Saturday, December 19, 2020

Stupid and Clever Dad Jokes to Love and Hate


Sure, complex humor is probably better for your brain, but sometimes life calls for a motherload of devastating dad jokes to sweep in and get puns everywhere. They may very well be stupid and tacky, but they're the dangerously dadly dad jokes we know and tolerate. Some may be painful, but they are always sort of rewarding.

1.

Text - FROVO @fro_vo SHAGGY: what did the vet say you have SCOOBY DOO: rabies SHAGGY: zoinks i didn't even know you could get pregnant 1:16 AM · 2020-10-11 · Twitter for iPhone 2,436 Retweets 50 Quote Tweets 14.7K Likes

2.

Text - aerostarmonk: The man entered his home and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in the house. oh my god i just do not understand this post what even This post makes me so angry

3.

Text - Taylor Burkhalter @TLBurkhalter I was home for Christmas and my parents cooked a beef tenderloin. I said, "Man, Budapest is going to love this." They asked who Budapest was. I said "I named my stomach Budapest because it's the capital of HUNGRY" and that's when they stopped calling me son

4.

Text - The Dad O THE DAD @thedad If you make your safe word "banana" after sex you can say "orange you glad I didn't say banana" and your wife will leave you but it'll be worth it.

5.

Text - andrews not spooky @AndrewsNotFunny flight attendant: all we've got to watch is air bud me: I know how windows work pal 1:45 PM · 2020-10-29 · Twitter for Android 503 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 4,999 Likes

6.

Text - I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals IM LIVID sweaterkittensahoy Everyone go home. Puns are done.

7.

Text - Chinese take out $8 Tip $2 Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order, riceless

8.

Text - tatum @50FirstTates me: our kids were arrested for setting a car on fire wife: omg arson? me: and our daughter 6:53 PM · 2020-10-05 · Twitter for iPhone 138 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 948 Likes

9.

Machine - Well, this makes cents.

10.

Text - miKE LÄ°IERALLYO @SkippyMcGizzard If you drink vodka & orange juice from the skull of a guy named Phil, you have yourself a Philip's head screwdriver. 1:30 PM · 2020-09-19 · Twitter for Android 126 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 318 Likes

11.

Text - Adamned Cerious @Browtweaten me: hey there's a bloody oar in the water friend: that's foreboding me:I know what they're for 5:02 PM · 2020-10-11 · Twitter for Android 375 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 2,568 Likes

12.

Facial hair - thomas @perfectsweeties ay girl are u a noun cuz u could be a PERSON at my PLACE doing a THING 2:46 PM · 2020-10-09 · Twitter for Android 1,975 Retweets 49 Quote Tweets 16.8K Likes

13.

Organism - KEEPING TROPICAL FISH AT HOME CAN HAVE A CALMING EFFECT ON THE BRAIN UNKNOWN PUNster @2018 DUE TO ALL THE INDOOR FINS...

14.

Organism - O JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY DAD HAS BEEN STEALING FROM HIS JOB AS A ROAD WORKER FOR YEARS I NEVER WANTED TO BELIEVE IT, BUT WHEN I GOT HOME, ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE made on imgur

15.

Text - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig. It's not a long poem, but it's deep.

16.

Text - TuSoon Shakur @TuSoonShakur ALEX TREBEK: in einstein's famous equation, this is equal to mc? DOG: CAT: DOLPHIN: *furiously clicking buzzer* 2:44 PM · 2019-08-20 · Twitter for iPhone 3,830 Retweets 79 Quote Tweets 20.9K Likes

17.

Text - Erin on the side of caution @Mom_Overboard Me [lifting shirt]: I trust these will cover it Tattoo artist: what're you doing Me: paying you Tattoo artist: I'm confused Me: you know, tit for tat 2:19 PM · 19 Jul 19 · Twitter for iPhone >

18.

Text - Terry F @daemonic3 professor x: whats your mutant power me: i can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try [points up] 2 pulls professor x: [stands up and pulls twice] not bad, but not a power me: i'm kidding, i can heal paraplegics professor x: [still standing] holy shit 3:54 PM · 2020-08-28 · Twitter Web App 1,649 Retweets and comments 11.4K Likes

19.

Cup - ROCKET MAAAAAAN! BLURBIN FLIPPY DOO DER BORKIN SCLO000AN!

20.

Blue - Monday 14:35 What generation does Forrest Gump belong to? Today 19:50 What? Gen A Today 20:12 I don't get it GIF Type a message...

21.

Text - youve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for times new ramen squeeful I sent this to my mom and she got so mad at me she sent me an audio recording of her yelling.

22.

Text - Kyle @KylePlantEmoji Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework Comp Sci Professor: your dog ate your coding assignment? Me: Prof: Me: it took hima couple bytes 18:08 · 08/04/2019 · Twitter for Android

23.

Waist - 50

24.

Text - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I asked the surgeon: can I administer my own anaesthetic? The surgeon said: Go ahead, knock yourself out. >

25.

Text - While most puns make me feel numb, mathematics puns make me feel number.

26.

Text - spookie @kieransofar me: what's todays criminology class on? friend: cannibalism me: [gasping] a hannibal lecture

27.

Text - Follow @michaeljhudson I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands. there is no cure. RETWEETS LIKES 1,828 3,975 11:24 PM - 20 Nov 2014

28.

Organism - JOKE FOR YOU, I HAVE. WHAT DID YODA SAY WHEN HE SAW HIMSELF IN 4K? I DON'T KNOW, WHAT? HDMI

29.

Text - andrews not spooky @AndrewsNotFunny me *swallowing pride* baby lion: holy shit 11:32 AM · 2020-09-30 · Twitter for Android 1,309 Retweets 26 Quote Tweets 15.2K Likes

30.

Text - Steven W Skinner @SkinnerSteven Show me how two u's this vacuum 11:37 AM · 2015-06-28 · Twitter for iPhone 1,379 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 3,139 Likes

31.

Text - Daveastated FOLDERS ... @Daveastated A computer game where you go back in time with a gun to kill Adam; it's a first person shooter. 7:37 PM · 2020-10-25 · Twitter for Android 105 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 346 Likes

32.

Text - There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

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