FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 08/23/20

Sunday, August 23, 2020

Mistaken Wife Believes Actor Friend is An Actual Doctor

It's an actual case of "I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV." Some folks are so far in that they can't really be helped. It's a regrettable part of life that there are people walking around like this. For example, take these wildly dumb things people have heard or these facepalm moments.

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Text - r/IDontWorkHereLady · Posted by u/loslaslon 16 hours ago "He's not a doctor." “Yes he is, I saw him on TV." XXL Not quite sure this fits, but wasn't sure where else it would. So I've had a friend since college who's a great guy, I love him to pieces, but I've occasionally considered ending the friendship because his wife is so jarringly dumb. For the life of me I do not know what he gets from her. Ok, I do, she's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in real life. But even still,

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Text - A while back I had a friend visiting, "Camden," and she was dropping her kids by to hang out with mine. I invited her to stay for a bite to eat because yes she's exquisitely dumb, but she's perfectly friendly. Camden's been trying to break into acting and he recently had a bit part on a TV medical drama. So I brought it up, saying, "Camden just recently had a small role as a doctor on this show." She went "Ahhh, that's so exciting! Congratulations! That must not be easy, to get a job ther

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Text - And she laughed and went, "Well, we all feel that way when we first start, regardless of what job. Just keep working hard, and you'll get all that stuff over time. But don't sell yourself short! It's not easy to be a doctor." And he took the compliment and went into how he went about playing the role, the body language he tried to adopt for the intensive care unit, that sort of stuff. Then she cut him off and went, “Actually, you know what, if you wouldn't mind, my son has actually had th

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Text - Camden, confused and weirded out by the whole thing, started saying, "Oh, no, uh... heh... they didn't teach us any medical stuff for the part. I can't, like, help you with this." I jumped in and changed the subject, but she left shortly after. I'd long since given up on trying to explain to her why some jokes are funny and others are not, so I thought I'd let it be, even though she seemed kind of miffed when she left. Later she came back to pick her kids up, and by then Camden had gone h

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Text - So, as I processed the pure bitterness in her voice, I realized she genuinely and truly thought Camden was a medical doctor. So, convinced I must be misunderstanding her, I further reiterated, "No, no, he's an actor. He played a doctor. On that show. You've seen the show." (It's not a small production, it's like Grey's Anatomy or House, everyone knows of it.) And, even angrier now, she said "Of course I have, I know all about it. It's one of the best hospitals in the country, why do you t

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Text - As soon as she was gone I called my friend, her husband, to try and catch him before she was home. I relayed the whole series of events to him, and his response? "Oh that. Yeah, it's a problem. But it's not entirely her fault. Often times those shows use stories ripped from the headlines of the actual news, you know? So you can see why she gets mixed up sometimes." She bumped into Camden at my anniversary party not too long later and asked him, with genuine concern, if a character on the

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Text - So, if you wonder how our country ended up where we are, know that she has a bachelor's degree from an accredited college and holds a job with several subordinates and partial responsibility over our city's water supply. So.. advocate for education reform whenever you can, and enjoy these twilight years of the great American experiment.

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Text - JFerrer619 1.8k points · 17 hours ago This...this can't be real. I refuse to believe this is real! Please tell me you're just trolling us all. loslaslon 2.0k points · 16 hours ago • I wish. Other top highlights of hers include remarking on how it's a sign that God loves America best because fireworks always happen on the Fourth of July (she thought they were a natural phenomenon like the northern lights or volcanoes), stubbornly insisting on eating an actual rose (not icing, real) off a c

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Text - SuspiciousLookinMole 310 points · 15 hours ago My ex-MIL was a bit like this. Back in the early 00's. she borrowed my hubby's Discman for a roadtrip. (yes, I'm old) When they got back, she returned the Discman to hubby saying "I think it's broken. No matter what CD I put in, it just played this loud - NOISE. Like that metal music you always listen to." He had left a Slipknot CD in there, and she just.put her CD in without checking, or without checking when the Garth Brooks she expected di

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Tagged: wtf , absurd , wife , ridiculous , story , dumb , funny , stupid

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Old Folks Dispense Their Dating Advice

Aileen's giving off those gold digger vibes, for sure! All in all, this is quite the fun collection of dating advice from some old folks that have navigating their own romantic rollercoasters. Maybe there's bits of truth in their jokes. Who knows?

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Text - Jating Advce Name - Aleen Age-90 Moke has a loaded wallet. Sure he

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Text - Dating Advice Name-Barl Pick Someone, with good out look on ife. a

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Text - Dating Aduce Name - Grahame Age - 86 Find a grl with a good eart

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Text - Dating Advice Nome - David Age. 92 Ask her parents firsć, explain that you would ike to vecome a Couple with their daughter and promise to Yook af ier her.

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Text - Dating Adice Nome -Bergl Age-86 Alwoye reepeciful. Treal them how you woul like to be treated. be

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Text - Dating Advce Nome - Joan Age- 75 Expect your date to be polite to you if" not WALK AWA Y

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Text - Jating Advce Nome -cbyce Age- 88 Yes please / would ike to go on a date.

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Text - Dating Aduce Nome- Tom Age-87 Treat your grl life royaliy like princess. a

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Text - Jating Advce Nome -Marg Age -84 Don't let the bays take adantoge

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Text - Paung Aduce Name-Joan Age-21 Behave yourself

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Text - Dating Advce Name June Age-87 Donit

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Tagged: seniors , old lady , ridiculous , brutal , funny , dating

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Manager Bullies Employee Till They Quit, Employee Reports Manager

We love a good tale of a nasty manager getting theirs in the end. This particular manager sounds like a grade A bully. The manager exercised zero empathy for an employee going through a heartbreaking loss. On top of displaying zero human empathy, the manager proceeded to make the devastated employee's life miserable by blatantly targeting them for a whole bunch of nothing. Fortunately, the employee was able to get HR involved, and ultimately put together enough evidence that ultimately contributed toward the manager's ultimate downfall.

Check out another glorious tale of revenge with these naive young business owners that foolishly fired the man with the patents.

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Text - r/ProRevenge u/Nubmuffin • 1h + Join 1 Manager bullies me for several months until I finally quit. I made sure to get him fired. Obligatory "english is not my native language, apologies for my mistakes and grammar!" This happened around 2016. I'd (at the time 25/26M) been without a job for a while, looking for a better paying job than I had before and I found one at a camera security company that was looking to hire someone for the servicedesk.

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Text - I went for an interview and got a call back later that day. If I wanted the job it was mine. Now, my new manager was an ex military. Specifically ex-army (not american, just pointing that out). He REALLY didn't like having people disagree with or going against him. A thing I was very unaware of when I took the job. For 2/3 months everything was going well. The manager was cordial and seemed to really enjoy having me there. I worked my butt off every day, as the software we were working wi

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Text - However, after that period my grandpa, who was like a second father to me, suddenly was hospitalized after a brain bleed. (aneurysm?) He was found in the shower, he had collapsed after he pressed his panic button. (assisted living? Not sure how it's called in English, apologies). This all happened on a wednesday. The family came together in the hospital several times to show support and see grandpa. However, on Friday afternoon, 3pm I was called up by my father (my grandpa's son) while I

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Text - I went to my manager and explained what just happened and that I'm going home to be with my family. However, that day there was an event. The company was doing a charity event and this charity was going to be public news. They already announced the amount of people participating and it would look bad if they were a person down. It was basically just for good PR. So he refused to let me go. I told him that by law he me as my contract states I can take a day for a death in the family and th

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Text - This all continued for several months and severly began to impact my mental health. I had a talk with my parents and my fiancé (at the time still my girlfriend, l'd ask her to marry me in December 2016) and they basically told me that this was not okay, that I didn't have to take this and that I should give them my 2 weeks notice. I agreed. The following day I went to HR and explained why I was leaving the company and that I couldn't stand the idea of working even a single day more with t

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Text - HR showed interest in my well being and even more importantly in what I was claiming about my manager. They had received more complaints about him, but nobody had proof of his wrongdoings. So, they asked me if I had proof. I told them l'd be looking for a new job, but l'd gladly fit in the time to collect all I could. For the next 2 weeks I collected everything. Memo's, emails, voice recordings (when on the phone the calls are automatically recorded and the dumbass was stupid enough to cu

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Text - I had one last talk with HR and him at the same time the last day I was there. Before he even walked in, I told the HR person who was mediating: "He's going to walk in, say what he wants to say and l'll be quiet and listen. When he's done, l'll explain my side and he's going to interupt me, tell you l'm lying and talk about completely none related subject matter to drag the conversation another direction.". She looked surprised at my comment, but had no time to respond as mister army man,

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Text - Eventually I got up, told HR "I told you so. Here's the documents you've been asking for.". I placed a filled folder with several dozens of emails, plenty of memo's and a USB containing 3 phone conversations and even video footage of him yelling at me, in both voice and video recordings you could easily hear him cuss me out. I gave the manager a big bright smile, who was smirking victiorously and said to him: "I don't think you'll be smirking like that for long. Enjoy your little victory.

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Text - I called one of my old colleagues to ask what exactly went down. My proof opened pandora's box. He was being disrespectful to the female staff, insulted the older staff and on multiple occassions was less than cordial with our external hires. None of these complaints were acted upon, because it was his word against theirs and there was no proof. However, me providing overwhelming proof of his gross behavior towards me made all other complaints now to be taken as fact.

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Text - He was promptly fired less than a month after left and they refused to provide him with any form of reference. In a field like his references mean a lot. So not getting one from a company you worked at for nearly a year is a huge red-flag. It's now 2020, 4 years passed and according to linkedin he's still not working in his field. l'l gladly admit that I felt rather wickedly satisified and still do whenever I happen to think about it. TL:DR Manager began to bully me because I went to my f

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Tagged: employee , satisfying , manager , job , revenge , work , Reddit

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Quora User Breaks Down Size Of The Universe

Perhaps the most mind blowing fact about the size of the universe is that the universe doesn't have one size, instead it's just that the universe is literal size. It's also wild to think about the fact that we can see the light from a galaxy that existed long before homo sapiens did. Taking a minute to step outside the mental carousel of juggling our daily obligations and life problems, and to stare up at space to appreciate the beautiful insignificance of it all in the grand expanse of the universe, can work wonders for keeping the ego in check.

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Text - 8:47 4 l LTE What fact about the universe's size blows your mind? Krister Sundelin · Updated July 30 E-learning Producer (2020-present) Q: What fact about the universe's size blows your mind? A: On a dark night with no moon and a clear sky, go out of town and up a mountain. Bring binoculars. They will help. Then find the giant W in the sky. That's Cassiopeia. Below the W is a stick figure of sorts, a giant Spongebob Squarepants. The square is the square of Pegasus, and the legs are Androm

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Text - Aim your binoculars at it. You may see something like this: That smudge is the Andromeda Galaxy. It's a galaxy 2.5 million light-years away, and it is in fact our closest galactic neighbour (if you don't count the satellite galaxies like the Magellanic clouds. That means that the light that you are seeing right now left that galaxy 2.5 million years ago.

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Human - At that time, Homo sapiens did not exist. In fact, Homo habilis, the ancestor of Homo ergaster and our ancestor Homo erectus, had just appeared. And that's our closest neighbour.

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Sky - Let us widen the scope a bit. You can't do it using your binoculars, however. This is the M87 galaxy.

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Text - It's a bit famous these days, because scientists have managed to capture an image of a black hole at its center. They used a radio telescope as big as the Earth to do it: The "virtual telescope" used radio telescopes as far apart as Hawaii and Tenerife, and Greenland and the South Pole. Those signals have been travelling towards us for 55 million years. The light and radio signals we are seeing now left M87 a mere 10 million years after the dinosaurs died out, and around 47-50 million yea

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Text - And that's just 55 million light-years away. The light from this little blob has travelled 240 times further than that. This is MACS0647, the farthest known galaxy from Earth. Thanks to the expansion of the universe, it is now a lot further, but its light has been travelling for 13.26 billion years. It may be one of the first galaxies in the universe, three times older than Earth. 55.5K views · View Upvoters · View Sharers · Answer requested by Bixin Shui 4 1.3K a 55 O 43 000

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Tagged: planets , interesting , Astronomy , knowledge , space

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The Wholesome Time Two Random Dudes Came to See A New Baby

Back in the good old days, you could get a random text about a newborn baby and just decide to go support the mom and laugh over the wholesome randomness of it all. Wrong number text exchanges have the tendency to get weird and hilarious, and sometimes an encounter with a total stranger just has some magic in it.

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Text - 00 TFW LTE 10:49 AM 1 81% Messages (20) Group MMS Details To: .05 AM We are at the hospital. Having a baby today! She has dilated to between 5-6. Today 9:04 AM Congrats lol but I think someone got the wrong number

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Product - O 7 Ibs. 11 oz. Well I don't know Yall but me and the boys will be thru to take picture with the baby

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Text - Well I don't know Yall but me and the boys will be thru to take picture with the baby So sweet! Love his name! Congrats! Lol 0687 you are cracking me up!!! Sorry you got caught up in the baby birthing!! Nah that's okay what's the room number Bainbridge hospital right we have gifts

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Green - Lol lol 130 come on and see us. Ttyl see you soon

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Text - I accidentally text a message about Mark and Lindsey having a baby to a number I had in my phone for someone else which now belongs to Mr. his brother came by to visit us and brought the baby a gift! What a blessing these two guys were to our family. They were so sweet and kind to do this! You 2 are great guys and thank you for giving to someone you didn't know! Many blessing I pray for you. I think his brother was D s and he and ,Lindsey, & Mark thanks you. Please share this with anyone

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Tagged: wholesome , baby , wrong number , random , text , stranger , nice , birth , funny

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Ignorant Folks Getting Slammed with Facts

It must be hard being an anti-vaxxer or flat-earther. You have to dodge so much information! Here are some folks getting hit with some satisfying displays of weaponized knowledge. For comebacks with less science and more funny, here are clever comebacks from spicy silver tongues.

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Text - Your Netflix binge-watching makes climate change worse, say experts. The emissions generated by watching 30 minutes of Netflix is the same as driving almost 4 miles 36 minutes ago A server hour can cost less than 1 cent all included. Netflix can probably serve multiple customers at 1 cent per hour. Even if all that cost is energy bills (it's not, there's real estate, capital costs, and markup included), that's .1kWh. 4 miles at .411kg per milel2l is 1.6kg of co2. .1kWh of electricity at 0

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Text - Jessica Meir @Astro_ Jessica My first venture >63,000', the space equivalent zone, where water spontaneously boils! Luckily l'm suited! 10h 0:04 3 84 230 @Astro_Jessica Wouldn't say it's spontaneous. The pressure in the room got below the vapor pressure of the water at room temp. Simple thermo ithelpstodream Some guy just mansplained space to an actual fucking astronaut. tedbroiler tfw correcting misinformation is written off as mansplaining darwinquark tfw when idiots on tumblr who know

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Text - Ross Tucker @Scienceofsport 3d However, even without that recent evidence, the biological principles for separation into men's and women's categories in sport are so strong that to overturn it requires exceptional evidence (2/) 95 2767 432 Kaz Self @SelfKaz 4h Are you a biologist? Are you a scientist? Have you got a PhD? Published a paper in a peer reviewed journal? If not then STFU. O 15 Ross Tucker O @Scienceofsport Replying to @SelfKaz and @sharrond62 Yes, yes, yes and yes.

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Skin - Was trying to think of the least scary thing I could be for Halloween...so I became the measles d Would you like to accompany me on my rounds? You can tell our measles encephalitis and viral sepsis patients, the ones in comas and seizures and high fevers, that their suffering isnt all that bad and is just being exaggerated by "Big Pharma" and clueless quacks who "HaveNt DoNe THEIR RESEARCH" like me. You can even assist with the spinal tap! Read your favorite vaccine insert to them while t

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Text - B.o.B Follow @bobatl The cities in the background are approx. 16miles apart... where is the curve ? please explain this murderedbywords With the circumference of 24901 miles, you are looking at a curvature of around .2 degrees, or a little more than 10 feet at 16 miles away. May I say, that curvature is still significantly higher than your IQ. 4d 4 likes Reply Stitch It!

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Text - When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below Freezing to 300 c. The Russians used a pencil. basilton: In the early years of space flight, both Russians and Americans used pencis in space. Unfortuna

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Text - I once drank 3.5L of whiskey in one night and didn't get a hangover. I'm convinced I'm immune to them. No matter how hard I try I can't make it happen I just wanna understand why people complain about them. Like Reply 20m You want to know why something sucks? Like Reply 15m >3.5l of whiskey Sure you did Like Reply - 7m | This is one I am calling for 500, Alex. With generous assumptions (ie. assuming low proof whiskey, large body mass, etc.), 3.5L of whiskey at 33% is 65 (US) standard drin

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$Text - Text - r/flatearthsociety u/KrishnasProphet ly + SUBSCRIBE 日 A Question for Ball Believers: Why Do You Believe The Earth Is Round? When everyday observations constantly reaffirm that it is Flat? Why do you believe in science without question? As a Planar Theorist, I'm genuinely curious... Edit: Given the paucity of responses so far, my suspicions that ball believers DO NOT KNOW why they believe the earth is round seem to be confirmed... 10 57 1, Share BEST COMMENTS DrDeboGalaxy • ly Gernb$

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Text - Tweet Good perhaps ppl will realize that you won't die from the measles and it strengthens your immune system organically and not in some unnatural way. Ethan J. Lindenberger @ethan_Joesph16 Replying to @Nards649499551 and @FullFrontalSamB Oh man. I'm so glad 158,000 people have stronger immune systems. Oh wait...actually that's the death total of measles from 2011. 08:50 4/5/19 Twitter for iPhone ili View Tweet activity

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Text - shared post. 39 mins - ADDERALL CRYSTAL METH esteivay ar oopm For those of you who take adderall & swear you aren't a meth head. e Like Comment Share 3 As a biochemist, I have a duty to point out that the extra methyl group sticking out could increase affinity for neurotransmitter receptors by a factor of 100. possibly even in the 1000x-10000x range. That's a huge thing to consider It's this kind of affinity difference that causes carbon monoxide to kill you if it's in high enough concent

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Text - Alexander J.A Cortes @AJA_Cortes Unnatural hair colors in woman are a warning signal to stay away, Its an example Aposematism-the phenomenon of poisonous animals in nature advertising their toxicity and lethality JulieG @stringy Replying to @javafour and @Ennaaseret7 Aposematism is there to warn off predators, not sexual partners. If you're repelled by it, it's working.

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Text - Here is my completely unvaccinated boy so happy and content. With a fully functioning immune system working how it should without being compromised #vaccinefree 02 Repiying to That's a nice immune system he has there. It'd be a shame if Measles infected his macrophages, silenced his dendritic cells, and killed his memory cells wiping his learned immunity.

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Text - 65% 4:18 PM Replies ginganz13 7 months ago g Foxes are Lupine, not Canine - completely different species. The problem with putting more effort into sounding authoritative than being accurate is; you reveal that you are an idiot. 1.8K TierZoo • 6 months ago (edited) "Canine" is the layman term for all animals in the family "Canidae", which includes every animal in this list plus a few more (like the bush dog and the raccoon dog.) The problem with putting more effort into sounding smug than

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Text - Fact- if the earth was 10 ft closer to the sun we would all burn up and if it was 10 ft further we would freeze to death.. God is amazing! Sunday at 11:04am via Text Message Like Comment and 4 others like this. Wow..that's crazy! Sunday at 11:07am via Facebook Mobile Like I knooooow! Sunday at 11:08am-Like Amen Sunday at 11:08am Like to anyone wondering, that's not true. 1)Earth's orbit is eliptical and the distance from the sun varies from around 147 million kilometers to 152 million kil

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Text - + Replies + Replies п-пехапог Luke Z-Hex-3-enol This is a standard vaccine E-Hex-2-enol composition. Which of these chemicals do you object to having in your body? n-Hexyl-2-methylbutanoate n-Heptanol Camphor n-Octanol Ethanol Propyl acetate 2-Methylpropyl acetate Propanol n-Butyl acetate 2-Methylpropanol 2-Methylbutyl acetate n-Butyl propanoate n-Butanol n-Oct-2-enol 1-Methoxy-4-(2-propenyl)-benzene 24 m Like Reply Truly. Luke all of them 3 m Like Reply n-Pentyl acetate 2-Methylbut-3-eny

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Text - Your generation invented the "need" for expensive pills and potions with nasty side effects rather than taking responsibility and living with your problems. 1h Like Reply D 17 The Credible Hulk "Your generation invented the "need" for expensive pills and potions with nasty side effects rather than taking responsibility and living with your problems." - There are so many things wrong with this statement that it's difficult to know where to start. 1. The term "need" is utterly meaningless w

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Text - alex e @bahayogi Actually, soaps do help. The virus is a self-assembled nanoparticle and the weakest link is the lipid bilayer. When you wash your hands with soap it dissolves the fatty membrane and the virus falls apart thus becoming "inactive". Please wash your hands. TheeSkinnyLegend TM @MyLifeAsR.. · 1d Fun fact: antiBACTERIAL soaps that kill 99.9% of bacteria, do nothing against VIRUSES. And corona is in fact a VIRUS.

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Text - l 2degrees ? 12:14 AM Tweet Kind reminder. The X chromosome contains 1098 genes. The Y chromosome has only 78 genes. The X chromosome is over 5 times larger than the Y. Its science. Female are superior. By far. Hence hundreds of years of chauvinism to try suppress her. Goodnight. 19/02/18, 10:34 PM 19 Retweets 75 Likes Mh Replying to Onions have more DNA than humans Tweet your reply Q

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Lip care - It contains more than 4,000 chemicals and it has spread into every human body on Earth. Among its components are formaldehyde, acetone, ethanol, ketone bodies, dihydrogen monoxide, tryptophan, urea, Dehydroepiandrosterone, Hexosephosphate P, and at least 20 kinds of acids. Nearly every chemical constituent will, in certain concentrations, kill children and adults. Chemical compounds within it are also used in yoga mats, explosives, warfare, and industrial applications. It is now so pe

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Text - Dr. Phillip Binzel found an 81% cancer cure rate using liquid laetrile in apricot seeds. When he ordered this, the FDA tried to block the import of liquid laetrile in the United States. Liked by Course, pharmaceutical companies just wanna make more money :. more View All 25 Comments It was banned because ingesting it causes cyanide poisoning Imao

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Tagged: flat earth , facts , anti-vaxxers , information , ridiculous , knowledge

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Lazy Truck Driver Fakes Broken Arm, State Trooper Swarms Him With Tickets

Man, oh man, this truck driver sounds like a lazy nightmare. Fortunately, one of the guys who was exposed to his BS, had enough, and got a state trooper involved. From there, the state trooper had no problem writing the truck driver multiple tickets for faking an injury to get out of the job he was being paid to do.

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/dachord • 22h Fake a Broken Arm? I'll Get You Dead- Lined. Years ago back in high school I worked in a retail hardware business, along with a few part time guys going to college. One of our jobs was accepting deliveries from the corporate warehouse. Because the truck was full of merchandise, some for our store, some for other stores, we weren't allowed to go into the trailer. The truck driver was responsible for going into the trailer and pushing the boxes of merchan

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Text - smoking. And he was lazy. The first time he arrived, he told us to unload the truck ourselves, went into the crapper, and stayed there for over thirty minutes. I unloaded the truck, it took far longer than normal, but I was diligent and did not remove any items that were not ours. This continued for several weeks and the unloading process took away time that we could have used putting merchandise on the shelves. The boss finally had enough and called corporate. The driver must have been r

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Text - boss, and explained. The boss told him no one was going to sign off until every box was opened and inspected. Bear in mind the average load was around 200 boxes. The truck driver got pissed and drove off without finishing the unload. He was hurting himself by doing so, because boss called corporate right away. We closed at 6 every evening. The truck driver knew this. He showed back up at five minutes before closing time and made many asshole remarks while slow-walking the unloading. One o

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Text - forward to December. It was cold and the delivery was twice the normal size (Christmas season). He parks, gets out, and informs us his arm is broken and therefore he is not going to help with the unload. I was ambivalent, but my big country co-worker was tired of this man's nonsense. What the truck driver did not know was there was a State Trooper in the store shopping. He was a close friend of my co-worker, who had gone out front to find him and told him about this truck driver. Little d

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Text - after he left, the Trooper took the truck driver's license and paperwork, stuck it under the windshield wiper, and left. The truck driver came back 3 hours later with paperwork. We can only assume that he had to go to the emergency room and get x-rays. He was extremely pissed when he learned what the Trooper did. He was even more pissed that we were laughing at him and stood in front of the store, waving at him as he drove off. We never saw him again. He either demanded a different route,

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Tagged: state trooper , satisfying , lazy , revenge , work , Reddit , illegal , truck driver

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Man Crank Calls Friend, Gets Served Fake Paternity Suit

Just picturing the look of pure devastation on Mike's face when he was served that (fake) paternity suit is enough to get the laughs rolling. Goes to show that the devil or saving grace is truly in the details. Gotta feel for Mike's poor mom too that underwent quite the shock upon discovering that paternity suit in his car, when she was cleaning it!

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/tremendothegreat • 14h 1 1 1 2 2 1 Friend crank called me at my job, so I had him served with a fake paternity suit at his 10 years ago a friend of mine crank called me several times in my office over the course of a day. I decided in that moment that 1) this would not stand and 2) rather than entering into a long, protracted quagmire of a prank war, I would use the nuclear option and end it immediately. My friend "Mike" was a well known local bartender (I worked at

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Text - So, I compiled a ton of free online legal documents - not just for the "paternity suit" but also income disclosure forms, statements of parental rights, and suggested visitation schedules pending "demonstrable proof of sobriety." I filled out all the forms, then smeared what looked like date-received stamps as proof they had been filed and ran copies to make those stamps even more illegible. From there, I crafted a back story to be included in a cover letter from the fictional mother's fa

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Text - I enlisted another friend not known by Mike to serve the documents and instructed him to do so around 10pm on a Saturday evening. I told him to keep the interaction very simple. I wasn't able to be by the back bar because I knew I would be laughing too hard, but based on eyewitness reports it played out like this: FRIEND: Are you Mike [last name]? MIKE: Yes FRIEND: Michael [middle name, last name]? MIKE: Yes FRIEND: [drops folder on bar] MIKE: What's that? FRIEND: Paternity suit. You've b

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Text - Mike read through the packet, shakily poured himself several drinks, and then ran over to the bar owner (who was aware of the prank), to ask what to do. He also called the number on the letterhead but sadly did not leave a voicemail. After a solid 10 minutes of intense psychological revenge, the owner finally told Mike he should closely read the last page of the packet. On it, in size 2 font it read "Go fuck yourself, Mike." At which point, Mike ran to the front door and punched me in the

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Tagged: FAIL , revenge , ridiculous , prank calls , Reddit , funny

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Tumblr Thread: Bilingual Struggles Inspire Hilarious Blunders

What starts as a funny observation about what to look for when identifying a bilingual character who was clearly not written by a bilingual person, evolves into a wonderful Tumblr thread about various struggles experienced by bilingual speakers. It's clear that our brains are doing the best they can, and when you task the brain with hopping between languages inevitable brain farts can occur.

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Text - mothman @LEVKAWA how to tell whena bilingual character was not written by a bilingual person 101 "Hola ¿Qué pasa?" Lance said. "Uh...what?" "Ah, sorry. It's hard to switch back sometimes. What's up?" He corrected.

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Text - gunvolt im going to have a stroke prideling Instead try... Person A: You know... the thing Person B: The "thing"? Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! "mutters under their breath" Como es que se llama esa mierda... THE FISHING ROD

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Text - artykyn As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed: • Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity. Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idio

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Text - Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English. • Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word "préservatifes." Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms. • Defined a

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Text - Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said "I don't know" and turned to me and asked "Is there an English equivalent for Hymn3maTnyeCKUň?" and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back. • Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned "How stressful!" into "What stressing!" Bilingual

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Tagged: tumblr , language , foreign language , video games , video game logic , funny tumblr

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Quick Tumblr Post On Keeping A Level Mindset

Got to love it when the Tumblr community takes a break from the random rabbit holes to offer up some helpful mental health advice. This particular advice definitely makes sense. It's easier to get over one thing that you're preoccupied with getting over, by throwing your attention into a completely different activity that you enjoy. Check out some more random Tumblr gems to tumble through over here.

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Text - anxietyproblem Follow Seneca @CryptoSeneca Easy to spot a yellow car when you are always thinking of a yellow car. Easy to spot opportunity when you are always thinking of opportunity. Easy to spot reasons to be mad when you are always thinking of being mad. You become what you constantly think about. Watch yourself.

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Text - A shinnegamitensei Follow #hm. time to constantly think about getting |by a pack of werewolves. this site has one setting jenroses Follow I'm laughing, but there's a super useful corollary, which my husband calls “the Red Balloon." He was a defense lawyer and had a fair number of drug addicts come through, and there is a thing where if you're like, on your first offense, they'll do a thing where you can go to treatment and if you complete it they'll take the conviction off your record.

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Text - And he would tell his clients, “Look, everyone's going to tell you not to do drugs. They're going to say it over and over again. And it's like, if people tell you not to think of a white elephant, you're going to think of a white elephant. But the trick to not thinking about a white elephant is to think of a red balloon. So you need to find your red balloon. For some people it's yoga. For others it's woodworking. For some people it's scrapbooking or gardening or any of a long list of thin

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Text - So yeah, "watch yourself" is one thing... but the better idea is to watch something else. (Even if it's fanfic about werewolves It's a form of productive dissociation, and is super, super helpful. It's easy for me to get bogged down in how much pain l'm in... but some of the most painful periods of my life have also been the most productive, writing-wise, because writing is one of my red balloons.

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Tagged: tumblr , awesome , information , mental health , knowledge , anxiety

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Twitter Thread: Dad Has Zero Video Game Logic

This wonderful story about a dad's experience being presented various video games by his kid has us thinking that dad could've been trolling all along. Some of the reactions carry a strong scent of the typical dad joke. Either way, a big thanks to @MarcStraight for sharing such a funny series of reactions with their dad.

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Text - Marc, for now. Follow @MarcStraight My dad is starting to get into different kinds of video games. He tried out No Man's Sky today and said "So it's like doing yard work but in space" and I honestly have no rebuttal he's absolutely right.

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Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Tried to get him to try the new God of War. He said "That game takes too long to play. I just bought a grill I don't got that kinda time on my hands." My sides hurt omg. t7 101 6 1.9K Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Me "Want to try Overcooked?" Dad "What's that" Me "You're a chef trying to fill orders in-" Dad "Why would you play a game about making food? That's called a job. Is this why your friends don't have jobs? If I want to make food, l'd

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Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Me: "sigh* l'm running out if ideas. Want to try Dark Souls 3? Dad: What's that? Me: Everything sucks, you're dead but still alive an- Dad: So l'm middle aged go in Me: .You're trying to fix the world because everything sucks Dad: middle aged in 2018 got it Me: oh my god why. t7 287 2.3К >

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Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Dad: You play games on the computer too right? Me: Yeah Dad: Okay show me some games on there. Me: You will hate all of them. Dad: You don't know that. Moments later Dad: What is Huniepop? ohno.

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Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Me: HuniePop is. uhhh. It's about this guy that meets a fairy. thing that helps him get laid by playing bejewled. Dad: Do people that actually have sex play this game? Me: I mean. prob- Dad: Can you see how long you've played it? Me: PICK A DIFFERENT GAME. t7 106 O 1.4K

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Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Dad: Why do you have a game about having a boyfriend. Me: It's not about having a boyfriend it's about pigeons dating and Dad: Nevermind, l'd rather it be about having a boyfriend. Next. 4 t7 154 1.6K >

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Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · Aug 19 Dad: What's Amnesia? Me: It's about being stuck in a mansion with monsters and you're slowly losing your mind. Dad: Oh. Long pause. Dad: Dad: What's Amnesia? Me: I just tol- WOW REALLY? t7 232 2.3К

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Text - Marc, for now. @MarcStraight · 12m By request, my dad tried Fortnite Dad: I played it a bit while l'm at work Me: What do you think? Dad: It's like if the guy that made The Purge was also the one that made Family Guy Me: That's HARSH wtf Dad: I GOT KILLED BY A LITTLE GIRL AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING

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Tagged: twitter , FAIL , social media , ridiculous , video games , video game logic , funny

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Twitter Thread: Woman Discovers Boyfriend Has A Kid

Well, this conversation definitely took an unexpected turn. Can't imagine being in the room and in this couple's vicinity as they were talking through this.