Sunday, November 22, 2020

Twitter Thread: The Cold-Blooded Office Shrimp Thief


We like to think our lives are boring and pointless, but sometimes there's office shrimp drama. This underhanded coworker struck a defenseless order of shrimp fried rice and lied through her teeth about it in a way that only a born psychopath could. For more office drama, here's a Karen who threw away an expensive cake before the office fought back.

1.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Co-worker got his lunch stolen and they've agreed to let him watch the security camera tape. This is the most excited l've ever been at any job ever. Ever. 8:00 PM - Mar 29, 2018 O 551K Q180K people are talking about this

2.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani The lunch in question was shrimp fried rice which means this escalates from a misdemeanor to felony no doubt 8:14 PM - Mar 29, 2018 O 73.7K O 5,284 people are talking about this

3.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Case facts: Lunch was in fridge for less than an hour before it vanished. No shrimp smell remnants in the microwave or kitchen area. This was a professional hit no doubt 8:24 PM - Mar 29, 2018 50.1K Q 3,471 people are talking about this

4.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani HOLY SHIT. He's back. He watched the tape. He knows who did it. 8:44 PM - Mar 29, 2018 O 41.5K Q 2,657 people are talking about this

5.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani So the man who's lunch was stolen sits across from me. The person who stole his lunch sits RIGHT NEXT TO ME! She left for the day before the investigation started 8:48 PM - Mar 29, 2018 43.5K 9 3,029 people are talking about this

6.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani According to the video, this psychopath DIDNT EVEN EAT THE FOOD. She took it out of the fridge and threw and buried it in the trash 8:50 PM - Mar 29, 2018 O 47.7K Q3,853 people are talking about this

7.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Her motives remain completely unknown. In lieu of what he saw on the tape he has decided to not to press the matter anymore. I can't say I blame him. We don't know what this women's fully capable of 9:01 PM - Mar 29, 2018 45.8K Q 2,820 people are talking about this

8.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Points to clarify: he bought the shrimp fried rice around 11:30am (carry out) and put it in the fridge to chill until he takes lunch at noon. So she had exactly a 30min window of time to do what she did. There was no intention of microwaving the food 4:05 PM - Mar 30, 2018 36.3K Q 2,308 people are talking about this

9.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Update: Ok so when dude watched the video with HR they asked "what do you want to do about it?" he told them he was solely interested in who did it and that he didn't want to be responsible for someone getting fired 4:11 PM - Mar 30, 2018 33.1K Q 2,158 people are talking about this

10.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani After charges were dropped, HR sent a company wide email about not stealing people's lunches. She is scheduled to arrive at work in 20min. My blood is on cocaine 4:13 PM - Mar 30, 2018 69.6K 9 4,102 people are talking about this

11.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani She has walked into the room. And the room is dead silent. Dead fucking silent yet there is a palpable explosive energy pulsing through everyone but her 4:39 PM - Mar 30, 2018 ♡ 49K Q 2,769 people are talking about this

12.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani From the moment she walked in, I've just been staring at her. Watched her open her email and now she clicked on the goddamn HR email! Holy fuck strap in - here we go! 4:43 PM - Mar 30, 2018 40.3K Q2,324 people are talking about this

13.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani I can't move. I simply cannot move, anything could happen right now 4:45 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 39.2K Q1,969 people are talking about this

14.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani !!!! After seeing the HR email she says out loud "woah. Someone stole a lunch? Who would do something like that?" !!! I may have to run out of this room 4:47 PM - Mar 30, 2018 71K Q 4,514 people are talking about this

15.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani After she said that, shrimp guy responds "well yea it's not ok to throw someone's food away" we're all about to start screaming 4:51 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 54.2K Q3,110 people are talking about this

16.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani This shits about to get crazier. After he says that she goes "oh it was your lunch?" BEAT she continues "well why would you go to HR about that?!" 4:54 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 38.4K Q 2,391 people are talking about this

17.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani She has simultaneously denied her involvement AND called the guy who saved her job a snitch!!!!!!!!! 4:56 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 52.6K Q3,115 people are talking about this

18.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Dude just sighed and went back to work after she said what she said. She looks frightwningly calm 5:03 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 33.3K Q 2,018 people are talking about this

19.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani I'll keep updating if anything else occurs but all I can say is that EVERYONE in the office from the janitor to the founder knows what she did. She now carries an invisible scarlet letter 5:05 PM - Mar 30, 2018 61K Q3,465 people are talking about this

20.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani This is real. This is happening. We know who did it but we don't know why. It's a post production company so we're in fact open today. She's been sitting 3ft from me this whole time 5:42 PM - Mar 30, 2018 36K Q 2,246 people are talking about this

21.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani Unbeknownst to the guy and the woman, I just ordered 3 shrimp fried rice plates for lunch and will be hand delivering them 6:11 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 50.3K Q 2,746 people are talking about this

22.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani She took the fried rice from me with a big smile on her face. She's eating it and loving it. This is utter ruthlessness 6:43 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 38.7K Q 2,280 people are talking about this

23.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani "I LOVE shrimp fried rice" - the thief 6:57 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 62.4K O 5,702 people are talking about this

24.

Text - Zak Toscani @zaktoscani Replying to @zaktoscani I wish I could close this up with a neat little bow, but, it appears that we may never know why she did it. Maybe she doesn't know she did it. Either way l'm now forced to work 40hrs a week next to a cold blooded individual 7:57 PM - Mar 30, 2018 O 95K Q7,599 people are talking about this

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