FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 07/27/20

Monday, July 27, 2020

Home Run Hit Into Cardboard Cutout Dog

Poor dog was just trying to watch the game in peace.

Submitted by: (via All In Sports)

Tagged: athlete , baseball , ridiculous , funny , Video

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Unprofessional Moments That Were Someone's One Job

What can you do, you know? I mean, you could go back and do it correctly, but it's good enough, right? These impeccable instances of poor judgement and on-the-job laziness make for some skillfully unprofessional "not my job" moments. Hey man, maybe it was almost lunch or something.

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Door - CTINGE 7966 THESE DOOGS MST REMA M

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Food - THO SAVE $100 NEW NOT VALONTLET OES O DAT s sKMe F when you byany ONE () PickMe Ups Ups SOFT BAKED OATMEAL CHOCOLATE CHIP COUADDS

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Display device - BRYAN HIGH SCHOOL Welcome to Brian High CO 30.

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Grass - MERIDIAN CROSSROADS Carinos ITALIAN GRILL

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Text - ARGOSY UNIVERSITY. College of Psychology and Behavioral Sciences Lunchbag Rodriguez Santa Barbara, CA 93101-1994 September 28, 2011 Dear Lunchbag, of Pychology and Behavioral majortvjunkie: tempestuous-sovereignity: my name is luna enriquez Dear Lunchbag this needs to always be on my dashboard

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Advertising - de Bibliotheek Servicepunt Schipluiden de Bibliotheek Servicepunt Schiphuide eve oshoeve Schipluiden Stiche

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Hair coloring - Roe Studi EN CLOTHING ALTERA Morley WA O3 Contact Nuer 0 WAY Vwe cut girls we cut men we cutkids Hygiene Declaration Clean after cut Clean hand nock towel Sterilized tools

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Text - maze help the toucan fly down the waterfall start finish

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Tagged: FAIL , job , work , you had one job , lol , not my job , funny

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Ridiculous Greentext Story With Infuriating Ending

Why'd they have to do us like that? This greentext story's got the puns and the wordplay and just the kind of frustrating ending that inspires an instinctive, "god dang it."

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Text - 00000 AT&T ? 11:05 AM 11% C boards.4chan.org Вoard lol - Auto v Settings Home : Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)10:45:48 No.13060246 ITT: Stupid relatives and their stupid cars doing stupid things. >Grandma is looking for a 578 KB JPG car >my grandfather has spoiled her sideways for years, always buying a bigger, softer car with each trade in >when he died, she was on a Buick Lacrosse >he also kept up with all the dealership visits, oil changes, and oh by the way he was the one who actually BOUGHT

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Text - 00000 AT&T ? 11:05 AM 11% C boards.4chan.org this, power that, moon roof, super dooper radio set) for 7k, two years ago >"barters" down to 5k >grandma what the fuck >then spends the money at the casino in a weekend >a few months later, highschool kid goes off to uni >Grandma sees this as an opportunity to get her car back >She goes on and on about how she misses her Buick that she sold a few months ago >she's genuinely surprised that she can't find a Lacrosse that isn't completely fucked

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Text - 00000 AT&T ? 11:05 AM 11% C boards.4chan.org >dealer has a traded in 2010 jetta wagon, says he'll work something out (with a cosignor) for 11.5k >grandma asks my dad to cosign, dad asks me (the "car expert") to weigh in on this, so 68 KB JPG I come along >right off the bat, I can tell this thing is the most basic vehicle that ever sailed to America >keep in mind, the Buick had DVD, navigation, power and heated seats, a moonroof, the works >this thing has exactly nothing >oh by the way did

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Text - 0000 AT&T ? 11:05 AM 11% C boards.4chan.org >dad tries to steer her towards an older but really nice looking Cooper (with all the extra shit she's used to) >nope.jpg >ends with her driving this Diesel jetta off while dad is the one making the payments >for a few weeks, things are quiet >l put a post-it note on the dashboard explaining to never put anything but diesel into the car Hang on, one more. : Anonymous 07/20/15(Mon)10:50:20 No.13060274 >last week get the call I've been fearing >"a

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Text - 00000 AT&T ? 11:05 AM 6% boards.4chan.org gasoline >so she took the pump out of the tank, and literally poured diesel on the hood of her car >she thinks some of it leaked under the hood, because now the drivers side headlight is out >try to explain that maybe it just went out on its own >"anon I'm telling you it has to be that diesel you keep making me put in, it's melting the plastic!" >she's in near hysterics over how this diesel is horrible and she just wants to put normal gas in the c

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Tagged: grandma , greentext , ridiculous , story , family , funny

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Emotional Post About Enjoying Your Time On Earth

Careful, this post hits hard in the feelsplex. We get to hear some thoughts about life from a 24-year-old who was diagnosed with cancer, and too late for any good chance at survival. A definite big takeaway is don't sweat the small stuff. Make decisions from a place of courage, love, and positivity, and shape a beautiful life from there.

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Text - r/GetMotivated Posted by u/mylasttie• A true wolf • 4y 79 S 1 [Text] Soon I will be gone forever, but that's okay as long as someone reads this Health & Fitness I am only 24 years old, yet I have actually already chosen my last tie. It's the one that I will wear on my funeral a few months from now. It may not match my suit, but I think it's perfect for the occasion.

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Text - The cancer diagnosis came too late to give me at least a tenuous hope for a long life, but I realized that the most important thing about death is to ensure that you leave this world a little better than it was before you existed with your contributions . The way I've lived my life so far, my existence or more precisely the loss of it, will not matter because I have lived without doing anything impactful. Before, there were so many things that occupied my mind. When I learned how much tim

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Text - • Don't waste your time on work that you don't enjoy. It is obvious that you cannot succeed in something that you don't like. Patience, passion, and dedication come easily only when you love what you do. • It's stupid to be afraid of others' opinions. Fear weakens and paralyzes you. If you let it, it can grow worse and worse every day until there is nothing left of you, but a shell of yourself. Listen to your inner voice and go with it. Some people may call you crazy, but some may even th

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Text - • Take control of your life Take full responsibility for the things that happen to you. Limit bad habits and try to lead a healthier life. Find a sport that makes you happy. Most of all, don't procrastinate. Let your life be shaped by decisions you made, not by the ones you didn't. • Appreciate the people around you Your friends and relatives will always be an infinite source of strength and love. That is why you shouldn't take them for granted.

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Text - It is difficult for me to fully express my feelings about the importance of these simple realizations, but I hope that you will listen to someone who has experienced how valuable time is. I'm not upset because I understand that the last days of my life have become meaningful. I only re- gret that I will not be able to see a lot of cool stuff that should happen soon like the creation of AI, or Elon Musk's next awesome project. I also hope that the war in Syria and Ukraine will end soon.

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Text - We care so much about the health and integrity of our body that until death, we don't notice that the body is nothing more than a box - a parcel for delivering our personality, thoughts, beliefs and intentions to this world. If there is nothing in this box that can change the world, then it doesn't matter if it disappears. I believe that we all have potential, but it also takes a lot of courage to realize it. You can float through a life created by circumstances, missing day after day, ho

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Text - Leave a mark in this world. Have a meaningful life, whatever definition it has for you. Go towards it. The place we are leaving is a beautiful playground, where everything is possible. Yet, we are not here forever. Our life is a short spark in this beautiful little planet that flies with incredible speed to the endless darkness of the unknown universe. So, enjoy your time here with passion. Make it interesting. Make it count! Thank you! 1 68.6k 4.7k Share

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Tagged: Sad , life , wisdom , Death , emotional , Reddit , the feels

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Twitter Thread: Panicked Network Admin's Fail Threatens Future Of Pixar

This poor network admin must've been drenched in panic sweat after this fail. Sounds like a true waking nightmare.

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Text - Vicki Boykis Follow @vboykis This is the most terrifying page l've read all week. From Creativity, Inc. by Pixar's Ed Catmull.

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Text - CHANGE AND RANDOMNESS 161 A good example of this occurred during the making of Toy Story 2. Earlier, when I described the evolution of that movie, I explained that our decision to overhaul the film so late in the game led to a meltdown of our workforce. This meltdown was the big unexpected event, and our response to it became part of our my- thology. But about ten months before the reboot was ordered, in the winter of 1998, we'd been hit with a series of three smaller, random events-the f

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Text - To understand this first event, you need to know that we rely on Unix and Linux machines to store the thousands of computer files that comprise all the shots of any given film. And on those ma- chines, there is a command-bin/rm -r -f *-that removes every- thing on the file system as fast as it can. Hearing that, you can probably anticipate what's coming: Somehow, by accident, some- one used this command on the drives where the Toy Story 2 files were kept. Not just some of the files, eithe

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Text - Oren Jacobs, one of the lead technical directors on the movie, remembers watching this occur in real time. At first, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Then, he was frantically dialing the phone to reach systems. "Pull out the plug on the Toy Story 2 mas- ter machine!" he screamed. When the guy on the other end asked, sensibly, why, Oren screamed louder: "Please, God, just pull it out *s last as you can!" The systems guy moved quickly, but still, two years of work-90 percent of the f

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Text - system tonight. We'll only lose half a day of work." But then came random event number two: The backup system, we hadn't been working correctly. The mechanism we had in place spe- discovered, cifically to help us recover from data failures had itself failed quite real. Story 2 was gone and, at this point, the urge to panic was. To reassemble the film would have taken thirty people a solid year. I remember the meeting when, as this devastating reality beean to sink in, the company's leader

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Text - months before, Galyn had had her second baby, which required that she spend more of her time working from home. To make that process more convenient, she'd set up a system that copied the en- tire film database to her home computer, automatically, once a week. This-our third random event-would be our salvation. Within a minute of her epiphany, Galyn and Oren were in her Volvo, speeding to her home in San Anselmo. They got her com- puter, wrapped it in blankets, and placed it carefully in

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Tagged: twitter , FAIL , technology , it , social media , ridiculous

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Customer Demands to Use Engine-less Prop Go Kart

Sometimes customers think they know what they want, and are so pigheaded that they refuse to listen to employees tell them crucial information like "the plate is hot" or "sir, you're eating plastic fruit." In this case it was a dad who demanded to use a go-kart with no engine in it. For some more customer service demands, here's one where a customer demanded to speak to a man until he ended up in the legal department.

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Text - r/MaliciousCompliance - Posted by u/N1k1B1kle 1 day ago The Guy wanted "That Go Kart" oc M This happened about 3 years ago. I worked at an underground go karting area. I worked as an controller, so I sold tickets and controlled the races (meaning I stopped and started races) It was one of the busiest Saturday nights. I'm rushing around with tickets and controlling races. My Marshalls are running around and trying to make sure the races run smoothly. This one family comes in and bought 2 t

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Text - The kart in the island is black with some nice fire patterns on it. It really did look awesome but here's the catch, it's just a prop with no engine. I told the father this but he insisted on that kart. I thought he was maybe a little hard of hearing or it was too noisy for him, so I repeated myself. He called me a liar and called the Marshall a liar. We went back and forth with this for about 10 minutes. The Marshall pulled me aside and whispered into my ears and the more he spoke the mo

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Text - Just before the race started my boss walked into the control room and I explained everything to him. He smiled and took a chair out for himself to watch the show. The lights turn green, the wife starts recording, the son is off and the father, well, the father was still where he is. He went off at us and telling us that we have cost him the race etc etc. We get him into another kart but by then his son has done 2 laps. After the race, the father demanded that he speaks to my manager and t

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Tagged: customer service , go kart , customers , theme park , lol , dad , ridiculous , story , dumb , stupid

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Tumblr Thread: The Logistics Of Davy Jones' Curse

The brilliant minds of Tumblr really hit their stride on this entertaining thread. We get an in depth look at the logistics of Davy Jones' infamous curse. The real question is whether or not he can walk on ice?

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Tagged: tumblr , movies , interesting , Pirates of the Caribbean , cinema , funny tumblr

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People's Jobs Described as Crimes

With just one or two small details left out, just about any job, even incredibly helpful ones like Librarian or EMT can be described in a criminal light. In a similar vain, here are bad stock photos of people's jobs getting roasted. That's not to say all jobs are super legit, there are definitely some sketchy secrets of various industries.

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Text - decembertember 9.7k points · 2 days ago I drive fast and disregard the rules of the road on my way to break into peoples homes and cause immense water damage. Afterwards I tear down their ceilings and drywall, and leave without cleaning anything up. Antwan_Valentino 3.4k points · 2 days ago I will never look at firefighters the same

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Text - AnGabhaDubh 3.9k points · 2 days ago I spend somebody else's money.

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Text - TriscuitCracker 45.2k points · 2 days ago 7 o & 18 More I work for Comcast. DeathSpiral321 8.9k points · 2 days ago If you're as good at avoiding the cops as Comcast is at avoiding their customers, you'll be just fine.

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Text - Danielliam10 22.5k points - 2 days ago I go to people's houses, cover our faces, strap them down, put them in a big truck, then bring them to this large building with lots of diseases and make them go in

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Text - tealcandtrip 20.6k points · 2 days ago 2 3 I help people circumvent copyright. I get them loads of free dvds, books, cds, games, and even help them get into parks, zoos, and other venues for free. Don't pay to go to that museum or baseball park. Come see me first. All you have to do is ask and I can probably hook you up with any media that's come out in the last 100 years for free within a couple days. What to look up something you don't want your mom to see? Come and see me. Trying to su

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Text - primordialpoop817 19.8k points · 2 days ago & I carefully go into peoples backyards and remove bits of their natural setting while attempting to leave no evidence that anything ever happened.

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Text - killi_manja_roo 15.6k points · 2 days ago 3 I heavily drug and paralyze people while wearing pajamas. Fyrrys 4.9k points · 2 days ago Anesthesiologist?

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Text - Nihlwi 270 points · 2 days ago S I take people's money to give them a slow and painful death. Job: McDonald's cashier.

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Text - Anne-Marith 15.4k points · 2 days ago Prepare and hand instruments to someone to cut into a unconscious person

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Text - hBoBh 15.0k points · 2 days ago I hold pets hostage and poke them with needles and only return them if the owner pays me.

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Text - very_big_books 12.3k points · 2 days ago I hold children captive while I force them to listen to my annoying voice for hours every day.

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Text - throwaway37157941313 12.1k points · 2 days ago I forcibly hold animals down and stab them with sharp objects filled with drugs

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Text - rocketsnail1000 7.1k points · 2 days ago Pretending I care about people's day so I can peddle them useless products

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Text - young_riddle 6.5k points · 2 days ago Bribe people to teach me information useful to my plans for making a hefty profit in the future. NeoRyu777 2.5k points · 2 days ago College student?

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Text - ThePlayfulPython 6.3k points · 2 days ago I help other criminals avoid jail.

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Text - Sajivarsson 5.8k points · 2 days ago I'm making sure that the thousands of dead bodies stays in the ground without anyone complaining about their placement.

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Text - AnGabhaDubh 3.9k points · 2 days ago I spend somebody else's money. defenselaywer 2.0k points · 2 days ago My ex?

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Text - pullingsneakies 3.1k points · 2 days ago I force people to eat and make them strip so I can wash them TalkWolf1200 1.2k points · 2 days ago elderly caretaker? or lotion applyer of the dark wells?

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Text - draculabakula 1.7k points · 2 days ago Force children to stay in a small room to do paperwork without paying them

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Text - GrumpyOik 1.6k points · 2 days ago First, I spy on things - using lenses and optics to get the best view. Then I try and grow what I've seen, , Once I've got them to grow, I experiment on them, see what is best to kill them. When I know how best to kill them alI, I dispose of the others by burning or steaming them to death.

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Text - MarkF6 1.5k points · 2 days ago I sneak in to people hotel rooms while they're not there

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Text - MOck_duck 1.4k points · 2 days ago Dismember bodies and sell the meat for consumption

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Text - fighting-water 1.0k points · 2 days ago Not me, but someone I know sells drugs.

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Text - nickeypants 655 points 2 days ago I calculate the exact bare minimum amount of material that is required to build a bridge so contractors can maximize profits while they make a structure that barely doesn't fall down killing hundreds.

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Text - 12yir 440 points · 2 days ago I get paid to visit people's houses at night without waking them up. Rockpup5 293 points · 2 days ago Santa?

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Text - 2clumsy 365 points · 2 days ago Make profit off other people's savings

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Text - outofthrowaways7 330 points · 2 days ago Take large amounts of children from their homes to a central location to be brainwashed "educated"

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Text - gtatz 308 points · 2 days ago I forcefully drag needles along peoples skin with ink so I can put my art on them and they have to live with it forever. Even if they're in pain, I don't stop!

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Text - TheBrontosaurus 297 points · 2 days ago A take children away from their parents and give them back when I'm paid.

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Text - NarwhalAnusLicker00 280 points · 2 days ago I am involved in a money laundering scheme in which I funnel tens of thousands of my money through a legitimate institution. After a 4 (hopefully not longer) year process, I get a piece of paper with my name on it.

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Tagged: jobs , job , work , creative , crime , lol , funny

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