Monday, May 18, 2020

Various Tumblr Gems to Keep the Day Moving


Tumble users are one part creative chaos, one part boredom, and one part sleep deprivation. Throw in some extremely specific pop culture references and you've got a recipe for some hilarious and totally random Tumblr gems. You never know what people are gonna pull out of their heads and spit out as totally random Tumblr gems to occupy existing.

1.

Lighting - theoldness khanos it's vegan blackmodel Recipe? officialschool organic earthy dirt deeply infused with vegan,dairy-free, gluten free milk with a hint of non GMO organic fresh grass 198,649 notes

2.

Text - gothammite yknow i saw an article that was like "robert pattinson standing strong against the batman hate! :)" and im like. you fools. you absolute clowns. don't you know who you're dealing with? you realize this is the man who waded through all of the twilight hate? with stride? basically brushed it off of his shoulder immediately? even as a non twilight fan in the early 2000s i knew this man would never succumb to the words of the simple minded. batman criticism means nothing to him. he

3.

Text - neutraldankhotel you: *eats 100 ears of corn in two hours* I am the corn king! I cannot be outcorned me: *eats 101 ears of corn in ten minutes* just another day in the corn fields 10inchflaccid what? neutraldankhotel I don't know. i woke up at 6am, wrote this, and went back to sleep 10inchflaccid hope youre okay 364,502 notes >

4.

Text - P i-am-a-fish everytime I stay at a hotel I take a bite out of the soap bar to confuse the cleaning staff damaramegido hey op real quick what the Actual fuck transselkie Hey op you do realize that by actually biting a chunk of fucking soap you are in fact the one losing karo-chic y'all are just jealous that op is brave enough to monch on the forbidden chocolate... i-am-a-fish I'm living dragon-hated-art What does the forbidden chocolate taste like i-am-a-fish soap 222,639 notes A

5.

Text - askinnyblackman things i used to laugh at actual jokes things i laugh at now yard sard 286,579 notes

6.

Photo caption - someonespetturtle under communism we all have to share one toothbrush with this man 126,069 notes

7.

Text - toastpotent nobody: half full water bottle left behind on the floor of a public bus: *rolls around* thejoanglebook OP is an optimist 103,004 notes

8.

Cat - arousedhoe hey does anyone know the fastest way to clean up milk that's covering every goddamn i nch of the kitchen floor saddestblogger i know a gal..she's on her way arousedhoe thanks saddestblogger #q 383,370 notes

9.

Text - videntefernandez we would be living in in the correct timeline if megamind had been more successful than despicable me aethernalstars #we would be living in the correct timeline #if the story of a supervillain adopting 3 kids and becoming a Dad #had been more successful than the background yellow comic relief characters #despicable me was fine it's a shame that ppl cared more abt minions than the actual plot It's true and you should say it @ghostlyboop 71,857 notes >

10.

Text - O spotifyofficial Spotify premium is now only $4.99 for people who have foreskin! Just send in that dick pic and get endless streaming! bird-big oh sick i knew this thing would come in handy 13,922 notes

11.

Text - 70slesbian we need to stop doing litterary analysis.. like maybe kafka just litteraly turned into an insect who are we to tell him that he didnt 46,217 notes

12.

Text - lia-wild-english School: we're continuing all classes online! My ADHD brain: oh so what you're saying is Time doesn't exist, Sleep Schedules are no longer apparent, and The Classes may still exist but only as a strange distant entity that I can no longer interact with in any meaningful way okura94 Okay, but imagine you're the teacher. That's my life rn 30,043 notes

13.

Face - siobhanblank-deactivated2019011 why's this site so weird about horses? they're just horses. the-descolada Are you sure siobhanblank 381,952 notes

14.

Text - broscarwilde Pennywise did NOT say "gay rights." OUT.COM Pennywise Is Surprisingly Anti-Queer in 'It Chapter Two' im sorry but this is THE FUNNIEST thing i ever read with my own two eyes sharpestrose im-still-in-shock They're making Hannibal evil... I shoulda seen this coming but still... I was hoping he'd be an anti-hero at least. :( bonanzajellybean HE EATS PEOPLE #this is so EMBARRASSING 41,545 notes >

15.

Text - izzetheking What the Heck is a mushroom?Well let me tell you... its like a plant... but stop right there...Its not a plant... its nota planet and not an animal.. Its something else... Something fucked up that we havnt ever seen before... You can eat it on a steak but its not an animal or a plant... So what is a mushrom? Its a fungits 67,531 notes

16.

Vertebrate - realest-asami-requiem THIS NICHE EMPTY FEET thoughtcontainment Meme culture has peaked, gang. It's all downhill from here.

17.

Text - vorefoot-contessa Hello tumblrinas. Did i miss much? fleetnaturals elon musk is pregnant 5,186 notes A

18.

Text - "I think being an editor really helped me take other people's notes on my writing. I'd get a note like 'It's too wet' or 'The first couple chapters are good, but then the rest of the pages were so wet that they were completely illegible' or 'Did you dip this in Sprite? This smells like Sprite. Why would you dip your novel in Sprite?' And instead of pushing back, l'd listen. That's an incredibly important skill for a young writer to have."

19.

Text - zackisontumblr Total Current browsers visitors are using. 31 Chrome 12 Safari 5 Firefox 2 Internet Explorer 1 Wit Wii someone is on my blog on their wii that is dedication right there zackisontumblr 2013 was a simpler time 441,072 notes

20.

Text - outofcontextbratz I feel so down, I can barely even bring myself to follow the arrow that's pointing towards the Smoothie Bar. * game84cube Why do I vibe with this? 15,163 notes Posted in r/tumblr by u/VUXX6078 reddit

21.

Text - ollieplimsolls open rp Hey can I get seven large cokes and a bbq sauce taahko is pepsi ok villneuve 'i guess' i said sulking, my amber hued orbs peering down because of gravity taahko 'ok. i hand you seven large cokes and a pepsi 233,693 notes

22.

Text - felwinter-deactivated20190201 my sister has apparently had to stop playing Skyrim because she stole every book in the game to stock her house so now her house is full of books to the point where it almost breaks the game and every time she tries to read one guards teleport into her home and arrest her aminoasinine Ray Bradbury - Fahrenheit 451 (1953) 172,061 notes >

23.

Font - cineastette you will not believe the date i just had physcicduckface I miss this meme physcicduckface I'm glad others also missed this meme #food 470,367 notes

24.

Text - generalgrievousdatingsim oh to be a slightly ridiculous looking sea monster on a geographically inaccurate medieval map 63,582 notes

25.

Text - reallyreallyreallytrying people say dolphins are smart but there not smart enough to not be Shity grey rubber tubes flappin about in the gotdamn ocean mystic-bullshitt *they're reallyreallyreallytrying congratulations! you are the piss lord of shit mountain. thank u for hefting turds down the mountainside so that we, the proles, may feast on your bounteous craps mosticonicposts certified iconic post 357,933 notes

26.

Circle - swankydesserts DI 26 I went to a 90s themed party last night piesandfalcs it's a cup cake generic-housewife You know what.... 45,584 notes

27.

Text - r4cs0 BE A FUNCTIONING WEBSITE momir You can carbon date this post by its shade of blue thefirstpaleontologist wildmuddyriver S spoonfulofcurry Follow beakybee Tumbir blue through the years. attackofthebteam computer illiteracy pride flag Source: beakybee 129.033 notes A beanskelly I'm not gonna lie I miss the days of when tumblr wasn't this deep saturated blue 111,724 notes

28.

Text - davidlieberman going to brine myself with sugar and salt, then hotbox my car with some nice alder wood chips to smoke myself like a salmon.... see you on the other side brother.. 29,500 notes

29.

Text - aquaticpaleo Neil Shubin @NeilShubin Finall...A Minecraft Tiktalik. fossils- archeology.fandom.com/wiki/Tiktaalik 6/15/19, 2:53 PM words cannot sum up my love for neil shubin whales-are-gay guys. neil shubin is the person who discovered the tiktaalik. neil shubin, actual paleontologist, discoverer of the evolutionary link between land and sea, tweeted about a minecraft mod that has his discovery in it. 44,245 notes

30.

Text - s-ound-wave S thedominoswizard Follow tragedycamp hamlet is about everything if you try hard enough tragedycamp "read a different play" no! 2,313 notes

31.

Text - snuv songs to touch the stove to 4,551 notes

32.

Text - Anonymous said How is your husband? the-real-rupaul He should be fine I left him with enough food and water for a week the-real-santino-rice That was two weeks ago the-real-rupaul Oh god no let me go check on him the-real-rupaul By Talos this can't be happening

33.

Text - lake-erie this year's prom theme is... *opens envelope* Great Lakes Invasive Species And What Boaters Can Do To Stop Them footballintuxedos And the subject of tonight's ecology panel is *turns on powerpoint* Enchantment Under the Sea 117,014 notes

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