FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 05/31/20

Sunday, May 31, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Gamer Takes Nuclear Petty Revenge

Wow, this Tumblr thread featuring the tale of an Ultima Online gamer who took the ultimate petty revenge, is art. The obsessive attention to detail, and dedication toward enacting complete utter destruction on other gamers' players should be in the Hall of Fame for gamer revenges. Whether it's real or not, let's just maybe choose to believe that this actually happened. It's too good.

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Text - officialgarrusvakarian E greyyourwarden shock if fallout 76 really is a world where "every character is a real person" & there's no NPCS im making it my civic duty to be like this lowly tavern barkeep and then once i've established enough of a rapport i'm going to nuke all of west virginia and it will be in character

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Text - teamOplayero someone help where's the screenshot of some post somewhere about the mmo player who barkept for a longass time then fucked absolutely everyone over yes-sica God I spent countless hours as a teen playing on a heavily modded and roleplay enforced ultima online server. I played Cedric Sartone, simple farmer turned tavern owner who eventually turned it into THE

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Text - BEST PLACE IN TOWN. It was poppin every night, I was buddies with every adventurer, soldier, mage, druid, and ranger that played the game. After they went out and grinded their skills and did their quests, I was waiting for them with a warm fire and plenty of ale. I'd buy their ingredients and make awesome food and booze (max level cooking!) and was privy to all the gossip. Little did they know I had a side hobby, I was brewing massive amounts of the most gamebreakingly toxic poison possi

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Text - on our server was in attendance and I was payed to provide the food and drink... I poisoned every last morsel of food, every drop of drink and after the reagent delivered his speech and all of these fools raised their goblets for the toast and took that deadly sip, I stepped onto the stage and revealed what had happened. They where all going to die, and die they did. Now this was a permanent death server (hardcore rpers mind you) and some had been playing those characters for 8 years and

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Text - Revenge against what, you ask? So the server had a pretty strict policy regarding pvp and pk, essentially the GMs had to determine if there was in character justification for any instance of disputed player killing, obviously my situation prompted a call for an investigation. I understood those rules from the start though, and I kept a written log in the game where I detailed my character's building hatred of every single other player character in the world. He would keep track of every l

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Text - So Elias was always whistling, well I recorded how infuriating Cedric found it in his journal, and soon he had multiple journals packed full of a thousand reasons an unstable maniac could use to justifiably (re: server rules) murder anyone. The reagent who was also the server admin had some ornate cloak with a custom texture, so I wrote like three pages about how pompous it was, and extrapolated what kind of insufferable prick he must have been for wearing it. I would just write one or tw

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Text - good form and in-character, so the server was not rolled back and instead they decided to reset and implement a new landmass they had been working on. Some people were really pissed off, mostly a handful of the veteran players who had been top dog for several years in their little gladiator arena. I only did any of it because my first character was murdered by some overzealous asshole who just used his character to project his inferiority complex. He killed me on my second day on the serv

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Text - justifiable for his character to kill mine because of the emotional turmoil blah blah. So yeah I said f'ck that, and rolled a new character who was ostensibly eager to please and non-threatening. I won. This one? @team0player0 Source: shock 52,171 notes

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Tagged: fallout , revenge , awesome , ridiculous , ultima online , video games , video game logic , funny

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Employee Gives Boss Netflix Password, Mischief Ensues

This dude decided to share his cherished Netflix password with his boss, and a little trickery ensued. It was all in good fun. Gotta be careful with who you choose to share that Netflix password with, man!

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Electronics - Who's watching Netflix? ☺ kids King Marcus Addison John/Kevin Kids

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Text - Marcus D. Luffy @MJohnsonFTW Replying to @MJohnsonFTW twitter.com/mjohnsonftw/st... I'll share some of my old tweets about my boss Imao

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Text - Marcus D. Luffy @MJohnsonFTW My boss told me that my check was under his keyboard in his office... This MFer left me a whole scavenger hunt with 11 different clues before I finally got to my check. I might actually work for Michael Scott los er Not Not here IN Cont poc ket backet hngias u drawe Look Leak der of black file Cabind Not hen Okau you ae warny Almost! Couch Look Look Und Lamp ON Cushiann back of e TU wnite talle(beside ter eacd Look behard w the euvelu my derk. the ome has Not

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Boss: Talked to the lady that pulled her kids from your class. Said she likes you but you’re loud and sarcastic & she didn’t want him to have a role model like that

Me: Harsh. But you see the impact I’ve had on your own son 😅

Boss: Yeah, I shoulda pulled him out years ago

Me: pic.twitter.com/V5eImvhby6
— Marcus D. Luffy (@MJohnsonFTW) February 25, 2020

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Text - Marcus D. Luffy @MJohnsonFTW Lmfao my meeting w my bosses was ab the wife boss being concerned ab me making more money and my financial security in general bc I "spend my money very stupidly" & the husband boss said, "You mean I gotta find ways to pay this clown more money?!" Whole time l'm like:

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Text - Marcus D. Luffy @MJohnsonFTW Lmao I texted this to my boss this morning and he starting panicking and called the gym to try to get my classes covered l Verizon ? 11:59 AM * 80% KF Kevin Ok Today 9:51 AM Running late. Very hungover. Thanks for understanding. Did you text the gym I was kidding but I was hoping for a funnier reaction Delivered Man Why you do that

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My boss really thinks he can hide his coffee from me pic.twitter.com/GogmdiaNfJ
— Marcus D. Luffy (@MJohnsonFTW) February 9, 2019

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Text - Marcus D. Luffy @MJohnsonFTW These are my favorite texts to wake up to from my boss ull Verizon 10:37 AM 100% KF Kevin > Today 9:45 AM Reminder about the party today. Cleaning out my beer fridge. Have a lot to give away. You want it Yes Absolutely It's a lot Bring the wagon Delivered

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Tagged: twitter , employee , job , work , ridiculous , funny , netflix , boss , work memes

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Principal Plagiarizes Entire Graduation Speech

The principal takes a big old "F" on this lousy performance. I mean, come on, man. If any student did this they'd be looking at a whole lot of nasty blowback.

Submitted by: (via John Stevens)

Tagged: FAIL , principal , cringe , plagiarism , ridiculous , education , Video , stupid

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Twitter Thread: Our Brains Are Absolutely Bonkers

This fun and enlightening Twitter thread points out how trippy our brains actually are. They're doing the best they can.

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Text - foone @Foone You want to know something about how bullshit insane our brains are? OK, so there's a physical problem with our eyes: We move them in short fast bursts called "saccades", right? very quick, synchronized movements. The only problem is: they go all blurry and useless during this

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Text - foone @Foone · 16h having your vision turn into a blurry mess every time you move your eyes is obviously not a good idea, so our brains hide it from us. Now, imagine you're an engineer and you have this problem. 27 70 1,555 foone @Foone · 16h You've got some obvious solutions you could do. 1. make the vision go black during movement. (Some VR games do this!) 2. just keep showing the last thing we saw prior to movement 27 52 1,360

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Text - foone @Foone · 16h both are good options with different downsides, but OH NO. this is assuming everything makes sense and is chronological and (regular) logical. Your brain does neither of these options, really. 1 27 45 1,321 foone @Foone · 16h first, it basically puts your visual system on "pause". You're not seeing blackness or even nothing, you're just not seeing period. then when you finish your saccade, it shows you what you now see at the new position. and then it pretends it can ti

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Text - foone @Foone · 16h it seriously shows you the image at the new point, but time-shifts it backwards so that it seems like you were seeing it the whole time your eyes were moving. And because your brain is not a computer with a consistent clock, this shit works. 6 27 121 2,237 foone @Foone · 16h you can see this effect happen if you watch an analog clock with a second hand. Look away (with just your eyes, not your head), then look back to the second hand. It'll seem like it takes longer tha

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Text - foone @Foone · 16h that's because your freaking visual system just lied to you about HOW LONG TIME IS in order to cover up the physical limitations of those chemical camera orbs you have on the front of your face. 18 27 345 4,229 foone @Foone· 15h we've known about this effect for over 100 years, it's called "Saccadic masking" and more specifically Chronostasis. Your visual system lies to you about WHEN things happen by up to half a second(!) just to avoid saccades blurring everything. 17

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Text - foone @Foone · 15h and you might think "hey wait, wouldn't my vision 'pausing' for half a second have all kinds of weird effects on moving objects? why don't they appear to stutter when moving?" and the answer is simple! your brain has EVEN MORE UGLY HACKS on top of this to avoid you seeing that 27 72 1,877 foone @Foone · 15h if you've got a clock where the second hand doesn't "tick" but instead smoothly rotates, you won't see this. Because your brain recognizes it's moving and adjusts wh

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Text - foone @Foone · 15h It's tempting to think of your eyes and visual system as a camera just dumping a video feed into your conscious brain but that's so very, very not the case. What you think you see and what your eyes can actually see are two exceptionally different things. 7 27 215 ♡ 1,823 foone @Foone · 15h The big obvious one being the blind spot. Vertebrate eyes are wired backwards so we've got a blind spot in each eye were the nerves enter into the eye. About 6 degrees of your vision

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Text - foone @Foone · 15h Here's another one: You can see in color, right? (well, some of you can't. Sorry) You can see in color all throughout your vision, it's color everywhere? Well, most of your cone cells (Which are sensitive to color) are in the fovea, a little spot in the center of your vision Retinal blood: vessels Retina Macula Fovea Optic nerve Optic disc 5 27 52 1,048 LO

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Text - foone @Foone · 15h So outside of that center-of-vision spot, you have very little color perception. There's some but it's very limited compared to your main color vision. But I bet if you shift your attention to your peripheral vision right now, it's in color. 12 27 44 1,012 foone @Foone · 15h your vision system is lying. it's remembering what colors things are and guessing and filling in the gaps. It's basically doing a Ted Turner colorization process on your non-central vision. IOW 100D

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Text - foone @Foone · 15h There's even weird effects like what's called "Action-specific perception". If you get a bunch of white balls of various sizes and toss them at people then ask them to estimate the size of the balls thrown at them, they'll have a certain size estimate, right? 1 27 46 1,039 foone @Foone · 15h now repeat the experiment but ask them to try to hit the balls back with a bat, and suddenly all the estimates shift larger. They actually see the ball as bigger because they need t

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Text - foone @Foone · 15h what's important to the evolution of the visual system is any trick that helps you survive, no matter how "dumb" or "weird" it is. So if you want an accurate visual representation of what things look like? Use a camera. Not your eyes. 15 27 132 ♡ 1,748 foone @Foone · 15h in any case the original point was that while you might know this about your eyes being poor cameras that lie to you, you might still think that at least they're consistent, time-wise. they don't screw

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Text - foone @Foone · 15h BTW @hierarchon reminded me of a neat trick with saccadic masking: go look in a hand mirror. no matter how close you bring it to your eyes, and how much you look around, you will never see your eyes move. You're blind during those moments. But you still think you are seeing. 16 27 259 2,014 foone @Foone · 15h she additionally pointed out that your phone's selfie-mode is NOT a mirror, and it has a slight delay, so you can see your eyes moving in it. 5 27 85 1,324 foone @

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Text - R L Instructions: Close one eye and focus the other on the appropriate letter (R for right or L for left). Place your eye a distance from the screen approximately equal to 3x the distance between the R and the L. Move your eye towards or away from the screen until you notice the other letter disappear. For example, close your right eye, look at the "L" with your left eye, and the "R" will disappear. 42 27 775 3,149 foone @Foone · 15h This is why laser damage your retina can be so insidiou

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Text - foone @Foone · 15h but since you didn't go "WELL THAT WAS TERRIBLE I BETTER TAKE BETTER CARE OF MY EYES" and stop fucking with lasers, you keep doing it eventually you accumulate so much damage that your visual system simply cannot manage hiding it all and your vision rapidly degrades. 5 27 63 1,137 foone @Foone 15h the other reason lasers are so dangerous is that they don't necessarily trigger the same responses as regular incoherent light. your pupil reflex is only triggered by some spe

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Text - foone @Foone · 15h Anyway, back on how amazing and crazy your vision is: There was an experiment back in 1890 where someone wore glasses made with mirrors in them to flip their vision. After about 8 days, they could see just fine with them on. Their vision system had started "flipping" the image. 15 27 86 1,102 foone @Foone · 15h (I say flipping in quotes because it's not as simple as it started showing the pixels at the top row on the bottom row, cause our vision doesn't work like that)

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Text - foone @Foone · 15h The last really fun part about this flipping experiment: your eyes already do it. Based on how our vision is wired, we should be seeing everything upside down. We don't, but only because our visual system has had our whole life to adapt to this. 16 27 40 854 foone @Foone · 14h BTW, since a few people have brought it up: There's a great sci-fi novel by Peter Watts called Blindsight. In it humans encounter an alien race they call Scramblers, who can move very fast and pre

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Text - foone @Foone · 14h Check it out if you're into hard SF stories of first contact. It's got some really neat ideas about human vision, very unique aliens, the nature of conciousness, the future of humanity in the face of perfect VR, and vampires. (Really, it has "vampires", while still being hard-SF) 17 27 29 1,018 foone @Foone · 13h BTW, remember how I said "vertebrate eyes" up there? Guess who has eyes which are wired forwards instead of backwards (no have no blindspot), have an internal

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Text - 3 In vertebrate eyes, the nerve fibers route before the retina, blocking some light and creating a blind spot where the fibers pass through the retina. In cephalopod eyes, the nerve fibers route behind the retina, and do not block light or disrupt the retina. 1 is the retina and 2 the nerve fibers. 3 is the optic nerve. 4 is the vertebrate blind spot. 67 27 104 1,404

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Tagged: twitter , brains , interesting , social media , knowledge , true facts

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Twitter Shares The Things You Don't Tell Your Spouse

Part of being in a long term relationship is knowing that there are some things that are better left unsaid. Married Life has a lot of ups and downs that inspire tweets and jokes, and heeding people's advice can prevent a future headache. So like, tell them everything they need to know of course, but don't get too creative with it.

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Text - That Girl Follow @whoulooknat His Fantasy Football isn't real football #ThingsYouDont TellYourSpouse

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Face - Shettie Follow @dirtroaddiva1 I've had better. #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse DiO AD Don't ever ALL say that again. MON GIF

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Cartoon - Diane's Casper Follow @AccountDiane #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse I hide all of my shopping purchases in the trunk until you go to bed GIF

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Text - Dawn Follow @thoughtfloss Which piece of chicken fell on the floor. #ThingsYouDont TellYourSpouse

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Text - Lizz- Extraordinaire Follow @lizard_lou You shrunk the kids #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse GIF

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Face - Shettie Follow @dirtroaddiva1 My Dad was right about you. #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse GIF

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Text - Laney Doane Follow @MrsD517 #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse I sometimes buy a bar of chocolate that I intend to share with him when he gets home from work, but I end up eating his half and I destroy the evidence by burying the wrapper deep in the trash can where he won't see it.

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Abdomen - Gia Follow @Joyannah73 How much I hate his favorite shirt #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse

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Text - Goose Follow @GhostVes #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse To Calm Down

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Text - Snoop Joshy Josh Follow @JoshMarino420 You binge watched their favorite tv show without them. #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse

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Text - Edward J Thomas Follow @UnknownWr1 ter Like I'm answering that one #ThingsYouDont TellYourSpouse It's a trap! GIF

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Text - Cattsyll2.01| Follow @Cattereia #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse That it was me who finished that cake GIF

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Text - StorminNorman Follow @StorminOnNorman I have to tell her everything. It's in the contract #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse

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Text - Cameron Grant Follow @camerongrant101 You're not the world's best artist #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse

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Text - Tangela Baskett @DejaCQQ99 Follow My college nickname was "Easy Louisey" #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse GIF

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Text - James Edward Jr @jamesedwardjr Follow #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse after work I went straight home Straight THOME BAR & GRILL

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Text - Todd Otto Follow @toddotto #ThingsYouDontTellYourSpouse Anything at 4am

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Tagged: twitter , marriage , spouse , lies , truth , relationships , lol , tweets , funny tweets , funny

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Nightmarish Moments of Tech Support Gore

Most of us aren't computer people, but we kind of know that you're not supposed to drill holes in your mouse or hammer anything into your USB port. You don't need to be in IT to know that these moments of Tech Support Gore can be pretty difficult to look at. For more proof that people suck with technology, here are ridiculous requests that IT workers received.

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Text - we ed at y sky & is a bad of is a - Sysrem lesTore Disk Do voT it above erAse ele

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Photocopier - Sa ame 7222 or Serw LEXMARK Location g ane L Seve Mo 7se Team The mew 3d sticky signs need ts be upside dow o sointing towands the back Thank You STNO1 34 7 MULTI-USE COPY PAPER 99.99% Jam-Free Guarantee PRE PERro C Lco USA Paper with Purpose 20 92 8x11" 500 Ray Le

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Box - OP/ThiS SIDE UR NfectecME INFECTIOUS SUBSTANCE

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Laptop - Don't Touchl iin O Don't Touch! esc 23 backspace 9. i e y tab enter f h k 6. shit V n shift alt ctri 1619 ctri alt EPS ON N

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Tagged: Sad , horrible , wtf , tech support , computers , FAIL , technology , lol , funny

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