Thursday, February 9, 2017

Heroic Jimmy Kimmel Finally Does What We'd All Like To Do To People Who Won't Shut About Harambe Already


Nothing like punching someone in the face and stealing their Cheetos.

This video is pure wish fulfillment for anyone who is just sick as shit of hearing the name Harambe. Imagine it: You burst into the office of a lawyer who wasted $100,000 on a artificially flavored snack chip, punch them in the face, and lick Cheetos dust from your finger tips. It's a dream come true.

Submitted by: (via Jimmy Kimmel Live)

Someone Created Surprisingly Catchy Song Out of Nothing But Facebook Comments


Far down the road and deep into the future when we've been conquered by aliens, please oh please, let them find this unsettling nod to the social media-crazed society we created for ourselves.

Submitted by: (via Hot Dad)

Anthony Anderson Tells Conan O'Brien About the Time His Mom Taught Him and His Friends Proper Way to Perform Oral Sex


Yes, this is every bit as cringe as you'd expect it to be; and quite frankly, big ups to Anderson in this case for doing away with the small talk (as is expected on a talk show) and cutting right to the juicy stuff.

Submitted by: (via Team Coco)

FOX News Uses Massively Unfortunate Infographic to Illustrate Differences Between ISIS and Steve Bannon


fox news,isis,steve bannon,politics

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How a Farmer, a Nerd, and the Country of Scotland Trolled Donald Trump


Sometimes you hear of a man so annoying, so unpleasant that a whole country decides to troll the shit out of him. 

That man: The reality-TV gameshow host Donald Trump, the President of the United States for some reason. 

That country: Scotland.

On Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, correspondent Amy Hoggart traveled to Scotland to see how the country made trolling Trump a national pastime. 

Submitted by: (via Full Frontal with Samantha Bee)

Tiny Town In Oklahoma Cancels School Dance Because It’s Basically The Tiny Town From Footloose


kevin bacon,dance

Hey, everybody, LET’S DANC—

Hold up there, Kevin Bacon, because this is Henryetta, Ok, and we don’t take kindly to dancing within 300 feet of a church.

Apparently, a local vintage shop in Henryetta was planning a Valentine’s dance, but thanks to a town ordinance, there’ll be no dance this year. Joni Insabella, the owner for Rosie Lavon’s Market place, a vintage shop and event space that was hosting the even, and her husband, the town attorney, has been “accused of being lawbreakers and encouraging lawbreaking.”

Nothing says small town America like “the town attorney" and "no dancing ordinance."

The couple plans to fight this thin and has gone on record calling the person who called in the complaint a “party pooper.”

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Tagged: kevin bacon , dance

Students on Twitter Thank Their God-Like Superintendent for the Snow Day and It's So Funny


What's better than a Snow Day? A super cool superintendent who calls it.

Joseph Roy, the Superintendent of the Schools in Bethlehem, Pa, and the 2017 Pennsylvania Superintendent of the Year, made a lot of kids very happy this morning, when he announced school was canceled. 

To thank him, his students, and the rest of the world, are showing him the proper respect on Twitter. He really is Pennsylvania Superintendent of the Year. 

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50 Wonderful Photos From Each American State, And Their Most Searched For Porn


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21 Highly Relatable, Hilarious Moments People Have Experienced With Their Moms


relatable,parenting,mom,funny

Now I just want to give my mom a big 'ol hug. There's soo much true in these it's actually ridiculous. 

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This Adult Model With Natural 34J Boobs Is Going Viral For Literally Busting Through Her Button-Down Shirts


boobs,model

Allegedly natural, am I right fellas? Either way, Samantha Lily of Russia identified a market with endlessly thirsty customers, and she's capitalizing on it like a shameless self-objectifying champ. I think. 

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Tagged: boobs , model

Mystery Canadian Thief Jacks $100K Worth of Blueberries, Hilarious Twitter Reactions Ensue


blueberries,news,crime,funny

The Great Canadian Blueberry Heist needs to be a movie in my lifetime. That's all there is to it. I will accept nothing less. This is one of those double take-worthy kinds of stories: you see it jump across your social media feed, doubt everything about it, and proceed to have your world rocked as you develop a strange craving for Blueberry Pie. Yo, for real though. It's got everything I could want in a slice of crime: the big getaway, the ridiculousness of $100K of blueberries being stolen, and the fact that it's a tale of thievery with Canadian roots. 

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Tagged: blueberries , news , crime , funny

Take a Bite out of These Fast Rising, Cringe-Crusted Moments Experienced with Pizza Delivery Guys


pizza,cringe,funny

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Tagged: pizza , cringe , funny

Girl's Horrific Discovery Inside Her Pizza Crust Will Make You Cringe Till Your Eyes Close


Submitted by: (via tia.neylan.9)

Tagged: wtf , pizza , gross , food

The Cops Of Reddit Are Confessing to the Stupidest Calls They've Ever Responded To


stupid,police

Policing, it's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. 

But with all the stupid people out there, have you ever wondered why they aren't getting called for dumb shit all the time? Well, it turns out, they are! 

The police officers of Reddit are sharing the stupidest calls they've ever responded to, and, man, they are as advertised. 

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Tagged: stupid , police

14 People Share Their Trials of Treadmill Humiliation on Twitter


FAIL,struggle,treadmill

My joints ache just reading these painful displays of public humiliation. This is why being a couch potato pays off. Give me the sweet, soft pillowy confines of a couch perfectly molded to my lazy ass, with a jumbo bag of chips and bottomless bowl of queso any day of the week.

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Tagged: FAIL , struggle , treadmill

CNN's Jake Tapper Is Airing His Dirty Laundry All Over Twitter and It's Hilarious


When you think of America's bad boy, only one name comes to mind: CNN Anchor Jake Tapper. 

With his cool demeanor and slicked back hair, it's no wonder that people don't cower in fear when ever he appears on their TVs. 

Taking the nation's best interests in mind, "GOP operatives," allegedly, are looking into Tapper to destroy him after his infamous grilling of Kellyanne Conway, according to a report from Axios.

So the nation's foremost authority on "being as bad as I wanna be" is beating them to the bunch. Jake Tapper is opening the dirt file and throwing it all over Twitter. Check it out:

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Where's Grandma?


Submitted by: (via naiveLabAssistant)

People Theorize What It Would Be Like If Dr. Seuss Wrote Erotic Novels and Now Our Childhoods are Ruined


ask reddit,erotic,dr seuss,sexy times,poetry

The internet has always done a fantastic job of destroying the things we hold dear. The very existence of rule 34 has left me with little in my life that has not been utterly ruined. 

Well, along comes this Ask Reddit thread to destroy dear old Dr. Seuss. Although, some of these don't quite fit into the classic Dr. Seuss pattern there are some truly amazing (terrible?) erotic poets lurking around. 

 I promise you, after reading these you'll never again be able to read Dr. Seuss without dirty rhymes floating through your head.

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Former Knick Charles Oakley Got Into a Fight at the Knicks Game and Now Twitter Is On Fire


At The Knicks game last night, former player Charles Oakley was arrested after, allegedly, going after Knicks-owner James Dolan and putting his giant finger through a dude's head. After a brief fight, it took about five or so of MSG's finest to bring this Oak tree down.

But Twitter is here to support him. This footage is nuts and people loving it. 

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KFC Sees Your Fried Chicken Tortilla, Taco Bell, and Raises You a Fried Chicken Pizza Crust


kfc,fast food

Say what you will about Col. Sanders, but he knows how to get the most out of his fried chicken. 

I'd say he was a war criminal for this one, though. 

KFC's "Chizza," as they're calling it, is a pizza made with sauce, "chicken ham," pineapple, mozzarella cheese, and KFC "cheese sauce" on a fried chicken crust. Every component of this thing except the sauce seems like complete insanity. Also, did I mention that it's served on a fried chicken crust. 

Right now, it's only available internationally — probably because this kind of thing might be illegal in America, but if you're in Singapore, you can check it out. Don't be a chicken. Try it. 

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Tagged: kfc , fast food

Oh, Hell Yeah: Check Out This Dude Do a 100-Foot Dirt Bike Jump onto the Hood of Jeep


This is some serious John Woo shit. 

This dude was ripping shit on the sand dunes of Qatar. You know, crankin' some hot wheelies and sick jumps over hundreds of feet of sand. And in the middle of one of his launches, the dirt biker's back tire hit a moving Jeep Wrangler because oh, hell yeah, that rocks. 

He was ok, but the Wrangler had a bit of road rash. If you're smart, though, you wouldn't fix the hood becuase it looks so dope. 

Submitted by: (via Desert Dirtbikes)

Tagged: jumps , dirt bikes

Holy Shit This Tornado Footage Is Terrifying


if you haven't heard, at massive tornados and storms have been tearing across Louisiana, and this footage of one of them puts it in perspective. Luckily no deaths have been reported yet, but there were at least 25 injuries. But Jesus, this is terrifying. 

Submitted by: (via ViralHog)

Tagged: tornado

Respect the Candle


fail image candle respect

Submitted by: (via danielke)

Tagged: candles

Here Are a Bunch of Memorable Pop Culture Moments You Are Misremembering


You probably say things "Welcome to Earf" and "Cowbunga, dude" all the live-long day. But it turns out, you're wrong, dumbass. And as usual, the wiseguys over at Cracked are here to correct you because you suffer from the Mandela Effect. you know like when you thought Sinbad was in that genie movie "Shazzam," which never existed. 

Submitted by: (via Cracked)