FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 05/18/20

Monday, May 18, 2020

Shopping Cart Theory Determines If Someone Is Good Or Bad

You be the judge on whether this Shopping Cart Theory holds any weight, when it comes to measuring whether a person is good or bad. The reality is, one might best be considered a good person if they do the right thing when no one is looking, or they have nothing to gain from doing it. So, I guess, an egoless act of kindness, generosity, and just trying to promote the well being of another.

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Tagged: shopping , interesting , helpful , humanity , greentext

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Daughter Destroys Father At Beatboxing

Maybe they duel off in beatboxing every night to figure out who gets the remote.

Submitted by: (via CURBLIFE)

Tagged: Music , awesome , parenting , ridiculous , beatboxing , funny

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Entitled Lady Wants Lamb For Free

Wow, apparently the other free food being offered was not enough. Nope, this entitled lady needed to have that lamb for free. Just reading through this exchange, one can pick up a feeling of hopelessness when it comes to reasoning with these kinds of people.

It's as if they've unconsciously devoted their time toward looking for a problem, wherever they can create one in the world. And when they're met with acts of genuine helpfulness, they skim right over it, to make noise where no noise need be made. Oh well.

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Text - 08:42 l 90% Vo) LTE2 1 uman.c... 08:00 to me Sent from ProtonMail mobile Hello s l've just got to know that you're the general secretary of Newwave STS NGO. I've put up a request last week about changing the free food menu. No ine likes to eat fish everyday. Also please buy a new blueberry extract sanatizer. The lon sanitizer is just pathetic. My husband doesn't like the smell. ...

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Text - A teth Really sorry for the problem you're facing. Please understand that these are tough times and fish provides almost all sorts of necessary nutrients. If you don't like fish there's a vegetarian option of potato and ladyfinger. Sorry we won't be able to change the menu if our free food menu. Show quoted text

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Text - 08:04 to me There has to be a limit of lying. Just yesterday I saw that a volunteer of your NGO was delivering packed chickens and vegetables to plot no. 19. It's just beside my apartment. Sent from ProtonMail mobile II

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Text - 3 all 2 l 90% | Vo)) 08:42 2 06 A Sorry. They were just delivering goods the old man living in plot 19 ordered. They paid for it. We're just volunteering so that the old and vulnerable don't have to come out and buy stuff. Show quoted text ...

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Text - 08:08 T to me v Oh! Then why can't you deliver something other than fish to me? Sent from ProtonMail mobile Original Message - Show quoted text

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Text - A Ma'am. The pack of fish and rice comes from the NG0 fund. We've limited means. We can't change our menu for one single person. But we're happy to help if you want to get something delivered. Just tell us what do you need and our volunteers will buy it for you. You can pay via Gpay. We'll also santize the product cover. II

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Text - all 2 ll 90% O Vo) 08:43 3 T Why do I need to pay if you're a NGO? My son and husband has been craving for some nice lamb. If you don't deliver lamb by tomorrow morning l'll have to register a complaint against your NGO. You can't charge money and then call it a NGO. Spend some more from the NGO fund. Sent from ProtonMail mobile ... ...

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Text - Jo.17 A Ma'am delivering goods for free is just a special service we're providing during the lockdown. We'll be happy to deliver the lamb for you but you'll have to pay for that. But the free food menu will not change. It will remain the same. Fish, rice, salad and curd. We're really sorry but we can't do better than this with the limited funds we've. Show quoted text

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Text - 08:18 T to Your NGO will be closed by tomorrow and get ready so spend the rest of your life in judicial custody. Sent from ProtonMail mobile II

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Tagged: entitlement , FAIL , email , cringe , Awkward , ridiculous , choosing beggar

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Employee Takes Horrible Boss's Advice, Publicly Quits

Most of us have wished we could be someone who doesn't give a heck and publicly confront a horrible boss. This person worked for an unfair manager in what must have been a murderous slog, but they got their mic drop moment in the end. For another bad boss story, here's on about a new boss who tried to play alpha.

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Text - r/MaliciousCompliance - Posted by u/horrorflickguy 16 hours ago 3 2 "If you don't like it, quit!" Message received loud and clear oc L TL: DR at bottom I initially posted this story on r/TalesFromYourServer. I think it fits better here and I've included more information for story cohesion. For almost eight years, I worked at a popular U.S. chain restaurant which specializes in breakfaast food that may or may not heavily feature various flavors of pancakes.

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Text - Over time, several managers came and went but the one who stuck around was the ladder-climbing, brown-nosing GM, whom we'll call Hope: a narcissistic, verbally abusive, control freak Mommie Dearest knock-off. Hope had the most grandiose opinion of herself. She had a way of making "please and thank you" sound like "Screw you." I did my best to get along with her. Although when dealing with someone who thrives on conflict, the best often isn't enough. She made it clear, it was her way or th

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Text - Among Hope's countless trademark annoying traits included: breathing, coming in to work wasted and talking smack about everyone to guests and staff alike. She often delivered instructions orders, without allowing any responses, then concluded those interactions with "Mmmkay? Mmmkay" As if that couldn't get any more obnoxious, her faux sincerity was almost always accompanied by an annoying Crypt Keeper cackle. Then she'd roll her crap-brown eyes, toss her mouse-brown hair over her shoulder

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Text - I was one of those "highly valued" employees, but the way I was treated completely belied the compliments and accolades I received i.e. my schedule being flipped without my consent, day off requests being denied while new employees (usually the maried and/or single moms) and Hope's drinking buddies got preferential treatment, always taking the side of the guest when they were angling for a free meal, etc. Perhaps the worst was the bullying and pettiness among certain employees. It was lik

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Text - Once another employee poked me in the face with a tampon right in front of Hope and Sunny, the drunken assistant manager. I filed an official complaint and nothing came of it. This is one such occasion where they couldn't claim ignorance. My complaint made it real and they had to address it. Address it, they did. They saw me as a whistle blower. Neither Hope nor Sunny could've cared less about staff morale. It was typical of both of those embittered hags to accept hearsay as fact. They ra

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Text - This whole horror story came to its climax when a cokehead, now-former employee, circulated a rumor that, I refused to wait on an elderly African American military veteran because I was a "racist." Being one myself, I respect all veterans. I found it alarmingly laughable, at best, because: 1) I am a very gay man and 2) most of my boyfriends haven't been white. Hell, everyone including Hope and Sunny met my Brazilian ex-boyfriend when he had previously popped in for Sunday brunch. So, you

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Text - So, the write-up came. I was absolutely furious as my suspicions that I'd been setup were confirmed. Both Hope and Sunny would not let me get a word in. I finally got their attention by stating, in a raised voice, that I had a right to have my say. Surprised at my assertiveness, both went slit-eyed and rather smugly said, "Go on." I pointed out to them that all of my guests love me. Several of my regulars are Hispanic or African American and, in nearly eight years of employment, never onc

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Text - I also pointed out that the drama-starting liar who filed the complaint against me had been fired because she was caught by Hope snorting cocaine in the ladies room. Given her predisposition to lie, the validity of her accusation should be questioned and the write up destroyed. Based off of their surprised expressions, it was clear I had exposed their complicitness in creating a hostile work environment, but they refused to take the bait. Completely done with it all, I flat out bellowed:

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Text - You could have heard a pin drop. Diamanda, the Creole prep cook, was walking by the open office door when I let out that line and she nearly doubled over with laughter. There were two training managers facing away from us while they were on the computer doing online courses. They almost collapsed onto the keyboard then turned around looking at me with shocked expressions on their faces. Sunny's face went beet red. Hope's face turned white and her eyes widened.

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Text - "You know what, Hope? Remember how you said if I didn't like the way you ran things, I should quit? Goodbye." I didn't give them a chance to respond. My shift was about to start in less than seven minutes. I took off my key fob, laid it on the safe, emptied my apron, put everything in a takeout bag, did an about face and walked out echoing: “Have fun trying to cover my shifts.“ It was exhilarating and liberating all at the same time. It was like the end of Private Benjamin, when Goldie Ha

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Text - I have a new job at a wonderful company with great bosses that value me as an employee and as a person. I actually look forward to going to work now. I never thought that was possible. Double-plus: they don't expect me to be an emotionless robot. TL: DR: I slaved away at a horrible job for nearly eight years working for malevolent bosses. They tried to play me. I played them right back and got my mic drop moment. EDIT: For those of you who are triggered and declaring that I "could still b

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Tagged: boss , employee , manager , lies , zing , restaurant , lol , story , funny , quitting , win

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Tumblr Thread: Some People Are Born Metal

This fun Tumblr thread has people sharing their experiences with bullies that were trying to stir up a reaction from them. As it turns out, some people are just born into a state of existence that can't be bothered to give a rip. Not reacting to someone's intentionally rude behavior that was carried out strictly to get that rise out of you, might actually be the best way to get a rise out of them. That, or they'll just wake up and have the moment of realizing that they have no idea why they did what they did in the first place.

Check out some more fun and totally random gems from the minds of Tumblr over here.

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Text - biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the boys bathroom. I was confused when I got to school and it was missing, so I just sat on the floor and read my book until the teacher came in and made them put it back. I realize now they were trying to trick me into go into the boys bathroom, but no one actually told me that's where my desk was, and it didn't occur to me to ask.

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Text - Looking back I realize they had to make the effort to get to school early to move it, and I feel a tiny bit of regret for not reacting more. biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse set in for show in tell. the ball went missing during class time and at the end of the day we all had to check our bookbags to look for

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Text - it. I only glanced in mine (I just wanted to go home), but that evening I found it at the bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and never told anyone. I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke put it there to frame me, and he was still extremely frustrated I hadn't gotten caught.

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Text - I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball. feral-renaissance-cat I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten and made NO attempts to hide it because the people on TV were always telling each other when they liked each other. Didn't work as well

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Text - as l'd hope (i.e. didn't work AT ALL and no boy wanted to hang out with me ever after that), but that's not the point. Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid who was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me if I have a crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crush].

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Text - And?" Dude turns around and yells to my crush "Hey! She has a crush on you!" My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I know. Everyone knows. Thanks." So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in front of everyone but it completely backfired

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Text - because I lack the social filter necessary to feel ashamed of my base desires. darkhumourandfandoms One time in like kindergerden some kid stole my shoe and instead if reacting I just went the whole day barefoot. No one questioned it.

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Text - He got bored of no reaction and just dropped the shoe but by then I was too committed and continued to walk around barefoot. lycant-guy22 Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of "fucks given" * biggest-gaudiest-patronuses damn right we did

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Tagged: metal , tumblr , ridiculous , funny , funny tumblr

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Neighbor Hammers Nails Into Family's Fence, Family Redecorates Neighbor's Garden

We've always loved a good tale of neighbor revenge. This one right here is nothing short of being nuclear in nature. Sounds like the one neighbor was all kinds of rude and insensitive, really just channeling that "inner Karen." Well, the family was having none of it, and ultimately decided to enact their revenge when the neighbor was out of town. That revenge looked like a malicious redecorating of the neighbor's garden. They went so far as to plant a ton of high pollen weed, poison ivy, and poison oak. We can only imagine what the epic tantrum must've looked like.

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Text - r/NuclearRevenge + Join u/RavensArts • 277d 1 S 1 Drive Long Sharp Nails Into My Fence? Kill My Vine? Enjoy The Weeds My Siblings With! Not sure if this counts as Nuclear, but was told to post here, so here goes. TL;DR: at bottom This happened in the summer of 1974, when I was 4 yrs old.

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Text - When I was a kid, we had a next door neighbor who was a total Megabitch. Megabitch was a 40 something woman who liked high heels (mules), big jewelry, lots of makeup and wore long, flowy Caftans in garish colors that did NOT flatter her. She had a big perm (remember. It's the 70s), a HUGE ass and was notorious in our neighborhood for being an entitled twat. Her favorite thing was to go onto neighbors landings - either early in the morning or late at night - and steal decorations and potte

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Text - One day one of my sisters got badly sliced by a long nail when she went to pick flowers off the passion flower vine on the fence (important later). Turned out Megabitch had hammered dozens of long nails into OUR fence so she could hang potted plants she'd most likely stolen! The leaves on the vine had hidden them, until my sister got sliced (She had to get a tetanus shot, which made her sick all day). Mom, was, pissed, so she went out and actually spent the rest of the day hammering each

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Text - She goes out and asked, 'WTF are you doing?' Guy tells her he was a gardener and had been hired to get rid of the vine on the fence. Mom asked him who had hired him to do this. 'The owner of the fence' he told her and gestured to Megabitches house. Mom told him (calmly, since none of this was his fault) that it WASN'T Megabitches fence and SHE was the owner. The poor guy was horrified. However, the damage was done. He'd already cut into the hardwood and roots and now our vine was dead.

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Text - After the poor guy left (Megabitch stiffed him, we found out later) mom went to Megabitches house and confronted her. That Bitch didn't even deny it - just laughed in my mom's face and said, 'I DID IT, SO WHAT? IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!' then sauntered back into her house.

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Text - She'd just messed with the WRONG family. Two days later, Megabitch went on a 2 week vacation with her husband (an asshole), to Cabo. Revenge Time. The day she left, my older sibling's - along with a family friend - decided Megabitch's back garden needed 'Improvements'. So they climmbed the fence, went into her garden, dug up all the pretty flowers and small trees, carted them out (along with the Stolen decorations) and replaced them with high pollen weeds, quick growing ivy and lots and l

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Text - We then temporarily moved our 3 dogs into our back yard (neighbor was afraid of them despite the fact they were 2 Pomeranians and a small mutt). We also had a 9ft fence, which was too high for her or her husbands fat asses to climb, so we knew our garden would be safe from her. My family excitedly waited. When megabitch got back and saw her 'New and Improved' garden, she threw the biggest, most epic tantrum and meltdown we'd ever seen. It. Was. Spectacular! A whole class of sugared up, pi

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Text - From the top of the fence, we all watched (Dad took the day off to see the FREAK OUT, as he pit it) as Megabitch screamed and ranted. Pulled her hair. Kicked the weeds and threw anything she could get her hands on, all the while cussing and screeching like she was getting a Chili Powder Enema! Then she spotted all of us watching her.

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Text - She yelled and cursed at all us (laughing) kids, comming to the (correct) conclusion we had done this to her Precious Garden. By this time all the surrounding neighbors were also watching, but she of course zeroed in on us. Megabitch then stormed over to our house and banged on our door until Mom opened the door (dad let her deal with it, as he was still laughing his ass off). Megabitch then DEMANDED my family to not only pull all those UGLY plants out, and to (of course) pay for new ones

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Text - Our mom just looked at her, yawned, told her she had ZERO proof it was HER kids who'd done it (Mom knew. Even sat and watched with me as my siblings did it, laughing the whole time. I think at one point my DAD even helped!). Mom then reminded her she had STOLEN dozens of plants from the neighbors, had been caught blatantly stealing from their front gardens, yet was SURPRISED that SOMEONE had retaliated? Mom laughed, told her to fuck off and went back inside.

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Text - She ranted at us thru the door for about an hour, til her voice (blessedly) gave out, then stomped back to her house. She avoided us from then on and would give a death glare to my mom whoever she saw her. Mom would just smile, give her the finger, and go about her business (she was intimidated by my dad and wouldn't do anything when he was around, but dad worked a lot, so wasn't there most of the time). We donated most of the dug up plants to neighbors she'd stolen from and returned the

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Text - Megabitch never did get rid of all the weeds and didn't realize it was poison oak she was pulling (bare handed!), until she (and her husband) got horrible rashes over 1/3 of their bodies and - I was told - in some very Unfortunate places. *Edit: Some people have been asking why my mom didn't use Megabitches words - 'I DID IT, SO WHAT! ITS NOT LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!' - then slam the door in her face. She thought about saying that, but she was smart enough to A) Never admit to a

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Text - B) by not admitting to anything made Megabitch much more subdued and paranoid (on the off chance it actually Wasn't us) and made her more leary of all her neighbors. Made life in the neighborhood better in the long term, since from then on, no plants or decorations were ever stolen again. TL;DR: Asshole neighbor hammers huge sharp nails into it fence, injures my sister then kills our passion flower vine. So my siblings pull out ALL her flowers and replace them with weeds - including poiso

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Tagged: neighbors , satisfying , revenge , awesome , Reddit , karen , win

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Incompetent Moments of Classic Facepalm

Human beings are capable of incredible things, but one of our more interesting features is our ability to ignore reality and push forward with incredible facepalm moments of incompetence. There are enough dumb moments out there to fill your day with stupid. The dumbness never stops.

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Text - + Replies + Replies n-Hexanor Luke Z-Hex-3-enol This is a standard vaccine composition. Which of these chemicals do you object to having in your body? E-Hex-2-enol n-Hexyl-2-methylbutanoate n-Heptanol Camphor n-Octanol n-Oct-2-enol Ethanol Propyl acetate 2-Methylpropyl acetate Propanol n-Butyl acetate 2-Methylpropanol 2-Methylbutyl acetate n-Butyl propanoate n-Butanol 1-Methoxy-4-(2-propenyl)-benzene 24 m Like Reply Truly. Luke all of them 3m Like Reply Luke Truly n-Pentyl acetate 2-Methy

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Text - iwouldliketobutteryourmuffins S takineko Follow REI tilthat TIL blind people have a hard time drawing because they interpret the world as three-dimensional and struggle to portray it as two-dimensional. via reddit.com worlds-leading-gnome-expert And here I am, an idiot, thinking it's because they cant see Source: tilthat 3,920 notes

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Text - MatPat Follow @MatPatGT You had a few typos. I fixed it. "Millennials Are So Motivated They're Taking Classes to Learn The Skills Older Generations Failed to Teach Them" The Daily Caller @DailyCaller Millennials Are So Helpless They're Taking 'Adulting Classes' To Learn How To Do Things Like Sew A Button trib.al/9TADAHY

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Text - YORK POST Jeff Bezos could become world's first trillionaire by 2026 trib.al/4QL6JY0 345 27508 O 1,293 Replying : poi There is 7.5 billion people in the world. @JeffBezos could literally end world poverty and give everyone 1 billion dollars and he will still have 91.5 billion left.

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Text - The children at my son's elementary school have started referring to me as a "Karen," and mocking my chic hairstyle. Is there anything I can do in the way of legal action to prevent this? I am deeply offended. Hannah Yesterday at 3:42pm e Welp, posting a question about suing 8 year-olds is probably the wrong way to beat the stereotype Like Comment Share Posted in r/BrandNewSentence e reddit

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Organism - Posted in r/NaturelsFuckingLit by u/Rben97 O reddit

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Wood - PRO OIN OUR TEAM Facke Pro CAL EMA 6760 STARS 900 TH '6 MILSON SNTW $178

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Vehicle - Why do you need a giant spoiler if the max speed your car is capable of is 70 Yo so I understand blocking out the license plate. but why the miles ? 13 2h Like Reply to protect my car from being hacked 2h Like Reply s I'm curious how your car can get hacked by the mileage? Serious question not being a smart-ass 2h Like Reply Cars have antennas which send out 5g radio signals. Hackers use these signals to verify the odometer on your car and then backlog your IP address to your house to

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$Text - Sir Rona @Squallamytweets A kid born in 2010 is now 20. Just let that sink in AKO @hvmoodi He doing that R Kelly math.$

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Text - They think your haircuts are un-American Well, it was very observant of them because we aren't American, actually

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Text - 6h Fuck Muslins, really. Total piece of shit. I mean zero elasticity and tears so badly also wrinkles like shit. O11 17 15 26 6h This is bad mentality... Not all of them r bad. Do one thing just keep distance yourself from social media and tv debates for a week. And then think about this tweet. Replying to She's... talking about a fabric en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muslin?wp..

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Forehead - That epic moment The Rock and Dwayne Johnson finally met DREAM TION 2AG Bruh my dumb ass thought they where the same person

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Product - STUDENT 10 some college professors during quarantine 1,90,452 views 3 weeks ago 24K 127 Share Download Save roxybeachchick 3 weeks ago Yesterday my professor gave an entire lecture on mute and didn't look at the 200+ comments telling him his audio was off 2.5K 目 15 15 replies

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Camouflage pants are getting better and better... iu GUYS don't be fooled. It's photoshopped there are no invisible pants. 10h 9 likes Reply Hide replies bruh she's sitting 10h 10 likes Reply

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Eyewear - Autographed Kurt Cobain funko pop -VERY RARE MESSAGE $800 · O 68102 Genuine, no lowball offers. 10 V Funko funko-shop.com EXCLUSIVE! Replies Jesse autographed by who 17h Like Reply Jared Kurt Cobain. 17h Like Reply Jesse Jared hes been dead for 25 years Imao do you have a time machine? 17h Like Reply Jared Idk he must have signed it before he died. Do you want to buy it? 17h Like Reply Jesse Jared funko pops only been around since 98...he died in 94 Imao 17h Like Reply

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Product - Ima stay a virgin for life a I want to set a good example for my son. pic.twitter.com/ YNGFJCQ8GF

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Text - · 6 August 2019 *★★☆☆ verified Purchase Colour: Gray The bag was heavy I gave it 3 stars because when I put things in it, it became heavy 2 people found this helpful Helpful Report

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Text - Classifieds Tap here to turn off notifications for this post Starry Night, Van Gogh - $20.00 39 1/4" x 27 1/2" Posted 5h ago to B o and 15 nearby Thank Reply 5h... Is it an original? Thank 5h ago I am unsure if you are serious. Thank 3. Add a reply..

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Text - NETFLIXLIFE.COM 13 Reasons Why season 4 is coming to Netflix in June 2020 O Like Comment A Share 1 Colton Shane Hagan Season 4 of what? 18h Like Reply

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Helmet - thitchBO @CRAZYY.FACTSS A hitchhiking robot, designed to travel North America simply on the kindness of strangers, was found decapitated in a ditch just 2 weeks into the experiment.

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Surface water sports - TIME O @TIME · 8h TIME Hawaii man proposes to his girlfriend while surfing, promptly drops ring in the осean Hawaii Man Proposes to His Girlfriend While Surfing, Then Drops the Ring in .. time.com 32 27 91 ♡ 335

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Text - l T-Mobile ? 10:32 PM 15% hrs Everybody please wish me good luck! I just spent almost all of my bank account on the #MegaMillions! I really need to hit this guys! This will change my life and I will donate at least half of it! This would be huge and very life-changing for me guys please wish me luck and pray that I hit something good! . See More LOTIO LOTIO LOTIO LOTIO 50.00 50.00 50.00 50.00 50.00 LOTTO LOTIO LOTIO LOTTO LOTIO LOTTO LOTTO 50.00 50.00 50.00 50.00 50.00 50.00 50.00 50.00 5

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Text - 22 hrs 3 Had to share. Lol! free pregnant chickens!!!!!!!! hey i have a bunch of pregnant chickens at my house and i have no more room. very sweet i have 3- one is 2 months along, one that is 3 months along, and one was recently impregnated. i love them.,.. DALLAS CRAIGSLIST.ORG H Like Comment A Share 116 reddit

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Tagged: wtf , moron , FAIL , facepalm , incompetence , ridiculous , ignorant , dumb , idiots , stupid

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Stories of People's Unparalleled Dumbness

Sometimes we don't give people enough credit for how stupid they are all the time, but luckily we have some classic facepalm moments of incompetence to back it up. For more stories of unparalleled dumbness, here are some dumb things people did at stores, as well as some of the dumbest questions people have been asked.