Monday, December 28, 2020

Twitter Thread: The Legendary Creation That Is Totwaffles


Every now and again we come across a human being (Ada Powers in this case) that puts forth such a brilliant culinary innovation that we're really just left speechless. In this case, we have the aptly named Totwaffles. If you weren't hungry before reading this informative thread, we can only imagine where the appetite must be at now. Could be a decent thing to throw together during the holidays. 

1.

Small appliance - Ada Powers @mspowahs I get it: you're on lockdown. You're trying to do a lot with a little. It's hard to find joy in the midst of fear, depression, and austerity. That's why it's time to learn about totwaffles. (thread) Ore lda GOLDEN TATER TOTS. EURE 11:26 AM · 3/19/20 - Twitter Web App TATE

2.

Text - Ada Powers @mspowahs Totwaffles are special in that they are among the elite order of foods which sound almost, but not quite, like a colloquial anatomical vulgarism. This alone may be nourishment in dark times. You are encouraged to lean into this fact as much as feels right for you. 11:26 AM · 3/19/20 · Twitter Web App

3.

Text - Ada Powers @mspowahs I found that even in stores that were cleaned out of frozen everything, tots were still available. This may not be true for you. Brand isn't important; sometimes I think the knockoff tots work even better. You may be able to find them at your local corner store. 11:26 AM · 3/19/20 · Twitter Web App

4.

Text - Ada Powers @mspowahs You also need a waffle iron. You may already have one; it may slightly hate you for never using it. This is not your fault. Waffles feel like a thing for people who have their shit together. You do not have your shit together. But you are about to give your iron a higher purpose. 11:26 AM · 3/19/20 · Twitter Web App

5.

Major appliance - Ada Powers @mspowahs You could leave a bag of tots out for hours to defrost. This is great. You can also pile frozen tots on a plate and stick them in a microwave. You can use the defrost setting or cook them outright. How many minutes? Yes. There is no way to fuck this up. ABS Pa 11:26 AM 3/19/20 - Twitter Web App

6.

Text - Ada Powers @mspowahs Just don't bake them. That is depriving your waffle iron of its new raison d'ĂȘtre, and we have promised it a better life than that. Ideally you want them to be soft, warm, a little wet. Like most good things in this world that are not socks. 11:26 AM · 3/19/20 · Twitter Web App

7.

Finger food - Ada Powers @mspowahs Once you've prepped your tots, line them up on the waffle iron. Wherever they go, really. Tear them to make them fit small holes. Squish them into place. It doesn't matter. They are potatoes, and they will do your bidding. 11:26 AM 3/19/20 - Twitter Web App

8.

Electronic device - Ada Powers @mspowahs Then, SQUISH down your waffle iron. It may require pressure. The top may not latch; some of the tots may spill out. This is okay. You may have just voided your warranty. This is okay. Warranties, like rent and office work, are but constructs which were never built to serve us. 11:26 AM · 3/19/20 · Twitter Web App

9.

Ingredient - Ada Powers @mspowahs To make SYRUPCHUP: Combine maple syrup and ketchup in a 1:1 ratio. Either microwave or stovetop works. If you heat it on a stove, try not to let it boil and reduce. We want yield. The SYRUPCHUP must flow. 11:26 AM 3/19/20 - Twitter Web App >

10.

Text - Ada Powers @mspowahs There are precisely two kinds of people in the world, perhaps the universe: those who see SYRUPCHUP as an inevitability, and those who witness it as an abomination. It is impossible to predict which you are, which your closest friends are. Doing is the only knowing. 11:26 AM · 3/19/20 · Twitter Web App

11.

Text - Ada Powers @mspowahs I believe it is the only way to truly honor the duality of the totwaffle, to respect it as both tot and waffle. I have been maligned as a heretic for my beliefs, a queer breakfast anarchist unappreciated in my time. Perhaps future generations will understand. 11:26 AM · 3/19/20 · Twitter Web App

12.

Electronic device - Ada Powers @mspowahs Once you have recovered from dividing your community forever, check on your waffle iron. It may say it's done. Respectfully, DO NOT BELIEVE ITS LIES. Verify, by eye or finger, that it crisp, that the tots have transcended their individuality and become something greater. 11:26 AM · 3/19/20 · Twitter Web App

13.

Finger food - Ada Powers @mspowahs Yeah no this is good. 11:26 AM · 3/19/20 · Twitter Web App

14.

Text - Ada Powers @mspowahs Sever the corpus callosum/callosi of this new organism, so that its hemispheres may part ways gracefully. If they do not, or if structural integrity is not to be found, that is okay-we are all falling apart. May we love our own falterings as we do the potato. We are the potato. 11:26 AM - 3/19/20 · Twitter Web App

15.

Cuisine - Ada Powers @mspowahs At this point, you may serve with whatever condiment you are prepared to become a martyr for. If you're feeling brunch instead, or simply for extra nutrition, you may add to it. A fried egg works great; I use scrambled polenta, or tofu with spices that make it taste like eggs. 11:26 AM · 3/19/20 · Twitter Web App

16.

Text - Ada Powers @mspowahs Now that you and your waffle iron have rehabilitated your relationship, appreciate the world of possibility that has opened up before you both. Enjoy the new lens through which you now view all comestibles, the question living ever at the center of your heart: Will It Waffle? 11:27 AM · 3/19/20 - Twitter Web App

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