Seth Meyers Takes Another Closer Look at Trump's Russia Ties and Jeff Sessions Big Lie

Another day, another Trump-cabinet member busted for talking to Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak.  

Over the past few days, we learned that United States Attorney General Jeff Sessions, the man Correta Scott King, the wife of Martin Luther King, Jr, said was too racist to serve, met with Kislyak and then lied under oath about it in his Senate confirmation hearing. Man, these guys are so bad at this. Hoo boy.

This thing's really blowing up, so here to deflate it is Seth Meyers.

In this Closer Look, he examines the crazy, Russian-filled two days that were. Also, a lot of Trump people talking into microphones and not knowing how to talk. 

Submitted by: (via Late Night with Seth Meyers)

Tagged: seth meyers

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Cop Endures Tidal Wave of Beer When Beer Truck Crashes Near A Traffic Stop

Think I just felt part of my soul die. 'Sir have you been drinking?' comes to mind right off the bat, but no; what we have here is a ball-shriveling display of the perfect liquid gold gone to waste. A haunting carnage of hops, really. 

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Woman Records Harrowing Car Crash Through Snapchat, And Don't Snapchat and Drive Kiddos

All I'm trying to understand with this momentously fucked up situation is, why? Why on earth would you snapchat this shit lady?

Submitted by: (via Derbyshire Constabulary)

Tagged: snapchat , wtf , car crash , Video

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The Internet's Greatest Mystery is Solved: This Is How Dogs Wear Pants

Since the ended of last year, people have been debating how dogs wear pants. It's all thanks to this tweet, which captured the hearts and minds of people all over the world:

http://pic.twitter.com/JRp6RjvNOb

— Jared Keller (@jaredbkeller) December 29, 2015

But now we know how dogs wear pants because someone took this picture and put it to bed.

finally http://pic.twitter.com/NP3FHQBRCW

— memes (@memeprovider) February 21, 2017

I guess that nullifies this poll. 

Ahem:

— Jared Keller (@jaredbkeller) December 29, 2015

Submitted by: (via @memeprovider)

Tagged: dogs , Memes , pants

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Here's Another Round of the Most Absurdly Disturbing Web Comic Series You'll See This Week

Earlier this week we ran a collection from the infamous Green/BlackTea Neko, whose perverse style of black humor horrified the hearts and minds of our viewers. 

Well, because we revel in the absurdities of the internet, here's another round. 

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Tagged: greentea neko , green tea neko , web comics

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Crazy Woman Filmed Putting Her Hair In Meal Before Writing Scathing TripAdvisor Review

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Payback is a Bitch... and an STD

I'm not even totally sure of where to begin with this one. The absurd level of douchbaggary by the insecure asshole who initiated all of this is reaching new heights. Like, what even goes through your head to make you want to initiate a conversation like this? 

"Hey, let's send pictures of my girlfriend naked to her ex-bf to make him jealous!" 

Man. What a novel, ingenious, idea. I'm sure that can't backfire on you in any way, shape or form. 

Completely unsurprisingly, it did. Luckily for this guy though, it might have saved him from going full-on Pokemaster and catching them all.

Well, that's unless he has already been performing wondrous feats in the bareback rodeo...

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Tagged: sex , relationships , FAIL

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Someone Remade Modern Trailer For Empire Strikes Back and It's Arrestingly Amazing

And here I foolishly thought that I couldn't get anxiously hyped for a movie that might've come out a solid, whopping 37 years ago. Damn, man. Well done to this guy.

Submitted by: (via Tom F)

Tagged: geek , star wars , Video

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The World Outdoes Itself and Releases the World's First "Smart Condom," a FitBit for Your Penis

Well, it's come to this a the world's first Smart Condom.

Now before you go slapping thing on your little dickie, you should know that this isn't really a condom, so much as a FitBit for your wiener. It is a ring that slides over your condom and tracks your thrust velocity, calories, burned, the amount of times you had sex, your girth, and can even detect chlamydia and syphilis — perhaps the only two useful things it does. This does not, I repeat does not, act as an actual birth control measure. It's just gamifies your sex life. 

Amazing. http://pic.twitter.com/xBmUU6z223

— k. (@OhKayByeeee) March 2, 2017

People are on the fence about this thing, but they definitely like making fun of it.

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Tagged: sex , condoms , penis

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Ridiculously Sexy Anastasia Ashley Goes On 'Naked and Afraid', Proceeds To Get Devoured By Pack of Hungry Insects

Well that settles it then, nothing is sacred anymore. Model/Surfer Anastasia Ashley went on the TV show Naked and Afraid and proceeded to have to tap out because the insects couldn't let one of nature's greatest gifts alone to enjoy the scenery.

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Tagged: NSFW , insects , gross , sexy times

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20 Times The Pizza Delivery Guy Had to Deal With A Supreme Combo of Cringe and Stupidity From Customers

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Tagged: customer service , pizza , cringe , Awkward

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Ridiculously Sexy Video Plays On Our Wet Dreams, Reveals Sex Positions We Might Try In Our Fantasies

So this is what it looks like when it's done right?

Submitted by: (via Adina Rivers | MyTinySecrets )

Tagged: sex , sexy times , Video

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20 of the Stupidest Patients Doctors Have Ever Had to Deal With

There are a lot of things that can cause you to wind up in the hospital, usually things entirely out of your control. You take that risk every day you get in a car and just by being alive with the genetic lottery. Well, these people weren't helped by the fact that they're incredibly stupid and, for them, it likely played a factor in where they wound up. 

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Tagged: FAIL , list , image macro , doctors

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Sean Spicer Once Played the White House Easter Bunny and Jesus, Sean Spicer's Past Cannot Stop Embarrassing Him

Sean Spicer, the stammering, screaming, and stuttering mouth of the president can't stop embarrassing himself retroactively. 

In addition to having Twitter feuds with ice cream, Daft Punk, and his password, Sean Spicer was also the former White House Easter Bunny. This dude's past really needs to stop coming back to haunt him or no one is everyone to respect him. 

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Mom Getting Caught Taking Selfie With Deer In the Headlights Moment, Is All Of Us When Our Vanity's Exposed

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Tagged: twitter , Awkward , parenting , selfie , funny , Video

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If You Want to Hear Stone Cold Steve Austin Tell the Science Behind the Stone Cold Stunner, Give Me a "Hell Yeah" and Click Here

On his podcast the other day, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, the only professional wrestler to have delivered the stunner to a president, devluged the secret behind his finishing move, the "Stone Cold Stunner."

This came after WWE Universal champion Kevin Owen performed a stunner in his Royal Rumble match with Roman Reigns. Of course, Owens asked for permission to use the movie, however, Stone Cold took issue with how it was performed.

What follows is a breakdown of the move:

1. The Kick
   
   • “Sometimes when you get into your oxygen reserves, what happens? You start to lose your thought process. You can’t perform up to your utmost ability. The beauty is when you kick the guy in the gut, right in the diaphragm, boom! You sap his lung of all the oxygen. All of a sudden, his brain’s like, ‘Ugh… I need to breathe! I’m about halfway blown up! This is deep in the match, I need oxygen.’”
     
     
2. Lock the head:
   
   • “Right underneath the jaw you’ve got two holes on eiach side of your jaw, the foramen nerves. That’s where people get knocked out. So when you grab that head, put it on top of your collarbone, the AC (acromioclavicular) region, your trapezoid, you’re locking that jaw down.”
     
     
3. Impact
   • “Let’s say someone (who’s) 250 pounds hits you with an uppercut. Now let’s take double body weight, 500 pounds, give or take, hitting you with an uppercut—that’s both men’s weights coming down on that shoulder. You hit your ass on the mat, the mat springs you back up, giving that energy a direct path—your vertebrae, your back— through your shoulders to his damn jawbone, wham! Lights out. That’s how scientific it is.”

Those are the key ingredients to a perfect stunner. But even when it's not perfect, it's pretty awesome:

via Tumblr

via Imgur

Submitted by: (via WWE)

Tagged: wwf , wwe , stone cold steve austin , wrestling

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These 12 Profound Shower Thoughts Won't Fail to Wash Wisdom All Over Your Day

Did last night get away from you at some point after the third round of unlucky no. 7? Are you just about ready to regain grasp on your soul through the calming, steamy fumes of a lengthy shower that yes, manages to kill all the hot water? Well, before you hop in for such a momentous occasion, give these a read to get the mental juices flowing. 

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You Act Like a Wedding Dress Made of Taco Bell Wrappers of Strange, But It Is 2017

Under any other circumstances, a wedding dress made of Taco Bell wrappers would be strange, but again, it's 2017, the year when a reality-TV gameshow host became president, so....

Diane Nguyen and her fiancé, Nick Ward, want one of those Las Vegas Taco Bell weddings, and they'll do just about anyhting to get it. If that includes making a wedding dress out of Taco Bell wrappers, then so be it. At least it wouldn't be the weirdest thing to happen this year. 

Here's Diane's full story, and if you want to vote for her, follow the link in the picture.
 

I made a wedding dress out of burrito wrappers

Submitted by: (via Dianesaurus)

Tagged: taco bell , wedding

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Whoopsie Doodles! Turns Out Mike Pence Also Had Private Email Server and Now Everyone Is Making Fun of Him

Vice President Mike Pence, the homophobic former governor of Indiana who once caused an HIV outbreak in his home state in 2011, is a nightmare person. But as it turns out, he's also a total hypocrite. 

Last year, when everyone made like it was 1997 and could not stop saying "email" in response to Hillary Clinton's go-nowhere email-server scandal, Mike Pence, the king of regretful tweets, sent this baby out:

.@realDonaldTrump and I commend the FBI for reopening an investigation into Clinton's personal email server because no one is above the law.

— Mike Pence (@mike_pence) October 28, 2016

Which is even funnier today, because it turns out that, in addition to trying to use government funds to help people "seeking to change their sexual behavior" aka conversion therapy aka believing that homosexuality could electrocuted out of someone aka being a disgusting monster, Pence's private email account that he had classified material on got hacked! What's worse is that it was an AOL email account. 

And just like the time Mike Pence tweeted this:

Calls to ban Muslims from entering the U.S. are offensive and unconstitutional.

— Governor Mike Pence (@GovPenceIN) December 8, 2015

People on Twitter are showing him the value of the delete tweet button. 

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Tagged: email , mike pence

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Crazy SOB Broke a World Record By Skiing 81.6 MPH Backwards

Jimmy Kimmel Is Asking People on the Street If They Watch Porno at Work and, Guess What, Uh Doi

NBC is reporting that over the last five years, 100 federal employees had been caught watching porno at work. But what makes them so special. Regular people like porno, too. 

So Jimmy Kimmel is asking random people on the street if they watch porn at work, and, uh, ew, boy. 

Check out this video. Now, back to what I was doing, watching po— I mean, watching police chase videos in which people perform fails, epic and otherwise. Yes, I covered that one up pretty well.  

Submitted by: (via Jimmy Kimmel Live)

Tagged: jimmy kimmel , porn

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Watch This Hockey Player Score a Goal on His Own Team with His Own Butt — Yeah, That's Right, His Butt

You might assume that your butt has your back, but you know what they say happens when you assume: You make an "ass" out of "u" and "me."

Minnesota Wild goalie Darcy Kuemper learned this the hard way, when his butt stabbed him in the back and scored a goal on his own team. 

Darcy Kuemper just had a blocker save go off the glass, hit him in the butt, and go in the net #ButtGoal http://pic.twitter.com/YTi3CV24Vq

— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) March 1, 2017

I don't care where you're from, that's gotta hurt.

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Tagged: butt , sports , goal , hockey

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