Thursday, December 24, 2020

The Funniest Insults People Have Heard


Someone on AskReddit asked for people to share the funniest insults they've ever heard. These are right in line with those "rare insults" lists we like to run. You've got to appreciate it when people take a creative approach to the insult/banter game. 

1.

Text - Sao_X. 3d 1 Award "If she had one more neuron, it'd be very lonely"

2.

Text - frankieg7390 3d A kid at my school said he thought he had an STD, the teacher walked by and said you can't get an STD from your own hand. I was dying for a good 15 mins.

3.

Text - HoggishPad 3d I'm still a fan of "they're like a slinky. Not really useful for anything, but fun to push down a flight of stairs."

4.

Text - ignoremsmedia 3d Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

5.

Text - sophiel188 3d You're like the first piece of bread, everyone touches you, but nobody wants you

6.

Text - flashgordanrox6 3d S 1 Award Your mother buys you mega blox instead of legos

7.

Text - EgotisticalLobster 3d S 1 Award Accidentally spilled my 5 year old cousins chocolate milk He looked me dead in the eye and called me a cold chicken nugget. I've never felt so offended

8.

Text - Spiderwalker11 3d my friend had a pretty insane mom that would flip out over random things. One time she was screaming at him and called hima son of a bitch then in the most bad ass voice he responded with "you got that right."

9.

Text - Ку3031 - Зd S 1 Award You look like you lick hospital chairs

10.

Text - overtakenfrombordom 3d "YOU DENSE FUCKING CABBAGE" yeah that was directed to me

11.

Text - JasonsBoredAgain 3d Trying to explain shit to you is like trying to staple Jell-O to a tree.

12.

Text - Deathmedical 3d (Construction worker) While on a job site over heard this jewel [ 2 other tradesmen having a serious argument]" You keep it up and I'm going to marry into your family just to make you buy me Christmas presents" This was 20 years ago and i still chuckle when i think about it.

13.

Text - ProfCupcake 3d Pretty much every line on The Thick Of It. If you're into creative insults, I would highly recommend it A personal highlight: "He's so dense that light bends around him"

14.

Text - canehdian78 3d 80 year old Grandma at little league when her grandson at bat didnt swing and the Umpire called the pitch a strike "Umpire,.. UMPIRE! You must have lost your spectacles"

15.

Text - copnonymous 3d My brother shut down a bully by saying a line he actually heard on an old TV show. "I've heard snappier comebacks from a bowl of Rice Krispies."

16.

Text - thatbierguy 3d Your the reason this country puts directions on shampoo

17.

Text - Windows12xp 3d I don't like to associate with people who have an iq lower than the temperature

18.

Text - frickingmark69 3d There are approximately 1.010.300 words in the English language, but none of them can describe how much I'd like to hit you with a chair. -Alexander Hamilton

19.

Text - verascity 3d Veep has a lot of great ones, but the one that makes me fucking cry every time is: "Jonah, you're not even a man. You're like an early draft of a man, where they just sketched out a giant, mangled skeleton, but they didn't have time to add details, like pigment or self-respect."

20.

Text - copnonymous 3d My brother shut down a bully by saying a line he actually heard on an old TV show. "I've heard snappier comebacks from a bowl of Rice Krispies."

21.

Text - outoftouch49 3d I don't know what your problem is but 'll bet it's really hard to pronounce.

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