FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 09/12/20

Saturday, September 12, 2020

Tumblr Explores Human Nature with "Knife Roomba"

One of Tumblr's favorite things to do is expound on human nature in discussions, essays and threads about the role human beings as team "hold my beer" in the universe. It's generally regarded, out of self interest and flattery that we're basically badass space orcs. These kinds of discussions go on to describe Earth as the type of planet whose wildlife could fight off an alien invasion. So in this context, the idea that a human ship would have a knife Roomba affectionately referred to as "Stabby" not only makes perfect sense, but sort of makes us want to get one right now.

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Text - sepulchritude on the topic of humans being the intergalactic “hold my beer" species: imagine an alien stepping onto a human starship and seeing a space roomba with a knife duct taped onto it, just wandering around the ship it doesn't have any special intelligence. it's just a normal space roomba. there are other space roombas on the ship and they don't have knives. it's just this one. knife space roomba has full clearance to every room in the ship. occasionally crew members will be talkin

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Text - "it doesn't stab very hard, it gets us more than it gets our enemies, and no, but that sounds cool – someone write that down." "but then what is its purpose?" "I don't know," the captain says, leaning down to give the space roomba an affectionate pat. "it just seemed cool" aethersea this is the dumbest idea l've ever heard but I thought about it for five seconds and realized that if I were, say, a random communications officer onboard this ship and someone taped a knife to a roomba it wou

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Text - or a truly terrible knock-knock joke every time he managed to nick someone. somethingninga Omg so the ting I typed up might actually happen this is gold petralemaitre I am suddenly astonished that Stabby isn't Farscape canon. 1812 was weird enough. A dearthoughthenightisgone Tre (with Stabby's little charging dock would start accruing cuddly toys and commemorative holo-vids of Stabby's greatest stabs. Its insignia would start off at a fairly low rank, but soon, without anyone every discus

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Text - jumpingjacktrash why am i proud of stabby this is irrational roachpatrol like if you're proud of stabby reblog to tape another knife on him

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Tagged: tumblr , stab , knife , human , lol , sci fi , science fiction , human nature , funny , space

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Wholesome Revenge: Students Prank Teacher, Teacher Has Last Laugh

These students thought they'd prank their teacher, but the teacher ended up having the last laugh. Ah, yes. Got to love a nice case of a wholesome revenge. Nothing gives a student the fear like a fake test with a bunch of answers there was no way they'd be prepared for answering.

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Text - r/ProRevenge u/mikebwn_80 • 6h + JOIN Students pranked me. I had the last laugh. I spent about 10 years teaching high school humanities at a small private school. For my first two years, I didn't have a classroom, just a small office I would bring what I needed for each class on a cart and go from room to room, depending on which teacher had a prep at any given time. This was incredibly inconvenient and, not being the most organized of teachers to begin with, made things difficult to keep

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Text - There were a group of 11th grade boys who decided to make things a little more difficult for me. They were good kids, we got along well, I coached several of them on the school soccer team, but they decided that since my office would often be empty, it was a great place to prank. It was never anything too serious, things falling over when I opened the door, or things disappearing for a day and then turning up in a different place the next day. Nothing was ever damaged, and I could never p

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Text - My school had mandatory final exams in each academic course. I didn't really think they were necessary, so I would generally make them pretty easy with a lot of preparation. I would give out study sheets and play review games for a couple of weeks before the test, and there was no reason the students wouldn't do well on them. I had approval of admin to do this as they weren't particularly fond of the final exam rule either, it was as school board policy.

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Text - A few nights before the offending boys had their exam, I had a brainwave. I created a second exam. Gone were the multiple choice questions and obvious things from the review sheets. In their place came detailed questions about concepts that were briefly mentioned in class. Essay question after essay question. Ambiguous questions with no clear answers. Definitions of words that there was no way they knew. It took a couple of hours, but I laughed the whole time. When the test came, I had th

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Text - When the test came, I had the special exams at the bottom of the pile and handed them out to each of the four or five boys. I told my vice- principal what was happening and he insisted on being present. I started the timer and watched as the boys flipped over their papers. It was all I could do to keep a straight face. Eyes went wide. Heads were shaking. Panic was setting in, especially as they saw all their classmates flying through their exams. One of the boys raised their hand. "Sorry,

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Tagged: wholesome , school , revenge , ridiculous , education , funny , satisfying , teacher , Reddit

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People Being Dumb Dumbs In Cars

These mental wipeouts from people in their cars resulted in some serious fails. They might make you feel better about your most mindless moments behind the wheel. We're all prone to making a mistake every now and again. Just gotta roll with it.

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Vehicle - This is what you look like when your don't have your headlights on.

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Text - Sometimes it pays to have a dirty car. My son got rear ended last night, the other driver was aggressive and left without exchanging info.

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Vehicle - These people deserve to be flung into the sun awa

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Automotive exterior - February 16, 2016 · Energy, IL · O So I get rear ended. Guy pulls back goes around me flipping me off. l'm like great hit and freaking run what a day! I get out of the car and here's what I find: the idiot's license plate is stuck to my hitch!!! World dumbest criminal! It took 30 seconds for Marion PD to find this dude!! #jimmyfalonlive NOIS@ 701 U ATE POLICE 93 701 U FRATT ARKY

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Vehicle - No caption needed... DaLAND POLICE 01992 ww.t ag

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Vehicle - Highly Intelligent individual backs car sister's car. through fence and off ledge onto my

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Land vehicle - This guy was trying to show off his Porsche at a car show by drifting away.. Straight onto a curb and hit 11 people.

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Road - Secure load OIT 5658 S DERTHS YEAR ON AS ROADS Vance Jackson Rd AUTO SALES

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Vehicle - Idiot ends-up on train tracks after not looking where he was going

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Land vehicle - There he is! Hall TACOELL Ab AUTO PARTS ACE MART SAPY

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Vehicle - Upon arriving to help get my keys out of my car, the AAA guy locked his keys in his car and had to call AAA

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Vehicle - It takes very little time to secure whatever your transporting to avoid this

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Land vehicle - My daughter just texted me this picture with the note, "Dad, I hit a tree and there is just a bit of damage". CRREK CAUTION CUIDAD

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Tagged: automobile , FAIL , accident , cars , ridiculous , dumb , stupid

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Local Metal Band Absolutely Shreds It

The audience was not anywhere near ready for the caliber of this performance. Eager to see where these kids wind up if they keep up these kinds of performances into their later years.

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Tagged: impressive , metal , Music , awesome , Video , win

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Tumblr Thread: Magenta Isn't A Real Color

Some Tumblr threads do a phenomenal job at taking our brains on wild and unexpected brain trips. For instance, this thread that suggests that the color magenta isn't actually a real color. Instead, that it's just our brains "guessing" at a color.

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Text - x4w rb this with ur opinion on this shade of pink:

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Text - inkwingart This is magenta, and not pink. Unlike pink, magenta doesn't actually exist. Our brain just invents magenta to serve as what it considers a logical bridge between red and violet, which each exist at opposite ends of a linear spectrum. TL;DR this color is fake (and also I hate it)

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Text - achromic-red-dreams-doze-angrily what

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Text - achromic-red-dreams-doze-angrily Q is magenta real ALL IMAGES NEWS MAPS VIDEOS Violet and red, the two components of magenta, are at opposite ends of the visible spectrum and have very different wavelengths. The additive secondary color magenta, as noted above, is made by combining violet and red light at equal intensity; it is not present in the spectrum itself. w https://en.m.wikipedia.org > wiki Magenta - Wikipedia About Featured Snippets I Feedback

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Text - G. Magenta is not part of the visible spectrum of light.

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Text - Visible spectrum wrapped to join violet and red in an additive mixture of magenta. In reality, violet and red are at opposite ends of the spectrum, and have very different wavelengths.

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Text - pococurantina how can a color be fake

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Text - shaaknaa Wait til you learn about Stygean Blue

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Text - pyrrhiccomedy Your brain is a badly-designed hot mess of bootstrapped chemistry that will tell you that all kinds of s t is happening that has no correlation to physical reality, including time travel. It just makes things up. Your brain is guessing about what's happening when your eyes saccade, what's happening in your blind spot, and what the majority of the visible light spectrum looks like, and you don't know it's happening because it doesn't aid your survival to become aware that a l

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Text - The human eye only has three types of color sensitive cones, which detect red, blue, and green light. Your brain is making up every other color you perceive. Let's have a little fun with that thought. This is the visible spectrum of light.

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Text - - Increasing Frequency (v) 10" 106 104 102 10 10 10 10 10 10 v (Hz) Х пауу у пуs UV Microwave FM IR AM Long radio waves Radio waves 10 104 1012 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 À (m) Increasing Wavelength (À) → Visible spectrum 400 500 600 700 Increasing Wavelength (0) in nm -

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Text - You will of course note that yellow is on the chart. Yellow has a discreet wavelength, and is therefore a distinct physical color. But we can't see it. "Sorry, what the f k?" What we call yellow is just what our brain shrugs and spits out when our red and green cones are equally stimulated. We have light receptors that can pick up on the physical spectrum of light we call yellow: that's why yellow things don't just look like moving black blocks to us. But your brain has no fucking idea wh

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Text - Some animals have eyes that can perceive the color yellow! Goldfish have a yellow cone in their eyes. If they could talk, they could tell us what yellow looks like. But we wouldn't be able to understand it. What your brain actually sees of the color spectrum:

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Text - 10-14 10* : 106 10-12 10-10 10 102 10° Increa YUP- got it Visible spectrum uh-huh shrug idk NOPE LOL 400 500 600 700 Increasing Wavelength (.) in nm

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Text - We can measure the wavelength of light, so we know that when we see 'yellow,' we are seeing light in that 550-ish nanometers range. But we don't have a cone in our eyes that can pick that up. Your brain just has a very consistent guess about what color that wavelength of light could be. We decided to name that guess 'yellow.' We can't imagine what yellow really looks like any more than a dog can imagine the color red.

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Text - Here's the funny thing: your brain is never perceiving just one photon of light at a time. Something like 2*10° photons per second are hitting your retina under normal conditions. Your brain doesn't individually process all of them. So it averages them out. It grabs a bunch of photons all coming from the same direction, with the same pattern, and goes, "yeah, that cup is blue, f k it, next."

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Text - That's how colors blend in our eyes. So sure, if a photon of light with a wavelength of 550 nanometers bounces into our eyes, we see what we call “yellow." But if we see two photons at the same time, coming from the same object, one of which is 500 nms and the other of which is 600 nms, your brain will average them out and you will still see yellow even though none of the light you just saw was 550 nms.

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Text - So how does magenta factor into this? Well, as we've just established, when your brain sees light from two different slices of the visible light spectrum, it will try to just average them together. Green plus red is yellow, fk it. If it's more red than green, we'll call that 'orange.' Literally who gives a s it, we're trying to forage over here. There are bears out here and it's so scary.

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Text - What happens if you take the average of blue and red light, which we perceive to be magenta? What's the centerpoint of that line? F king green. Hey, that's not gonna work? We live on a planet where EVERYTHING IS GREEN. If something is NOT green, that means it's either food, or a potential source of danger, and either way your brain wants you to know about it.

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Text - So your brain goes, WHOOPS. Okay - this is fine. We already made up yellow, orange, cyan, and violet. We'll just make up another color. Something that looks really, really different from green. And so it made up magenta. So, physics-wise, is magenta “real?" No; there's no single wavelength of light that corresponds to magenta. But you're rarely seeing only a single wavelength of light anyway. And even when you are, every color other than RGB is a dart thrown on the wall by your meat compu

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Line - 0.9: 520 515 530L H 540 0.8 550 0.7 560 0.6 570 580 0.5 У 590 0.4 600 610 620 0.3 700 0.2 480- 0.1 : 470. 460 400 0.1 0.2 0.3 0.4 0.5 0.6 0.7 х

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Text - Explaining this thing is a little more than I want to take on on a Saturday morning, but l've included a link above that goes into it a little more. The point is that only the colors that actually touch the 'outline' of the shape actually correspond to a specific wavelength of light. All of the other colors are blends of multiple wavelengths. So magenta isn't special. Given that color is just a fun trick your brain is playing on you to help you find food and avoid danger, is magenta real?

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Text - Yeah, absolutely. Or at least, it's just as real as most of what we see. It's what we see when we mix up blue and red. It would be disastrous from a survival standpoint to perceive that color as green, so we don't. Because it's not green. Light that's green has a wavelength of around 510 nm. Stuff that's magenta bounces back light that is both ~400 and -700. Your brain knows the difference. So it fills in the gap for you, with the best guess it has, same as it does with your blind spot. T

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Text - humanpersonface So I googled Stygian Blue and... stygian blue ALL IMAGES SHOPPING VIDEOS NEWS w Wikipedia > wiki > Impossible_color Impossible color - Wikipedia Impossible colors or forbidden colors are supposed colors that cannot be .. For example, to see "stygian blue": staring at bright yellow causes a dark blue afterimage, then on ... .... Types Opponent process Real colors Ima

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Text - the-aro-ace-arrow-ace CHIMERICAL COLOR DEMO TEMPLATES Fatigue template (stare at "x") Target field (glance at "x") Approximate Rendering STYGIAN BLUE (simultaneously deep blue and black) SELF-LUMINOUS RED (simultaneously red and brighter than white) HYPERBOLIC ORANGE (more than 100% color saturation) HOW TO SEE THE FORBIDDEN COLOURS

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Tagged: brains , tumblr , colors , magenta , interesting

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Entitled Woman Expects Free Ice Cream, Petty Spite Ensues

This woman was in dire need of a reality check. Fortunately for the rest of the world, someone was ready to give it to her.

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Text - I run an ice cream truck on the side to earn cash. Normally park in the tourist hot spots during peak hours. Today a young girl ran up to my truck and told her mother she wanted an ice cream. The mother told her no as she didn't have any money. The girl was really cute and seemed excited so I offered the mum a free ice cream as a spur of the moment thing. Girl was happy, mum was happy, I was happy they were happy.

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Text - After they left a bogan woman quickly walked up to my truck and said she saw I was giving away ice cream and asked for three “hundreds and thousands chocolate ice creams" (hundreds and thousands are a topping) for her kids. I told her I wasn't giving ice cream out and it was just a one-off. She was very annoyed at this as she thought it was unfair that her children were being denied free ice cream when I gave some to “that Asian brat" as she put it. Okay, up until now l'm obviously NTA. B

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Font - Mrs Bogan is really worked up now and calling me names. Repeated the act to a family (parents + 2 kids) walking past and gave them each a freebie. At this point she stormed off infuriated and I felt a little happy at how mad l'd made her.

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Tagged: FAIL , ice cream , ridiculous , entitled , cheap

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Guy Tricks Noisy Neighbor into Smashing His Own TV

Having a noisy neighbor who keeps you from sleeping can feel like literal torture. After it kept getting worse, this dude took matters, and aux cords, into his own hands. Here's a similar story of a guy who got cunning revenge on his noisy neighbors.