Sunday, May 31, 2020

Funny Lawyer's Free Legal Tips Shouldn't Even Need Saying


These free legal tips shouldn't come as a surprise. Honestly, if these bits of advice are anything but funny to you, there's a decent chance you're gonna find yourself in jail for a dumb reason. Sure there are dumb laws that get enforced from time to time, but lawyers see tons of crazy and dumb stuff that no right-minded person should ever find themselves experiencing.

1.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips February 18, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day #1 DO NOT post photos of yourself committing crimes A, B, and C. They will become State's Exhibits 1, 2, and 3 Like Comment Share

2.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips February 19,2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day #2 When using a friend's urine in an attempt to pass a drug screen, drug test your friend first Like Comment Share

3.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips February 20, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 3 When telling the judge you need out of jail to donate a spare organ to your dying mother, choose an organ you can spare, such as a kidney. Your liver does not come in a pair and you will need it (This Tip has been questioned several times, arguing that you can donate part of a liver, and that the liver can regenerate. The defendant here testified that he needed to donate his entire spare liver, which would

4.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips February 21, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day #4 Do not ask the victim with a restraining order against you for a ride to court for a hearing to determine whether you have violated your restraining order Like Comment Share

5.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips February 22, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 5 When facing charges for stealing an ATV, do not wear your "Drive It Like You Stole It" t-shirt Like Comment Share

6.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips February 24, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day #6 Drinking ice water just before your drug test does not adequately explain why your urine sample is cold. Like Comment Share

7.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips February 25, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 7 When running from the scene of your crime, the law will be able to track you down if you leave behind your wallet. And your car. And your friends sitting in your car Like Comment Share

8.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips February 26, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day #8 Do no plan your next felony over the pay phone in your jail pod next to the sign that reads "All phone calls are monitored and recorded." Like Comment Share

9.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips February 27,2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day #9 When coming to the courthouse, leave your drug paraphernalia at home. Most importantly, do not pull it out of your pocket and voluntarily hand it to the security guard at the metal detector. Like Comment Share

10.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips March 1, 2014 Turtle Creek Free Legal Tip of the Day # 10 When the judge asks you, in reference to a drug screen, "If I send you to the bathroom, is there going to be anything in it?", "Ummm, maybe some corn?" is not the response he is expecting. Like Comment Share

11.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips March 4, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 11 When attempting to leave a plug of tobacco and other treats hidden for your incarcerated loved one on the courthouse elevator, please avoid the elevator camera visibly mounted overhead. Like Comment Share

12.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips March 5, 2014- Free Legal Tip of the Day # 12 When the prosecutor pushes your buttons, do not explode from the witness stand, out of the courtroom, and down the hall. The bailff will chase you down, snuggly and firmly direct you back to the courtroom, and "help" you back into your seat. Like Comment Share

13.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips March 12, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 13 If you wear your "Lean, Mean, Green Beer Drinking Machine" tshirt in court today, you will receive a direct pass to the contempt holding cell. Like Comment Share

14.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips March 13, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 14 Giving your drunk client lots of coffee just prior to his hearing will only result in a wide awake drunk client in the courtroom. Like Comment Share

15.

Military person - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips with Tammy Burgess and Jaclyn McClung March 22, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 15 If you see the lady on the left (or the right, for that matter) on her day off, do not randomly interrupt her jog and offer her pills for sex. Even if you are seventy-five years old. Especially, if you are seventy-five years old.

16.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips March 25, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 16 Removing the porch and steps to your trailer to prevent a home inspection will only result in the Guardian Ad Litem, with Spider-Man-like agility, hoisting himself up and through your door. And removing your child for lack of a safe entrance and exit for an infant. Fail Like Comment Share

17.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips March 27, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 17 When swearing in a one-armed man to testify, do not ask him to raise his missing hand. Awkward. Like Comment Share

18.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips March 31, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day #18 Twelve Toe Syndrome is not a defense for abusive parenting. Great try though. And points for creativity. Like Comment Share

19.

Text - L.Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips April 4, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 19 Do not bring your controlled substances to the courtroom to share with your friend, with the bailiff watching. Like Comment Share

20.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips April 15, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day #20 Men, when a woman asks you to send proof of your girth and length by holding your credit card next to it in the photo, it's not your pride and joy she's wanting to see. Major points for identity theft creativity. Like Comment Share

21.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips May 6, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 21 DO NOT take selfies in the middle of your criminal acts, A, B, and C. Same as Tip #1. They will become State's Exhibits 1, 2, and 3. Really. Like Comment Share

22.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips May 8, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 22 Pot Leaf earrings should NOT be worn to your hearing regarding possession of marijuana Like Comment Share

23.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips June 20, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 23 When the judge asks where your daughter is, "She's in the ladies' room," would be a more appropriate response than She's poopin'." Like Comment Share

24.

Text - L.Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips August 29, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 24 SEE TIP #1. My most-ignored yet most valuable tip. Hence, the repeat. DO NOT POST your illegal activities, probation violations, confessions, or any other activities that may result in your arrest on Facebook. Or any other social media. Your tanning bed salon selfie will be your Home Confinement Officer's Exhibit 1. Yes. Really. Like Comment Share

25.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips September 7, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day #25 Do not complain to your probation officer that he and the judge are both doing a horrible job BEFORE they decide your sentence Like Comment Share

26.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips September 11, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day #26 When appearing in court, here are some tattoos I've seen over the years you should at least attempt to hide somehow. Gloves, scarves bandages, wigs, and turbans might help: "F@#K" over your right eyebrow, and "SNITCHES" over your left, in a nice, large, easy-to-read font (Edited for the more-easily offended) "F@#K" and "YOU" across your fingers. (Again, edited) A swastika centered on your forehead. Just a

27.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips September 12, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 27 Ladies, the intake strip-search at the jail will expose any plugs of pills and/or tobacco taking a ride on your Vagina Express. Close the station and stop trying Like Comment Share

28.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips September 24, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 28 Ladies, your over-sized purse will not hide the puppy skeleton on the x-ray line, should you attempt to smuggle a huskie pup onto your cruise ship. Like Comment Share

29.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips October 1, 2014 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 29 DO NOT violate your probation THE NIGHT BEFORE your hearing wherein you're asking to be released early from probation Like Comment Share

30.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips February 26, 2015 Free Legal Tip of the Day #30 "I'd sure love me a piece of that sweet ass."- Words you should never say to your Juvenile Probation Officer Like Comment Share

31.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips April 21, 2015 Free Legal Tip of the Day #31 The only people who should wear pajamas in the court house are infants. Grown-ups, stop. Just stop Like Comment Share

32.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips April 24, 2015 Free Legal Tip of the Day #32 After stealing someone's debit card, do not use it to pay your home utilities, unless you wanted to give a deputy directions to your house. Like Comment Share

33.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips June 15, 2015 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 33 If you walk by a sheriff's car in your friend's driveway, do not go into your friend's house to buy and/or sell drugs. Should you ignore this step and continue into the house, look around the room first. If you see a sheriff standing in that room with you, again, do not attempt to buy and/or sell drugs with said friend. Like Comment Share

34.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips June 24, 2015 Free Legal Tip of the Day #34 When your client volunteers that he knows sign language to the judge, allow him to demonstrate it to you privately, and screen it, before he displays it in open court Like Comment Share

35.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips July 21, 2015 Free Legal Tip of the Day #35 Calling the judge the courtroom, unless you want to be inside the holding cell. an asshole is fine, but please wait until you are outside of Like Comment Share

36.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips August 11, 2015 Free Legal Tip of the Day #36 "She's due very soon," would be a proper response when the judge asks when the baby mama is due, not "Well, she's already leaking." Like Comment Share

37.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips September 23, 2015 Free Legal Tip (pun intended) of the Day #37 A genital selfie can lead to criminal charges, even if it's just the tip Like Comment Share

38.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips October 11, 2015 Free Legal Tip #38 When appearing in court, do not wear the same exact outfit AND accessories you wore during your crime. Also, avoid security cameras. Comment Like Share

39.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips October 19, 2015 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 39 In response to the question, "Do you think you could be the father?", "Yes" would be a more appropriate response than "Let me put it this way, that last night, I filled her plum full." Like Comment Share

40.

Text - L.Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips December 4, 2015 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 40 Not happy with your drug dealer? Complaining about the bad deal on Facebook will only lead to more reasons for you to be unsatisfied. Again, see Free Legal Tip #1 6 hrs Since I can't get ahold of u on the phone this is the only other way I know how, so I Am Going To Spell It Out For U .Bring Me My Money,I am tired of telling YOU, All u do is lie ,U owe me 70.00 dollars, I sat up till 3:00 this morning waitin

41.

Text - L.Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips January 5- Free Legal Tip of the Day #41 When the judge asks you who the father of your child is, "A pill made me pregnant" is neither a credible nor acceptable response. Sex Ed. Look into it. Like Comment Share

42.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips at Boone County Courthouse. January 21 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 42 Pajamas and bedhead. Not courtroom appropriate Like Comment Share

43.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips February 2 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 43 Avoid bashing the judge in your case on Facebook, especially AFTER you friended him on said Facebook. Like Comment Share

44.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips March 9 Free Legal Tip of the Day #44 STOP TAKING PICTURES OF YOUR ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES ON YOUR PHONE. STOP JUST STOP GRRRR Like Comment Share

45.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips March 11 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 45 When selecting your alibi witness, do not choose one who was already in jail while you were "not" committing your own crime Like Comment Share

46.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips July 11- Free Legal of the Day # 46 Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never say those two special words to your circuit judge. You know the two words I'm talking about. Unless you are a juvenile with a hankering for some lengthy detention time, then go for it. Like Comment Share

47.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips August 16 Free Legal Tip of the Day # 47 "I had no idea that was there. I must have fallen on it" does not sufficiently explain to the judge how the plastic bag full of drugs ended up in your vagina. Neither does accusing the ER nurse of sticking it there during your examination Like Comment Share

48.

Text - L. Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips August 16 Free Legal Tip # 48 There is a bend over and cough strip search when you check into your regional jail. They will find the "drug burrito" smuggled in your butthole Like pComment Share

49.

Text - L.Scott Briscoe's Free Legal Tips September 19 at 7:16am Free Legal Tip of the Day #49 When choosing a car to break into, and the credit cards inside to buy your meth making materials locally, please do not select the car belonging to the judge's wife Like Comment Share

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