Sunday, May 10, 2020

Tumblr Pulls Some Choice Apollo 11 Quotes


While everyone involved in the moon landing knew the impact of what they were doing, you couldn't expect them to be all business all the time. When you think about it, a trip to the moon is a lot like a long car ride with your bro. Tumblr remarks on some of the less on-brand quotes from the Apollo 11 mission. For some other interesting junk, here's a tumblr thread on the fastest manhole cover ever, the first soldier to take way too many military grade amphetamines as well as some other nuggets of gold from Tumblr's busy brains.

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Text - weaver-z How the media depicts the Apollo 11 mission: "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN- ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND." APOLLO -NEIL A. ARMSTRONG

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Text - Actual quotes from the Apollo 11 mission: Collins: I'd like to enter Aldrin in the oatmeal eating contest next time. [Bruce McCandless, in Mission Control]: Is he pretty good at that? Collins: He's doing his share up here. McCandless: Let's see. You all just finished a meal not long ago, too, didn't you? Aldrin: I'm still eating. McCandless: Okay. Does that, that ... Collins: He's on his-he's on his 19th bowl.

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Text - Collins: Menkent. God, what a star. Aldrin: Nobody in their right . Collins: Menkent's good ... Aldrin: ... nobody in their right mind would pick that one. Collins: ... Menkent's a good star. Collins: That's a horrible window. It's too bad we have to shoot through this one, but- oh, boy, you could spend a lifetime just geologizing that one crater alone, you know that? Armstrong: You could. Collins: That's not how I'd like to spend my lifetime, but-picture that. Beautiful! Aldrin: Yes, the

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Text - Collins: We're trying to calculate how much spaghetti and meatballs we can get on board for Al Bean [the lunar-module pilot for Apollo 12]. Garriott: I'm not sure the spacecraft will take that much extra weight. Have you made any estimates? Collins: It'll be close. Garriott: 11, Houston. The medics at the next console report that the shrew is one animal which can eat six times its own body weight every 24 hours. This may be a satisfactory baseline for your spaghetti calculations on AI Bea

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Text - [Fred Haise, in Mission Control]: Apollo 11, Houston. Collins: Go ahead. Haise: Roger, Mike. We recommend the left VHF antenna for VHF. Haise: And this is your friendly backup CMP. Have a good trip, and [garbled] remember to come in BEF [blunt end forward]. Collins: You better believe. Thank you kindly. Collins: We can see the moon passing by the window and it looks what I consider to be a correct size.

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Choosing Beggar Offered Free Item, Asks For Free Transportation Too


Some people just refuse to be pleased. After this choosing beggar was offered a free portable chair and table, they proceeded to ask for money for gas too. It's hard to reason with that level of delusional entitlement. It's as if the entitlement of this world will never end. Check out more entitled folks and their outrageous demands over here.

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Text - 1. Hi is this still available? 6:03 PM Hi, It is still available! 6:04 PM How much? 6:05 PM How much what? 6:05 PM The price 6:05 PM

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Text - it's free... 6:05 PM you can pick it up at my place at any time 6:05 PM I dont have a car 6:06 PM ohh ok 6:06 PM I can drive to your place if you pay me for the gas 6:07 PM >>

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Text - 2. What gas? 6:07 PM Gas for my car... 6:07 PM What? 6:07 PM I mean...If you don't have any vehicle to come pick it up, I can drive to your place but you have to pay me for the gas 6:11 PM Why do I have to pay? Its free 6:11 PM

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Text - As I told you, yes the item is free and you can pick it up at my house but since you don't have any vehicle to come pick it up, I can drive to your place and give it to you if you pay me for the gas... 6:13 PM Its your car why do I have to pay the gas?!? 6:14 PM

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Text - If you don't want to pay for the gas, then come to my place and pick it up yourself 6:15 PM I dont have a car 6:16 PM I can drive to your place only if you pay me for the gas... 6:17 PM Pay it yourself its your car 6:18 PM

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Man Cheats On Wife In Car, She Applies Heating Cream To Car Seats


The very definition of getting burned. This husband thought he'd get away with cheating on his wife, but little did he know she'd find out, and do something about it. Oh yes, she proceeded to secretly apply a heating cream to the seats. So, the next time the cheater was out and about with his side chick in that car, a very real burn ensued. Ouch. Good riddance, my dude. 

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Text - r/pettyrevenge + JOIN u/pinkfluffyunicorn212 • 6h You better lock your car if you want to cheat in it. First off this is my moms friends story and yes, I asked for permission to post this. So my moms friend, let's call her Anna, was married to a man we'll call cheater, who had a Porsche convertible as his „fun car“. It was his pride and joy and he took care of it like a baby. He always tried to get her to be more enthusiastic about it, but she wasn't into cars.

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Text - At some point she found out he had been cheating on her with a young woman he worked with. Sometimes when the weather was right he would pick her up with the Porsche, they'd drive to the woods and have sex in the car. She found out because the woman told another coworker who was a friend of Anna (which she didn't know), about it and she told Anna. Anna was furious, but didn't want a divorce immediately because their daughter was just 4 months away from finishing school and she didn't want

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Text - Still she wanted revenge. So she bought a very intense heating cream, that gets horrible when it gets warmth. The kind that you better don't use if you want to take a bath later that day. After he went to work on a Friday, she went a head and polished the leather seats of the Porsche with this heating cream. She said they looked really nice and smooth. When he got home she showed him as a surprise and he was so happy that she finally showed interest in the car and told her how good everyt

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Text - leather seats heated up nicely. Unfortunately we don't exactly know what happened when he was gone, we can only guess. But when he came back he was furious, slammed the car door and went straight to shower. Anna said she peaked and saw his back was bright red and did look pretty painful. Of course the shower made it even worse. He never confronted her about it, but since that day he kept the car locked and took the keys with him when he left. She divorced him after her daughter graduated

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Gamer Loses Bet, Drinks Bottle Of Hot Sauce


Never forget the time a gamer dude made a bet about the new Bethesda reveal being Fallout 3 Remastered, lost the bet, and then had to drink a bottle of hot sauce. Ouch, literally. At least he made good on the bet. 

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Uber Driver Calls Bluff of Scamming Customer


After enough of this guy's passengers cancelled rides, he decided to call a passenger's bluff with a bluff of his own. All in all, this is probably a pretty bad idea. There's probably a better way to get someone out of your car that won't result in a possible kidnapping case, but it looks like this at least got some results. There are some folks who just don't give a heck. For more stories of customer shenanigans, here are dumb things people did in stores.

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Text - Text - Posted by u/smkAce0921 16 hours ago You want a Free Ride?...Fine, I'll take you to Mexico oC L In 2018, I lived in southern CA while I was finishing up graduate school. Uber was more popular than ever and given how spread out CA is in general was an easy side hustle to shuttle people back and forth. However, I only did it for a little while because I'm not really the most patient person and eventually got tired of people's BS and attitudes. One of the common tactics for customers l

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Text - Text - It was about 430 in the afternoon on a Tuesday when I decided to log on and catch some fares. Most people go into the office on Tuesdays and Thursdays and are looking to get rides home between 4-5 pm to beat the traffic. At this point, I should mention that I was living in San Diego. If you know the area, you'd know that many people work in the city and Ilive in the outer areas (Chula Vista, Imperial Beach, Escondido, Pacific Beach) because its cheaper. The day of the event (oh yes

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Text - Text - I told her not a problem and to just rebook the route. Well at this point, all those people I told you about earlier had just got off of work and we were in what I call the "Power Hour" of maximum surge pricing. La Jolla is like 25-40 minutes from downtown San Diego depending on traffic. I looked and the trip would have cost her $70. She told me that she wasn't going to pay that. I said fine and I asked that she exit my vehicle. SHE REFUSED and told me to take her home like I was h

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Text - I asked her if she wanted a "free ride"...she suddenly perked up and said "I knew you'd come around, you are such a nice guy". I said buckle up and we got on Interstate 5. Here is the part where I tell you that San Diego is 16 miles from the Mexican border. I also keep my passport in my glove compartment because I did volunteer work in Rosarito every so often. We were about 4 minutes into the ride when she asked where we were going. I turned around and told her "I'm going to Tijuana and I

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Text - turning back. I also told her that I wasn't taking her back. Well she got the message and pleaded for me to pull over. I pulled over and dropped her off at the outlet mall in San Ysidro at the border. Just for shits and giggles I checked the Uber rate from the mall to La Jolla and the cheapest rate was $87 for a pool ride. I didn't make any money that night but that was the richest experience I had while being a rideshare driver. I stopped about 1 month later and sold my car. EDIT: For th

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Employee Amuses Himself, Delights Customers, Irritates Manager


This employee sounds like he was having a fun time not taking anything too seriously. Upon getting a request from some customers for some ice cream, and not knowing which size bowls, he made the most out of the confusion. A solid tale of malicious compliance. 

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Text - r/MaliciousCompliance JOIN u/Mango123456 • 2y Restaurant employee amuses himself, delights me and my kids Yesterday I decided to take my kids to an international chain restaurant. In this restaurant, the kids' meal comes with ice cream. But, you have to serve yourself. That was a problem because there weren't any bowls beside the ice cream machine.

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Text - So I thought, "I know what to do. I'll simply ask an employee for some bowls." And that's just what I did. So he turns to look at the vast array of bowls behind him, some sauce-sized, some entree salad-sized, and many in between. And we realize that neither of us knows what size the kids' ice cream is intended to be. So he thought, "I know what to do. l'll simply ask a manager." And he says, "hey boss, what do we put the kids' ice cream in?"

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Text - Without turning around, the boss says "a fucking bowl, what do you think?" "Ya, but what size of bowl?" The boss, with his inimitable charm, tact, and grace, says "JUST FUCKING GIVE HIM A BOWL." The employee looked back at the bowls, and then I saw him get a big grin over his face. "I apologize about that, sir. I think it's probably these ones," he says, as he hands me two of the largest bowls they have in the restaurant, practically giggling with glee. My children were similarly delighte

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Text - The manager walked by when we were half way through and made a noise like a startled opossum, but said no actual words. Definitely going back there. 41.2k 724 1 Share Award

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Man Calls Out Fake Marine, Fake Marine Threatens Arrest


Ah yes, another fine example of a liar getting caught up in the middle of weaving their web of lies. In this case, the fake marine gets called out, and then proceeds to lash out and threaten to arrest the dude who called him on his antics. The irony being that the fake marine was the one who could get arrested. When will the liars ever learn? Maybe some time in the future. 

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Text - Gaming PC (Price Negotiable) - $1000 Still got it for sale? Today 10:49 AM Yep Okay sir/ma'am, i hope this is real and not a scam I will like to get this for my cousin doing his masters in Zoology oversea,i'm a member of the United State Marine Corps (USMC) but i'm no longer in town to meet in person.

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Text - The price is Okay by me and i'll be adding extra $130 for the shipping cost,let me know if you are ready then i proceed with the payment through Moneygram.God Bless You Sir. Where would it be shipping to? You will be mailing it to my cousin in West Africa Do you know how MoneyGram works

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Text - Nope but these seems pretty sketchy considering local area code isn't a Can't call, in school Was that a voice mail Or you That was a voicemail Okay I assure you that all is real and legit on my end

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Text

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Text - Yea So I will be making the payment first to you Then you mail out the pc to my cousin

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Text - I gotta be honest man this is hittin every red flag in the book for a scam. 1. You're not local 2. You're trying to use a money wire, 3. It's being sent to Africa which is notorious for scams 4. You're number has been reported on multiple websites for previous scams My number Yes

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Text - how Send me a screenshot His number marked "Not Safe"by a website that checks phone numbers

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Text - Today 5:17 PM Just reported your number to the PD btw Goodn Okay I am a marine I will arrest you

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Text - My brother is in the PD I will give him your number now So he will come get you Lol well first off Marines can't arrest people, second he should arrest you, pretending to be a Marine is a crime

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Tumblr Thread: If An ADHD Character Could Freeze Time


This fun Tumblr thread imagines what it'd look like if a person with ADHD could freeze time. Basically, it'd be a mess of chaos and jumping from one thing to the next, while forgetting about the whole time control thing in the process. 

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Text - hey-look-a-squirrel Can we have an ADHD character with the ability to freeze time because that would be literally the funniest and most epic thing like can you imagine?? “Need more time to finish my assignment? Not to worry!"*time freeze* "oh no! I can't find my car keys and I have to be at work in 2 minutes!" *Time freeze*

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Text - I mean like they would be unstoppable like l'm sorry ADHD who's that? Okay l'm done now resume scrolling O luseroftheyear oh my god but imagine forgetting you froze time asdklfjd

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Text - queasyion or freezing time and the forgetting why @ luseroftheyear freezing time, forgetting why, unfreezing it, freezing it again because you thought you remembered, forgetting to unfreeze while you think about what you forgot,

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Text - jemma-at-8-12 Forgetting you have the ability to freeze time until after you miss your opportunity to freeze time fangirltothefullest I was JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS YOU GUYS Source: hey-look-a-squirrel 41,148 notes

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Fictional Characters People Genuinely Hate


Sometimes a character is created to be hated by design, and you have to hand it to the creator for making such a realistically hateable person. Other times the character's actions over time build up until you realize that putting them in a realistic context implies that they're something like an irresponsible traitor to their family. For more thoughts on media, here are simple plot holes that ruined movies for people.

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Text - jcrystal099 14.8k points · 16 hours ago & S Muffy from Arthur. Yeah her character is supposed to be the snobby rich girl, but she goes far beyond being just that. She is rude to all of her friends and doesn't even try to acclimate to her school environment. The only time she does is when an episode doesn't feature her and she becomes a voice of reason for someone else facing a conflict, and she isn't good at that at all. One time when Francine's family hosted her, she was the worst guest

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Text - Danromm13 4.7k points · 16 hours ago Bob Ewell from To Kill A Mockingbird. Easily the most despisable villain of all time.

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Text - The_Legend_of_Jaelon 4.7k points · 17 hours ago I honestly can't stand Janice from Mean Girls. At first I was cool with her but then I watched it high and she's one of the biggest assholes in the movie. She's basically as bad as Regina. Think about it this way. If Regina is a snake and is a shitty person then what kind of person would be best friends with her? Janice sat back and called them sluts the entire movie but it's said she was the one who came up with the choreography for the Jin

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Text - musicist10 3.9k points · 19 hours ago Bella from Twilight. And Edward too. He's a complete stalker and Bella for some reason likes that. And I'm mad that I wasted my time reading the first book. Literally the entire thing is just Bella developing a crush on Edward like, "Oh no I like him but he's a vampire" and finally, the action happens in the last few chapters where some sadistic vampire hunts her down. By that point, I was rooting for him, not her.

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Text - Klown1327 30.7k points · 18 hours ago 3 2 3 A That cowardly, weasley, rat faced looking, fucking little bitch Percy Wetmore from The Green Mile. Fuck that little shit

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Text - enter_yourname 21.3k points · 18 hours ago The popular kids in Lilo and Stitch rorygz 10.1k points · 14 hours ago that red head bitch made me so mad DemoFly 6.2k points · 13 hours ago Lilo decked her on the spot with no hesitation right in front of everybody.

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Text - LastJediHater 18.1k points · 18 hours ago 3 2 Rita fucking Skeeter SJO28 6.2k points · 16 hours ago Apparently JK Rowling had based her character on an actual reporter

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Text - Abahu 4.8k points · 17 hours ago Jerry from Tom and Jerry. Tom could be just chilling, minding his own business. Then Jerry decides to be a fucker.

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Text - That_bl_brother 17.5k points · 20 hours ago Caillou is the biggest asshole ever, and I don't think I really need to explain any further TBH HilmMoobles 3.8k points · 16 hours ago I unironically feel bad for the character after I read up on why he's such a spoiled bitch, apparently he was supposed to be 2 years old, but the fucking producers or publishers or whatever made him older because they thought children wouldn't like watching a show about a very young child *cough* *cough* RUGRATS

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Text - JustPlainSimpleGarak 15.9k points · 20 hours ago That smug bastard Squilliam Fancyson maleorderbride 5.7k points · 18 hours ago I had a childhood friend named Edward Williams, and one random day we caught on that we could start calling him "Squidward Squilliams" since both those names appeared in Spongebob. He utterly hated it, not because we were calling him a stupid name, but because he didn't want us to remind him of Squilliam every time we talked to him.

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Text - headleprechaun17 13.0k points · 20 hours ago Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter is one of my most hated forsure. Tangledreeds 4.2k points · 18 hours ago Honestly, Bellatrix killed our favorite doggy and she still didn't even qualify for the most disgusting villain of the 5th book awards. That is how foul the toad is.

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Text - up766570 12.7k points · 19 hours ago O 4 & N Micah Fucking Bell. That backstabbing, manipulative fucker. Also, Mindy from Snowpoint City, in the Sinnoh Pokemon games. She trades you a Haunter but it's holding an Everstone so you don't get Gengar. Fuck Mindy, and everyone who looks like Mindy. Mindy sucks.

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Text - PunchyPractitioner 12.5k points · 19 hours ago · edited 2 hours ago & 3 More Wow, that freeloading shitlord Grampa Joe hasn't been named yet? Fuck that guy. Edit: Thank you u/NotamoN for the gold. I'm just sorry it had to come from mentioning that worthless fuck-hole Joe. bujomomo 3.8k points · 18 hours ago Just jumps out of bed as soon as Charlie has that Golden Ticket and needs a chaperone. Dancing a jig like he hasn't been bedridden all those years.

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Text - Hellboybandez 11.0k points · 15 hours ago The mother figure in Tangled, Gothel. She reminds me of the worst traits of my ex-wife. The passive aggressive comments and put downs, with an "I'm just kidding" excuse behind it all.. the manipulation and guilt trips, and elitism. I love a good villain, but this one hits too close to home for me. When you've seen that kind of attitude in real life, it is sickening to see being portrayed on TV.

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Text - VictorBlimpmuscle 9.6k points · 19 hours ago - edited 19 hours ago Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest - a cold, heartless tyrant rather than the caregiver a nurse is expected to be, she's the personification of the dehumanizing effect of living under authoritarian rule.

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Text - Bananacheesesticks 9.5k points · 17 hours ago Scrappy fucking doo man

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Text - verybadassery 8.3k points · 14 hours ago S That little smart mouthed kid with glasses from Polar Express. 1 Copper2006 2.8k points · 13 hours ago One of the most punchable animated faces of all time verybadassery 909 points · 13 hours ago We watch it every year for Xmas. Every year as soon as I hear him I wanna smack that fool.

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Text - not_a_pOlarbear 6.7k points · 18 hours ago · edited 1 hour ago Maven Black-Briar from Skyrim. Little shit is corrupt and her mead tastes like falmer piss.

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Text - ThisMeansWarm 6.7k points · 19 hours ago Caleb from King of the Hill..."Dusty old bones, full of green dust." beefstewforyou 1.4k points · 15 hours ago That episode made me genuinely angry.

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Text - uniquecannon 5.1k points · 19 hours ago I hate Brian from Family Guy with a passion. That episode where Quagmire absolutely ripped him a new asshole was porn to me. He's such a piece of shit. Maxwyfe 7.6k points · 18 hours ago That's such a great speech. Brian: I'm trying to establish a friendship with you. All I've done is try to be nice to you, and you still don't like me. How can you not like me? Quagmire: Okay, I'll tell you. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your

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Text - date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield was some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much, He's you. God, you're pretentious. And you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I should've known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note.

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Quick Story About An Aunt's Wedding Vows


This quick and fun family story about an aunt's approach to the wedding vows is wholesome, hilarious, and actually true. It's a beautiful thing when the internet actually proves that it's dealing in truths. 

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Text - 98khj Fun family story: when my aunt was marrying her wife everyone was really excited but also dreading it because my aunt is known for her insanely long speeches so everyone knew her vows would be like 9 hours long so when it came time for her to say her vows she had a shit ton of cue cards in her hands and even her wife started groaning and my aunt took a deep inhale and then unravelled all the cue cards which were taped together and they all just read "HOT DAMN' in giant letters and t

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Text - 98khj today on things that didnt happen! mothsniper Do really people believe this bullshit? kimjungunofkpop sure this is totally true cuddlesnakes And now since I officially have permission to use this photo

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Gown - GET FUCKED HOT DAMN-

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Quick Tumblr Thread Appreciates Different Perspectives


This brief and wholesome Tumblr thread takes a moment to appreciate the different perspectives of human beings that are deaf or blind. It's quite endearing. Especially that hilarious moment that the professor realized the student could see, and might want the light on for a test. 

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Text - just-shower-thoughts Blind people must save a lot on electricity. stomatium They do actually! mauve-moth I had a blind professor, last semester, and I swung through his office to make up an exam. It was a while

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Text - before I knew he was in there because he was sitting with the lights off. I finally went in, apologized, and took the exam by the light of a nearby window (which was fine). Forty-five minutes into dead silence he panicked and yelled in this booming voiced, "WAIT, YOU CAN SEE!!" before diving across his desk to turn on the lights. I'm sure he was embarrassed but I thought it was endearing and it highlighted a large aspect of disabled life that I hadn't previously considered.

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Text - hotmolasses Sort of relatedly I once had professor who was deaf, but she had learned to read lips and speak so she could communicate easily with hearing people who didn't know sign language. One day she had gotten off topic and was talking a little about her personal life, so that one of the students said "Oh, I know, I grew up in Brooklyn too."

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Text - She stared at him for a long time and then said "How do you know l'm from Brooklyn?" And he said "You have a Brooklyn accent." She said "I do?" and the whole class nodded, and then she burst out laughing and said "I had no idea! The school where I learned to speak was in Brooklyn. I learned by moving my mouth and tongue the way my teachers did. So I guess it makes sense that I have their accent, I just never thought about it."

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Cheating Wife Gets Wiped Out In The Divorce


Talk about a quick and clever revenge. The husband put on a show like he had a big gambling addiction, to cover erasing everything they own, and ends up hiding the money in gold coins. He definitely planned the revenge well. Job well done. 

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Text - r/NuclearRevenge u/ThrowAway665544654 • 317d JOIN Cheating Wife Gets Wiped Out In Divorce Mod's Favorite Found my best friend's wife's secret social media account. She was sleeping with one of our other friends. I told my friend about it. He just kinda shut down. A few weeks later he told me never to tell anyone I knew she was cheating or that I knew about the account. I would casually ask him how the two of them were every now and then. Always "great". Every time I saw them together they

2.

Text - Nine months later he "confessed" he had lost everything they had to a gambling addiction. A year before they both had cars that were paid off. He had sold them and leased new cars. The money he made selling them he "lost to gambling". Their savings and 401Ks were essential gone. All "lost on gambling". The condo they lived in was rented. They had essentially no assets.

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Text - She immediately filed for divorce. They had no kids, similar incomes. Divorce was finalized without him owing alimony. Her cheating was never brought up. She got all the furniture and pots and pans. He kept his secret hoard of gold coins. don't know for sure but l'm guessing it's at least $200k worth. Edit: tl;dr Wife cheats. He fakes a gambling addiction to cover up wiping out everything they own and hides the money in gold coins.

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White - imohammad0 • 317d Well he planned it well

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Text - PonderingPuma • 317d Plot twist: he actually has a gambling problem.

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