Saturday, January 2, 2021

Funny, Strange and Goofy Tumblr Gems


There is no limit to the observations tumblr users can make. Whether it's a poignant musing on humanity in general or a bone-chillingly dumb opinion on eggs , there's a time and place for it. Funny, random and shiny tumblr gems burst forth from the full pockets of the internet, not necessarily changing the world but also being time well spent.

1.

Blue - i-hate-chick-fil-a Folgen Javeigh Young-White Follow @javeigh Why do paintings of people centuries ago never show pimples? Ur telling me these people who drank shit water and took baths 2x a decade had clear skin? 4:50 PM - 12 Sep 2018 45,829 Retweets 271,272 Likes survivablyso Folgen they had this amazing filter, called I'm the one paying you' Quelle: i-hate-chick-fil-a

2.

Text - roswell-newton-vargas If you guys are ever worried people don't buy me enough Bath & Body Works lotion, I just want you to know you can rest easy because it's the only present I ever get and I don't know what to do anymore. roswell-newton-vargas WHITENATE I can't keep living like this. I don't have enough skin. roswell-newton-vargas The cops beat down the door trying to arrest me for operating an illegal Bath & Body Works reseller but I'm just so fucking silky smooth that they can't catch

3.

Text - hedgerowdevil Follow OFFICER: the victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers DETECTIVE: dear god OFFICER: most likely yes fourpawrule Follow FINALLY, A QUALITY PUN. whatdoyoumeanitsnotawesome Follow Hannibal, NBC, 2013

4.

Text - every human being deserves shelter and a meal optimistic-pessimisms No. You dont pay people to exist for the same reason you dont feed the bears. teaboot Yeah man if I give the 50 year old lady at my bus stop some spare change for fare and a meal she'll lose interest in foraging for desiccated salmon carcasses and lose her natural fear of people. Next thing you know she's in the suburbs, running around on all fours trying to eat a corgi

5.

Text - Canadian Pride @Fox_Fusion "Why do millennials hate the rich?" "Why do millennials pirate everything?" "Why do millennials drift towards socialism?" "Why are millennial furries?" One answer: Disney's Robin Hood 10:50 PM 10 Jul 18 maneth985 well this didn't go the direction I expected

6.

Text - Food - Vonderifal COPENIIACEN Buter wor44 16. darkesthorizons: neptuneisforlovers: ITS NOT SEWING SUPPLIES! My question is how does every single person identify with this, is it like a secret rule to use those for sewing supplies?

7.

Text - verylostpenguin It's my grandpa's birthday next week and he said "I don't want to be 85" and my grandmother, his wife of 59 and a half years, said "well your only alternative is to die", I can't believe how affectionate they are verylostpenguin I was having lunch with them today and my grandpa started throwing napkins at my grandmother, and she balled it up and looked all set to throw it back but then she put it down and said "I will not throw it because I was brought up properly, you wer

8.

Text - O eggcup-deactivated20180129 hmm? what's that? oh, you don't like my seeds? *evolves into a fruit that bears no seeds but is now a monoculture that is especially susceptible to pests and disease* how about that idiot a gay-bananamancer Don't vague post about bananas you scum 209,131 notes

9.

Text - lesbianrey my internship boss was talking about how he had to work in a mail room to make ends meet during college where he "only made $6/ hr" and 6.00 in January v 1980 - has the same buying power as $18.73 in January • 2017 Calculate essefex This is why my generation is angry about the minimum wage. %24

10.

Organism - facts-i-just-made-up: cocktormedick facts-i-just-made-up Mated turtles share their shells! Not always but often when a pair of turtles mates, the male will leave his own shell and move in with the female. After doing so the couple will coordinate their am and leg movements to walk and even swim. I all this "Trying to get notes with false facts." I assure you, Facts-l-Just-Made-Up would never post false facts just to get notes. I also do it to confuse, misinform, and hurt people. Sourc

11.

Text - People - - cryptid-sighting Follow I just found out that the Korean baseball league's championship trophy is a giant sword YONHAP NEWS patrickdiomedes Follow Every other sports league on the planet needs to get their shit together.

12.

Forehead - im too much of a baby for tinder i wanna meet people the old fashioned way where we're both on either side of a fish tank and notice each other thru the water... literallytryingmybestbutok Nobody: OP trying to find love through a fish tank:

13.

Text - zagreus obsessed with this tweet Elijah Personette @Elderqueer No cake in a "cake looks like object" video is in fact cake. It is a pound of fondant wrapped around a miserable little piece of bread the consistency of florist's foam. Beautiful art to be sure, but each is a lie wrapped in another lie, as edible as the object it apes. but also deeply insulted by the implication that fondant isnt delicious fetus-cakes fondant is garbage and I'm willing to duel over that statement

14.

Text - banjobutch UNREAL: Cartoon Network Tells Children There Are Multiple Genders O subarktis Follow is he saying there's one gender bisexual-supreme Follow There's one gender and we all have to share 13,911 notes

15.

Screenshot - She wanted to go to the zoo in her new banana costume to see the monkeys. big-nose-seal Follow the monkeys like it retroactivebakeries Follow #pogchimp kkneesockks Follow

16.

Text - jasontoddiefor Follow Modern Sherlock Holmes but he's a 27 year old, drinks energy drinks only, is astonishing polite and has no idea how the solar system works because it was never relevant to a case but can name every every person involved in making Super Mario Bros because he did need that for a case once. Watson is continuously appalled about his eating habits and makes vague posts on Twitter that ends in threads like Watson: “My roommate noticed only today he can label his email inbo

17.

Text - an-animal-imagined-by-poe My favorite ever pronoun story has to be one of my German professor's. He fondly remembers being mugged by a gang of teenagers in Dresden, who used Sie (formal you) the entire time. ask-sparkling-awesomeness HAND OVER THE WALLET MY GOOD SIR

18.

Dog breed - goth-mabel Fanfic written by 14-year-olds is so wild because they all think "smirk" is just a fancy word for smile so every serious romantic scene comes out looking like

19.

Text - literallyaflame "wait so are u gen z or a millennial" dude idk i was born in 1997, everyone has an opinion about what generation i should be in except me. i don't really remember the 90s cause i was too busy being born and shitting myself, but i remember dialup internet and shit. idk dude i'm so tired, like, i'm only legally old enough to drink as of a few months ago but im somehow already thousands of dollars in debt dingdongyouarewrong the struggles of the zillennials

20.

Text - xueyangapologist Follow honestly when aliens arrive we should start having sex with them as soon as possible. so when they decide to take over a lot of them already have emotional connections/physical offspring and will form a sizeable resistance. not me, i don't want to, but i know a lot of you would be into that, and i'm telling you it's okay, you're actually the last hope for our species. liesmyth Follow thank you op this means a lot 182,630 notes

21.

Text - tilthat TIL that in 1946, a trapped moth caused a malfunction in the early computer which resulted in the term 'bug’ to be coined for all software errors. via reddit.com 1dietcokeinacan Follow What an icon pbrim Follow And we know about it because Admiral Grace Hopper, one of the early programmers, wrote about it in her diary and even taped the fried corpse of the moth to the page. 9,098 notes

22.

Human - silvasaliva: kramergate: ive seen a lot of unintentionally VERY funny interpretations of Cain & Abel but portraying them as a couple of mid-1950s schoolyard boys having a "WHY I OUGHTA" fight is realy just splendid cain: WHY I OUGHTA- narrators voice: And he did, moments later.

23.

Text - yroxis Personality: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK Anxiety: I do whospilledthebongwater No post has ever described my life as accurately as this one

24.

Text - Blue - Mattr Graphics Tougher Fdgier Nintendo owldude: bryko: AN ACTUAL SLIDE FROM NINTENDO'S 2003 E3 PRESS CONFERENCE early 2000s is a treasure

25.

Text - teaberryblue Dogs and Women I was walking to the train station after work today and I heard a guy's voice shouting: "Hey! Hey pretty, you're so pretty, come here! Come here, aren't you going to give me a kiss? Yeah, you, come on and give me a smooch, you pretty thing!" Disgusted, I turned around, ready to knock some heads together, and saw he was talking to a tiny French bulldog being walked by another man. And it hit me, with sharp clarity, just how much a man catcalling a woman sounds l

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