Tuesday, November 3, 2020

Bart Simpson Fails His Test


Talk about an iconic moment in the history of The Simpsons. Literally anyone that's gotten back an unfavorable test score can relate to this scene. It hurts. 

Submitted by: (via thiefrules)

Girl On Halloween Leaves Her Own Candy For Other Kids


Turns out that all of Halloween wasn't a wash, after all. It's moments like this that reflect back on humanity in the best of ways. 

Submitted by: (via Thomas Penafiel)

Jazz Guy Documents Ripping of Mario Lick


It all started while playing Mario Kart and realizing that that sweet lick could be liberated from the video game. In just a few seconds, that sweet riff went from being in a video game to rising up to the stars, baby.

Submitted by: (via Saxologic)

Tumblr Thread: The Lyrical History Of The Color Purple


Leave it to the wonderful, wacky minds of Tumblr to continually redefine what we thought possible, when it comes to making history fun. This time, we might the most entertaining take on learning about the color purple yet. 

1.

Text - gallusrostromegalus S aerialsquid Follow satanpositive Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue. feels-for-the-fictional I have been waiting for this post all my life.

2.

Text - marzipanandminutiae They are indeed purple, But one thing you've missed: The concept of "purple" Didn't always exist. Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his "wine-dark sea."

3.

Text - A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold. So roses are red. Violets once were called blue. I'm hugely pedantic But what else is new?

4.

Text - ineptshieldmaid My friend you're not wrong About Homer's wine-ey sea! Colours are a matter Of cultural contingency; Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You've given short shrift.

5.

Cheezburger Image 9568703232

6.

Cheezburger Image 9568703488

7.

Cheezburger Image 9568703744

8.

Cheezburger Image 9568704000

9.

Cheezburger Image 9568704256

10.

Cheezburger Image 9568704512

11.

Cheezburger Image 9568704768

12.

Cheezburger Image 9568705024

13.

Cheezburger Image 9568705280

Submitted by:

Dad Jokes for Everyone's Inner Father Figure


Dad jokes are a source of stupid glee and pinch-faced frustration for anyone who dares face a dad. Many of us have our reservations about dumb puns to feel stupid about, but at the end of the day if they're worthy of a dad's grace, then that's a quality pun. Dad jokes have a tendency to go full dad joke.

1.

Facial expression - The re-opening of LEGO stores was a big event in 2020. Really? Riker's Beard Oh yeah. People were lined up for blocks.

2.

Text - On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week. Runs until Friday.

3.

Mountainous landforms - Mountains aren't just funny, they are hill areas.

4.

Fictional character - ResisThor СарaciThor InducThor TransisThor ell

5.

Community - A schwing and amish.

6.

Text - Chinese take out $8 Tip $2 Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order, riceless

7.

Movie - PART BEARD, PART MACHINE, ALL COP. ZZCOP Ctebactor THE FUTURE OF BEARD ENFORCMENT

8.

Text - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

9.

Photo caption - Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels

10.

Text - Князь Мышкин @MyshkinFool HOT older men in YOUR area want to know if YOU have been playing with the THERMOSTAT?

11.

Land vehicle - I'm looking to sell my Delorean. Good shape, low mileage.. Only driven from time to time. 3ELOrean

12.

Furniture - FREE ONE NIGHTSTAND

13.

Water - Rare image of a shark stepping on a Lego.

14.

Tap - TAP ON THE SCREEN

15.

Uniform - Describe your average night. They wear suits oi armor. No, I mean at bedtime. They probably take itoit.

16.

Text - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Every single morning I get hit by the same bike... It's a vicious cycle...

17.

Sink - Swim

18.

Text - PUNS ... @ThePunnyWorld Why didn't 4 ask out 5? Because he was 22.

19.

Adaptation - When she tells you she's not into middle-aged guys. 2020 CAJUN VIKING MEME

20.

Photo caption - Speed (1994) incorrectly credits Jan de Bont as director. Speed did not have a director, because if Speed had any direction it would have been called Velocity.

21.

Games - NO GLASSES ON THE POOL TABLE

22.

Traffic sign - AHEAD

23.

Telephone booth - SOLAR SYSTEM FOR SALE ID ATE

24.

Text - Me: I'm going to the store Mom: Oh good let me give you my Chopin Liszt

25.

Text - madagascar gladagascar sadagascar outtagascar

Submitted by:

Bridezilla Cancels Wedding, Keeps $30K Of Gifts For Herself


It's one thing to inconvenience your friends and family, but then to have the unimaginable audacity to steal from them on top of that? Utter insanity. Hopefully you never find yourself crossing paths with a bridezilla, and certainly not a bridezilla that's anywhere remotely close to this one. 

Check out some more juicy bridezilla drama with this bridezilla who wanted to redo a wedding, got rejected, and proceeded to pitch a massive fit. All the yikes. 

1.

Cheezburger Image 9568662016

2.

Cheezburger Image 9568662272

3.

Cheezburger Image 9568662528

4.

Cheezburger Image 9568662784

Submitted by:

Twitter Users' Worst Dates Ever


Sometimes dates end up being completely disastrous. We're talking situations that feel like literal waking nightmares. The kinds of gnarly life moments that you'd just as much forget ever happened. These particular dates absolutely fit the bill for that. 

1.

Text - Conor Horgan @ConorHorgan Replying to @mrnickharvey The very first thing she did on sitting down was take out a small glass bottle and started spooning a syrupy liquid into her mouth. "Homeopathy?" lasked, heart sinking. "No, a powerful sedative-hypnotic drug" she replied, "If I don't take it l'd be hysterical right now."

2.

Text - Deb Harvey @DebLuckyHarvey Replying to @mrnickharvey He arrived 30 mins late, wearing a 'Hello Kitty' bandana English man abroad stylie. Talked about himself all night, didn't ask me a single question, rubbished my food choices. Demanded to see me again... Reader, I didn't marry him.

3.

Text - Richard @enquivontles Replying to @mrnickharvey Years ago, a man said he would take me for dinner, which turned out to be fish and chips. I didn't fancy him, but he was annoyed that I didn't shag him after. If I was going to prostitute myself, it would be for more than a greasy bag of chips.

4.

Text - Marküs @phykuss Replying to @mrnickharvey Half way through my date went to the toilet...& never came back. As I left after finishing my supper (macaroni cheese!) she was sat outside smoking. Told me her ex turned up & her leaving had saved me getting a 'proper battering'. There wasn't a second date. >

5.

Text - Kathleen Foster @kaff1972 Replying to @mrnickharvey I arived early, put songs on the jukebox, he arrived late, complained about the 'noisy' music, asked me to a Daniel O'Donnel gig O asked if I could cook and sew, said he liked missionary sex once a week in the dark, none of that kinky stuff! I 'fainted' then got a taxi home Y

6.

Text - Tool. @The_Tool_ Replying to @mrnickharvey I once took someone to a restaurant, bread rolls come out, they put the butter on top of the roll. They looked at me like I was some sort of animal when I cut mine open and put it inside of it.

7.

Text - InsomniTweeter @LaurenMustill Replying to @mrnickharvey A tinder date was obsessed that I lived with a gay man. Wherever the convo went, he would bring it back. "Do you hear him have sex?" "Do you listen?". Er, no. Then asked me to pay - he didnt have cash. And told me there was no chemistry so didnt want to see me again. Thank fuck.

8.

Text - Ted Morris @ted_morris Replying to @mrnickharvey This must have been '93. l'd met this very closeted, inexperienced at relationships lawyer. Nice guy though. For our second date, I took him to see the film Philadelphia. Which on balance wasn't the brightest idea. Never heard from him after that.

9.

Text - PIRATE LIFE @ohFFSAI Replying to @ohFFSAI and @mrnickharvey It also meant I couldn't drink. I'd booked a restaurant and picked her up at the agreed time. She looked great. We went to the restaurant and she ordered a bottle of wine. I thought I could have one glass. She'd finished the first bottle before the starters arrived..

10.

Text - PIRATE LIFE @OHFFSAI Replying to @OHFFSAI and @mrnickharvey She then ordered a second bottle of wine and necked that before the mains turned up. Was clearly pissed now and ordered a third. She than started crying and told me and everyone in earshot that she was still in love with her Ex. I got the bill and said l'd drop her off home.....

11.

Text - PIRATE LIFE @OHFFSAI Replying to @OHFFSAI and @mrnickharvey When we got back to hers, she realised she didn't have Alger keys and burst into tears again. I said l'd call a locksmith. Now we're getting snot bubbles. She didn't have any money. I said l'd pay. 30 minutes of her apologising and I paid £200 for the emergency locksmith.. >

12.

Text - PIRATE LIFE @OHFFSAI Replying to @OHFFSAI and @mrnickharvey She was in and I said goodnight. On my way home and 20 minutes into the journey phone starts ringing. It's not my phone. I answered her phone and said l'd turn around. As I pulled up at her house, she ran out and the FUCKING DOOR SLAMMED BEHIND HER!!!! Called the locksmith back..

Submitted by: