Saturday, September 26, 2020

Tumblr Has Lawyer-style Debate over Legitimacy of Bread Knife


This Tumblr disagreement over whether or not this bread knife is real became a real debate with counterarguments, claims and diagrams. Frankly at first glance it looks like fake bread, but I guess that's why lawyers exist. For some more lawyer Tumblr stuff, here's a tumblr thread on ridiculous court transcripts. For another argument, here's a tumblr user absolutely schooling another on horses.

1.

Arm - whitebeltwriter: dual-destininies: derples: dual-destininies: tf2-fandomstuck: tiniestshorts: Bread knife The french have grown more powerful. Hold it!

2.

Churro - Look more closely at these photographs, Your Honor. Notice anything strange about the bread?

3.

Text - I didn't either. That's because.. ..no cuts were made there in the first place! The witness forged the photographs to make it look like they had an actual bread knife, when they actually did not!

4.

How, you ask? Look to the second photo. While it is quite obvious that the knife is penetrating the top half of the breadstick, I'm not sure about the bottom half.

5.

Text - Looks pretty flat, doesn't it? The angle of the photo makes it look like the knife is in the witness's breadstick, whilst it is actually behind it. In addition, the cut was actually made after the first photograph and before the second. Continue to the third photograph.

6.

Gesture - It is also taken from a flat angle, as was the second photograph. I'm sure you're finding something missing in this photograph as well, Your Honor. Where is the index finger's fingertip? This illustration explains it all.

7.

Cartoon - While I am... ahem, not the best artist... (Didn't I go to art school?) The index finger is hidden behind the loaf of bread. It is not wrapping around the loaf of bread. This is because.. The witness was making space to put the knife's handle! Objection Are you really that dull, Wright? For a man who majored in art you should be able to recognize a sculpture when you see one.

8.

Bread - as we can see from the photos provided, this is quite obviously plastic. if you look at any photo of real bread it can't attain that level of shininess, and even if it could.

9.

Cuisine

10.

Bread - Tell me, Wright, have you ever seen real bread gleam that much? Don't answer that, I will. Even in this high-resolution photograph with bread that thick, it obviously wouldn't shine on the inside when it isn't buttered. And it isn't too hard to find the item in question with a quick google search.

11.

Font - Google novely trench breed knife Laura 0 Shspng Imagen Vleca New Mar Safedean 20144 Nom Oh, and if you will notice, their hand was covering the seam where the bread was taken apart in the first photo with a simple comparison of the pattern on the bread. It appears your lawyering skills are in much need of some sharpening if you expect to cut me down with that weak objection.

12.

Bread - Edgeworth, you're asking yourself the wrong question. It's not is there bread like that." You should be asking "can there be bread like that?" Sweet bread can be infused with sugar or a syrup, making the outsides shinier- and the insides sweeter. Take a look. Whlekevaso beom

13.

Finger - Furthermore. there are parts of the witness's bread knife that don't just match up with the novelty bread knives you have presented. Take another look. Google navalty tranah braad knifa +Laura 0 Web Shopping Inges Midece News More Soarch took Selebeurs SEOX 144-haycon

14.

Text - Let me point out two things about the novelty knives: one, their markings, and two, the placement of the knife itself. In the novelty knives, the marks are artificial-looking and repeated. That is because they are manufactured. In the witness's photo, the marks are more natural and realistic- because they are, well, real! Furthermore, the blades on the novelty knives are in the middle of the handle. But... look back at the witness's photo. The knife is to the left? Where is the problem, y

15.

Text - But. look back at the witness's photo. The knife is to the left? Where is the problem, you ask? Look at this illustration. Here we have the knife, a piece of bread, and a table. Let's have a go.

16.

Text - I'm sure you see it now, Your Honor. The bread knife cannot actually be used to cut bread efficiently! Even if it was tilted, it would be uncomfortable and unbalanced!

17.

Text - The defense has an explanation for this positioning. The blade is to the left because the witness was holding it behind the piece of bread!

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