FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 04/11/20

Saturday, April 11, 2020

Surprising Truths About People That Sound Made Up

There is a whole lot of chaos and unpredictability bubbling underneath the surface of every moment, and we can forget that people experience stuff all the time that shatters expectations of what we assumed was possible. The world is a strange place, and sometimes folks with the craziest stories are actually telling the truth. We'll probably still laugh and shrug it off, but maybe there's a lingering doubt in the back of the head that what they said had some strange scent of the truth to it.

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Text - Kaibethha • 17h 1 Award A horse threw me in the air when I was a child. But I wasn't on his back. He grabbed the skin of my back with his teeth and yeeted me.

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Text - testbotV1 • 18h I never graduated high school but I have a bachelor's degree. I was homeschooled and my mom never went through the legal steps to actually get me a real diploma, so she made one in photoshop that was then used to get me into this podunk community college that didn't verify it. From there I got my associate's degree, which I then used to get into a decent university where I got my bachelor's

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Text - _slamallama_ • 17h 1 Award I was once sponsored by the CRUNK energy drink company for sailing. I imagine I was the only sailor on their list. I literally just emailed them saying that I sailed and asked if they wanted me to put stickers on my boat. They sent me a few cases of the drink, t shirts, hats, the works. My car was known as the crunk-mobile.

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Text - youngthugsmom • 16h 3 Awards I was at a store when Tony Hawk was signing autographs. I was only 10 at the time and was a huge fan. One of his early video games had just come out. The store had a couple tv's on the wall and some video games to play. Being a kid I waited for one controller to open up and someone leave. A kid ended up leaving and I grabbed the controller and started playing and minding my own business. A couple minutes later the store wanted to grab photos of Tony playing hi

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Text - 74.2k 34.3k 1 Share My great grandfather worked in the textile business and started importing rayon fabric from Japan in the late 60s and 70s. Keep in mind this was during the early days of synthetic fabrics and travelling to Japan was not all that common. On a business trip, he met some Japanese business men who were selling newly designed transistor radios. His contacts wanted to setup an exclusive import agreement for their electronics to North America, but my great grandfather decline

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Text - On the other side of my family, my Canadian relatives walked away from 100 acres of land in Alberta during the dust bowl and great depression. They decided it was not worth paying the taxes on their land. Turns out that land was right in the heart of the Alberta oil deposits. Also on my mother's side of the family, they used to have a citrus orchard near Los Angeles. They sold it cheap to some land developers. That farm was right at Hollywood and Vine. My family on both sides is bad at se

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Text - piggybank124 • 18h 1 Award Once in college I applied for a job at the library help desk. I figured I would help people find books. Didn't give it much more thought than that. During the interview, I aced all of the customer service questions. Then they asked me whether I knew how to defrag a hard drive. Cue alarm bells in my head, but I kept calm outwardly and said no, but you can teach me. I worked in IT for three years by accident. They were too nice to fire me.

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Text - Waterboardyourkids • 19h Spent a really cool day in London with Christian Slater and his mum. His mum is adorable.

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Text - aoyfas • 17h I found out my "father" wasnt my biological father in 10th grade Biology class. We were learning about blood types and traits. Traised my hand thinking I was a smart ass, "You're chart isnt accurate, my dad has AB negative and l'm O positive." My teacher said "I think your mom has some explaining to do!". And we all chuckled. Turned out, he was not my father.

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Text - chandlrs • 20h My grandpa left his royal status to marry my grandma.

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Text - ravenpotter3 • 19h One of my ancestors was dumb and bought one of Napoleon's doorknobs. It turns out it's fake. Doorknobs were invented after Napoleon died.

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Text - Crazyviclol • 19h F1 Award I got hernia by sneezing too hard.

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Text - thisisdavecass • 19h I once won a $500 raffle during a routine visit to my local tea shop. It was the building's annual Black Friday event and there were 5 baskets with varying amounts of goods, services, and coupons. I needed tea, so my only stop was the tea shop. It cost me $20 to fill my tins, but they said raffle tickets were given out after a $25 purchase. I said 'fuck it' and got a hot tea for me and the woman in line behind me. Entered with that one ticket. I got a call a few days

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Text - SimmerSassenach • 19h 3 1 Award My great great grandfather was a Pinkerton Detective, acted on Vaudeville, and had 5 wives in 2 different states that knew nothing of each other. He also slightly changed his last name each time and never got caught until Ancestry website happened lol

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Text - rawrberry_ • 19h W 1 Award I have won an actual WWE match. edit: For everyone that is asking. l did not have a stage name. It was a one time deal. It was during the 2006 Tribute to the Troops. The guy I faced was Chris Masters.

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Text - SpaceManBalls83 • 19h At age 50 odd and with limited to no video game experience, my mother completed Mario64 before I did, in about half the time it finally took me to do it.

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Text - Sirnando138 • 19h 9 Awards I bought a guitar amp from Brad Whitford, of Aerosmith, when I was 17. He and Steven Tyler served up cheeseburgers for me and my friends. Edit: as requested: So, Brad's son was a punk and I knew him from the scene. I was in a band that had some small local marginal success. This is 97/98 in Boston. I needed a new amp for our first US tour but had very little money. I was getting drunk with his son and, on a whim, I asked him if his dad had any amps laying around

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Text - This is where shit gets nuts. It's just like you expect. Tons of gold records, platinum records...Pictures of him with people like John Lennon, Robert DeNiro and Joey Ramone. Then we get to see his studio and THE LARGEST COLLECTION OF MARSHALL AMPS IN THE WORLD. Seriously, like 200 cabs. A wall of guitars. Guitars so pretty and amps so cool, it made sense for him to find the one he sold me dispensable.

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Text - After the house tour, he told us to meet him at the little bar and grill they own in town. When we get there early and he arrives 30 mins later with muthafuckin Steven Tyler in tow. "You guys the punk group?!" He was so nice. They went in the back and came out with burgers for us all on the house. Then they straight up left. Irish goodbyed, even! I still have the amp. I used it on the road for almost 10 years in five bands. Now, it's just a conversation piece. But it still works! I'll cra

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Electronics - HM 16 OHM FX IN EX O PROPERTY OF AEROSMITH 10513 SIN Made in NASHUA NH USAy BEDROCK MOSIC

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Text - drhotdog • 17h 4 Awards When I was a kid, I woke up to find my cat giving birth to her kittens on my pillow, one inch from my face. I took it as a compliment.

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Text - Tortion • 19h I have phytophotodermatitis, which is a big fancy word for I can't get acidic juices (lemons, limes, apples, oranges, etc) on my skin and go out in the sun. Turns my skin brown like a rash. Doesn't hurt or itch, just discoloration. Happened three or four times in my life.

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Text - Ignatz27 • 19h 2 Awards I won two TV game shows. "The $10,000 Pyramid" (won $10,300) in 1975, and "Sale of the Century" (was on the show for 9 days; won $34k in cash and prizes) in '85.

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Text - leaky_eddie • 19h W 2 Awards I ran out of gas outside of La Paz Bolivia. Luckily it was down hill for about 6km into the city. I coasted the whole way on my motorbike, passed busses and drifted into a gas station. Never missed a beat!

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Text - OxMii • 19h O 1 Award I cannot see 3D effects in movies or games. I didn't know that until a friend showed me his new Nintendo 3DS and I asked him whether this thing was a scam because it didn't look any different to me than a normal DS. We had a fight over this because we both thought the other one was bullshitting him. "You're holding it wrong! How the fuck do you not see this?" "Are you fucking kidding me right now? There's nothing 3D about this thing."

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Text - Saltynole • 19h 1 Award Grandma did genealogy of my family and proved we're related to Edgar Allan Poe

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Text - Odineye • 17h I was a rocket scientist I worked on the 114-AGM. The science was 'verifying' rocket bodies. The back bone of science is to repeat experiments. My job was to make sure we were gonna get the same result every time. People call me a liar all the time because the idea of a 'rocket scientist' is Von Bruan.

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Text - RainbowHoodieGang • 17h I built a 13 foot tall t rex with Christopher Walken's head, and New York magazine called it high brow and brilliant

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Text - EchoPerson14• 19h I can't drink the red Gatorade. This isn't super uncommon but the red dye makes me nauseous and freak out. The funny thing is I used to drink it all the time without a problem, but one year I started feeling weird and sick all the time, and I stopped. It definitely helped, and I don't drink it. I tried it again a little while ago. Still nope.

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Text - ecofreckle • 15h My dad's name is Luigi and my uncle's name is Mario. They are brothers. ETA: I forgot to add that my dad is also a plumber.

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Text - sadsolocup • 20h I have ridden a bicycle 100,000 miles (~161,000 kilometers)

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Text - success10 • 19h I completed GTA San Andreas in 3 days. I never slept, eat nor shit.

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Tagged: surprising , wtf , truth , askreddit , ridiculous , funny

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Guy Seals Jar Of Pond Water On Windowsill, Records Life That Grows

This could also serve as a nice lesson in why it's not advisable to drink standing water.

Submitted by: (via Atomic Shrimp)

Tagged: nature , cool , awesome , interesting , pond , Video

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Programmer Writes Script That Spam Calls Phone Scammers

That is one way to deal with a phone scammer. Never forget the time that this programmer decided to write a script that called phone scammers 28 times a second, which resulted in service denial, which prevented future scams.

Submitted by: (via Nicole Mayhem)

Tagged: scammer , throwback , smart , awesome , ridiculous , Video , win

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Tumblr Agrees Cats Talk like Disparaged Victorian Children

If you've ever seen a cat look at you with longing or desperate hatred in its eyes for the simple act of not petting it so much or only feeding it as much as usual, you'll get what this Tumblr thread is on about. Here are some Tumblr comedy gems to keep the day moving, as well as more nuggets of gold from Tumblr's busy brains.

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Text - froody Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.* My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

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Text - cryoverkiltmilk The spiritual successor to Miette Patricia Lockwood Follow @Tricialockwood me, lightly touching miette with the side of my foot: miette move out of the way please so I don't trip on you miette, her eyes enormous: you KICK miette? you kick her body like the football? oh! oh! jail for mother! jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!! 8:24 PM - 19 Mar 2019 1,889 Retweets 8,847 Likes

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Text - manicgoblinnightmarewoman Might I also add crimsonwastes cat when I'm snuggling him: I've never met you in my life. you bastard. you fiend. stop this at once cat when I'm busy doing something and can't pet him right that second: Where Is My Kisses From Mommy??? Where Is My Snuggles And Cuddles That I Crave So Dearly. You Are A Cruel And Unjust Mother And I Am Going To Scream

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Cartoon - shydestinybread May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit MOTHER, FEED us, FOR WE ARE BUT SKIN AND BONE MOTHER CARES NOT FOR US

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Text - abraxaswithaxes Glad to see we're all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children Source: froody

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Tagged: thread , pets , tumblr , talking , lol , silly , Cats , funny , stupid

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Influencer Wants Artist To Sacrifice Integrity For Exposure

These influencers can be a real handful to deal with.

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Tagged: artist , influencer , choosing beggar , ridiculous , texting

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Lazy People That Did Hard Jobs The Easiest Ways

This fun thread had people describe times they witnessed lazy people be tasked with the notoriously difficult jobs, and from there, dig up the easiest ways to perform those hard tasks. The mind is an impossibly complex machine, and one that can craft ingenious ways for accomplishing tough tasks, through the use of shortcuts. This thread brought to mind that one time a lazy navy officer ended up being a lazy genius, while on the job.

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Text - jaymeekae • 104d I once was a temp at a tiny office on a construction site in around 2003. I was only there for one day while the regular person was on some training. They sat me down and told me that I just needed to copy all these numbers from one program to another. So I selected them, hit ctrl c and ctrl v. They stared at me. Turns out about 60% of this woman's time had been spent manually typing numbers from one place to another.

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Text - mcrackin • 104d I work in finance at a large multinational corporation. I feel like a big part of our job is to just stop doing things and wait to see who complains. If someone complains, we keep doing it, if silence, then we call it a "controlled drop" and put it on our performance review for creating efficiencies.

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Text - Daxos157 • 104d I work in a semi-warehouse environment and we have to track where items are at all times. When we move X item from location A to location B we had to type out the to and from locations. We do this hundreds of times a shift. I went online to a free barcode maker website and spent about 20 minutes making location barcodes. I save hours a day by scanning barcodes.

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Text - AngelusCaedo • 104d In high school we had to do four book reports every year. A friend of mine did his on each Lord of the Rings books and the Hobbit freshman year and turned in the same four book reports for the rest of his time in high school. You switched english teachers every year so no one ever caught on. I was never brave enough to try the same thing.

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Text - PaddyPumpkin • 104d I worked a summer at a mortgage company as an assistant to the underwriters. My only job was printing documents and then hole-punching them to put in folders. They had a super fancy xerox printer that basically did my entire job for me, but the underwriters at this company didn't know how to click through printer settings to make the machine hole-punch as it was being printed. I showed them how to do it, and they resisted it suuuuper hard (like they didn't trust it? Id

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Text - BobT21 • 104d A long time ago I was sent to help a team that was designing some analog test equipment. Big problem was when two of the parts were at different temperatures the calibration would go off. They wanted me to design a circuit to measure the temperatures of the two parts and apply a correction. I solved the problem by putting both parts on the same heat sink so they would be at the same temperature. It worked.

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Text - UltraRunningKid • 104d A 3 3 Awards Boss hated Excel to the point where he didn't want us using formulas because "you can't trust them to be right" so we needed to "do all the calculations by hand or on a calculator" He would give me a spreadsheet once or twice a week that required lets say, 45 seconds to do, but maybe 7 hours by hand and he told me to "go to starbucks or something and crank it out" He thought that since I pasted as values and he couldn't see the formulas that I did it by

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Text - Nametoholdaplace • 104d 3 6 Awards Herding yak with a drone takes the cake for me. They run from it, and oddly fear it. Which is surprising considering they have literally zero aerial predators. We only did it a few times because it really makes them uneasy, and doesn't treat them well. But it is very effective and easy, and you can herd them from over 1/2 a mile a way from inside the house. edit: Im really surprised how much this blew up. Ive never had some many post replies, but III try

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Text - NoCountryForOldPete • 104d 3 1 Award Maybe not the most impressive story here, but I thought it was a great side-step of effort nonetheless: Co-worker of mine had to get rid of a smaller junk fiberglass boat with no trailer. Our other co- workers are all telling him how much time and money he's going to need to spend to get rid of it, and he's just saying "Oh, is that so?" He took off one day, and sat down on his lawn with a cooler of beer. That day was garbage day. Inevitably, the trash

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Text - codymreese • 104d 3 1 Award At my last job, a truck suspension shop, we did inventory every December and it was someone's job to count all the washers and screws of every size. It was my first inventory and I casually mentioned that they should just weigh one screw or washer, then weigh them all and divide the weight to get the count. Everyone looked at me like I had given them the key to the universe. Counting washers and screws went from a day or two, to just a few hours.

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Text - BreatheMyStink • 104d I was working a kids' chess summer camp with this guy who just horked down pot like you wouldn't believe (still a far, far better chess player than me). One day, the kids were being particularly rambunctious and I told him he had to take them outside to get their energy out. He had them spend the next hour doing "American Ninja Warrior" on the jungle gym/ playground. I hadn't even heard of the show, but it was a group of young boys like 6-12, so they all adored it. T

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Text - DeathSpiral321 • 104d 1 Award I'm in corporate accounting, and l'm the only one in my department with a CPA. Of course, I have to take continuing education for my license, and I usually take as many hours of Excel courses as I can each year. By learning the keyboard shortcuts, advanced formulas, and a bunch of useful hidden features in Excel, I'm able to get most of my work done in less than 2 hours, then spend the rest of the day browsing Reddit and watching YouTube videos. Thank goodnes

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Text - explision • 104d 3 2 Awards Worked in a huge hotel by the airport*. We had layover with over 400 people, I think we were 3 employees. They had buffet for dinner and then left to go to bed since it was 1 or 2 am. Rule was, we should always go to the room and pick up as many plates as we could and then bring them to the cleaner. Took for ages and I wanted to go home. I decided to roll out the cart and collect the plates and put them on the cart. Guest were seeing it and started putting thei

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Text - wilksonator • 104d 1 Award Was a temp. Got hired for the day to print 30 packets with 100 pages each. Why would it take a day? I asked 'Our printer doesn't collate the pages so it will take you the day to sort the pages into the 30 packets" they said. Right. It was a standard office Xerox printer. It took me all of 30 seconds to find and click the 'collate' button. Clicked the 'staple' button while at it. All got printed by itself into nice stapled packets and I got paid to browse interne

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Text - silencedrop66 • 104d Was tiling a bathroom floor. One young guy I was working with was cleaning up when we were done. I told him to take the leftover tile back downstairs to the truck, and then went back to cleaning what I was doing. Ten seconds later I hear this huge crash and then a soft "oh, right." He had gone out onto the balcony and dropped them down to the truck, shattering over $100 worth of tile. He said he "thought it would be faster". He wasn't exactly wrong!

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Text - precipiceblades • 104d Worked as a cashier during the holiday season back when i was 16. The supermarket was selling drinks by the boxes and at that time, we only had barcode scanners that was at the front of the computer. No gun type scanners existed. I was lazy and didn't want to carry boxes up to the scanner. So i politely asked my customers if i could carve out the barcode from their box to scan and keep. Some agreed some didn't want to but eventually i managed to amass all the barcod

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Text - KatakataBijaksana • 104d 3 1 Award Worked construction right out of high school to save money for school. Once every other week, we'd get a shipment of 100's of door parts, and they made me match serial numbers to parts and orders and confirm we got everything, then organize it allI. It literally took 16 hours AT LEAST. And time moved so slowly. So I got fed up with it and made a python app that would take a list of pictures, extract text from the pictures, compare it to a order receipt,

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Text - clickerroy • 104d 3 1 Award Automated 70% of my job in a large finance firm as an intern. Never disclosed it and got paid easy money for 6 months. I spent the time doing courses and applying for my grad school. Got my admission letter during the final 2 weeks of my internship and never looked back. Pro Tip: Python and Excel can be your best friend. Obligatory edit: I went to sleep and this thread blew up. Thank you for your stories, questions and comments. I'm trying to get to as many as

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Text - 3 1 Award There's a story that l've heard a few dozen times about a toothpaste company that had accidentally sent out cases of their product that had a few empty single boxes of toothpaste. The company had endeavored, not only to rectify their mistake, but to ensure they did not repeat it. They hired an engineering company that designed a scale, and alarm shutdown system. If an empty carton was passed down the production line, klaxons would be triggered, and a full stop would initiate unt

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Text - koenigstig • 104d My parents were having a summer get-together a couple of years ago and my dad wanted my brother and me to dig a small pit for a bonfire. He handed us two shovels and left us to dig, My brother went and started up our old tractor, drove it across the lawn, dropped the bucket into the earth and drove forward a few feet. The pit ended up a little larger than what we had planned but once we lined it with stones it was actually a pretty nice pit. *Edited "my brother and I" to

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Text - bassta • 104d My girlfriend is lawyer and I'm developer. At her place they manually compare documents they received after the other party signed them. It is not uncomen the other party to add something or remove something from contract without track changes etc. Sol taught her how to use diff/ compare program that works not only with code, but all kind of docs. She already cought some attempts for the other side to modify long contracts without consent. So comparing docs went from hour lo

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Text - seancurry1 • 104d 3 1 Award I read a comment on here a while back about a college kid who picked up an office job over one summer. He became friends with an older lady at the front desk who always needed help figuring out Excel. He kept finding shortcuts for her, and eventually wrote scripts for her that took a load of work off her plate. By the end of the summer he had made her job so easy that they decided they didn't need her to do it anymore. They fired her.

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Text - TacticalLeemur • 104d I have an example of how the truly lazy will sabotage tracking so no one knows shit is broken. There was this guy at a software company that does integrated software systems. He hated his boss and his job and apparently most of his team. Every time he was assigned a bug to fix, he would mark it resolved and assign it to a no-reply email address associated with the team. The odd thing that I don't understand is how he managed to keep issues from getting escalated to o

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Text - FastWalkingShortGuy • 104d I did this. A few years back, I was roommates with a super mechanically inclined dude. Our top-loading clothes washer stopped working well because the lid got a little warped and didn't trip the safe switch for the spin cycle to run anymore. He was all geared up to pull the washer out, take it apart, bend the lid back into proper shape, and reseat the sensor so it would run properly. I told him to hold off; I put a load of laundry in, and popped a quarter inch s

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Text - commenting_bastard • 104d My dad and I were working on my grandma's water heater a couple of years ago, we needed a cork or something to go over the end of the pipe. I had a bottle of coke in my hand, I downed the coke and put the cap on the end of the pipe as a joke but it fit perfectly so we kept it there. When my grandma sold the house 5 years later that cap was still on the end of the pipe. I wasn't necessarily the laziest person but I was the DLH (designated light holder) and I was p

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Text - EmirFassad • 104d In one of my early IT jobs I spent about two months automating everything I did. Thereafter, I spent my days in air-conditioned isolation reading, hacking out entirely unrelated programs, engaging in protracted debates on UseNet and responding to the very rare client problem. Things seemed to be running smoothly so I took a couple weeks of vacation. When I returned from holiday I was told that everything had run so smoothly in my absence that my services would no longer

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Text - KnowanUKnow• 104d The joys of being a parent. As the parent of 2 hyperactive boys, I invented a game called the steamroller game. I would lie down across one end of the bed and the kids would start jumping. At some random point I would make a motor noise and roll across the bed. If they didn't jump in time I would roll right over them. They loved that game. I just invented it because I wanted to lie down for a few minutes.

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Text - ogdeloon • 104d Teacher here! We have a K-3rd grade classroom with mixed ages. This year, we decided to assign a big project in pairs. We have a 3rd grade boy who's cynical, argumentative, and refuses to do work even though he's extremely intelligent and capable. We decided in an effort to get work out of him, we'd pair him with a very energetic kindergarten boy that has underdeveloped, 5- year old, reading and writing skills. Anyway, the older boy typed sentences on the computer in big 2

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Text - NotThisFucker • 104d I am in rhat quote and I don't like it. When I was at university I had an IT helpdesk job for one of the colleges. My team was tasked with taking inventory on every computer in every room of like 5 buildings. Computer ame, some college ID code, the Dell serial number, all kinds of stuff. I mean it took ages to gather all the information in just ine room. About a week into the process, I decided that l'd had enough of manuall writing everything down. On my work machine

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Text - liquid_nation • 104d One time We were selling an electric lift at work and I loaded it with the forklift, but we had to push it all the way into his truck at a weird angle. They had some Ideas but before they could stop me from doing it the way I wanted I just pushed in in by its forks with my forks.. Touched tips all the way in worked perfectly. I always try to do as much as I possibly can without getting out of the forklift.

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Text - shaneo88 • 104d I had an excel order form in my last job that required us to enter all hardware items from all suppliers in by hand I had to completely rewrite the existing script that pulled the hardware for the one supplier that it worked on but it went from being a time consuming, mistake prone job to clicking a button on the order form and it doing everything and taking maybe 2 seconds for a huge job. Figuring out dynamic named ranges and getting them to work with drop down boxes was

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Text - dudethrowme • 104d Got hired for a 3 week temp job that was transporting strings of text from a text document that the companies app produced, into separate excel sheets relating to what the string in the text document was. It was hundreds of thousands of lines of records of which office was printing, calling, emailing, basically any time the network was used. They were making graphs about how much of call time was to what department/ customer/etc, and things like that. Yeah, just wrote a

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Text - Fromhe • 104d I used to deliver beer. I did not like delivering beer. I may have ended up with 30 stops in a day, including deliveries that the customer would call in to our office for. I used to bring extra beer and blank invoices with me on the truck, to prevent having to drive back to my warehouse to deliver one keg to a place that I was currently across the street from. 7 years later, the driver of that route is still doing that.

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Text - BackgroundDrider • 104d Someone gave me a report they'd been doing manually for literally years, using nothing but excel and access databases that took two people upwards of nearly three hours to complete. Got that shit automated down to 30 seconds in a few days. I'm not about your stupid v-lookup bullshit, Brittany.

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Text - SirSithsalot • 104d I remember having to peel 20kg of charred eggplant at a restaurant I worked in. I asked the chef if there was an easier way to do it. His reply was "yep, get someone else to do it"

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Text - poprdog • 104d Back in high school I was taking a chemistry test. Our teacher gave us a packet of 150 random questions with the answers on it where 50 would be on the final test. We could use our notes and bring anything in we wanted for the test (no electronics) His idea was nobody was going to able to look through the randomly ordered packet of questions and answers and be able to answer all the questions in the hour we had so it was fine to give us. Anyways here comes test day and my f

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Text - natbentley • 104d In my first proper job, I got unexpectedly promoted to a mixed developer/sysadmin role, where a large part of my job was setting up accounts for students, giving them access to some form of public webspace, emails and mailing lists, etc. The guy before me had done everything by hand so the tasks took hours to do - being lazy I scripted/automated the lot, got it down to a handful of minutes work, then spent the rest of the day reading in the peace and quiet of the server

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Text - InsertBluescreenHere • 104d Was me. Supervisor wanted me and another guy mark the hydraulic hoses in this pit so 2nd shift could jump right in and start replacing. Fine but that involves someone gettin a harness, waiting for security to come sniff the pit for gasses, fill out confined space forms, get them signed, etc. I asked do they have to be marked in any order or way? Supervisor said no just need some kinda identifying mark. So i said ok got it. Told the other guy to hop on my cart "

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Text - PM_ME_YOUR_BACHATA • 104d 1 Award Eating cheetos with chopsticks so you don't have to wipe your fingers while playing videogames.

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Text - n0etic • 104d I did one of my university degrees through distance ed. Had one class where the prof was a nightmare and would assign hundreds of pages of readings per week. Nobody could keep up because of the sheer volume. On top of that it was a pain to try and read them because they were all pdfs and tablets werent really affordable yet. Come midterm time and the exam is 50 multiple choice questions and it's open book because it's distance ed so you can't enforce no materials anyway. I'd

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Tagged: jobs , employee , lazy , askreddit , difficult , ridiculous

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Unprofessional Moments of Finely Tuned Incompetence

Not everyone is super great at what they do. Is that bad in the long run? Probably, yes. But for now we get some wonderfully unprofessional "not my job" moments. People make some terrific misspellings, playground slides that go straight off the roofs of tall buildings, and incomprehensible construction decisions.