Thursday, October 22, 2020

Zombie's Hilariously Unprepared For Live Performance


It's as if that zombie on the left just sneaked up on stage, and tried to pretend like he was a part of the show. 

Submitted by: (via Good Day Sacramento)

Gladiator Being Voiced By Surfer Bros


Just picture Maximus in that iconic gladiator pit, shouting "whoa dude!" with nothing but pure, blind rage in his eyes. 

Submitted by: (via Paul Drogo)

Eddie Van Halen's Animal Impressions


It goes without saying that Eddie Van Halen was among the most talented and iconic guitarists in history, and the world is less rich without him. In addition to composing amazing music and some of the greatest sounds to ever squeal out of a guitar, he could also do animal impressions. Legendary.

Submitted by: (via Echo Tango)

Tumblr User Calls Out People's Social Skills, Gets Point Proven Instantly


This quick and entertaining and temporarily extremely confusing Tumblr post showcases the potential implications of younger generations not being able to communicate clearly, because they spend all their time online. We can't tell if they were intentionally spewing nonsense with that one paragraph, or genuinely being the very thing they were condemning. Hard to tell. 

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Text - beesmygod S ztacey Follow AAAAAAAA raptorific Follow I'm genuinely worrying about people whose main source of social development comes like 100% from these incredibly insular and entirely unregulated internet spaces. Like this isn't even a “technology is bad and kids these days don't learn how to talk to one another" post, it's a “basic conflict resolution skills and the practical realities of interacting with human beings are the sort of things you probably shouldn’t learn in an unstruct

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Text - and rude awakening when you finally do have to apply those skills outside the tiny toxic community you cultivated them in and find that they don't transfer well to classroom discussions or dates or job interviews or having a roommate" acaipsychelife Follow yeah i admit this is kinda me... this is one of the themes of us as a society transitioning from the age of pisces to the age of aquarius, Aquarius is very social but could also be the awkward loner, the outcast, the pariah, the maveric

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Text - maybe this is a theme for people with personal planets in the 12th house? maybe the 11th house plays into it cuz that rules the internet. children are being held back from social development because schools are now on Zoom meetings, they'll miss critical markers in learning how to act during whatever age they currently are. i hope schools reopen this upcoming school year, we cannot do this to children! anyone feel free to reblog with your thoughts.

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Text - raptorific Follow See this is a great example of the sort of thing I'm talking about. Clearly, in your social space, all of this is considered a pretty normal and appropriate thing to say to a complete stranger, and not something that reasonably makes everyone who hears it go home and say “papa, today I met someone who made no sense at all and seemed to relish in it" 32,366 notes

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A Millennial's Rant About State Of The World


Every now and again a millennial breaks out a fiery rant about how much the economy has changed, and the overarching state of the world now vs. how it used to be. Sometimes these rants are triggered by the baby boomers of the world. For some lighter Millennial-themed content check out this post where millennials pretend to be baby boomers in a Facebook group.

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Text - *MILLENNIAL RANT, BE WARNED* In 1982, the average weekly wage was £157.* With average rent being £11.50 ** Rent vs income = 7.32% Today, average weekly wage £504.*** With average rent being £868. **** Rent vs income = 43% This being mostly down to the destruction of social housing in the 1980s and the ever increasing of private housing sector. But that's not my gripe today (which in its self is infuriating). My issue is - The average price is of your standard 2 bed flat. It increases huge

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Text - bedrooms but converted storage rooms or cupboards, to increase the rental value because, up until 2018, there was no regulation on room sizes. Now there are but they are laughable (6sqm). But my BIGGEST issue is pets. EVERY. SINGLE. PROPERY. I have researched recently has said "No Pets". Why? Cause they cause damage, unlike humans who don't cause damage. Is that not what a deposit is for?? The worst thing is that letting agencies put this down without even asking the landlord (from person

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Text - So lets summarize what I have learned. 1. Be prepared to pay more than half your income on rent and bills if you want any kind of space in your home. 2. Don't think about having kids unless you or your partner can bring an income of more that 40k per year alone. (UK average for 20s to 30s sits at 26k per year) 3. Gardens are a luxury (not standard as it used to be) 4. No pets. Don't even ask. 5. Any worthwhile savings can only come from drastically reducing your standard of living. 6. Spa

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Text - I am sorry. With the world falling apart around us, many of us are now expected to work from home, increasing bills, using our domicile as a work, rest, eat, repeat station for the foreseeable future, its hard to see what preparations have been put in place for the standard of living for future generations. All I see is quick gains and profit margins.

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Incompetent Manager Fires Employee For Calling Out Sick


Man, nothing gets the blood pressure to rise like having to work under an infuriating and totally incompetent manager. Like this one here. They had the audacity to fire an employee for literally calling out sick. Who does that? Fortunately, a pro revenge was successfully executed, and the manager ended up being demoted. 

Check out some more juicy revenge drama with this story about an electrician taking a revenge on a nasty IT manager.

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Text - r/ProRevenge u/Darth_Xen0 • 1y + Join Fire me cause I was sick? Have fun making minimum wage. This took place a couple years back and one of my old coworkers said I should post it here. Obligatory grammar warning along with the fact I'm on mobile with a messed up screen. So this happened During the beginning of my senior year of highschool, I was balancing out Football, School and, Work. I worked at a convenience store chain that's only around in my region of the country (USA). I had an i

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Text - For some reason and l'll never understand why, but she did not like me for whatever reason. A good example was her writing me for using my cell phone on the floor, when it was my mother calling me asking when to pick me up(didnt have my license when this was going on), or the time she gave me shit for not fully stocking the fridge. Now she came in early in the morning and I would usually come in at the end of her shift because I had school and football practice, then there was nightshift

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Text - Now I had gotten very sick one weekend and had called in to work to that I couldnt come in that day. None of the managers or assistant managers were in so the team lead took my message. (Looking back at it, I should blame him more than my idiot manager). I assume he never told the managers I was out because, come the next week I had a football game on saturday and I usually work saturdays and when I had gotten that job earlier that year I gave her my football schedule so she wouldnt put m

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Text - I already had plans to get her fired or demoted. Either one would have made me happy. Over the course of that month prior to my departure, I had taken video and pictures of how bad she had that store running. By the time I had gotten to my shift I had taken picture of, filthy floors and bathrooms. Flies all around the food assembly area. Associates on their phone even the manager herself playing games or whatever right on the floor. Bassically showing how she kept her store a wreck during

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Text - the icing on the cake was a year later after I quit/got fired. I was working at a warehouse that year after I graudated making almost $20/hr, there was another one of the convience stores right down the road from my building. I ended up going there for lunch only to see my old boss getting reamed out by that stores manager. So with the knowledge that I was making almost 3 times her hourly wage (Store associates only made $8.35/hr) and she was still incompetent at her job. It Made me quite

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Entitled Individuals and Their Nonstop Demands


It feels weird knowing there are bosses out there who will want you to pay them for the opportunity to work. Or that there are customers out there who will try to return shoes three years after they bought them. It's rare stuff, but boy is it hard to wrap your head around entitled people and their demanding boldness.

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Text - BBC NEWS I'm sick of influencers asking for free cake' bbc.co.uk H · 4 min read 3,981 201 Comments Like Comment Share Send Reactions ... Comments Most Relevant • 3rd+ 3d ... Senior Information Technology Business C... So it's all about money for this woman? Whatever happened to passion and pride? She just sits their counting her pennies, demanding more an more money for her unhealthy creations.

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Text - 15 mins Do I know anyone in NJ who can do professional headshots of yours truly in exchange for a photo credit that would be on a lot of high-profile websites? O Like Comment Dude... You're an MD and a CEO. Just pay people for their work. Credit is not going to pay their bills. 12 mins Like Reply More Write a comment... Post

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Text - Text Message Today 12:22 PM Hey is your sofa set still available? Hi, yes it's available. How is the condition? How firm are the seats? It's in an excellent condition and the seats are more on the soft side but very comfortable Okay. How negotiable is the price and can you deliver? Iam willing to negotiate but will only accept a reasonable offer. Also, it's only for pick up, I mentioned it in the "pe How much were you asking? $450 Text Message

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Green - Will you take $180??? I can do $190 if you deliver. Are you serious? I said I'll accept a reasonable offer and you're offering $180? And only $10 for delivery when renting a Uhaul truck will be at least $60-70? The lowest I'll go is $400 I can do $200 but only if you deliver. I have a bad back and cannot lift anything heavy. Let's say I agree to deliver it, who will unload it and take it inside if you have a bad back? You can bring someone to help you to bring it inside my apartment. You

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Text - Hi, is this available? Yessir Oh good i have no funds but if u really want them gone u can gift them to me with ur huge heart and drop them off Double tap to

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Text - Is this still available? I want $10 It's $15 Ok And yes it's available I want Its new ? It's not new but it's in good copdition. It was $40 new How old Is it? About a month My dog is just too big for it Can you bring No, sorry Where are you my address I don't know where that is Im on If you look at Google Maps you can find it It's on Address same address Can we meet at random store No, sorry Why Not It's too far out I'm sorry Send me the address I will see how far out same address That's

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Text - how much will you charge me? uuuhhh. full price what do you mean i was hoping since were cool you would hook me up with a discount lol i why in order for us to be cool i gotta be the one hooking you up.. why don't you hook me up with my full price plus a tip since we're soo cool

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Text - ll ROGERS 6:17 PM 73% Cancel Re: Chesterfield Send http Derfield/7215316424.num Hello, I can help you take this Chesterfield if no one wants it because of the covid 19, but I will charge you 80$. Thanks Original craigslist post: http aslist.org sterfield/7215316424.html e r ty u i s dfg hjk V b n m 123 space return

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Text - Marketplace $350 - LG 34" Curved 21:9 UltraWide IPS L. Offer Shipping More Options Its just a small tv, i can do like $50 but thats generous Lol really? First off it's not a TV, it's a monitor. Second, the model only slightly newer than this goes for $700. This is in perfect condition and $350 is a fair price. I would suggest doing a little research or even reading the description before making such a laughably low offer. Listen, you're a good kid - handsome too. I know you got a low of g

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Food - When the person who says they'll bring donuts to work but obviously has never bought donuts in their life brings donuts...Where is the icing, the sprinkles, the jelly filling, the cream? Wha wha what is this????

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Text - 9:27 O 93% I VOLTE 2d O S. Nintendo Switch with N... 6 Nintendo Switch with Neon B... $270 Mark as Sold Request Rating Dennis Hi is this still available? Dennis is waiting for your response. 8:45 AM Yes it is 9:25 AM Dennis Take $200 Is my kids birthday today and he dropped his switch and i would like to get him a used one Double tap to react It's my kids birthday coming up, so can you do $300? Aa

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Text - Hey are you still selling the ipad? Yes Sell for $100? Sell a brand new, never opened $400 iPad for $100? No. Come on. If you're selling it it must be broke so it cant be worth more than 100. I already told my kid he could have it. 3:16 PM Well go ahead and un-tell your kid cause he ain't gettin it You missed a video chat with 3:18 PM CALL BACK Why are you video calling me? I want you to tell my kid to his face that he wont be getting any nresente this vear hecause vour

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Text - Search John Lester Marketplace $1,150 - 2011 Taotao 230cc Marketplace $1,150 - 2011 Taotao 230cc Mark as Sold More Options 60 volts Mark as Sold More Options so can he trade He just doesn't want to No sorry. He doesn't want to trade why why Bro he just doesn't want to trade He just doesn't want to why why got any other quads He just doesn't want to Nah man sorry why ok?? Bro he just doesn't want to trade weird?? why Adios man got any other quads your weird i should boot you offline Nah ma

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Text - 9:18 1 i orig When vou come to I want to fill a photo shoot make up for it What are you talking about? Remember my GameCube when you packed up the cord and you said you would replace it and never did Fucked You mean 20 years ago? You're joking right? No Sorry I forgot. It was 20 years ago and your now bring this up My photoshoots are $200 per hour. Can I send you $8.69 for a GameCube cord. Please tell me this is a joke? I said something before about it and I want to have some photo shoots

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Text - 5:26 E 11° LTE 37% Chat with jaime NES Nintendo with Mario/Duck $70 Hunt Ні, If it's still available i'm interested in buying it. Would you be able to sell it for $50? If so when are you free? Thank You 5:16 p.m. I already went down to 60 for you, we agreed to meet, and you didn't show and didn't message me until after. l'll still sell for 60 if you want but I'm not available until Monday now. Sent 5:18 p.m. I think you're mixing me up with someone else. 5:21 p.m. My Messages NES Nintendo

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Dish - Bought an XL pizza I hate crust so want to sell it to someone who enjoys it ! Looking to get some of my money back ! $5, can't deliver. Thanks Comes with 3 slightly used marinara sauce

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Parenting Memes for Those Who Feel the Pain


Parenting is a challenge. If you don't have a kid yourself, parents will be very willing to tell you that it's a full time job making sure they stay safe, get fed, get enough sleep and learn something every once in a while. Of course parenting is full of ungraceful moments. That's why there are parenting memes for all the exhausted adults.

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Cooking - Hey Janice, yeah can I call you back in eleven years?

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Figure skate - Please hold my hand and walk next to me. Kid:

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Face - What you think playing in the snow with kids will be like What it actually is like

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Product - When you love your kids to the moon and back and also need a vacation from them

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Shoulder - Me at 35 Me at 25 after buckling my kid into the car seat after a quick 5 mile run

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Hair - That look your mom gives you when you embarrass her in public but she can't kill you yet

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Vertebrate - *candy wrapper makes that crinkle sound* Kids:

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Face - Me around dinnertime Me in the morning waiting for my husband after a cup of coffee to come home

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Cartoon - How I feel when my kids won't eat their food THEN GO AHEAD AND STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRVE!

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Text - Me when my kid trips over the toyI asked him to pick up 100 times

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Adaptation - If you're ever wondering what it's like to be the parent of a toddler

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Hair - When you finally get a night out and you realize your entire wardrobe went out of style while you were busy raising babies

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Text - Texting another mom. I'm done. I'm selling my kid on ebay. Don't be silly, you made him. Sell him on etsy!

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Cartoon - When you're sick as a dog but stll have to feed your kids breakfast in the morning 등

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Soldier - When the baby falls asleep on you and you try to move them to the crib

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Product - Dr: do you have kids? Me: yes, I have 3 kids Dr: do you drink? Me: yes, I have 3 kids

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Purple - Motherhood is being the snack holder for children no matter how fabulous you look

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Local food - Some people might feel bad for the one cow, but I would kill for that kind of alone time TERRA

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Skin - Me at age 98 fondly remembering that one time I made a meal and all three of my kids ate it

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Facial expression - WHEN THE KIDS TOOKANAP IN THE CAR AND NOW THEY'LL BE UP ALL NIGHT

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Human - When I finally get to leave the house without the kids:

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Hair - When you're on a budget so you start cutting your kid's hair

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Water - When you have to pretend you're not taking pictures just so you can get a decent picture of your kids

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Hair - When you're trying to get your toddler's legs into a one-piece pajama BEND THE KNEE

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Text - Me: I love being a mom Also me: Google how do you fake your own coma Google Search I'm Feeling Lucky

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Junk food - When my kid threatens to not talk to me for the rest of the day

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Text - How moms feel after an uninterupted shower

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Hair - Husband: how were the kids today? Me:

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Tagged: jokes , kids , parenting , Memes , lol , funny , children

Finance Officer Cuts Budget, Employees Donate It All to Food Bank


Chad decided to make all the employees situation inconvenient in order to try and save some money, but he ended up costing more money for the company in the end. The employees spoke their mind through charity. For another weird budget story, here's a Karen who used up her entire budget on ugly PowerPoints.

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Text - Posted by u/alxwak 1 day ago * O 11 2710 34 8 Change our expenditure accounts? The food bank will have a feast! oc L This happened about 10 years ago, when I worked for a company doing community nursing. We were provided with company cars and a prepaid card for expenditure (fuel and food). The card had a limit of 400 euros per week, the card resetting to the 400 limit every Monday morning. Despite the 400 euros limit, the usual amount any of us spent each week was around 150 to 200 euros,

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Text - Enter Chad. He was the the financial officer and had some pretty "unique" ideas about changing the finances of the company. One of the ideas he instituted was a change to our prepaid cards. He dropped the limit to 50 euros a day, with the card resetting every day. As you can understand, this was a problem, especially if you consider that a full tank costed 55 euros minimum. If you used the card for fuel, then the rest was paid out of pocket. We couldn't be reimbursed for the money, becaus

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Text - Initially, most coworkers were spending 30 euros on fuel and refueled two or three times a week. But not me. While my malicious compliance tendencies were natural, during my Navy service were honed to perfection by a couple of Master Chiefs. So, enter Malicious Compliance. I decided to spent each day 20 euros for fuel (somedays less), pay for my own coffee out of pocket and spend the rest at lunch. I used to patron a grill and bbq place that had a catering side. They also volunteered for

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Text - I started rising at least 90 euros a week for the food bank. I hit the limit every day, costing the company 250 euros a week (from 150). Chad was furious. He was trying to save money and I was costing him more. He asked me to explain my expenses. Food and fuel. He asked for receipts. I provided them (the receipt said food, nothing else). He finally said I should eat cheaper. I told him the company couldn't force not to eat whatever I wanted. After that meeting, a couple of coworkers saw m

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Text - The Aftermath: This went on for two months. Chad was livid, because now he was loosing even more money. The solution came unexpectedly. Unbeknownst to all of us, the owner the company was a major contributor to the food bank. He knew about the restaurant helping out and had seen the richer buffets. He asked the owner of the restaurant about and he said a few nurses had started coming, raising the tab (at that point 600 euros minimum). The owner put two and two together.

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Text - I was called in for a meeting with the owner. I was anxious, because I didn't know what it was about. When I got there, Chad was there also. During the meeting, Chad explained how he was losing money, but he couldn't do anything about it. I explained what our grievance was and how we took advantage of it. Chad replied we shouldn't game the system for something SO stupid as a food bank. The owner stopped the meeting right there. He reinstated the old system for expenditure. He reprimanded

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Text - The final result was getting our old system back (which we didn't abuse), a weekly donation to the food bank and a major Easter Sunday BBQ for the food bank sponsored by the company. Chad lasted only another three months, because his penny saving ways dropped the quality of care we could provide. I stayed with the company until it was sold to new owners who were more like Chad. But that's a story for another subreddit.

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Times Students' Parents Obviously Did Their Work


Sometimes people think it's the students that ae the most challenging part of a teacher's job. That's only true most of the time. It can actually be the parents trying to interfere too much with their kid's education. Sometimes a teacher can just look at a finished project and go, "looks like dad did a great job." Sometimes it goes the other way. Sometimes teachers have no faith in students but they succeed anyway, like this student who won an art contest to spite their rude teacher.

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Text - elliotp1000 34 points · 4 hours ago I had a student hand in an assignment on google docs. Most was written by his dad. How did I know? His dad was logged in while writing it so it showed up on the edit history. The worst part is the dad is one of the assistant principals

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Text - LucJenson 2.8k points · 9 hours ago When the student came in crying while holding the project and when asked what happened she announced that she was frustrated that her mom did the whole project, it looked nothing like how she wanted it to, and wasn't allowed to really do anything on it. This wasn't the first assignment that came in from this student that was clearly done by the mum but the student finally had had enough of having her education taken from her.

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Text - neoldguy 1.1k points · 11 hours ago Penmanship - no kidding, kid had the maid write it.

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Text - Emperor_Cartagia 891 points · 11 hours ago Middle school science project, kid came in with a crude internal combustion engine, having previously failed science three quarters in a row.

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Text - fluxy2535 887 points · 7 hours ago · edited 7 hours ago I taught elementary art classes for a few years, and a lot of time would have crossover lessons with certain subjects. One year we had the second graders do a project for their unit on Native Americans, where they had to make dioramas of a type of Native American house of their choosing, and then write a little two paragraph essay on who lived in that style of house and why it was built that way. Most kids made Tipis or wigwams out o

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Text - Lennysrevenge 736 points 10 hours ago 6th grade research project that ended in a 3 page paper. One kid turned in a 10 page paper. And it definitely wasn't a bad attempt at plagiarism. It kind of felt like the mom was missing her own academic уears.

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Text - Departure_Jaded 689 points · 11 hours ago His dad accidentally wrote his own name on the paper. I tortured the kid for a week by calling him by his dad's name. Ah good times.

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Text - dahopppa 590 points · 9 hours ago 3 Not a teacher but in middle school I procrastinated as most kids do and forgot about project to make a brochure about a country. My parents stayed up all night helping me (doing the majority of it). Years later underclassmen would tell me that same teacher would pull my project out every year and tell them what hard work looks like.

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Text - joe_nard_vee 413 points · 10 hours ago As a student, I remember in woodworking that we have to make a foldable chair that we have to work on the whole sem. In the end mine was a fucking safety hazard aka it can be sit upon but there's like nails ready to skewer your ass. Scared to submit that i literally bought new materials outside class and let my dad do it. Teacher was shocked on how good it was and question my authencity. In the end i confessed that it was my dad but my teacher's ego

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Text - zpezzuolo 277 points · 11 hours ago The circles were perfect circles. (I work with first grade special education kids)

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Text - Adonis0 268 points · 7 hours ago This discovery was a collaboration between me and another teacher The student in question submitted an assignment that showed no cohesion or ability to connect ideas (Told me about how to 'make' detergent from kiwi fruit in 500 words, the task was a 1500 word assignment on a DNA extraction experiment) and then the same week submitted an A standard assignment to their psychology teacher with excellent flow, arguments and great conceptual synthesis.

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Text - schoonerw 203 points · 6 hours ago 12-year-old kid brings in a BEAUTIFUL galleon. All the other kids' galleons look like they are cut out of styrofoam using a butter knife, or some kind of strange 50/50 amalgamation of cardboard and hot glue, and then there's this kid with a wooden galleon, complete with rigging, cloth sails, a stand...after talking to him I finally get him to admit that his parents had gone to a shop and ordered a custom- made ship. What the heck?!?

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Text - Smazz97 147 points · 7 hours ago Obligatory 'not a teacher' but in grade 3 we had to build the classic volcano-that-erupts-bicarb-soda-lava. I did the entire thing myself, refusing help from my parents. I walked into class so proud of what I'd made and then saw everyone else's- CLEARLY made by their parents... one kid's even had fake smoke coming out of his, like bro we're 7 years old, it's ok.

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Text - White_Wolf_Dreamer 129 points · 8 hours ago Not a teacher, but a girl in my brother's class won an award for her DARE essay, but when she had to read the essay for the class, she had to keep stopping to ask the teacher how to pronounce different words. On the essay that 'she' wrote. I'm honesty surprised they didn't revoke the award.

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Text - Pimpcool420 99 points · 10 hours ago Not a teacher but I remember one. An assignment in a language class involved audio recordings (not like a video, but something pre-recorded at home to present to the class). One student obviously had her mother speak the entire thing; in one bit you could actually hear her voice in the background while her mom was talking into the mic.

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Text - NicolasGirl 60 points · 6 hours ago An essay the kid wrote about his dad being his hero. Went on to list all of the father's achievements, the stuff he did for his kid, and ending with "my dad is super smart."

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Text - Appropriate_Mango_29 58 points · 3 hours ago Not a teacher but when I was at school we had a class called home tech, cooking, sewing etc f knows why but anyway, we had to make a peg bag from stripe of material and put it together using a sewing machine. I wasn't doing that so I asked my mum to do it for me with my material. She did, and she was chuffed at her final product. So I took it back to school, my teacher gave me an D for my mums peg bag and she's still fuming over it. TLDR mum di

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