Wednesday, November 11, 2020

TV News Reporters Try To Be Hip


How did it ever come to this? Who had this idea in the first place? It's an absolute disaster, and we can't look away. 

Submitted by: (via Viral Videos Daily)

Tagged: news , FAIL , cringe , Awkward , TV , ridiculous , funny , Video

BJ Novak Explains "Shrinkflation" Using Cadbury Eggs


All that "market research" has only manifested in us being robbed of the wonderful products like Cadbury Eggs that brightened our golden childhood days. For whatever reason, someone thought it'd be a good idea to mess with those Cadbury Eggs. Clearly, they hadn't heard the saying, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Submitted by: (via amy susanne)

Broken Iron Sounds like a Ghoul


Who knew one dropped clothes iron could be all you need to recreate the pained gurgling of a nighttime horror. Seriously, it sounds like a wet interrupted belch made out of hot bog water passing over a leathery, tumescent throat. It's just excellent.

Submitted by: (via Karolina Żebrowska)

Dubious Advice from Questionable Strangers


When reaching out for advice, it's good to take things with a grain of salt and understand that everyone might not have your best interest at heart.  Some people just want to see the world burn, and that's what makes things interesting. For some even worse advice, here are some dumb and bad life pro tips to not do.

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Text - LITTLE JOSEPH @casablankstare Life hack: save time by crying about two things at the same time

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Advertising - DON'T WASTE PUMPKIN A GOOD "HALLOWEEN" IS OVER, BUT THERE ARE MANY SCIENTIFIC PUMPKIN APPLICATIONS Cat Helmets Earth Friendly Diapers Plastic diapers are bad for our earth. A pumpkin diaper can come right off and help fertilize new growth! Vegetarian Thanks- Giving Feline concussions don't have to happen. A pumpkin helmet can prevent severe cat brain damage. Save your pumpkin a month and save money on turkey. You'll also learn how age affects a vegetable's taste.

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Text - Katherine @MageOfSolitude Autumn is the perfect time to work on your beech body, gnarled and mossy and deep in a haunted forest, visited only by owls and deer and foxes and ghosts, whispered secrets to by the stars

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Text - Here's What You Should do if You're Taking a Bath and Suddenly You Wonder, "Am I Soup?" STEP ONE: Check tub to see what it's filled with. STEP TWO: If tub is filled with carrots, celery, onions, and vegetable stock, you are soup. STEP THREE: If tub is filled with just water, you are still soup, but it won't be as flavorful.

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Drink - BEST RAINY DAY ACTIVITIES Staying in bed Reading a book Standing motionless in a haunted cemetery Coffee obvious plant

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Text - too many bills to pay? not liking your current life? Dont know what to do? Become A Crab Rangoon! - Golden Tan - Very Hot - Loved by Millions - Fatter the Better - No Responsibilities

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Tire - Protect your privacy by cutting off the antenna the government put on your car tires

8.

Text - Kyle Y @KylePlantEmoji "I can't, too busy": - no one believes you - tired - allows for future invitations "I can't. Not since the accident" - mysterious - fresh - prevents future invitations

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Life's short. Buy those shoes, miss this month's rent, lose your job, get evicted, lose your friends, ruin your fucking life. Treat yourself.

10.

Text - USING DATING APPS • exhausting & boring • you get too many replies or no replies at all HANGING OUT WITH RACCOONS YOU MET IN AN ALLEY • exciting & fun • they won't mind if you complain about your ex • they'll teach you to hotwire cars

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WARNING: Your mother will hate it obvious plant SHARPEN YOUR TEETH HOME KIT Improves self-confidence Intimidates rivals Provides self-defense in an increasingly cruel and unsafe world Includes nail file and gauze

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Water - Hydration Tip Drinking i gallon of water a day helps you avoid other people's drama because you are too busy peeing. Stay-hydrated my friends!

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Text - ALA hea BATHROOM TIP. If you cry in the shower it looks like you're extra good at crying.

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Text - Chuck Wendig @ChuckWendig HAPPY FRIDAY. THE WORLD IS CRAP SO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOURSELF. BUY A BOOK. HAVE A BIG-ASS LATTE. WALK AWAY FROM SOMEONE SAYING STUPID SHIT. PET A PUPPY. SMELL A BABY. SIP A WHISKY. PUT A HEX ON YOUR JERK BOSS SO HE PUKES UP SERPENTS. TODAY IS A YOU-DAY, A DAY TO ENJOY YOU!

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Text - arahir zan Following @tagteamme Replying to @arahir i'm TELLING ya!!! comic sans makes the words fly out like you're shooting them out of a rocket launcher it's true serainechor update: this actually works. i'm so angry. vsquaredk my friend told me about this and I laughingly suggested it to my wife (who had a good number of essays to write and less than a week to write them). She finished 3 essays in 2 days using comic sans. She was livid.

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Text - memewhore Jason @longwall26 It's not the most ethical move in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby. trveroman Concept- someone tries this trick with a cursed halrpin or some bullshit, but the malevolent old woman whose spirit inhabits the object instead grows very fond of the baby. Now, the parents not only have to deal with the child, but the blood- soaked, horrific specter that plays games with the baby and rocks it to sleep from beyond the gr

17.

Text - Ygrene @Ygrene The trick to doing crimes is to wait until after 5pm when all the police have gone home for the day 8:58 PM · 2019-06-17 · Twitter for iPhone 453 Retweets 15 Quote Tweets 2,558 Likes

18.

Text - Andrew G. @marginoferror Don't fight a cat. Use your brain. Use drugs. (From a veterinary textbook) Normal Hypertbyrod Oter and athere 19ne) 7 Pretty sound advice e fandling: General considerations The cat is faster and has sharper teeth and nails than you do. It has no 'code of ethics' or considerations for its own future. In a fair fight it will win. 1. DON'T FIGHT A CAT 2. USE YOUR BRAIN 3. USE DRUGS

19.

Text - elizabeth @prvserpine Be the Persephone you want to see in the world. Add pomegranate seeds to your salad. Wear autumn's decay like a perfume and spring's soft blooming like jewelry. Weave flower crowns in a cemetery. Write love poems to death. Capture your beloved dark god.

20.

Text - baby beholder @AxolotICure "Ladies and gentlemen" is boring and gendered. Consider replacing it with "friends and enemies." II Gender neutral v Exciting / Informs the spies in your midst that you're on to them. Drives home the point that one is either with you or against you.

21.

Text - viking @NOTVIKING whenever i get change from a store i always put it in a little jar when i get home. it doesn't seem like a lot but over time it adds up so on a rainy day when i'm hungry and don't have lunch money i can just go into my piggy bank and eat the coins

22.

Text - thisishangingrockcomics u have to sit on some soft grass or, a mattress in the sun sometimes to give your shadow a soft place to rest. she's always on that pavement.. cement... floorboards... it's not good for her taylor-ruth I want everyone 2 know was on lethal amounts of Benadryl when I made this post.

23.

Text - Public Speaking Tip Forget nudity! When you give a speech, picture everyone as a dog because dogs are not judgmental and will like O you no matter what.

24.

Text - Sara K. Runnels @omgskr saying "thank you" when someone compliments you - boring - obvious - ends conversation saying "omg GO ON" when someone compliments you - funny - unexpected - increases your chances of more compliments

25.

Text - TechnicallyRon @TechnicallyRon You can't outrun your problems but you can jog slightly in front of them and pretend you can't hear them because you have your headphones on

26.

Text - laura flores @soyeah_imlauraa + close ur tabs. If it's meant to be, you'll find ur way back*+ 3:43 PM · 2020-08-18 · Twitter for iPhone 20.3K Retweets and comments 161K Likes

27.

Text - Doth @DothTheDoth Start off each morning with a cup of coffee, respect that time wants you dead, be good to each other & then disappear beyond the tree line. 9:55 AM · 2020-08-06 · Twitter for iPhone 1,041 Retweets and comments 3,599 Likes

Submitted by:

Tagged: tips , wtf , jokes , advice , lol , weird , stupid

Tumblr Thread: Girls Discover Unequaled Joy At Pumpkin Patch


The moral of this story is clearly for us all to hold onto that one thing in life that provides us unparalleled joy. It could be something as silly as pumpkin spice everything from the local pumpkin farm, or those red cup holiday beverages from Starbucks. Point is, life's just a little bit more joyful when we're able to retain a bit of our childlike wonder. 

For some more gold from Tumblr, check out this thread about the crude king of satire, Skweezy Jibbs.

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Cheezburger Image 9570807552

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Cheezburger Image 9570807808

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Cheezburger Image 9570808064

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Cheezburger Image 9570808320

Submitted by:

25 Trashy Moments Riddled with Garbage-ness


Life is weird, and sometimes people don't make excellent decisions. That's putting it lightly. Trashy behavior can come from all sides, be it an inconsiderate neighbor or a thieving landlord. People aren't always on their best behavior, so we get trashy moments bubbling with garbage-osity.

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Gym - SE uopuor

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Text - Pec 7 at M:30pm • & It's a miracle. I'm finally pregnant after 4 years of trying to with David. Thank you God for this blessing. It Like Comment Share and 3 others like this. Iunderstand your happy, and I'm happy to see you guys happy, and I think it's awesome and all, I just don't think you should tell everyone you've been trying since you where 13.. that's just me. Yesterday at I 1:53 PM • Unlike • i I Reply It's not just you, 3 Lol

3.

Product - Sunday Night Football on NBC O SUNDAY NICHT October 26 Rhode Island football coach was fired and his team is suspended after he put a 19 year old man into a 13-14 year old youth league (via ABC6) ORITE BereanerS 84 Buccar

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Tattoo - JEFFREY DAHMER

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Font - 30 mins t I really hate being outta cigs. Come on child support It Like Comment Share likes this. I know the feeling. It sucks. 12 minutes ago · Like · Reply Not my problem but that money should be for just that supporting a child not bad habits Just now Like · Reply

6.

Text - O Liar O -ilometers away I am a cheating ass douche bag who never checks my profile so i don't know it says this. Im married and have a beautiful child but all i want to do is screw strangers. So who's in??_ RECOMMEND GEORGE TO A FRIEND REPORT GEORGE

7.

Wood - Who in this group is greasy enough to take a hit off of this public picnic table pipe? -PIPE

8.

Text - Active now Facebook You're friends on Facebook Lives in 10:43 PM Congratulations on getting married today cuzzo, is there any chance u have cashapp and can send me a little bit of money I've literally asked everyone in my messenger, Snapchat, Instagram, and contacts

9.

Dog - INSIDE edition Dog Thrilled To See Owners At Shelter But They're There To Adopt Different Dog 4.2M views

10.

Text - AZ asked in Family & Relationships > Family · 9 years ago is sebastian a gay name? my son is 17 years old and i named him sebastian by mistake. is sebastian a gay name? will he become gay? Answer Save 11 Answers Relevance v Hellen 9 years ago Favorite Answer Yes that's exactly how it works there is a secret list of names and if you pick one by 'mistake' (It has to be a mistake by the way. It doesn't work if you choose the name on purpose) then your child will slowly become gay.

11.

Property - M50 M50 01-9620011

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Supermarket - S WIRELESS PHOMES IT AIN'T GONNA SUCK ITSELF

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Wire fencing - PLEASE REMEMBER 1) THESE ARE KIDS 2) THIS IS A GAME 3) THE COACHES VOLUNTEER 4) THE UMPIRES ARE HUMAN 5) THIS IS NOT MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL THANK YOU MAA

14.

Land vehicle - PSA: having a garage sale? She will steal from you. I don't normally post much but I feel so inclined to help my other neighbors who are also having a garage sale today. This woman led me to believe she was buying two items for $3. When she went to her car she had a couple other things in her hands that she must have been hiding behind her back from me. The total loss was $5. Apparently, you need it more than I do. Not cool, lady, not cool.

15.

Product - Woman smashes window at Popeyes because $4 meal doesn't come with soda nbcchi.com/7keLxmf

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Text - Starting to realize why I have never got my deposit back I» Landlord Round Table 11 mins O Has anyone ever had to give back the security deposit? A few months ago my long term tenants left my place in surprizingly good condition and I wracked my brains trying to find something they broke and I couldn't fault them for a single thing! I think it was because its a newly built apartment, every other property in my portfolio was an older building with things sure to fall apart. It's got me won

17.

Street performance - AHORRO MEJOR RRECIO TO 615

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Text - RIGHTEOUSNESS EXAULTETHA NATION: BUT SIN IS A REPROACH TO ANY PEOPLE THE BLOOD OF JESUS...CLEANSETH US FROM ALL SIN Big Jim's Boobie Bungalow Exit 6 TN Truck Parking Food-Daily Specials

19. Ads are getting wild...

Face - You Might Also Like Kate Gosselin Gained 240lbs And Looks Disgusting Now

20.

Automotive lighting - "Some asshole stole a part of our side mirror 'cause we parked where he usually parks his car."

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Text - Hey, old lady who stole our doormat: You should probably just bring it back That's super weird. **.and you're way too old for this shit.

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Text - 12:40 4 21 mins I'm taking my boyfriend and our kids on a family vacation. He feel like im wrong for not including his kid. I told him that he or his baby mother can pay for their kid if they want her to go. I feel like that's not my kid so that's not my responsibility. I'm a wrong O Like Comment A Share 00 13

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Hair - Mom caught with gun outside Disney World blamed 6-year-old son: deputies By Joshua Rhett Miller October 30, 2020 | 11:40am I Updated

24.

Ice cream cone - Blow cigarette smoke into the kids drinks to make them look haunted

25.

Face - Meanwhile in Florida.. Florida Woman Claims Her Name Is "My Butt Just Farted" By Spencer Graves Oct 27, 2020 O Pinellas County

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