Sunday, June 21, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Pizza Delivery Driver's Strangest Customers


Pizza delivery drivers are on the frontlines of dealing with bizarre and shady customers. All kinds of folks love to have their pies delivered, and in that window of time when the pizza delivery driver shows up, very unexpected interactions can occur. Like, for instance, someone might try and tip you in pistachios. Don't see that every day. 

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Text - cthulhu-with-a-fez p igotethulhu D An Incomplete List of Noteable People l've Delivered Pizzas To shinxy-in-wonderland: tybaar. It's coming up on a year now since I got my current job as a pizza delivery girl, and I thought this would be a good time to delve into the little ever- expanding "WTFPIZZA" note I keep on my cell that helps me remember some of my more, uh - interesting deliveries. So without further ado and in no particular order, here's some pizza customers who left a lasting i

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Text - -A bearded man who answered the door and periodically spat blood into a crusted Harley-Davidson coffee mug while counting out his cash. -A woman who slipped me a business card (in lieu of tip) for a laser tattoo removal clinic, explaining "In case you want to bring your mutilated skin back to how God intended it to be." - At least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice. - An elderly Spanish woman who meekly presented me with a (rather classy) pearl-handled .32 snub nosed rev

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Text - -A man with a thick Alabama accent who admonished me for standing in front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door. He then explained how this was a federal offense because I was "obstructing the mail system" and demanded my social security number so he could "report me to the proper authorities". -A group of young teenage girls (like 14-16) who begged me to buy a case of Bud Light (ew why) and bring it back to them. -A hotel room full of badass middle-aged women all dres

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Text - - Multiple instances of people asking if I would sell them pot. (bitch get your own dealer sheesh) -A guy who slipped a twenty directly into my shirt because I apparently was the "spitting image" of his deceased daughter. -A woman who admonished me for driving a Mazda, and wrote "get a real car' in the tip portion of my credit receipt. -A very drunk dude who gave me his iPhone and had me take a bunch of Myspace-esque pictures of the both of us. He did the duck lips thing in every shot. -

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Text - - A thirty-something guy who begged to get his order for free because he works so hard". He visibly teared up and sniffled when I told him I couldn't do anything. -A dudebro wearing a bath robe and socks + sandals (indoors) who straight up wordlessly yanked the pizzas out of my hands without paying and shut the door. Multiple knockings were of no avail. -A woman who angrily demanded to see my ID because she refused to believe my claims that I'm female. She proceeded to snatch my driver's

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Text - -A guy who spent the entire time I was there digging a (impressively large) booger out of his nose. He proceeded to smear it on, thankfully, HIS copy of the receipt. - An on-duty cop who flagged me down by intercepting me on the road before I got to the police station and pulling me over to get his pizza. -A drill instructor looking-guy who filled out his entire credit card receipt, specifically wrote "0.00" in the tip portion, then proceeded to write out a check for seventy-eight cents a

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Text - - An incredibly stoned teenager trying and failing to look sober. When I complimented his Adventure Time wallet (which was super cute) and asked where he got it, he immediately looked temified, sat down on the floor and muttered 1.. I don't know.." - Obligatory naked man with unimpressive penis -A chick at a house party who answered the door and immediately tumed to vomit into her mailbox. -A surty Korean mom with an amazing shoulder tattoo of a baby giving birth to a full-grown woman.

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Text - -A man who lived in one of those mini-mansions inside a gated community, who sported a seemingly massive collection of what appeared to be solid glass spheres of varying size and color. I only got a quick glance in his house but there had to be hundreds of them in display racks, tables, shelves - everywhere. -A group of 20-something guys who challenged me to sing the original Pokemon theme song, which I did. And perfectly, I may add. -A completely iced-out musclebound gangster kid who was

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Stunningly Unprofessional "Not My Job" Moments


We're always impressed by the work of the lazy and negligent. It gives us impressively unprofessional "not my job" moments, ranging from telephone poles in the middle of roads to roadkill-shaped gaps traffic lines. Blessed be the sweet hot laziness that leads to these wonderfully unprofessional "not my job" moments.

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Tree

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Overhead power line

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Sink

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Label - Linked image not found ExceIMark Linked image not found

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Brickwork

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Playground

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Hair - What he wanted What he got Barber Shaves Triangle Into Man's Hair After He Pauses Video Of A Model He Wanted To Look Like

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Font

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Movie - BECAME ONE MANDODILAJDIV NEW MOVIE $4,95 EW MOV PATRICK STEWART Me ORY PECK AND GREGORY PECK AS EATHERMAPP

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Gas stove

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Metal

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Art

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Font - WE ARE ALL IN IAs TAIS TOGET HER

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Asphalt

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Auto part - ン Fン

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Ceiling

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Room

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Room

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Community - MNA METRO.co uk METRO,CO.UK Hitman hires hitman who hires hitman who hires hitman who hires hitman

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Font - nald's McDo

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Pipe - 29

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Motor vehicle

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Advertising - JCDecaux Help us make your pubic spaces safe THE its 2metres Keep your distance from other people Itsu Keep your hands clean wash them often, and use hand gel in public spaces Avoid touching your face Please follow social distancing guidance while queuing www.gov.uk/coronavitus

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Asphalt

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Architecture

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Twitter Thread: Man's Experience With Girl Roommates Is Enlightening


A house filled with laughter, loyalty, love, and lots of hair. Sounds like a wild ride indeed. All in all, by the way this lad describes his experience with his female roommate and her best friend, it sounds like it was a whole lot of fun. You've just got to be able to roll with the drama, but come on, everyone is stirring up drama regardless of how they identify themselves. 

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 30K 63K @craigshapes · Mar 28 Last year, I moved in with my girlfriend and her best mate. They're both girls. Some of the shit l've seen is EYE OPENING mate (a thread)

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 1.6K 12K @craigshapes · Mar 28 1. They show each other ALL of the messages that they receive from everybody. Nobody is safe. Girls don't need screenshots mate, they have photographic screenshot memories

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 1.0K 7.9K @craigshapes · Mar 28 2. Contrary to popular belief, girls do poo. And they ain't scared to talk about it mate. "I NEED A POO" is probably the most used phrase in this house.

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 523 5.7K @craigshapes · Mar 28 3. HAIR CLIPS. Oh my days the hair clips. Stand on them, sit on them, wake up with them attached to your skin, mate I could have a fucking bath in the ones I find on a weekly basis

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 1.6K 10K @craigshapes Mar 28 4. The process for getting ready for a night out is not just "wash, get dressed, go out". Nah. There's meetings, catwalk shows, endless compliments and it's sometimes an actual 2 man job cos some dresses have back zips that would literally be impossible for one girl to reach mate

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 773 6.9K @craigshapes · Mar 28 5. Candles. We have SO MANY CANDLES. Candles that smell like really weird things, like "rhubarb and custard". I don't even know what rhubarb and custard actually smells like?!?

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 483 6.4K @craigshapes · Mar 28 6. Kardashians. Ibiza Weekender. Ru Paul. Ex On The Beach. Love Island. Geordie Shore. Mate, I know everything about all of these people l'll never meet. There are SO MANY EPISODES OF THEM ALL! And the worst thing is, I actually gave in and really got in to Love Island

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 811 6.6K @craigshapes · Mar 28 7. If my eyebrows aren't “fleeky", they literally don't talk to me until I agree to let one of the girls pluck them. It's mad. Girls love plucking someone else's eyebrows. No idea why!!

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 4.0K 17K @craigshapes · Mar 28 8. Girls go on and on about dieting and "bikini bodies" etc, but trust me when I say that "cheat day" is pretty much whenever they feel sad about anything. Bad day? Glass of wine. Is it Monday? Chocolate. Did your boyfriend tell you we can't have a dog? Dominos.

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 3.6K 17K @craigshapes · Mar 28 9. I know that the saying goes “girls find out everything", but if that's true it's only because they are NEXT LEVEL instagram stalkers. Seriously I mention a first name, after 5 mins on insta they know the persons dogs name, their shoe size and their national insurance number

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 803 6.8K @craigshapes · Mar 28 10. Dressing gowns. If you haven't got a dressing gown then you are missing out mate. Some days when we're hungover, we literally don't get out of dressing gowns all day. The girls go Tesco in dressing gowns and nobody even cares bruv

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 764 6.8K @craigshapes · Mar 28 11. Sometimes I sit on the sofa and just watch those two, sometimes they just look and break out in to dance or something. I literally have no idea what's going on, doesn't even have to be any music playing there

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 1.8K 10K @craigshapes · Mar 28 12. Everything is a massive drama. Having to wash your hair = drama. It being cold outside when you expected warm and you have to change your outfit = drama. Not being able to find an item of clothing = absolutely fucking massive drama.

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 660 6.2K @craigshapes · Mar 28 13. If visitors come round, we have to know 8-10 working days beforehand so the girls can make sure that the house is clean, they've washed and dried their hair and they have makeup on

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 558 4.4K @craigshapes · Mar 28 14. Girls share all of the clothes. They might as well have a shared wardrobe. It's actually gone past the point of them knowing who's top is who's lol

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 650 5.5K @craigshapes · Mar 28 15. There is so much hair everywhere mate, it's mad. Especially around the shower, just little clumps of hair. Am used to it now tho

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 882 8.8K @craigshapes · Mar 28 All l'd say tho is that you don't know true loyalty until you've lived with girls. And the house is full of laugher every day. Love them x

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Scottish Tweets To Keep Yer Day Moving


We'll always be ready for some more Scottish tweets. Scottish Twitter does a wonderful job at portraying the Scottish culture. On top of that, it's way too much fun to sit back, and read Scottish tweets out loud. Like you can almost sound like a Scottish person if you do it with enough gusto and passion. 

Check out some more hilarious Scottish Twitter gems over here.

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Text - caitlin My mums just commented this on my cousins Fb status, AHAHAHA wee savage Angeaa 0000 vodafone UK 4G 14:29 @ 79% Lauren 13 hrs o In a relationship Today O Like Comment A Share Be the first person to like this. Angela It's a job you need Lauren not another boyfriend xxx 55 m Like Reply

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Text - jadey b @xxjadey_x My gran works in Asda and was told last night to take essentials home incase she couldn't get out today/ tomorrow n she brought home 3 bottles of winena 40 fags talk about bear grylls

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Text - Lewis @lewisTVAOF Ma sisters just told me her pal canny get Indians delivered cause she lives on Curry Street n they think it's a prank call <>

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Text - Liam Forrest @itsyaboi95 Hate when u ask someone where something is and they go 'try opening yer eyes' try dodging this jab ya melon

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Text - jordan trotter @jordan_trotter Its mad the kind of plans you make with people when your out on a weekend. Aye lad, ill come snorkeling with ye and your uncle kev the morra

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Text - Noam Dar @NoamDar Following Imagine yer job was employing service dogs & u had to fire one, pure heartbroken saying "best of luck in yer future endeavours Baxter mate" RETWEETS LIKES 129 339 11:51 PM - 13 Dec 2016 6 40 t7 129 339 ...

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Text - Mel @Melfyx When a was younger ma maw had grounded me so a took the tele remotes to school with me Kenny @670Neill How petty are you?

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Text - cazzz @carlarennieX does anyone else's mum always play 120 questions the mornin after you've been out? Who ws there? was it good ? did u get a wee kiss? Omg u did dnt lie! Did u get taxi home? How much money did u spend?xXx GET OOT MA ROOM N LET ME SLEEP WUMIN AM SO ROUGH

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Text - Kaneo @Kaneo_67 Maw keeps buying dark chocolate biscuits knowin fine well am allergic tae it hinkin it'll stop me tanning them a hink again Alison hen get the epi-pen ready 11/13/17, 7:10 PM 407 Retweets 2,918 Likes

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Text - SUPERNOVA @NoamDar When i see a police dug I deliberately act pure suspicious hopin to get inspected by Sgt. Good Doggy actual gies a wee cuddle Officer Fluffy 03/06/2017, 22:06 >

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Text - Beetyy @beattie_01 mind in school u used tae do P.E then just pop yer tie back on and bounce straight intae higher geography drenched in sweat. wtf was that 28/02/2017, 22:32 490 RETWEETS 1,935 LIKES

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Text - lan Gunster @ianGUNSTA Dream aboot winning the lottery at least 10 times a day... pretty optimistic as a dinny even buy lottery tickets 28/09/2017, 11:08 4,784 Retweets 18K Likes

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Text - Paula Ramsay @plouise16 In McDonald's and the girl shouted to the back 'need a spicy legend' and a wee guy shouted back 'I'm right here doll'

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Text - ll 02-UK 10:46 © 21% I Tweet Tom Harrison @tomhharrisonn Hate them cyclists that take up the whole road n act like there remaking Tour de France you'll be doing tour de hospital if ya carry on 22/10/2017, 16:19 4,704 Retweets 17.6K Likes

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Text - Graeme Lester @fairlyoddgraeme Ave just been informed if ye say "Space Ghetto" in an American accent it sounds like "Spice Girl" in a Scottish accent and a canny stop 31/03/2016, 23:04 104 RETWEETS 69 LIKES

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Text - sassy @CameronSim78 Wenty the doctors way hearing problems n he goes can ye describe the symptoms na says aye homers fat n marge has blue hair

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Text - Shaun Kenneally @ShaunKenneally See when your waiting on a takeaway delivery you can hear every car door shutting in a 5 mile radius

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Text - MaxCurrie @currie_max My dad said he was that poor as a wee boy his family used to open the windeez and the birds would throw the breed in

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Text - sam harvey @SamHarvey_98 Mad when someone holds like 3 doors in a row for yan you've gotta change up your way of thanking them each time. "Thanks, cheers, nice one" 09/03/2017, 16:05 13.6K RETWEETS 41.1K LIKES

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Text - ninaa @ninagilbert7 honestly last night someone asked me if crabs think we walk sideways n a havent stopped thinkin about it since 1:22 PM · 16 Jul 17 5,734 Retweets 22.3K Likes

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Text - Nicole Baird @Nicolebairdd_X Canny believe how expensive being alive is <>

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Text - Ellis Donald @ellisdonald_ tht feelin of a warm Chinese on ur lap when ur takin it home is whatI imagine bringing home ur first born is like

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Text - scottyJ @scotty_j_ Ma dads actual raging at me because a came in steamin last night and used all the family ham to feed the cats in the street aee

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Text - Declan Hamilton Follow @67Hammy If drinking cocktails makes you any less of a man then chop it aff and call me sandra coz a love them 9:20 PM - 7 Jul 2017 3,398 Retweets 21,607 Likes

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