Monday, January 11, 2021

Dumbest Things People Have Said In All Seriousness


There's nothing so discouraging and mystifying as someone who is completely off their rocker with pure dumbness, spewing off something that they think the rest of the world should take seriously. This AskReddit thread pays homage to the hopelessly lost souls that said unbelievably stupid stuff without having any idea that everyone else recognized what they were saying as plain old stupid. 

1.

Text - thirteenpants • 15h S 3 Awards Excitedly told me that a stripper he bought a lap dance from liked him so much that she asked him to come back again to see her. Reply 1 2.9k 3 ...

2.

Text - Pickle-Wife • 19h While watching the Mummy 2, these mummies are chasing a bus thru London. My mom asks, "they didn't use real mummies did they?" Reply 1 3.0k ...

3.

Text - TysonGoesOutside · 15h 1 Award Had a friend that didn't realize dogs were the result of selective breeding. She thought all dog species existed in nature somewhere. The thought of packs of pugs hunting for food in the forest still makes me chuckle. Reply 4 2.2k ...

4.

Text - Amie80 · 16h My friend when she was 18. "We used to have baby chicks and then we had chickens. I don't know what happened to the baby chicks." II Reply 1.3k ...

5.

Text - not-a-real_username · 18h "Is this all the bleach we have?" This was said by my sister who was holding a gallon of bleach in each hand. Her plan? She was going to fill the bath tub up with bleach and bathe in it because she wanted to bleach her hair blonde. Reply 4 2.4k ...

6.

Text - spicybEtch212• 18h "What county is Germany in again?" Reply 982 ...

7.

Text - opkc • 17h Guy: You have the most beautiful green eyes. Me: My eyes are blue Guy: Shit! I couldn't remember if they were green or blue so I guessed. Me: l'm standing right in front of you. You were looking right at my face when you said that. Why didn't you just look at my eyes to see what color they are? Guy: I didn't think of that. + Reply 1.4k 3 ...

8.

Text - GiantSquidinJeans · 17h 8 1 Award "Don't they speak Russian in Brazil? Because Russia and Brazil are right next to each other?" Close runner up: "What came first, World War I or World War II" Edit: for everyone asking, Person 1 meant Brazil (not Belarus or Bulgaria). I blame that on her not finishing high school and being generally uneducated (sweet woman, great friend, just uneducated). Person 2 is probably cheating because it was a friend from middle school who I assume was having a bra

9.

Text - viralplant • 15h After my Dad has emergency dialysis a few months ago (he passed shortly after) and I was the only person with him at the surgery hospital because of covid restrictions and generally handling things my Uncle called me and said "Don't count your chickens before they've hatched (in reference to my Dad having a good day)" and "Now I know why daughters don't get married, so they can look after their dads". I put the phone down and cried bitterly with my mother because I didn't

10.

Text - sm1020 • 15h Had a roommate in college that would drive me everywhere cause she had a car and I didn't. The first time I got on the highway with her she got on the left lane and floored it. We were going 90+ on a 60. I freaked out and asked her why the hell she was going so fast. She said, "What's the big deal? There's no speed limit on the left lane on a highway. You can go as fast as you want!" She refused to slow down till we had to take our exit. We had a long argument on why that was

11.

Text - KenzeoBaba• 18h 3 1 Award "I thought nurses only flirted with doctors and was there to look pretty." 19 year old classmate back in high school, who was very dissapointed after shadowing a nurse for career day Reply 1.8k ...

12.

Text - ReallyHadToFixThat • 14h "Why do we have to turn the printer on for it to work?" -- my 45 year old cow orker. Closesly followed by intense, life altering revalation tone "If you were paid more, you'd have more money." -- my mum. Reply 134 3 ...

13.

Text - i_am_rolf • 19h If the earth was round all the water would fall off # Q Reply 1 471 ... +

14.

Text - p1nts1ze • 16h My Sister in law was afraid to drive up hills because she was afraid if her car didn't make it up, it would flip over backwards. Reply 687 ...

15.

Text - formerNPC • 17h While eating out, we asked our server to bring us some ice and he asked if we wanted "real ice" he wasn't trying to be funny and looked confused when we asked what other kind of ice there is. Reply 530 3 ...

16.

Text - questingbear2000 · 14h Im going to fall on my sword for this one. I once very confidently told a room full of women I worked with that X must be mistaken, because "women dont have a colon". ..prostates. I got them confused. Luckily, we were all on really good terms, so I just got laughed at for a few months. Reply 1 266 3 ...

17.

Text - OffusMax • 17h Years ago, my wife, her sister, her sister's daughter, and I were walking down the street on a summer's day and we stopped in a frozen yogurt place. Everyone ordered one. My wife sampled hers and asked me if it was bad. I took a lick and it was definitely spoiled. I demanded my money back. The kid behind the counter refused to refund me. I said the yogurt was bad and I wasn't going to pay for bad product. Then the idiot says to me, "Well, if it was bad, you shouldn't have e

18.

Text - AngryOrca1 • 18h "There is no proof the earth is round. " Reply 686 ...

19.

Text - PittiePower • 18h While driving with my sister's then-boyfriend to go disc golfing, he was staring up in the sky very intensely. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, "Just doing my part for the environment." Confused, I inquired further. He then went on to say how chemtrails from planes are spreading chemicals, but if you stare at the chemtrails, you can use your willpower to get rid of them. He was bat-shit crazy. Lizardmen crazy. Reply 1 3.3k 3 ...

20.

Text - YellowPeggy • 16h An American (struggling with my accent and a little cross about it) asked me where I learned English. England. The answer is England. I'm English. O Reply 1.3k ...

21.

Text - Consistent_Froyo3080 · 18h "We're going to the beach to watch the sun rise out of the ocean! want to come?" Our beach faces west. Reply 2.2k

22.

Text - NoCuntryforToldMen • 17h 3 1 Award I was waiting at the DMV, and my baby was asleep in his carrier on the floor. Some totally normal-looking middle-aged guy in a suit leaned over and smiled at him, then said, "How cute! Are his eyes open yet?" Dude literally thought humans were like puppies or kittens. Reply 1 1.7k 3 ...

23.

Text - OnemoreSavBlanc • 18h An old school friend refused to breastfeed or formula feed their baby. They gave the baby milkshakes instead. Because ya know "milk is milk". Also my mother told me, (in all seriousness) that we have belly buttons because that's where our tails used to be. Reply 623 ...

24.

Text - Adon1kam • 15h My uncle married a woman who already had kids so I guess they were my cousins (marriage didn't last long). Boy oh boy were they dumb as fuck, one came and stayed with us for a week or so and had never been to my city before. She was an idiot. Two quotes stand out. 1. she thought lions were fairy tale creatures 2. while on the train an Indian couple came and sat across from us, she leans over and whispers SO loudly. "Those terrorists are going to kill us". I don't think I ha

25.

Text - reddit01234543210 • 15h My co worker explaining the taste and texture of a certain food. To this day I have forgotten what food he was trying to explain but he said "It's like a Fig Newton but without the Fig and without the Newton." Totally straight faced and serious. Reply 1 400 3 ...

26.

Text - agntdrake • 14h 2 Awards After having just boarded a train from Budapest to Vienna, a woman approached me and asked in haltingly slow English: "Does... this... train... go... to... Vienna?". I answered yes, and that I was also going there myself. Her response: "You... speak... English... very... good. Where... are... you... from?" To which I answered that I was from Canada. She then said "... am... from.... Florida. Do... you... know.... where... that... is?" Reply 4 1.6k ...

27.

Text - Changoguapo• 17h Coworker said "My parents are on vacation in Mexico." I say "what part?" She answered "Costa Rica" Reply 1 835 3

28.

Text - ColorfulLolipop • 18h My aunt said I couldn't have energy drinks because they had alcohol | Reply 1 490 ...

29.

Text - Educational_Ad9260 · 13h 1 Award With my mother at an aquarium. "Are those seahorses or unicorns? I always get them mixed up." Q Reply 85 3 ...

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