Monday, June 1, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Humans Are Team, "Hold My Beer"


This fun Tumblr thread points out how humans are absolutely team, "hold my beer." Tumblr never fails to get the strangest and most disorienting rabbit holes going. If you're looking for more gold from Tumblr, check out these Tumblr comedy gems to keep your day rolling.

1.

Text - * lyrangalia Follow prokopetz Random Headcanon: That Federation vessels in Star Trek seem to experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn't just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, it's because the Federation as a culture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles, tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they don't really understand. Endlessly frustrating if you have to fight them, because they can pull an effectively unlimited

2.

Eyewear - writebastard So to everyone else in the galaxy, all humans are basically Doc Brown. prokopetz Aliens who have seen the Back to the Future movies literally don't realise that Doc Brown is meant to be funny. They're just like "yes, that is exactly what all human scientists are like in my experience".

3.

Text - roachpatrol THE ONLY REASON SCOTTY IS CHIEF ENGINEER INSTEAD OF SOMEONE FROM A SPECIES WITH A HIGHER TECHNOLOGICAL APTITUDE IS BECAUSE EVERYONE FROM THOSE SPECIES TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE ENTERPRISE'S ENGINE ROOM AND RAN AWAY SCREAMING roachpatrol vulcan science academy: why do you need another warp core humans: we're going to plug two of them together and see if we go twice as fast vsa: last time we gave you a warp core you threw it into a sun to see if the sun would go twice as fast humans:

4.

Text - froborr I love this. Especially because of how well it plays with my headcanon that the Federation does so much better against the Borg than anyone else because beating the Borg with military tactics is nigh-impossible, but beating them with wacky superscience shenanigans works as long as they're unique wacky superscience shenanigans. megabeeprime Yeah, I love this. underscorex Reminds me of the thing I wrote a while back about Humans in high fantasy realms - they're basically Team Fuck I

5.

Text - roachpatrol klingons: okay we don't get it vulcan science academy: get what klingons: you vulcans are a bunch of stuffy prisses but you're also tougher, stronger, and smarter than humans in every single way klingons: why do you let them run your federation vulcan science academy: look vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores they don't do experiments on one and save the other for if the first one blows up

6.

Text - vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores, they will ask for a third one, immediately plug all three into each other, punch a hole into an alternate universe where humans subscribe to an even more destructive ideological system, fight everyone in it because they're offended by that, steal their warp cores, plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what their initial scientific experimen

7.

Text - the-real-seebs Come to think of it, I mean. Look at the "first human warp drive" thing in the movie. That was... Not how Vulcans would have done it. dragon-in-a-fez you know what the best evidence for this is? Deep Space 9 almost never broke down. minor malfunctions that irritated O'Brien to hell and back, sure, but almost none of the truly weird shit that befell Voyager and all the starships Enterprise. what was the weirdest malfunction DS9 ever had? the senior staff getting trapped as h

8.

Text - dragon-in-a-fez you know what, I'm not done with this post. let's talk about the Pegasus. the USS Fucking Pegasus, testbed for the first Starfleet cloaking device. here we have a handful of humans working in secret to develop a cloaking device in violation of a treaty with the Romulans. they're playing catchup trying to develop a technology other species have had for a century. and what do they do? do they decide to duplicate a Romulan cloaking device precisely, just see if they can match

9.

Text - "because that would fucking rule" said the humans, high-fiving each other and slamming cans of 24th-century Red Bull. there must be like twenty different counselling groups for non-human engineering students at Starfleet Academy, and every week in every single one of them someone walks in and starts up with a story like "our assignment was to repair a phaser emitter and my one human classmate built a chronometric- flux toaster that toasts bread after you've eaten it." ana deadcatwithaflam

10.

Text - roachpatrol during orientation at a human college, vulcans are presented with a list of swear words. "what is the word 'fuck' for," the innocent young vulcans want to know. "surely there are more logical intensity modifiers." "yeah, you'd think so," say the weary, jaded vulcan professors. "you'd really fucking think so." there is a phrase in vulcan for the particular moment you understand what the word 'fuck' is for'.

11.

Text - thefingerfuckingfemalefury This is why the Federation is the only organisation to ever stand a chance against the Borg The Borg can adapt to the brilliant millitary strategies of the Romulan Star Empire, the Klingons and even the cold logical intellectual prowess of the vulcans The Borg weren't prepared for a starship captain to lure them into his 50's noir detective holo-novel and then machine gun them to death with a weapon made out of hard light

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