It's hard to imagine how Trump sees the world, aside from what can only be described as having a seething hatred for every man, woman, and child on Earth. But this video by Vic Berger, which re-cuts last week's crazy press conference comes close.
Tim and Eric fans will love this.
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Great news, dudes. As it turns out, according to The New York Times, strenuous exercise can kill the libido in men. And if you want to keep your boners going, light exercise is prefered. This is a remarkable change from the standard, "work hard, stay hard" philosophy that so many people have been living under.
It's just nice to not have to go to the gym anymore.
Others are pretty excited about the open invitation to laziness too. Check it out:
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What a time to be alive: impressively helpful woman finds a lost and homeless iPhone in a cab, proceeds to glean all private deals - whereabouts (address/where car is parked) - from an all too voluntary snitch of a Siri. For real though. Shoutout to Siri for not failing to dispel some intimate details to a total stranger. Imagine if this little live-tweeted tale took a turn down horror movie lane...just saying, suggesting really, that there are certain people out there that you do not want knowing where you live.
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Yes, you read that right. Daniel Dopps a Kansas-based chiropractor has a fresh patent for Mensez, which is a 'feminine lipstick' intended to stop bleeding by sealing together the labia minora. Is this ingrate so far down the mentally-dormant rabbit's hole of crippling lunacy that he actually thinks people --- of any gender --- wouldn't be seven kinds of outraged by the mere proposition of such a 'product.' Wonder if this guy's gone into witness protection yet, or better yet gotten the professional kind of help that this backwards-thinking idea is all but a call out for.
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In what weird convoluted version of their universe did these two newly heartbroken individuals anticipate such a prime and uncomfortable photoshoot not being met with open ridiculing? Suffice to say, people on Twitter couldn't pass up the chance to give 'em a proper mocking.
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Ignorance is bliss when it comes to the knee-buckling discovery that is a dear friend's darker, more absurd, innermost-kept secrets. No doubt these sobering realizations didn't fail to stir up a solid wave of instant regret, for the unfortunately newly educated friends.
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Anyone else remember this YouTuber (shithead) that played that terrifically twisted prank on his glaringly hungover British buddy that featured said hungover buddy, getting thirstily hit on by a scantily-clothed, pantiless hot chick? Yeah, kind of hard to forget. The prank itself was as mouth vomit, cringe-inducing as you'd expect; but the girl and her looks that didn't fail to send blood rushing to funny places, more than made up for the otherwise full-fledged shitiness.
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Given by the things some of these people are saying after sex, their lives are far more colorful than mine.
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How do you deal with being a third wheel? You could continuously complain about how you're single or how you'll never meet that special someone or how if you died in your apartment no one would ever know about it, so you decided to sign up for one of those life alert bracelets because people slip in the shower all the time.
This woman has a different approach.
Avalon runs the Instagram Third Wheel Extravaganza, where she celebrates the cold, empty stares of the only single person in the room. Watch as she lives a life of solitude as the people around her never stop kissing.
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What fresh hell is this? Sure, if that's actually her (and this isn't some perverse, bottom-feeding catfish at work) she clearly takes care of herself. And yeah, there's something to be said of the sexually fierce, if not experimental personalities when it comes to bedroom discourse; but bro, this is seven kinds of crazy, and outright ridiculous. The only reasonable course of action for our Tinder dude victim of the hour is to take his phone, toss it in the microwave, set to five minutes, and let it rip into a weird, fresh-fried memory of the past.
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During Jeopardy's annual College Championship competition, Viraj Mehta evidently couldn't have had any less flying f**ks to give, let fly the proverbial 'bird' at Trebek and the rest of the audience during his in-game interview (an interview I might add, made more epic by the fact his story centered on an enthralling tale about pizza).
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Sometimes when browsing my way through the internet I come across something that just makes me utter 'ohgodwhy' uncontrollably. Well, this list is 41 of those things.
There are people in this world that just don't need to be on social media, who should restrain themselves to the far reaches of the internet or just refrain from going online at all.
These facebook FAIL's are guaranteed to make your whole body cringe.
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This video from Brazil will take you breath away. Not because it's so starkly beautiful, but because you're almost certain you're about to watch a man kill himself.
He doesn't, it's just a 15-year veteran of the safety net biz who trusts his work.
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These fine and mighty and depraved Tinderellas all but stepped on 'dating app' ceremony, and instead opted for shameless, sexualized-displays of self-promotion. Are some of these borderline insane, and giving off the distinct whiff of potential sex addiction? Suure. Are they also dually awesomely transparent? Absolutely, and there's no doubt they're the kind of profiles that didn't rake in a truckload of right swipes...
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This fitness blog managed to cut out a slice of social media spotlight, and truly, found fleeting relevancy in the worst way possible. If their goal was to get our attention, they definitely didn't fail on that account. One does not address the everyday pizza-loving human on Twitter (a venue already prone to rage-ridden outbursts/tweet reacts); and tell them they shouldn't enjoy their doughy gift of the gods.
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Because we live in the weirdest time line, there's a whole Subreddit devoted to people eating oranges in the shower. Why? Because oranges are messy and people need their Vitamin C.
According to The Verge, "The Shower Orange is an extension of the treatise of the Shower Beer. A food or drink item that is good when consumed outside the shower (and does not disintegrate when wet) will be even better when consumed within the shower. In this instance, the shower not only enhances the original fruit, but actually solves its inherent sticky problem."
I just think it's gross and weird. What is going on, Earth?
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The world's been unpleasantly marred by plenty of DUI stop circus acts that hint at all signs of sweet genuine stupidity; but this one ranks right up there with the best (worst) of 'em. Not only did she endanger the lives of others by getting her drunken, albeit bodacious bosom behind the wheel; but she put on a cartwheel show, AND assaulted our poor cop of the hour's valiant manhood.
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Guys, we are in real dire straights these days. The toddlers have taken over the nursery school, and there isn't a grownup in sight. Obama is gone. Ok? Get that through your thick skulls.
As if to pour salt on that wound, Jordan Peele of Key & Peele and the director of the new film Get Out, reminds us all of what we're missing and what Obama's probably doing. Drunk Obama is the president now. Get over it!
Submitted by: (via Late Night with Seth Meyers)
Kanye West already knows he's the world's best MC. Trust me, he doesn't care what anyone else says. Plus, he did write and record My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, so how you gonna argue that?
Reddit is doing a Photoshop battle to find out and it's going pretty well. Still, you're only making him harder, better, faster, stronger.
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Yesterday, the world was shocked. Not by a scientific breakthrough or a spell-binding work of art. Not even a policy decision made by one of our world leaders — well, they might have been. No, the world was shocked because they suddenly realized that singer/songwriter John Legend looks like the cartoon aardvark Arthur.
Wow.
Even more shocking was the response from Legend and his wife, Chrissy Teigen, which sent the world struggling to breathe.
The world might never be the same.
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Sometimes it's easy to take someone's instructions too literally. These people did just that when they obediently obliged to every last bit of these commands.
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As far as my knowledge about bras, the only one that's missing here is the "I make guys look stupid" bra. Also known as the bra with a front clasp.
Yeah. Cool story bra.
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Going back to work after a long weekend is never easy. You just got into that flow of sitting in bed until three, begging your roommate to get you a breakfast sandwich, eating said breakfast sandwich, and falling back asleep.
But now you're back to work, and that's not nearly as fun. So in that spirit, why not allow this Kung Fu master take a kick to the nuts for you?
Master Wei Yaobin has been taking a shot to the balls daily for over 10 years. Apparently, this makes him a master in "Iron Crotch Kung Fu," which according to a YouTube description, the final word in just about anything, "can cure erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation."
This guy is unstoppable.
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