FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 07/09/20

Thursday, July 9, 2020

Japanese Baseball Team has Dancing Robots to Replace Fans

In lieu of having fans in the stadium, the Japanese baseball team Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks has opted for a robot song and dance number that is about as technically intriguing as it is creepy.

Submitted by: (via Guardian Sport)

Tagged: cool , wtf , baseball , robots , Japan , weird , Video

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Woman Wakes Up From Lightning Strike After Two Weeks

Can't blame the guy for not being able to keep a straight face; the situation was just too ridiculous.

Submitted by: (via lifja)

Tagged: news , FAIL , ridiculous , lightning , Video

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Divers Get Pinged By Submarines Sonar

Cause open water wasn't already freaky enough.

Submitted by: (via jeankikine)

Tagged: diving , surprising , awesome , loud , Video

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Man Misunderstands Ugly Duckling, Assumes Female Swans Aren't A Thing

This man had a tragic, hilarious misunderstanding thanks to the Ugly Duckling. He thought that female swans weren't a thing. Sometimes you realize that you are in fact that dude who fell through the cracks.

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Text - r/tifu + JOIN u/Laziy-Beans • 8h 1 TIFU by misunderstanding the ugly duckling S The other night, I was out getting a drink with some friends from university, and for some reason or another, the conversation turned to swans. Now, as a kid, I remember reading the Ugly Duckling - and for some reason, I completely misunderstood it. Not the lesson of the story or anything, but the reason that the duckling was ugly in the first place. The reason being that it was, of course, a swan.

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Text - But for some reason, I got a few wires crossed, and thought it was in fact a duckling like the rest. Instead of thinking that the swan was a different kind of bird, I thought that swans were just male ducks. For some reason I never stopped thinking it, even though l've seen plenty of ducks, and literally had the differences between male and female ones pointed out to me before. I don't know why it never got through to me. I guess I just thought they were different kinds of duck or somethi

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Text - What this means is that when one of my friends mentioned something about female swans, I scoffed and very loudly proclaimed that “you can't have female swans". I stuck by this, convinced they were fucking with me, until they realised I wasn't kidding. And that's how I, at the age of 19, finally learned that female swans exist. My friends won't stop laughing at me over it, and I really have no defence other than it made sense at the time. TL;DR I didn't think swans could be female, my frie

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Text - wolf_kisses • 7h Similarly, my husband thought turkeys were male chickens lol

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Text - fuzzyalpacasocks • 6h My friend thought reindeers are mythical due to their association with Santa Claus and at some point made a statement about rabbit eggs because of their associations with Easter. Very academically gifted but yet not the brightest bulb, that one

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Tagged: confusion , FAIL , ridiculous , tifu , Reddit , funny

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Tumblr Thread: Larger Than Life Saxophones

The internet has a very understandable love for monstrous saxophones.

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Musical instrument - 131-di the contrabass saxophone is such an absurd instrument

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Musical instrument - leaf-jelly i give you the contrabass tuba. Why is it real. I dont know.

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Leg - presidentobarna Know what's even better? HYPERBASS FLUTE

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Text - brickiestsurgeon talk dirty to me illogicalhumanoid Have ya'll seen the double contrabass flute before???

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Musical instrument - paulsrockinpagoda my counter: SH NSTRUMENTS 945 Birn cell: 205-541-3258 phone 205-976-3773 veat s UCE piccolo trombone

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Tagged: Music , tumblr , awesome , saxophone , ridiculous , funny tumblr

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Laziest Attempts At Being Helpful People Have Seen

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the laziest attempts people have made at being helpful. If you're going to try to help someone out, don't half ass it...go all the way.

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Text - Consideration-Think • 23h I started choking on my water and my grandma handed me a tissue Reply 1 2.6k ...

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Text - --nEgativezEro-- • 22h 1 Award It probably wasn't the laziest, but definitely the least helpful. Coming home from a baseball game, an older gentleman was crossing the road in front of our car. He looked up in surprise, noticing he was blocking our path. He broke into a jog to get out of the way, but l'm assuming because of his age, he actually moved slower jogging than he was when walking. Right idea, but amusingly unhelpful. Reply 1 3.0k ...

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Text - deuteranopia • 23h "K" as a reply to any suggestion. Also, when I tell my Pomeranian to jump into the bed and he refuses, so I pick him up to put him in the bed, and he "helps" by jumping the tiniest amount as I lift him. Reply 1.2k ...

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Text - Derpy132639 • 22h When that one kid purposely chooses to do the smallest, easiest part of a group project Reply 513

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Text - YaDrunkBitch • 21h My SIL saying she's bringing a cheese cake to the party, then showing up two hours late with all the ingredients to make it, and asking if I can make it because she needs a smoke. Reply 616

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Text - PM_ME_UR_TESTIMONIES • 1d Sometimes l'll pretend to reach for the "open door" button on the elevator when I have no intention of letting the person in. Reply 1 947 ...

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Text - neobahmot • 22h When someone from corporate visits and says "I'm here to help" Reply 154 ...

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Text - Koniss • 21h My wife when she ask if I need help and when I say yes she just go somewhere else Reply 284

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Text - Frodeliciouz • 18h In Norway we have an expression of giving someone a "bear service" (bjørnetjeneste), which is the act of doing something helpful towards someone but you fuck it up. It stems from a French story (?) about a bear and a dude who are friends. The dude was having a siesta under a tree when a fly sat on his face. The bear, being his helpful good-bear self, picked up a stone to kill the fly. He ended up smashing the dude's face in. Thus, a bear service. Aaaand that doesn't ans

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Text - haleysname • 18h Everyday, before he leaves my boss says, "need anything?". Everyday I say, "no, have a good one!" One day, I was emptying the cardboard baler, and once the bale is out, I'm not strong enough to tip it on the handcart. I'm fine once its tipped to bring it out of the store, but I don't weigh enough to tip it. He said, "need anything?". I said, "Can you help me push this onto the wheeler in a sec?" (I was almost done wrapping it with wire) He said, "I gotta pick up the kids.

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Text - darkmirror29 • 20h Someone coming to to ask how they can help AFTER I have already 1. Cleaned the house 2. Cooked a several course dinner 3. Baked dessert 4. Cleaned the dishes (I hate eating dinner knowing I have a sink full of dirty dishes) 5. Wrapped the birthday gift 6. Set the table. The last step is to round everyone up and tell them dinner is ready and to come grab a seat...I did steps 1-6, I think I can manage that last step solo too! Reply 115 ...

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Text - Yee_yee_hairline • 22h You missed a spot. Or teachers just telling you what you did wrong and not helping you correct it Reply 285

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Text - NiceGabby • 1d I drank beers and stood on boards to "hold them steady" while my bf cut them to length. Reply 314 ...

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Text - El-Ahrairah9519 • 21h When people push their shopping carts to the cart return, but just kind of half-assedly push them in a big cluster instead of stacking them properly, so eventually there's a haphazard flock of unsecured carts taking up half the lane and the adjacent spaces Reply 118 ...

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Text - ImHyperfocused • 22h Barking at somebody with ADHD to "Focus!" and getting angry when they're not immediately cured of their disorder. Reply 209

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Text - mukenwalla • 20h When something is spilled and someone says "get a towel" why don't you get a towel. Reply 1 70 ...

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Text - ItchyNarwhal • 21h Changing the trash bag, but leaving the old trash bag there, then continue to put more trash in the old trash bag instead of the new one to "fully use it." Reply 29

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Text - Night_Talks • 23h When you're moving into a new flat and a neighbour says hi and watches you bring in most of your boxes/ belongings then asks if you're nearly done (this avoiding having to actually carry anything) Reply 31 ...

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Text - archived_idli • 20h When you drop an item like a pen/pencil, and the other person simply nudges it towards you. Reply 5

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Tagged: lazy , askreddit , ridiculous , Reddit , funny

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Facebook Post On Foolishness Of Human Beings

This guy's Facebook post illustrates just how absurd it is that human beings try to shrug off scientific or historical research with "common sense." He uses a solid chess analogy to drive the point home.

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Text - Tom Denton 30. jun. • O Here are some facts about how stupid we all actually are... The average adult with no chess training will beat the average five year old with no chess training 100 games out of 100 under normal conditions. The average 1600 Elo rated player – who'll probably be a player with several years of experience - will beat that average adult 100 games out of 100.

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Text - A top "super" grandmaster will beat that 1600 rated player 100 games out of 100. This distribution is pretty similar across other domains which require purely mental rather than physical skill, but it's easy to measure in chess because there's a very accurate rating system and a record of millions of games to draw on. Here's what that means.

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Text - The top performers in an intellectual domain outperform even an experienced amateur by a similar margin to that with which an average adult would outperform an average five year old. That experienced amateur might come up with one or two moves which would make the super GM think for a bit, but their chances of winning are effectively zero. The average person on the street with no training or experience wouldn't even register as a challenge. To a super GM, there'd be no quantifiable differ

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Text - What's actually being measured by your chess Elo rating is your ability to comprehend a position, take into account the factors which make it favourable to one side or another, and choose a move which best improves your position. Do that better than someone else on a regular basis, you'll have a higher rating than them. So, the ability of someone like Magnus Carlsen, Alexander Grischuk or Hikaru Nakamura to comprehend and intelligently process a chess position surpasses the average adult

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Text - Given that, it seems likely that the top performers in other intellectual domains will outperform the average adult by a similar margin. And this seems to be borne out by elite performers who l'd classify as the "super grandmasters" of their fields, like, say, Collier in music theory or Ramanujan in mathematics. In their respective domains, their ability to comprehend and intelligently process domain-specific information is, apparently – although less quantifiably than in chess - so far b

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Text - This means that people's attempts to apply "common sense" - i.e., untrained thinking - to criticise scientific or historical research or statistical analysis or a mathematical model or an economic policy is like a five year old turning up at their parent's job and insisting they know how to do it better. Imagine it.

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Text - They would not only be wrong, they would be unlikely to even understand the explanation of why they were wrong. And then they would cry, still failing to understand, still believing that they're right and that the whole adult world must be against them. You know, like "researchers" on Facebook. That's where relying on "common sense" gets you. To an actual expert you look like an infant having a tantrum because the world is too complicated for you to understand. And that, my friends, is sc

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Tagged: facebook , humanity , social media , ridiculous

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Tumblr Thread: The Spikey Insanity of The Lantern Shield

Tumblr has got a raging petard for medieval battle tactics and the consensus seems to be that what the past lacked in sanitation, it made up for with cool swords and unconventional weapons. Sometimes you see some gizmo an Italian blacksmith threw together six hundred years ago and all you can think is "that is badass." Who knew history could be fun.

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Organism - the-man-who-sold-za-warudo Knight: I have trained in all forms of combat and weapons since birth. I cannot be bested. Some horsecock motherfucker:

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Stock photography - Knight: . What the fuck cerastes OH FUCK YES I GET TO TALK ABOUT LANTERN SHIELDS.

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Drawing - For anyone seeing this post and wondering what kind of unholy heresy is currently having a blacksmithing orgy in front of their eyes, this is called a Lantern Shield.

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Text - This came from, YOU GUESSED IT, fucking Italy, home of lunatic steel-weaving mother fuckers who often simply looked at each other, and by each other, I mean their frenzied reflections in their shattered mirrors, and said "WHAT IF WE JUST DO THINGS", which is, as we all know, Aunt Jemima's recipe for success. Lantern Shields were very indicative: They were meant to be bucklers that could carry a lantern, oftentimes for night time duels. Now, you're wondering, why carry a lantern on a night

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Tagged: cool , spike , Battle , wtf , shield , medieval , history , lol , knight , funny

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People's Favorite Somewhat Obscure Jokes

May these aid you in your hunt for new jokes to impress your friends who you've already told all your good jokes to. Everyone's heard the "chicken crossed the roads" and "why the long faces" of the world, so here are people's go-to "you probably haven't heard this one before" jokes. In addition to theses, here are some pun-tastic dad jokesand jokes people love that no one else does.

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Tagged: jokes , clever , lol , stories , funny

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