Sunday, January 10, 2021

Mortician on Dating App Gets Slammed With Puns


For most people, dating is about being suave and trying to subtly insinuate how much money you make. But for the rest of us, it's all about how many bone-shatteringly clever and stupid puns you can shoehorn into a short conversation. And if someone mentions that they have an out-of-the-ordinary job? All aboard the pun train, choo choo. Tinder is known to get some cheesy and stupid moments, but hey man everyone's doing their best. For fans of wordplay and cleverness, here are technically accurate moments that aren't exactly wrong.

1.

Purple - As a comedian I am very much resisting the urge to make so many deaths puns right now. Must mean I like you. Oh my god no let rip I love hearing jokes about it So is that why you're on hinge? Cause you think romance is dead? You should let me stay the night and practice while I sleep. Might get stiff though. I'm 5"10, Im glad my height doesn't matter to you since you like 6 feet under. Since we are in a pandemic don't come on a date with me if you are coffin

2.

Purple - If you wanna impress me you need to urn it These puns dont get better.they only get hearse Dating me is like being read your last rites. Soon l'll take you to heaven. Hahah amazing! Thank you I could have kept going but l'm cooking dinner. But I can understand if you are dying to hear another one... Ok. I was fired from being a grave digger cause I lost the plot. I can only date someone that shares my corpse values

3.

Text - Babe when you walked by it stopped my heart. Can you please call 000 I know you meet a lot of Mummies but I can be your Daddy. There's three things certain in life, death, taxes and me buying you a drink Can I embalm you? Because I want to enjoy your body all night I'm glad you're a bottom because I prefer to be autopsy How you made that corpse expel gas blew me away After we spread these ashes can I spread your legs? Babe you don't need that crematorium to light a fire in my heart

4.

Text - Wow Take off those clothes and show me your bereaver Haha look you did say let it rip. Yeah but I didn't think you'd have that many I was thinking one or two When I get on a roll it's very hard to stop haha. Dunno if this makes you want to date me or block me. Either way I had fun!

5.

Text - Haha no I liked them, I don't think I've ever had someone put in so much effort before Your pleasure is my leisure. Hahah So was that enough to score a coffee with the pretty lady? No? Sorry for your loss. Sent

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