FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 04/20/20

Monday, April 20, 2020

Slang Terms Dads Can Use To Embarrass Their Daughters

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the slang terms that dads can use the next time they want to embarrass their daughters. You can just picture silly dads breaking these out the next time they're possessed with the urge to make their kids feel awkward. Oh boy.

1.

Text - Markissy • 2y Just say "whatup fam?" Then when they get mad yell "worldstar"

2.

Text - kcounts • 2y When something surprises you, say you are "shook"

3.

White - Lord_Malgus • 2y Wuss poppin' Jimbo?

4.

Text - [deleted] • 2y "Sweetie, you're at a critical point in your life. The choices you make now can determine the outcome of your future. This is why I need you to promise me you'll take school seriously. The sky is the limit if you just try. I only tell you this because I love you and I want you to be woke as fuck."

5.

Text - darksideofthemoon131 • 2y I try to embarrass my daughter every chance I get as I feel it is truly a dads job to do such things. She unfortunately doesn't react the way I would like. She finds it cool that l'm on top of pop culture. I even went so far as picking her up in my (what I deem an old peoples car) ride with Kendrick Lamar blaring. I was bopping my head, instead of the utter embarrassment her friends started dancing around, and I've become the "cool" dad. Now l've gotta do this al

6.

Text - mathlady89 · 2y To agree with something she says reply "Factsssss!"

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Text - Zip668 · 2y My dad used to go into Carls Jr and call everyone Carl. Go into Wendy's and call everyone Wendy.

8.

Text - themanyfaceasian • 2y Wondering what she's up to today? Spice things up by saying "Ayy what's gucci fam? We're heading to the park wana join? It's gonna be lit."

9.

Text - moby1kenobi • 2y I used the "You ain't woke fam. I'm too lit." on my 15 yr old daughter. I'm 46. Her exact response, walking by without looking at me. "I don't even think you understand what you are saying."

10.

Text - Psyanide13 • 2y "Your mother is DTF."

11.

Text - citizen_tronald_dump • 2y Wait till she's in an argument with your spouse, or being slightly verbose in a public place, pull out your phone and shout "world star!"

12.

Text - FaroutIGE • 2y while you're reading the paper just quietly and slowly say "gucci gang... gucci gang.. gucci gang... gucci gangggg" in whatever tune you feel like. I'd recommend channeling sinatra

13.

Text - AB81994 • 2y Say bruh after literally every sentence

14.

Text - alpha11411 • 2y 1 Award I'm partial to saying "I'm finna pop a goog" instead of "I'm going to google this thing" I've received mixed responses

15.

Text - middleagenotdead • 2y I always tell my daughter, "Word, Yo" whenever she wants me to do something for her. She doesn't ask me much anymore.

16.

Text - [deleted] • 2y Next time her friends are over, tell her you'll leave them alone, but to "cash me ousside if you need anything". Say it on front of her friends for max damage. Bonus if you dab before you leave.

17.

Text - moonwalkersb • 2y When she gets upset, tell her she's "being extra" Side note: it just means you're over reacting, which she will do after about 2 or 3 of these terms. Haha

18.

Text - ramengirl10 • 2y My grandma refers to my SO as my "special friend". She's just old fashioned and refuses to callI him my boyfriend.

19.

Text - azman6k • 2y Start calling everything she likes "wack"

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Text - LRFE • 2y "Wuss poppin' B?" Deadass is a good word, it's a synonym of actually and "I'm being serious" "Did you deadass..." "Deadass I did"

21.

Text - FeatheredSun • 2y "That was lit...let's all dab!"

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23.

Text - noruthwhatsoever • 2y Just call everything "dope", "lit" or "ratchet" and start calling her homie. Tell her she's "on fleek" all the time.

24.

Text - slartbarg • 2y i hear all the young college kids saying "that's so extra" or "you're being so extra right now", meaning being over the top or ridiculous

25.

Text - InternetKidsAreMean • 2y Try to mix/match slangwords as much as possible so you make her embarrassed for you. Girl, that handbag is gucci-lit. Do dabs purpesefully purposely wrong. Insist you're doing them right. Sweety, this is how I saw them do it on the YouTubes. I guess l'll just wait for your friends to get here and l'll do it for them, they can be the judge.

26.

Text - quilladdiction • 2y "Fleek." I will give no context. No definition. For maximum embarrassment potential, all you need to know is that it's an adjective.

27.

Text - nofunrich • 2y Just told my daughter she's being extra after she walked in to my bedroom telling me she couldn't go to school today. Daughter: NO I'M NOT. Me: This is a Gucci morning. Daughter: OH MY GOD Silence follows her stomping out of my room

28.

Text - vekev47 • 2y "You ain't woke fam. I'm too lit." Say that verbatim if you want her face to blush with embarassment.

29.

Text - Pizzachu221 • 2y ANY popular line from her favorite songs and singing it off key.

Submitted by:

Tagged: dads , kids , Awkward , askreddit , slang , parenting , ridiculous , funny

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Ten Minutes of Just Water Towers Collapsing

Here's a bunch of scheduled demolitions of various water towers. In most cases, they fall in the intended direction. Some explode, some fall in a heap, and some manage to stay together amazingly well. It's kinda awesome.

Submitted by: (via Empty Nest Adventures)

Tagged: towers , collapse , water tower , water , Video , demolition

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Woody Harrelson Learns Chris Hemsworth And Liam Hemsworth Are Brothers

The work of a true detective.

Submitted by: (via Ethan Cassidy)

Tagged: woody harrelson , FAIL , actor , liam hemsworth , ridiculous , chris hemsworth , Video

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Fitness Frauds Sued For Pranking Morning News

It's almost like suing someone for rickrolling you.

Submitted by: (via VICE)

Tagged: news , fitness , fraud , prank , ridiculous , reaction , Video

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Beggar Writes One Star Review On Yelp, Store Owner Responds

Now that is how you handle a whiny, choosing beggar who didn't get what they wanted. After this choosing beggar was shut down for being an unreasonable fool, they proceeded to try and diminish the reputation of the store. Well, that backfired. They only ended up looking more ridiculous in the end.

1.

Text - I asked a representative for a $9 discount on a screen and this was the reply I got: "Your offer is a joke, and a good part of our reputation is responding to that kind of silliness in kind. You want us to sell this part for less than our wholesale cost - that is ridiculous, I would say on par with the ridiculousness of your question" ..Unprofessional and unwarranted harassment...

2.

Text - Comment by PRepair Group: I define unwarranted harassment as repeatedly asking for a $9 discount on a part that is being sold with a $0.86 profit margin. Then, going on to explain how your offer is "reasonable", and how we are being "rookies" by not considering your below cost offer. This is like going to a bodega and asking for a pack of cigarettes for $2.50, over and over, then acting surprised when the bodega owner asks you to leave. Asking for the pack of cigarettes for $2.50 takes ba

3.

Text - responding to that kind of silliness in kind. You want us to sell this part for less than our wholesale cost - that is ridiculous, I would say on par with the ridiculousness of your question" | stand behind those words. We go out of our way to help people, and routinely do so at below market pricing because we love what we do. This allows me to retain a clean conscience telling degenerates like themselves when the opportunity arises. It's the beauty of being the boss - you can cut nonsens

Submitted by:

Tagged: reviews , FAIL , response , ridiculous , yelp , choosing beggar

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Psycho Neighbor Gets Frozen Out Of Apartment

The landlord should've thrown in a heads up about this neighbor. But alas, it could've been worse. Could've been like that one landlord who admitted to being a criminally dumb criminal, to a tenant.

Anyways, in this case, the rent seeming like it was too good to be true, was in fact, too good to be true. You see, there was no disclosure that the apartment being rented would also be shared with a loudmouthed, rude, obnoxiously toxic, neighbor. The kind that fills the air with negative chaos, and generally infects their surroundings with unease. Fortunately, a pro revenge was hatched, and successfully pulled off. The psycho neighbor literally got frozen out of the apartment.

1.

Text - r/ProRevenge + JOIN u/YouMightKnowMeMate • 5h 1 1 I froze my psycho neighbor out of her apartment In college, my two friends and I decided to find a place together off-campus. We found a beautiful three- bedroom house with surprisingly affordable rent. The basement of the house was listed as a separate apartment, but as it had a separate entrance and the indoor stairwell had been blocked off, we weren't worried. And the thermostat was upstairs.

2.

Text - Then the demon neighbor moved in. From upstairs, we could hear everything. This adult woman would call her mother and scream at her to pay for her cellphone bills and give her "grocery" money (aka Taco Bell and cheap tequila), she would scream at whatever guy she was sleeping with to bring her meth, and one day, she brought home three puppies to scream at, too. We were terrified of this woman, and the noise was hell. Also, we'd been idiotic enough to sign a lease stating we were responsib

3.

Text - We contacted the landlord, because we'd signed for a bloody non-smoking apartment. He told us we lived in a state where you could technically call an apartment non-smoking even if it shared ventilation with a smoking apartment. (Fuck you, leasing laws). At this point, my two roommates were heading out for a two-week vacation (they were online students, while I was residential), leaving me alone in the apartment with the demon smoker in the basement. I couldn't sleep or eat, because my idi

4.

Text - After three days, I was a little insane. I made a plan. I checked the forecast: lows in the 20s all week. I borrowed a friend's ultra-insulated sleeping bag. I bought one of those ski masks with the holes for your eyes and mouth. I got out my stocking cap, my silk long underwear, my woolen socks, and my down parka. I bought tea, hot cocoa, and ramen, and prepared to live off a diet of hot liquids.

5.

Text - And I turned off the fucking heat. Day 1: She's screaming at her mother for forcing her to move into this frozen shit-hole of an apartment. Day 2: She's screaming at her boyfriend (meth-dealer?) because he won't let her move in with him. Day 3: She's screaming at the landlord about how she's fucking freezing.

6.

Text - Day 4: The landlord is at my door. I greet him in full ski mask/parka/stocking cap array, looking like l'm heading out to rob Santa Claus at the North Pole. He asks me if I don't find it a little chilly in the house. I reply l'd found all the cigarette smoke a little warm. Day 5: She's screaming about "THE BITCHES UPSTAIRS" to anyone who will listen, and l'm sitting upstairs clutching my car keys and my pepper spray with 911 typed into my phone. She finally decides she's fucking leaving a

7.

Text - Day 6: She's GONE. I silently bless Greg. Moral of the story: There's a bloody reason the rent seems too good to be true. Ps. For those wondering, I did have a friend who worked plumbing stop by to give me some advice about how low I could go before I burst the water pipes to hell and back.

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Tagged: neighbors , satisfying , revenge , awesome , ridiculous , apartment

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Entitled New Store Owner Left High and Dry by Employees

"Ken" the male Karen thought he'd get to boss around the current employees of the store he bought, but his crappy attitude and unrealistic expectations led the newly open positions to be job poison. For another horrible boss story, this Karen Manager demanded an employee print a video file and things didn't end well.

1.

Text - O r/IDontWorkHereLady - Posted by u/LocalLiBEARian 10 hours ago Actually, Ken, I DON'T work here any more. Or for you. XXL A friend of mine recently reminded me of this, the absolute BEST time I ever had dealing with a Karen in the wild. It happened about 30 years ago, so I'm going strictly by memory here. I also have no clue what the name for a male Karen is, so I'll call him Ken. Sorry this came out so long but I think you'll enjoy it. TLDR at the bottom.

2.

Text - I used to work for (Chain) convenience store, and back in the late 80's it ran into financial trouble. Corporate decided that, to cut costs, they would sell off / shut down all locations that didn't have a gas station attached; this included my location. Once the stores were sold / closed, our positions would be eliminated and we'd be out of a job. Although I was only the assistant manager for our location, I was effectively running things as Corporate had decided to pull my manager off t

3.

Text - CAST: HH - Head Honcho guys from Corporate, in charge of selling the store (slightly involved near the end) Ken - entitled dude who bought our location and, of course, moi. :-) Once Chain announced that they were closing the stores, it was no secret that we would be shutting down. Of course, us employees were still expected to give good customer service. That was usually no problem as we were in a good area and had pretty decent customers; they liked us, we liked them... but at the same t

4.

5.

Text - Fast forward to the final day. All the other employees had worked their last shifts, and (as acting manager) I opened the store that morning. HH guys arrived to go through whatever they needed and, shortly before noon, Ken showed up. Ken and HH guys went in the back and, once they came back out, we closed the store in order to finalize everything. HH guys and I cashed out the register for the last time and, most importantly, I turned over my key to the store. Once that was done, something

6.

Text - Me: Just making sure; Chain no longer owns this location... Ken is in charge now, yes? HH confirms, so I step out from behind the counter. Of course, Ken starts yelling. (I think yelling was his default mode.) Ken: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? Me: Home, what does it look like? Ken: YOU GET BACK HERE AND GET YOUR BUTT BACK BEHIND THAT COUNTER WHERE IT BELONGS! Me: (calmly) No. I don't work for you.

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Tagged: employee , owner , retail , revenge , story , entitled , store , karen

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Inedible but Delicious Looking Objects

Why do they make earplugs look so goddamn tasty looking? Here are things that look like food but would either taste bad, be impossible to chew, break your teeth, or bite you back. Too much stuff in this world looks like food but isn't. Here are the bugs, wood shavings and rocks that look tasty in all their forbidden bounty.