FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 07/25/20

Saturday, July 25, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Hilarious Translation Fails From A Summer Camp Book

This fun Tumblr thread captures the hilarious misunderstandings that can result from translating an English book. In this case, it's an innocent book about summer camp that results in all kinds of misinterpreted sentences. Sometimes getting lost in those translations is a fun business. It would be just a little frightening if one had chipmunks ("tiny wolves") running around their summer camp. Check out more completely random, strange, and hilarious Tumblr gems over here.

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Text - hedgehog-moss One of the first books I read in English as a kid, maybe 1 year after I started leaming English, was a booklet with a title like, How to Have a Great Time at Summer Camp. I don't remember the exact title and I know I only picked it up because the other books in English in my school's library looked way beyond my level, stuff like Austen and Dickens. The summer camp booklet didn't look to0 interesting but it was small with simple sentences. I ended up being fascinated with it

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Text - 3. I had no idea that the word "pet" could mean "favourite". When the booklet said one kid might become "the camp counsellor's pet", my dictionary helpfully led me to believe it meant that a psychologist would pick one unfortunate kid to be his domestic animal for the summer. Slightly disturbing. I moved on 4. the kids slept in "bunks" and my stupid dictionary only defined this word as "couche". Which is not wrong, but we would probably say couchette instead, or better yet lits superposés

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Text - queueing up for lunch and I was like "What do you think?" and my friend said hesitantly, "Maybe if it's a small diamond?" and I insisted "No! The book says it's big!" 6. among the basic items the book said every kid should bring to camp were "batteries". I didn't bother looking up that word in my dictionary seeing as it's the same in French. I didn't know it was a false friend, and I was impressed to learn that most American kids own a drum set and bring it to camp as an essential item 7.

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Text - what-even-is-thiss This is delightful. Thank you for sharing. wreck-it-remy2 I've never been to camp like what OP is describing so I get a lot of this. But I do not understand number 6 at all. batteries are portable electricity to power electronics such as music players, radios, and flashlilights. I have no idea what "false friend" means in this context, but I'm guessing it isn't another way to say fake friend, also known as someone you know who pretends to be your friend. I have no idea

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Text - what-even-is-thiss A false friend in language learning is two words in different languages that are pronounced the same but have totally different meanings. Like the Spanish word educado and the English word educated sound quite similar but they have completely different meanings. Educado means polite. I'm no French speaker but I'm assuming from this post that the French word for drums sounds very similar to the English word battery. lugooble Two things: a. This made my day, thx and b. Th

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Tagged: tumblr , english , language , ridiculous , story , funny tumblr

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Entitled Mom Loses It Over Free Seashells

If someone is just giving something away for free, it's probably in your best interest to make your receiving of that item as convenient for them as possible. In this case, this person thought she could have free stuff delivered to her, an occurrence that is all too common with entitled folks and their frustrating demands.

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Text - FREE - Free Seashells Mark as Sold More Options created this group You're not connected to 1 member Becky named the group Becky · Free Seashells. Becky changed the group photo. Hello! I'd love to take these off your hands. Awesome, I can just leave them outside on my porch for a pickup whenever you're available. Yay. I can come in a few hours when I get off work. Thanks again, I've needed some shells for a project! What is your address?

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Text - It's. :In s area off 'l leave them out now in a bag on the doorstep, take them whenever. Shoot. Darn it that's about 40 minutes away from me. I don't suppose there's anyway you could meet me half way?! ( I don't really leave the area here as I'm 8 months pregnant and with COVID going on. But if you're ever in the area just let me know and if they're still available l'll leave them out for you.

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Text - Yeah, sorry I won't be in that area anytime soon. I have no reason to be over there TBH. Those shells are something I need though, is it possible you could please meet me at the Walmart off - and ?? That's 30 minutes away from me. The shells are totally free and its 3 unreasonable for me to drive an hour round trip. As I said, if you're ever in the area l'Il leave them out. Uhh, unreasonable? It's just a polite thing to do to compromise with people. You're selling on a community page wher

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Text - I'm interested in them because they're FREE, but l'd end up spending time and money to drive so far. Kinda defeats the purpose of a free item? At the LEAST you can hold them for me until I'm in the area. If you can't meet me at least hold them please. Thank you. 4 I have someone coming to get them shortly. I got these at the beach, they were free and easy to find, if you really need them that badly.

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Text - Okay I have to say that's pretty messed up. WHY can you not hold them for me? It's not like your missing out on a sell, they're FREE. It's business etiquette, first come first serve. Extremely rude to give them to someone else. It wouldn't have inconvenienced you at all to just wait for me, like I said you aren't missing out on any money or anything!

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Text - I don't have the time or ability to go to the beach, otherwise I'd have just gone there don't you think? That's why I was looking for FREE shells. This was suppose to be for my daughter's mermaid room and not having them will be a big inconvenience for me. I just wanted to let you know It's extremely rude to give them to someone else and not just hang on to them for a few day's especially after I told you how much I need them and messaged you first. Hope the other person NEEDED them as mu

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Tagged: deal , annoying , demanding , ridiculous , entitled , dumb , shells , stupid , free

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Clever Comebacks From Spicy Silvertongues

The proper series of words can leave someone utterly crushed. There's nothing that gets us going like a clever comeback that renders its recipient speechless. Check out more remarkable retorts that wrecked people over here.

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Text - Pistol liked Abby Govindan @abbygov why does no one talk about how depression and anxiety can cause major memory loss? 09:40 · 7/10/20 · Twitter Web App 13.3K Retweets and comments 92.8K Likes locephaly @loceph - 22h Replying to @abbygov we do. you mfs just keep forgetting Q 34 27259 ♡ 9,289

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Text - People really be grown and still using umbrellas??? f2 You supposed to become waterproof after you turn 18 or something?

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Fictional character - Uncle Fabian * @Uncle_Fabian Who wins this Fight and why? ONE:12 DC MEZO •naa shidaa. @shidaazzlesthem You're literally putting the god of thunder against a guy with a sore throat in a Halloween costume

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Sky - ellentube #TheEllenShow #Ellen #EllenDeGeneres Can This Teenager Use a Rotary Phone? 2.7M views 4 days ago 56K 6.6K Share Download Save day ago "Oh look at these stupid kids. They can't use a rotary phone. They can't use a phone book." Wow, it's almost like as technology advances, older things slowly become useless and obsolete. Kind of like Ellen...

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Text - abby @abbypauline_ I've been in 7 car accidents this year, y'all can't tell me God doesr have a plan for me. senpai @jasminsenju Girl it sound like he tryna kill u

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Text - PhotographyByAdri • 2h I think I've only seen this posted like 50 times in the last month Reply 29 cj-psych-54 • 1h I've only seen your mom like 50 times in the last month -12 PhotographyByAdri • 47m That's not surprising. She works in a newborn intensive care unit, so she's seeing big babies every day. 32

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Text - In the 1950's, one of the journalists criticized Marilyn Monroe saying that she's only beautiful because of her fancy dresses/clothes. Then she did this photoshoot wearing a potato sack as a response. NO. I SANT ONOT ITATOE NG PRODUCE mOED & SPPED

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Text - Daniel Lawson @DanielLaw1998 Disabled parking should only be valid during business hours 9 to 5 Monday to Friday. I cannot see any reason why people with genuine disabilities would be out beyond these times. Jennifer Lee Rossman @JenLRossman We're disabled, Daniel, we're not werewolves.

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Technology - chris @icedoutomnitrix yea bro aint this that festival u did? Ja Rule O @jarule · 6h Y'all lucky I can't run president... lol

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Text - Carson @CallMeCarsonYT There is no greater defeat than when the waiter calls me "buddy" when l'm ordering my food Soon I will be 21, yet here l am, looking like l'm 14. 5:06 PM · 5/3/20 · Twitter for iPhone 2,850 Retweets 68.1K Likes Seth Everman @SethEverman · 9h Replying to @CallMeCarsonYT that's okay buddy Q 10 2786 11.6K Carson @CallMeCarsonYT · 9h quiet gramps i could use your head as a mirror 27150 10K

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Text - Text - ... Yesterday at 2:15 PM · O If we all just switched to cursive and stick shift cars, we could cripple an entire generation O Like Comment Share 20.6K and 28.8K others shared this I love how you all talk shit about a generation you raised like it's their fault and not yours. 228 17h Like Reply Write a comment... GIF --

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Text - Text - Active 26m ago 4:41 PM Weirdo Why'd you like my pic from 2017 I'm not weird You just haven't looked good in awhile

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Text - Text - Nita D @Nitaa_xo DANK MEMEOLOGY There is a cure for cancer - His Name is Jesus There is a cure for HIV/AIDS - His Name is Jesus There is a cure for Lupus - His Name is Jesus There is a cure for Diabetes - His Name is Jesus jovan @EhJovan well when is he going to publish his research

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Text - Text - 38 mins There is a guY in front of me with Iraq veteran Plate frame so I yell out my window thank you for YOUY service. He yells back at me thank you for paying your taxes and putting me through college. Not what I was expecting to hear. Like Comment Send

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Text - Text - O Save HELP Vacationers rescued after spelling 'HELP' with leaves 235 Comments 438 Shares O:0 2.7K A Share Comment Like Most Relevant

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Text - Text - Most Relevant - Write a comment... GIF They must be from a generation that learned how to spell the old-fahsioned way without the assistance of auto-correct instead of those who only know how to type or text! 30 Like · Reply I'm sorry your generation finds it so difficult to spell "help". Do you want an award for knowing how to spell help without autocorrect or that you can write it in cursive? Kids these days can hack into secure networks and build websites by the time you knew ho

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Text - Text - I'm on the bus and this guy is so fine but he has an iPhone 6 And you're on a bus

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19. The link was a rickroll.

Text - Text - 5 Awards Wait, you're actually Rick Astley tho...? Reply 23.8k ReallyRickAstley 12h • No stranger to love 13 Awards Yes! 26.5k theMalleableDuck • 11h 1.2k Awards I think I might cry!!! It's actually you. I met you at a backstage event when I was 12. Seriously a big fan. I've seen you in concert five times. 67.5k ReallyRickAstley 11h • No stranger to love 74 Awards 49.3k

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Text - Animated cartoon - This is perfect. That cliff is the perfect spot for our first meeting. Yeah. As soon as she meets you, she can fump right off.

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Tagged: satisfying , witty comebacks , banter , comebacks , social media , ridiculous , funny , win

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The Time a Car Wash Turned A Customer Crash into an Ad

The employees of Quick Quack Car Wash probably didn't think they'd have a hit on their hands when a customer sped through their car wash and crashed into a barrier. However, with the help of their strategically placed cameras and some careful editing, this masterpiece was born.

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Tagged: wtf , car wash , car crash , lol , funny , Video

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Boss Continually Insults Employee, Employee Takes Revenge

This boss barked up the wrong tree. Got to hand it to this guy for his heroic level of patience when it came to toughing it out, and biding his time for the ultimate pro revenge. Sounds like a great six months was enjoyed by the employee after they were fired. Would be pretty nice to get paid over $32K for doing nothing, by the very boss that thought they could fire you amidst all their HR violations, and never pay the price for it.

Check out some more workplace drama with this employee who got fired, and proceeded to take the essential program with them.

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Text - r/ProRevenge u/Divine_Squire • 1y + Join Revenge for the boss from hell. 30k+ payable to me, thanks. Greetings, I posed this story once before in days past but deleted it in fear legal reasons. I've revised it and feel more comfortable sharing. The title of the story was something like "Creamfilled karma ending for boss" or something along those lines. I enjoy the heck out of this sub along with malicious compliance and petty revenge. I can tell you as a long time lurker this story is wor

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Text - TLDR: Boss was a dickhead all the time, then insulted me while I was eating lunch with a client in public. I painfully planned and executed a plan to make him pay me over 30,000 dollars as punishment , I was successful. I worked for this small business IT Consulting firm for seven years. Owned and operated by a person we will call Dick. First two years things were fine. Occasionally this guy would take things a little too far, he was just passionate about his opinion and always had to be

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Text - For months l'd hear him shouting all the time at this one guy. The co-worker after leaving the meeting would go back to his office from where I had a view and I could just see the stress and misery in his face. Till finally I said to him, "what the hell man? He's always giving you a hard time here lately, what did you do?" He didn't seem to know. He confided in me right there the level of hell he's in and some of the things Dick has said or done. I couldn't believe some of the details he

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Text - A few months later he finally found another job and left. I talk to him couple times a year and he always said it was the best choice in his life he ever made. Dick's sights then narrowed on to me. I can take a lot. So for the next five years I took it. He would insult me pretty much every day, each day more and more colorful. I didn't really care or take it home with me so it wasn't a problem for me, for Dick I would learn it was. Unrelated, five years in I put in my notice because he as

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Text - What I learned is I was a fool to do that and money isn't everything. Go where you'll be the most happy. Best life advice I can give after this experience. He left me alone for a couple months after that, he wasn't in the office much either. Then a day struck his fancy to start things up again only he ran out of material. My work is solid and he had no opportunity to criticize that. The only method he had was bashing his ego and sarcasm around but he realized it had no impact on me. Here

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Text - entitled and sarcastic tone if you were an expert on the matter and wanted to see those credentials. I learn fast, just never speak unless spoken too. Any comment or insult he made I would respond without emotion and just say ok. Because Dick wasn't able to get a rise out of me the old fashioned way he decided to create fictional content for a new direction. Our small company would go out to eat as a whole, or just order in on Fridays. I ate half my sandwich, and wrapped the remaining to

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Text - This went on a couple weeks, he had no opportunity and couldn't complain. He realized he failed again. So then he came up with the next item. The Bathroom. This I actually did a little research on and couldn't find anything legally I could do. But anytime anyone would use the rest room he would blame me for the smell. Instead of hello when passing in the highway he would say "Did you use spray" or "Did you light a match" as hateful as he could, but that was his normal. It went much deeper

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Text - I must have visually tipped him off I didn't approve of this because he never got bored with it. However I did at least get him to stop asking about if I used spray. Anytime I used the bathroom, even to take a piss l'd use the entire can of air freshener. This wasn't an easy task as l'd have to mask my face to empty that entire thing. Takes a while surprisingly to empty an entire can in a session. One thing is for certain when I was finished, someone used the "spray" and Dick was buying a

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Text - I almost walked out. Then I remembered he drove and it's a long way back. Plus Dick is over 60, what kind of person knocks out a senior? I had to chant that in my mind to keep control. I never get pissed but after years this was the last straw! I seriously pleaded with myself all day not to do it because l'd go to jail and he would win. During this time period he also started playing with my money. Behind 4-5 months with reimbursement, week late on paychecks, stuff like that. You ask wher

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Text - Then the idea came to me that night, did my research and odds were in my favorite that it could work. I'm just going to mirror him until he fires me. When he fires me he will have to pay half my current salary of 65k until I get a new job. You know what? I can live perfectly fine on 32.5k. Why not make him pay out of his pocket 32.5k for everything he had said and done? He would have to pay this over the course of six months or until I found a new job. So my goal was to make him pay me $3

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Text - So I hit him where it hurt first, his favorite thing in the world is meetings. Because he loves to hear himself talk and take you step by step through his thought process with a noble tone congratulating himself for his thinking and why his way is the best way. So I started speaking up and illustrated a more efficient way that cost less. He would argue, sometimes red in the face mad. Especially if others in the meeting liked my idea. He knew he was wrong but he would dismiss them and dema

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Text - Trust me when I say this guy has a massive ego and I was counting on this for pissing him off. I laid it on thick, in time it took its toll. I knew it did because what came next. His retaliation was the kitchen sink, he had nothing so he started accusing me of things, then playing coy when it came to reviewing the details or facts. He would put words in my month, I'd state he was wrong and then he would tell me I was. All he was doing was opening the door so he could play a revengeful sar

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Text - While I took delight knowing he was hemorrhaging money for months, I was hoping for a lay off to execute my plan. Nothing. T have to make him want to fire me, it's the only way. T have to beat him at his own game while providing the illusion he is in control. So I turned up the heat. I was asked to travel to a client by the 2nd in command. I said "I'm sorry man, I haven't received reimbursement in six months for travel expenses and I just had my work cell phone service turned off. With th

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Text - That day Dick had a meeting with me and setup a payment plan to pay the money back. After three weeks it would be paid. So I said to Dick "understood, after three weeks l'Il be on the road again, cool" just making sure he understood because he wanted to play games and not pay the amount in full Dick is now going to pay me my salary for three weeks to do nothing until the reimbursement fee is paid. Guy has a several million dollar house, goes on vacations has a boats, etc. Out of all the t

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Text - Then on the third week, three days until the final payment, it happens. Dick enters my office, and gives me the filmier demeaning dog wave gesture to follow him without speaking. We sit down and he asks me what the problem is? I told him the problem is he needs a new hobby. In one hand you have someone sitting here that busted his ass for the last seven years, in the other your need to bash someone's face in the dirt with your ego. The problem with me is I won't conform and provide both.

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Text - After a pause He said if you feel that way why didn't you speak to me about it? I reminded him that I did twice and both times you humiliated me for it and said "this is I.T!" What the I.T Career that I've done the last twenty years had to do with his ego l'll never know. He responded with I'm behind the times, my work has been poor and out of the kindness of his heart he gave me a raise after I demanded it. I responded with Ok. Then he finally said what I wanted to hear "I want to cal| i

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Text - When I arrived home I promptly adjusted the dates on the unemployment forms I had filled out already in wait and submitted them. I called the state and confirmed everything was documented on my end accurately and now it's the waiting game. My plan wasn't realized until my boss receive the letter in the mail about a week later stating he's going to have shell out my Salary for the next six months or until I found a job. Panicked at this point he realized what I set him up for. So He claime

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Text - Realizing the shit storm he's in now I'm told from the admin friend he was on the phone with them quite a while twisting and turning the fake stories out. Bottom line, the state needed to see documented verbal and written warnings, signed so he couldn't fake them. He called his lawyer and his lawyer told him he's screwed. Later my boss told co-workers he felt bad for me that I couldn't find work and he decided to give unemployment to me to save face of his ego. That made official that his

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Text - For the reason I was terminated I said "Dick the owner made some poor business discussions that impacted the company losing business and clients. He let me go as a business discussion, in his shoes l'd of done the same and understand." I wrote it that way for a reason. But Dick didn't realize why. I knew what his reaction would be. The state saw a down to earth guy that was honest and understanding on paper. Then they saw Dicks predicted response of being a dick, most likely yelling and o

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Text - His reaction being, his ego had to take it up the ass. Once for failing as a business man, another for me saying so on state paper work, and lastly accepting that I got the better of him and all this time I have been coaxing him to make this move. The only thing left to do is pay me, every single week. And his money goes to the state first then the state sends it to me, so he can't play games with my money or the state is coming after him. Over the next six months I took that time to enjo

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Text - It was either that or knock him out during that lunch, It wasn't easy, took work but I'm proud of the way | handled it. I feel vindicated, it's pretty rare the world is balanced, evil often wins. But not this time. This time it cost Dick, 32,500 dollars to be exact. All in all I can say 10/10 would do it again. Due to his age I can't imagine that it would be a humbling experience at this point. But it was for me, money isn't everything, there is only one thing of true value, your happines

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Tagged: boss , satisfying , job , revenge , work , awesome , career , win

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Pyramid Scheme Scammer Ends Up Paying In The End

Seriously, pyramid schemes are the worst. This guy literally showed up for a gig and saw a pyramid on the wall. At least the whole scam was glaringly obvious, and the scheme itself was ultimately shut down. If you enjoyed this revenge drama, check out our recent revenge of the week, "The Long Game" over here.

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Text - r/ProRevenge u/Drunken_Black_Belt • 3y + Join 3 Pyramid Scheme scammer ends up paying in the end! About 6 or 7 years ago, I was trying to enlist into the military. I ended up not joining but that's a story for another time. At this point, I was led to believe I was about 4 months away from leaving for Boot camp. I was running out of savings, and needing a part time job for some spending cash while I waited around.

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Text - So I did what any enterprising 20something would do, and searched craigslist for jobs. I normally hate sales jobs, especially those based on commissions, but figured it would be a great way to earn some extra cash short term. Found a few job listings that looked promising, and put out some applications. A few days later I received a call from David. He was opening up a new store and needed associates. He liked my resume and asked if l'd be available for an interview on Friday morning. I w

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Text - Friday arrives as a cold rainy day. I wear a nice shirt and tie, and drive in heavy traffic to the address David provided. I knew the area from a previous job, and eventually found the strip mall I was looking for. However, l'm not seeing any signage for the company name that was listed. There is however, one empty space with no signage and two people inside. Ok, maybe they havent gotten the store set up yet. No big deal. I had arrived early, knowing how bad traffic can be in that area. W

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Text - I walk in about 5 minutes early, and immediately my BS meter goes from Yellow to the highest level, "Black Watch Plaid". The tables are all simple plastic folding tables. The kind college kids would buy for beer pong while on a shopping trip to target. The walls are plastered with laminated charts featuring tons of dollar signs, smiling faces from stock photos, and an organizational chart showing an all to familiar shape. A Pyramid. God damnit. Alright, might as well have fun for a while

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Text - The young lady in the dress approaches me, introducing herself as Cindy. She welcomed me to Company Name, and asked me to have a seat. She sat at her "desk" (another plastic table), and pretended to go through paper work. However she was really just shuffling papers around. We get to chatting, and I ask her how long she's worked for David. She says she's been his secretary for about 6 months and that I'm going to love it here. Eventually, a guy walks out of the back office. Early 30's, cl

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Text - The guy stops in his tracks and gives her a cold stare. "It's David, Cindy. We've been over this". He turns back to me and gives me his brightest "Hard to find good help these days" smile. David sits me down and welcomes me, saying they are going to start with a group interview and has me sit down in a circle of chairs. Eventually more people come in and sit down. David gets up and begins to thank us all for coming. He tells us about an exciting new opportunity from Cutco! He pulls out a

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Text - Sad to say, a lot of the other interviewees were very impressed by this. One pregnant girl seemed very excited that she could work around her pregnancy and upcoming birth. David was going on and on about how much money he's made and how "hard workers will rise to the top quickly". At this point, David said he needed to take a quick phone call, and gave us 5 minutes to have some coffee, chit chat, whatever. As he stepped away, he left his college textbook behind. Oops. Sol pick it up, find

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Text - David walks in a few minutes later, and one of the girls in the group asked David what we need to get started. "Well, all you need is your first set of knives to demonstrate! You can sell that on directly or have them order one and keep that as your demo kit. Doesn't matter. Just have to pay the start up fees for it" And that's when all hell broke loose. One kid started to get up and tell him to go fuck himself, saying he's wasting our time and he's an asshole for trying to pull this shit

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Text - As I'm walking to the door, I see, leaning against the wall, the sign that was in the window before "Retail Space for Rent! Call 1800-Blah-Blah". As I get into my car I dial the number. Eventually I get through to a person, and ask about the property for rent at the location of David's company. The nice lady on the phone apologized, saying they had just leased that property out. 1 asked if she knew how long the lease was for, as I was really interested in the property. She said she wasnt

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Text - Or so I thought. A few weeks later, I received an email from David. Telling me how I ruined his life. About how the property management found out what was going on, and weren't refunding his down payment on the space. Saying he violated a clause in the paperwork he signed to hold the property. How he knew I was the one who called because l'm a terrible human being, etc etc. Now he was out thousands for the space and supplies, how he only wanted to give us jobs and help us. It was a long,

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Tagged: satisfying , revenge , awesome , pyramid scheme , Reddit , win

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Employee Gets Fired, Takes Essential Program with Them

This factory thought it could get rid of an employee but keep their game-changing program. It looks like they thought too fast. For another story of an employee getting the better of an ungrateful company, here's an ungrateful psycho boss that got instant karma.

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Text - Posted by u/Wintertodt 2 days ago Buy my program when you fire me? No? Okay. oc M Long story short: I was employed at a rather large factory which is one of the largest plant based companies in the world, recently bought by an investment firm not so long ago. Anyways, I developed a program which was used at the factory, it could tell whenever any machines were not running, even if it was due to a manual stop or anything else. My program knew the reason why the machine was idling. This pro

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Text - Factory appoints a new chief, all the old employees that were in a leader position was let go because it was time for "new blood to come in". There was talk a lot of talk about selling off parts of the factory, including machines and so on. This included programs that I had developed, including the program that identified whenever a machine stopped. I developed this program on my spare time, showed it to the old management and they liked it enough that they wanted to use it on every stati

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Text - When the newly appointed factory chief wanted to let the the old employees, me included, leave, it was not known that I was the person behind that program. Anyways, at my meeting with HR and the factory chief I said that I was willing to sell them the program and teach someone how to maintain the program. The factory chief laughed in my face and said it was company property and that it was simply "their program" and not mine. I offered to show them the source code and everything but it le

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Text - After a week or so, they noticed problems with the program, it would stop loading, stop registering stops and it would mislabel stops. I knew that this was when the fun was about to begin. After a month, I was called in to the office and was told that "I had tampered with the program because it had suddenly stopped working." I let them know that someone had to maintain it. I was ordered to teach someone how to do that job and I told them "after you pay me for the program rights". They wou

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Text - I left after that week, got a phone call about a month after I left where they begged me to sell them the rights and teach someone how to maintain it. I never sold them that program, instead I sold an improved version to another factory nearby, where I am now employed. Edit: I see some are saying that I am in the wrong based on US law, just editing here to let you know that this did not take place in the US. I made the program during my spare time at home on my own computer. After introdu

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Tagged: employee , job , revenge , work , factory , lol , story , funny , win

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Quick Tumblr Thread On Humans Being Adorable

I absolutely welcome our alien overlords. Bring it on.

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Text - satanbird E floretsilva teaboot Humans are adorable. Supporting evidence: 1. Humans say 'ow', even if they haven't actually been hurt. It's just a thing they say when they think they might have been hurt, but aren't sure yet. 2. Humans collect shiny things and decorate their bodies and nests with them. The shinier the better, although each individual has a unique taste for style and colouring 3. Humans are not an aquatic or even amphibious species, but they flock to bodies of water simply

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Text - 4. When night falls and the sky goes dark, humans become drowsy and begin to cocoon themselves in soft, fluffy bedding. 5. Some humans spend time in each other's nests! Just for fun! It's not their nest; they're just visiting each other. 6. Some humans use pigments and dyes to make their bodies flashy and colourful! They even attach shiny dangly bits to their cartalidgous membranes! 7. Humans are very clever, and sometimes adopt creatures from other species into their family units. They d

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Text - 8. If a human sees another creature in distress, they can commonly be observed trying to help! Even at their own risk, most humans are deeply compassionate creatures! 9. If a human hears a particularity catchy sound or tune, it will often mimic it, even to the point of annoying themselves! 10. Sneezes are entirely involuntary, and completely adorable. Especially when the human in question becomes frustrated

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Text - 11. Humans love treats!!! Some more than others. Many humans will save these treats specifically for a later date when they are in need of comfort or reassurance. IE, pickles, pop tarts, Popsicles, etc 12. They're learning to travel in space!! They can't get very far, but they're trying!!! So far, they've made it to the end of their yard, and have found rocks shakespork this sounds like it was written by a really enthusiastic alien humanologist

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Tagged: aww , wholesome , tumblr , cute , humans , ridiculous , funny tumblr

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Boss Tries To Steal Employee's Work, Gets Fired

What's with people trying to steal other people's work, and being so foolish that they honestly think they'll get away with it. This boss vastly underestimated their employee. The pro revenge was swift and brutal. Check out another case of pro revenge with this doctor who tried to take credit for a woman's work.

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/Unhappy_Taste • 2d 1 E 1 Taught a lesson to my idiot boss who tried to get credit and promotion for a softwarel made and fired me over it I was working in a finance company last year. One day, I propose to my manager that since I have a computer programming background, I know that for that manual job XYZ, automation can be done using some new tech and it'll reduce 500 man hours per week. He also has some tech background, so he says it hasn't been done because it can'

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Text - I, being bullheaded and with shit to prove (and CV to build), developed it on my own, in my own time, on my home computer, then compiled it into a binary (single executable file without code) and gave it to him. He got permission from IT department to run it on his computer and was utterly sure that it won't work and he would get to laugh at me, but it did. Even though the software works, idiot manager took it as an insult somehow and banned me from using it, giving some inane reason that

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Text - Now instead of being a sensible guy and coming clean to get code from me, he calls me in his cabin, behaves rudely and says that I need to submit the code for that software, I asked him why ? You had said we won't be using it ? He's like, either you submit the code or you'll be fired. I was already fed up of being treated like shit by this shitstain, just because he was somehow jealous. So I said fuck off, I won't submit the code, I know enough know that you can't sue me and I resign. law

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Text - Little did he know, there was a malicious code module hidden in that executable file, which checked for a 1 or O on a remote github repository everytime it was run, if 1 or no network, do everything as required, but if a 0 is received, that's emergency signal. I added that little code because his behaviour was very shitty to begin with and I didn't trust him, I was planning to remove it after its official implementation, which never happened. So I went ahead and changed that 1 to O after

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Text - Suddenly his laptop was frozen and nothing was working anymore. It took him a while to realize something fishy was going on and then he took out the laptop battery to switch it off. By then, all the word, excel and PowerPoint files were encrypted and the executable had erased itself out of existence. I used the same code (without the malicious module), to get a better job at another company, where l'm much more appreciated and the job is also fun, then the whole covid thing happened and n

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Text - That idiot boss's promotion and raise got cancelled because he couldn't produce what he promised. He also got reprimanded for losing a lot of important company data, which he attributed to some unknown virus, which wasn't believable because no one's allowed to put anything on those office laptops without security clearance from IT deptt. He called me one night, drunk, angry, threatening me that he knows what I did. I feigned ignorance and quoted something like shit happens to shitty peopl

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Text - There are some questions which keep coming up again and again, so l'm answering them here in the post, I tried to answer each of them in the comments individually but now I have to sleep. Q1) Being a finance related company, they generally have stringent security measures, how could IT department allow the manager to load the program on his laptop and why didn't they check its network communication or run it through an antivirus ?

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Text - A1) This is not the kind of company a lot of people here are envisioning, yes they have security measures like blocked USB ports, firewalls etc. in place, but just so that if a client visit happens, they can qualify. Most of the employees in IT department are highly underpaid, sick of red tapeism and blame games, so if it's not a very weird request, they generally just ask for an email from project manager and load whatever software they need, especially custom ones, because they can't re

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Text - Regarding firewall restrictions, they are also quite lax, like I mentioned in the comments, they keep blocking websites when they realize people are wasting time on them, common time waster banned websites being FB, Instagram, Reddit, most porn sites, most games sites etc. There have been instances when people have been able to open a porn site if it's quite new, once it's known, it's blocked promptly. Obviously websites like Stack overflow, GitHub, Bitbucket are not blocked, because they

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Text - They did run the program through a basic antivirus, it didn't show up as suspicious and there can be a lot of reasons for it, primary being, shitty antivirus, I keep checking it on my comp and it's not detected there either, maybe because the code doesn't seem familiar enough to it, maybe because used Golang, maybe because they just suck, I don't know and I am not an expert in antiviruses but the ones l've tried in VM are Quickheal, McAfee and Norton and all three of them don't show anyth

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Text - A2: Yes guys I know it's a crime. And sadly I don't really have a fancy excuse for this, I was just plain cocky and angry. I felt I wouldn't get caught and that guy was up my ass from a long time. I instinctively knew he would do some weird shit when l'd hand it over to him, so I wanted to teach him a lesson (*IF* he did some shit). If he would've implemented it, I would've replaced it with the non-exploit version and no one would've known. If he would've given me a sane reason not to imp

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Text - Having said that, a lot of shit could've gone sideways and although I was super careful at each step, it could've turned into a horrible nightmare. Anyone getting inspired by this, DO NOT DO THIS PLEASE. Q3: How do you know what happened in that meeting ? A3: My ex-colleagues told me everything over drinks later, they are unaware of my involvement Q4: Can you get caught due to your GitHub repo, as they can trace the homing signal to that ?

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Text - A4: It's an anonymous repo made with a fake email ID, it just consists some garbage generic looking HTML text with a Y/N hidden in it. I never log in or access it directly and though unlikely, even if Github saw its access logs, it'd never trace back to my actual IP Q5: Sometimes you say you were fired and sometimes you say you resigned ? A5: I was asked to resign, I didn't have any choice, it's equivalent to getting fired. I chose to resign peacefully because I already had my eyes on ano

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Text - Q6: How long did you take to make it ? A6: 3-4 months Q7: What tech stack did you use ? A7: Golang for coding, linux as OS, some external libs but mostly stdlib provided everything I needed. Compiled into a single statically linked binary targeted for Windows 10 Q8: Why couldn't you just sell it and get rich ?

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Text - A8: It's not that easy, it'd have taken years of convincing, security compliance and things I generally wasn't in a mood to get into. Getting a job in another company and then implementing it there was easier, got a good package because of it. I'm building up on it so that I can start my own consulting firm in a few years when I have some senior perspective of tech + finance Q9: Final aftermath of the manager ? A9: He was given an offer of promotion and raise, contingent on implementation

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Text - A10: Since I manually copied the file on my manager's USB drive, then he himself went and got the approval for its installation on his laptop saying that he was the file owner and responsible for it and then he himself executed it, in the process encrypting/deleting only his own files, I don't come in the picture at all. Even if tomorrow he tells the truth to everyone, there's nothing that points to me, I've erased its existence from my side, all I have to say "I don't know what the fuck

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Tagged: boss , employee , satisfying , revenge , work , Reddit

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Tumblr Thread: Man Unleashes Fiery Rant About Burrito

This post is the epitome of frustration. Clearly, don't get in the way of this dude trying to enjoy himself a nice burrito.

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Food group - BEANS CHEESE GALAMOLE I MEAT RKE SOUR CREAM LETTUCE CILAUTRO SALSA Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Lucky Shirt in Comedy Cormer Intruding Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word "burrito" to describe

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Text - a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you andI agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You're

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Text - with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito's end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredi- ents in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pr

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Text - When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their jaws, and lI'm not a fucking pelican. But you must think that's how it's done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can't guess anything, because l'm pretty sure you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a

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Text - Humans also don't eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT'S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BEN

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Text - CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT T HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don't even fucking think I'm about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT'S HO I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOK- ING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE G

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Text - What's that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON'T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You're the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID "JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK":

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Text - Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They're called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven't cried since I was six, but I'm fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us.

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Tagged: humor , hilarious , tumblr , burrito , rant , ridiculous , funny tumblr

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Dude Doesn't Know How to Fish, Tries to Borrow Boat

He doesn't know that you need a license, that you need to get up early, or that there are different kinds of fish. Dude doesn't even how the boat is stored and he want to just go and take it. And to top it all off the reason he needs the truck is because he messed up his own car. You can't ignore the boldness of entitled people and their frustrating demands.

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Text - Today at 12:52 PM hey its my birthday coming up on the weekend and i was wondering if youd take me fishing cause my car is in the shop Today at 12:52 PM Yeah man, that would be fun What do you want to go fishing for? Today at 12:53 PM lol what do you mean. fishing for fish. what else would we fish for Today at 12:54 PM Well yeah for fish But I mean like what species of fish? Like do you want a trout? Bass? Sunfish? Catfish? Something else entirely?

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Text - Today at 12:55 PM uuuuuh yeah i have no idea just wanna go out and catch whats there i suppose you know im gonna be honest ive never been fishing i just wanna try it really. Today at 12:57 PM Alright since you've never been before I'll take you to catch some sunfish it should be nice and easy Do you have any fishing gear? Today at 12:58 PM no thats why im coming to you since you go a lot id figured you would have some extra gear Today at 12:59 PM Oh yeah for sure, you can borrow one of my

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Text - Thave three of four Today at 1:01 PM rad so what do i need to bring Today at 1:01 PM Bring some worms so you can use them for bait Oh and you'll need a fishing license Today at 1:02 PM the fuck? a license do i got to go take a test or something Today at 1:03 PM No man you just gotta buy it They're like $10 for a two day license

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Text - Today at 1:04 PM 0OOF. kinda putting my money towards my car. since its my birthday do you mind hooking a brother up Today at 1:05 PM Bro it's $10 Today at 1:05 PM exactly only ten dollars dont be stingy Today at 1:05 PM Look fine whatever Today at 1:06 PM yeah cause its my birthday dog

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Text - Today at 1:06 PM Yeah like we've been friends a cool minute You'll get the worms though right? Today at 1:07 PM sounds like a proceess. do i dig them up Today at 1:07 PM Yeah Sprinkle some water on the ground and they will come to the top of the dirt Today at 1:08 PM are you messing with me cause that sounds stupid Today at 1:08 PM Well you could buy them at the bait shop if you prefer

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Text - Today at 1:08 PM how much? Today at 1:09 PM A whole days worth of worms is like $2-$3 or you could dig them up in like ten minutes And I'm bringing lures and stuff for us to use Today at 1:10 PM ight i can do that but uuuh can you take me to the bait shop not exactly gonna just walk there Today at 1:11 PM Yeah that's fine, I can get you a license while we're there When did you wanna go? First thing in the morning?

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Text - Today at 1:12 PM preferably i the afternoon i dont get up early Today at 1:13 PM I mean yeah I get that Fish are not very active in the afternoon So morning really would be best Besides I can take you to lunch or something afterwards to celebrate Today at 1:14 PM how early we talking Today at 1:14 PM 6 am Today at 1:14 PM yeah no

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$Text - not happening i am not getting up that early on my birthday Today at 1:15 PM I mean we could just not go then? Today at 1:15 PM the fuck that supposed to mean Today at 1:15 PM Just like Today at 1:16 PM レ what\ Today at 1:16 PM Maybe there would be something else you'd enjoy doing$

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Text - Today at 1:17 PM are you trying to seduce me Today at 1:17 PM What no I'm engaged You know this Today at 1:18 PM neat you have a ring and a promise. thatll surely hold Today at 1:19 PM Bro wtf

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Text - Today at 1:19 PM just fucking with you on a real note are you trying to get out of buying my fishing license just because i wont get up early Today at 1:20 PM I just don't want to take you fishing if we're probably not going to catch anything, There are other fun things we could do Like bowling, not sex Today at 1:23 PM hey i got an idea just let me barrow your boat to go on the water

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Text - Today at 1:23 PM Oh yeah I can take you out in the boat Today at 1:23 PM no i mean like just me and my girl on the water Today at 1:24 PM No Today at 1:24 PM come on bro why its muh birthday dont be an ass hat about it Today at 1:25 PM How would you even get the boat to the water? Your car is in the shop

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Text - do you not leave your boat docked? cant i just use your truck then Today at 1:27 PM You've been to my house. You know I keep it in the driveway And no You cannot borrow my truck Today at 1:28 PM DUUUUUUDE your being unreasonabble Today at 1:28 PM how Today at 1:29 PM i just need it a couple hours. are you telling me you cant stay home for a couple hours. even if its my birthday

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Text - Today at 1:29 PM I don't care if it's your birthday, I'm not letting you borrow my truck, tow my boat, try to back it up, and probably break something Today at 1:30 PM dude fuck you you know im reasponsible Today at 1:31 PM Naw ever since you started to date that girl you've been slipping Like what even happened to your car, it was farily new Today at 1:31 PM minor fender bender but thats besides the point it wasnt even my fault

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Text - Today at 1:32 PM You can't borrow the truck Today at 1:34 PM MAN FUCK YOUT JUST WANTED TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY OUT ON THE WATER IVE KNOWN YOU FOR EVER AND YOUR GONNA DO ME LIKE THIS FUCK YOU DUDE. i dont know what happened to you between highschool to know but you became a total bitch dude dont reply then fuck you

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Tagged: frustrating , fishing , conversation , ridiculous , entitled , idiot , stupid

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Fiercely Nostalgic Images From Back In The Day

Maybe being old nowadays is realizing that you can recall a time in your life when you went through the whole day without taking a picture. Wild stuff. Maybe we were more present in the past.

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Hand - DO YOU REMEMBER THIS COIN HOLDER?

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Technology - IN THE 80S FM 88 92 96 100 104107 MHz AM 546 78 10 12 14 16 klE MEGA BASS SONY WE KNEW HOW TO PARTY

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Text - THIS IS HOW WE STOLE MEMES BACK IN MY DAY aves MED COWE LKOWoaw V WOdS aNO wWIPA e ONODAS "ATIWY FIRST, I'M NOT RITON TESR FAT. I HAVE THT VAH I TAR NBOTHERING YOU e2012 L D y t l HAS mim 6-13 Al CATS LIKE YOU LIVE OFF THE BACKS OF US POOR FLEAS! hes THE BORN LOSER by Art an NOW THEN, MR.THORNAPPLE,"YES THER MY HAVE YOUR WIFE DOESNTUNDERSTAND ME! YOU WOULD Dave Graue and Jack Bender TO SHOW IAM NO THREAT 10 PRNCESS

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$Brazilian jiu-jitsu - YOU KNEW THE ALBUM WAS GREAT Lionel aae ackson Thriller YOU ARE TEDDY PENDERGRASSJUTHER\ANDROSS IF THEY HIT THIS LEAN ON THE COVER E mematic.net$

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Magazine - KIDS THESE DAYS oe de PICTURES YOU CAN E-MAIL OLNI YO N CO 093461 1 ROLL PES Picture SERVICE Heweasy-tn-ua wde Croate picture podRrds CHOOSE: OPTION odak CODE S Vdak und Toch t SP WILL NEVER KNOW THE EXCITEMENT 35mm REMIU Color Re OCESSING Advantage AGE" RASAS Kodak

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Networking cables - KIDS TODAY WANT THOUSAND DOLLAR CELL PHONES... WE JUST WANTED THIS TACKY MESS!

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Junk food - When I was a kid, there were no phones or tablets. We read cereal boxes at breakfast CRUNCH Hutrin a PARK

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People - REMEMBER BELIEVING YOUR FACE COULD GET STUCK LIKE THIS FOREVER?

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Text - Some of y'all never read 100 books to get a personal pan pizza and it shows

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Hair - How we used to unfriend people in the old days!

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Child - Strawberry Shortcake. The lovable doll that smells like the berry in her name. Who had one?

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Compact cassette - I KNOW IT'S TRAGIC THE WIFI ISN'T WORKING, BUT LET ME TELL YOU A STORY OF CATASTROPHIC PROPORTIONS FROM MY CHILDHOOD... esnarkybreeders A SA 90

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Text - I'm so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything. UNKMIMN

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Hand - GREY & POUPON MPSTARD WHEN I WAS A KID ITHOUGHT THIS WAS THE EPITOME OF WEALTH AND SOPHISTICATION.

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Photo caption - I'm this old Doobieslick

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Internet meme - WHEN I WAS A KIDI THOUGHT THAT QUICKSAND WAS GOING TO BE A MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM THAN IT IS

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People - WHEN YOUR FRIENDS USED TO SHOW UP AT YOUR DOOR TO COME OUT AND PLAY... DO YOU REMEMBER?

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Parallel - YOU NEVER FORGET THE FEELING THROWBAS OF BEING HIT IN THE SHIN BY ONE OF THESE

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Paper product - atWoody Woodpeakar MAGIC SLATE aime PAPER SAVER HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOOpY! Made n SA by nistihing C Te SNIP AND STORE tered edema SELF CRATING PAPER SAVER edt BACK IN MY DAY, THIS WAS OUR IPAD DRAW THEN LIFT X4442E FILM

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Font - You think you know stress? When I grew up, if you missed a TV show you just missed it. Forever.

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Text - My kids asked me what it was like growing up in the 80S.....so I took their phones away & turned the intèrnet off 00

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Face - The Three Stages of Life Relating to Ferris 2. Relating to Cameron 3. Relating to Rooney

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Text - Before Snapchat and Instagram was around, this is where you showed off your shoes/outfit. Never forget where you came from ASTO

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Fashion - I'm old enough to remember the very first TED talk. It was most excellent.

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Text - I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running to the bathroom/fridge/bedroom in a single ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming "It's ONNNNNN" to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

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Tagged: pictures , throwback , nostalgia , awesome , 80s

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