for free??

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Text - That's right but I still will be fan when you draw my OC because your a nice artist and didnt ignore me like other artists oh ok!!!! then i'll be a nice artist and draw your OC for free

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Text - Good here's a reference of my OC their reference which i've crossed out for their protection done

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Cartoon - No I want full colored drawing of not a sketch oh my bad here

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Text - NO I WANT AN ACTUAL DRAWING AS GOOD LIKE THAT BUNNY GIRL YOU DREW. you asked for free art so i give you what's worth free art :V Your a mean artist that don't even want to draw for their fans

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Text - I'm really poor and have nothing but you don't even have kindness in your heart to make me good drawing of my OC for free yup nice iPhoneX selfie in your pfp btw O Message...

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Vegans Called Fake Because They Feed Their Cat Meat


This one seems pretty cut and dried. Their friends seem a bit extreme and have a hard time understanding what cats eat. The decision to eat meat is one that causes bacon drama between fathers and daughters, and poor dietary information can lead to some really awkward situations like this woman who learned mayonnaise wasn't vegan.

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Text - r/AmItheAsshole - Posted by u/edenflicka 16 hours ago 3 AITA for calling ourselves vegan? So we're both vegan and have been for years. Last year we got a beautiful cat who is the grand baby neither of our parents will ever have. She's obviously an obligate carnivore and we've been feeding her kibble and wet food. Unfortunately, where she came from wasn't a very good situation and she had horrible teeth when we rescued her. It's not come to a point where if she's painful she doesn't want t

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Text - We went on a website for rawfeeding animals and bought her some chicken necks and chicken hearts. According to the vet, this should encourage her to use her teeth as it smell "more appetising" than space nuggets. We've obviously been quite uncomfortable with this as it's raw meat in our otherwise vegan home but we'd do anything for our little gremlin so it's worth it. We've since had some friends over who were horrified when we got raw meat out and asked us if we weren't vegan and we said

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Text - They're now saying we're fake vegans and that we don't care about animal welfare if we're feeding her raw meat. We don't see the issue, as these are part of a chicken that humans wouldn't eat and we are following what our vet told us to keep our baby at optimal health. In our minds, these parts of already slaughtered animals would otherwise just be thrown away. This has created quite a bit of drama in our friend group as some people are now accusing us of being hypocrites while the other

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Text - Femalamalamaloid 17.4k points · 19 hours ago NTA NTA NTA! Cats are obligate carnivores as you rightly stated. Good for you, don't listen to your vegan friends, you are doing the best for your kitty

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Text - roseprincessbri Partassipant [1] 5.3k points 19 hours ago NTA And your "friends" are the type of people that make me hate most vegans. That's what she'd eat in the wild. Or mice or rabbits. You're amazing pet owners. BaddestPatsy Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1.7k points · 14 hours ago ISYK, this issue comes up in vegan communities from time to time and the vast majority of vegans support feeding cats meat. We don't tend to support breeding cats or any animals for profit and instead advocate res

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Text - Imightbemarzipan Partassipant [3] 2.4k points· 16 hours ago NTA. You do care about animal welfare. That's why you're taking care of your animal with food that she will actually eat that otherwise would've just been thrown away.

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Text - MarsNirgal Professor Emeritass [78] 1.7k points · 16 hours ago NTA. You're vegan because you can, your cat is not because she can't. Seems stupidly simply for me.

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Tagged: diet , wtf , pets , jerk , argument , ridiculous , vegan , Cats , meat

Random Tumblr Rabbit Holes To Fill The Time


Tumblr and it's endless series of rabbit holes never disappoints. There's always a new Tumblr thread waiting to be explored, waiting to leave us mystified. The fandoms and the conspiracies and the strange observations from various Tumblr users, really keep us going. We're still getting a kick out of the recent quick Tumblr thread that highlighted the hidden significance of a Ratatouille scene.

And if that didn't fill your cup, check out this fun Tumblr thread about how dwarves have intelligent super beards.

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Text - justyouraveragehufflepuff Follow Things to bring back in books: Chapter titles Actually having a synopsis on the back instead of reviews no one will read #books #reading 98,951 notes

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Text - silentthevoice Petition to change "he looked at her like she was the sun" to "he looked at her like she was the moon" and any other variation bc I look at the moon in wonder and love and amazement while I've only ever just squinted angrily at the sun louisamayanniecat He looked at her like she was the sun, in that he never looked at her except in frustration. He basked in her warmth, he complained when she was gone, but he never looked. On days she was muted, he complained. On days she wa

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Text - m4ge there's a guy in one of my classes who i am secretly battling for dominance over by wearing awful hipster outfits. i dont know if he is thinking the same thing but regardless i intend to win i thought i won today when i walked into class wearing my awful 1995 figure skating tour of the world (sponsored by campbells soup) t-shirt, mom jeans, and 1980 moscow olympics-theme denim jacket but then he had to walk in wearing a donald duck jacket with matching donald duck socks like what a f

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Text - * dark-whimsy Follow haaskarotta Pets becoming parents is something strangely funny and funnily strange. Like here is Her, the small fluffy idiot, who has now produced several even smaller, fluffier tiny idiots, that she is now in charge of. Today she farted in her sleep so loudly she startled herself awake, and the whole litter scattered in panic. Source: haaskarotta 72 notes

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Text - M mkaiser323 It's fun to chant "Bloody Mary" into your car's side mirror three times and watch her jog and try to keep up. skyrover9 Being a dick even to demons Source: mkaiser323 815,026 notes

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Text - wumblr today i saw a cat who immediately and casually hissed at me on sight but after i said "that's rude" he meowed politely wumblr odds-in-ends-my-friends Just tryin out some noises

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Text - pasta-pp Sc-offrb Follow ginkgocrown-old I used to call in to my local radio station every day in middle school and request that they play the Kingdom Hearts theme and they never did because I didn't understand how the radio worked back then but one day, one fucking day the radio host was like "for the kid who keeps requesting this song for two years straight, here you go, oh and by the way we're blocking your number" and they fucking played it and beating the system was worth never being

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Text - menats A girls voice in game chat is more powerful than any us marine didyougetmysteriousimagines Fun story (maybe?): when I was younger, my brother was super duper into COD and he is actually really freaking good at it. So one day, he gave me his mic headset and told me to talk while he was playing and it was WILD. The levels of salt that young men produce when under the impression that a little girl is destroying them in COD is a beautiful thing.

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Text - danmangan things that are enjoyable: • showers things that are not enjoyable: • getting in the shower • getting out of the shower

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Text - undeterr-ed Friendly reminder "Doing your best" does not mean working yourself to the point of a mental breakdown. vastderp this one still smashes me in the face ten times a year. do not ignore pain, it's no longer your best at that point xovortex it's no longer your best at that point

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Text - fun fact: if a persons body odor smells good to you that means they have an immune system basically opposite of yours! this happens so the chances of finding a mate with the opposite immune system is greater and the chances that any offspring you produce together will have a stronger immune system is greater. this is fascinating so you're saying deodorant is the reason none of us can find love

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Text - leftboob-enthusiast "you don't need to be stressed!" okay but consider this:I am

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Text - primrooks a blonde guy with a magic hammer goes after his colleague, a big dude with giant fists and an anger management problem, teams up with a fierce female fighter with a tragic past, all while trying to navigate a strange, colorful world forever locked in a sensationalized competition and run by an old man with a flamboyant demeanor. along the way, he runs into a disgraced royal heir with a penchant for green and mischief is the movie thor: ragnarok or wreck-it ralph im-fairly-whitty

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Text - sebastlianstan Uptown funk would've made it onto the shrek soundtrack where-is-the-apple-juice that's the truest statement i've ever read Source: selivakyle-archive 662,628 notes

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Text - silverhawk i had a dream last night that mothman was getting sued by the state of west virginia for accidentally breaking light posts and he hired me as his lawyer and in court i was like "now my client is a giant moth so you cant blame him for loving lights" and halfway through my speech i turned to address mothman and saw he was bumping into the courtroom lights and they broke and caused a power outage

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Text - generalgrievousdatingsim im reading about cowboy phrases and sayings and like 95% of them are just solid life advice generalgrievousdatingsim Things a Cowboy Should Not Do Here are some words to live by according to cowboys. Some are really good advice and all are funny cowboy sayings. • Don't squat with your spurs on. • Don't let your yearnings get ahead of your earnings. • Don't dig for water under the outhouse. • Don't go in if you don't know the way out. • Don't mess with something th

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Text - generalgrievousdatingsim • If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging. • It's better to keep your mouth shut and look stupid than open it and prove it. • If it doesn't seem to be worth the effort it probably isn't. • Just 'cause trouble comes visiting doesn't mean you have to offer it a place to sit down. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back. • Nature gave us all something to fall back on, and sooner or later we all land flat

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Text - Innea Okay so Norway is like such an odd country cause like listen to this Norwegians consume 9% of all Pepsi max produced Norwegians eat the second most tacos in the world, just after Mexico Norwegians drink the second most coffee in the world, just after USA Norwegians read the second most comic books in the world, just after japan There are only 5 million people in Norway decepticonsensual And apparently they are having an AMAZING time.

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Text - nest-deactivated20181209 there's a chinese exchange student in my composition class and we were being presented something about how you can use brackets to signify translation and there was chinese text on the screen and the prof said to him "what does that say?" and he deadpanned "i can't speak chinese" and everyone sat there in dumbfounded silence and then the presenter clicked to show that the text literally said "i can't speak chinese" with the most shit-eating grin on his face magedo

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Text - novakian tumblr Follow 2 now-at-punkwarren-deactivated20 rhett-the-jet The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?" novakian #or when you can't think of anything to say sigh dramatically and yell LINE #tumblr user snakejolras is a shining inspiration #other #funnies 537,983 notes

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Inappropriate Times People Laughed Too Hard


Funerals, weddings, classrooms and plays are all places where the social contract demands silence. But sometimes something happens. Sometimes the speaker says something unexpected. Maybe you're just ready to party. To be fair, people say absurd things in complete seriousness all the time, and we can't expect things to always go as planned.

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Text - Ohsoeasy 17.4k points · 19 hours ago A woman got on stage to sing during a friend's wedding as part of the ceremony. It was naturally a song the bride and groom chose. As soon as she opened her mouth it became clear that she absolutely tone deaf. It sounded like an animal being tortured. I was trying not to laugh but two guys behind me started laughing and it set off a chain reaction of laughter. Even the groom was red faced from trying not to laugh. She just kind of sheepishly left the s

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Text - Xinshya 14.1k points · 19 hours ago At my grandaunt's funeral.. she was a big, jolly food lover while alive and is sorely missed. Everything was going along, lots of tears while the vicar was giving the eulogy, until he shared her last words, "Cooooome on! A little whipped cream isn't going to kill me!" I lost my shit, this was 10 years ago and I still feel terrible for laughing.

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Text - alltherobots 7.9k points · 19 hours ago Cadaver room. One of my classmates accidentally stuck his finger in a kidney because he thought it was behind glass and tried to poke the glass. He was like, squishOHFUCK!

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Text - FistFullOfQuarters e 7.5k points · 20 hours ago Me and a friend were altar boys. An older woman took to the podium to read a Bible passage. The passage described how Jesus loves everyone: the sick and the healthy, the rich and the poor, the circumcised and the uncircumcised. That's all it took for a pair of 10 year old boys to start laughing hysterically in front of a packed church.

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Text - Fictional Progress 6.6k points · 21 hours ago My computers teacher in middle school told me he was run over by a car when he was a child. I laughed because I thought he was joking. He was not joking.

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Text - RunPineapple 4.8k points · 19 hours ago We were at my uncle's funeral whose death was a surprise, I was standing with my cousin who just came back from abroad to attend her dad's funeral and was breaking down. My aunt, the deceased's sister, came to tell my cousin that someone we know is apologizing for not being able to attend the funeral because she's in the hospital due to a car accident, my aunt went on describing the woman's very difficult condition and how she had an "iron pole" stu

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Text - txoutlaw89 5.6k points · 21 hours ago - edited 4 hours ago 2 3 A buddy of mine tried to fart on the pew in church and fucking unloaded a dump truck load of shit into his pants on accident. This was during a quiet moment, and I was absolutely howling with laughter.

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Text - Superprattual 4.0k points · 18 hours ago A young teenager was leaning forward in a chair at a restaurant, lost traction, and SLAMMED their face into the table. Absolute hysterical sobbing ensued. Their parents stopped eating their salads to make sure they were okay (they were, aside from a nose bleed) I was sitting at the table next to them and cracked the fuck up at the sound of them hitting the table, and even more when they started crying. I was a horrible human being in that moment. F

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Text - flipping_birds 3.4k points · 18 hours ago 3 My daughter was in probably 1st or second grade and she was doing an online math homework where she had to answer a bunch of math questions and it would give her percentage correct at the end and then re-ask the ones she missed. She was down to one question and got it wrong so she got 0% correct. She bust out crying because she got 0%, and for some reason I thought that was so funny that I bust out laughing and couldn't stop. And then she got ev

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Text - Forrest_king 3.3k points · 18 hours ago In a technology class a couple years ago, for whatever reason we were having a talk about Kermit the frog, and my teacher told the class to quiet down and "stop Kermit". Someone then said in a completely quiet classroom, in a flawless Kermit voice, "I never die".

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Text - DerpWilson 3.1k points · 17 hours ago This was at a ballet school performance. It was for kids ranging from 5 to 16 year olds. For one of the younger age groups they did this thing where one kid pranced from one corner of the stage to the other, and then another kid would do the opposite, in a big X pattern. And they would have these gigantic shit-eating grins on their faces. Just horribly precious. Well I started losing it at about the 15th kid but it went on for like 40 children! By the

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Text - More-Snow 1.6k points · 19 hours ago · edited 56 minutes ago Me and my cousin are to this day best friends, but we were really crazy back when we were 8-10. In 4th grade, we both were in this school where the teachers forbid downloading stuff on the computers and we decided to, I'm not kidding, download some porn. Let me just explain how the PCs were lined up, it was basically 4 rows of tables with computers on them, meaning that there were many kids beside, and behind us. Also there were

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Text - ih8usomuch89 1.4k points · 17 hours ago I was once hired to sing at a funeral and right before I was called up, the little boy in front of me ripped the loudest fart. I dug my face into my lady friends shoulder and my whole body trembled as I tried to keep it together. With in seconds I was at the pulpit and trying to come up with what I would do if I broke out laughing. I sang to the best of my ability at the time with a "cough" every now and then. We left immediately afterwards and laug

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Text - HelperCamp 649 points · 17 hours ago When my parents told my sister and I they were getting divorced. They obviously hated each other for years and it was a long time coming. My sister and I looked at each other and we both just started laughing. Never seen two people so confused in my life

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Text - scottiebass 471 points · 17 hours ago Was working at a sign-shop and me and this other guy were drilling holes into some wood paneling when the other guy said "hey look" and acted like he was going to drill into the side of his head. The drill bit he was using was one of those flat and wide ones used for boring larger holes and while it was spinning it grabbed ahold of his hair, ripped out a chunk, and left a perfectly-round half-dollar sized bald-spot on the side of his head. I had to se

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Text - myfriendrichard 302 points · 18 hours ago I went to a graveside funeral where they played Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox, and very seriouslly line danced around his grave. I just buried my face in my hands. I couldn't contain it.

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Tumblr Thread: Hidden Significance Of Ratatouille's Chef Boyardee Scene


This quick and fun Tumblr thread highlights the hidden significance of the Chef Boyardee scene in Ratatouille. You can learn something new every day. Pretty cool that the movie incorporated an important part of history. A fair number of folks would otherwise assume that Chef Boyardee was a historical mascot. Thus is not the case! 

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5. Here's the clip!

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Weird and Awkward Band Photos


Before all the stylists, art direction and good lighting, a band is just a bunch of people who are trying to convince everyone that they're a band. Sometimes the pieces fit together, and sometimes they don't. This can lead to some incredibly weird and awkward album covers. Everyone has growing pains, and with that said, there's actually some legit bands in here.

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