Saturday, December 19, 2020

Funny, Random and Shiny Tumblr Gems


Tumblr is a spindly, winding, trap-door-laden laden pathway of thoughts and musings that could make anyone think for a good long time about anything under the sun. Hilarious and totally random tumblr gems could encapsulate anything from complaints about gees to poems about how much people love their Roomba. It could be anything.

1.

Text - The moral of Rudolph the Red nose reindeer is that no one likes you unless you're useful. rudolph the red-nosed reindeer as capitalist propaganda: discuss rudolph was already exactly as useful as the other reindeer. the moral is deviation from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable 11 Kids, could you lighten up a little?

2.

Text - surprisedentistry i love dogs who are obsessed with licking people surprisedentistry "this human is pleasing to me. i have to put my tongue on it" advanced-procrastination Dogs treat us like we treat cool rocks surprisedentistry your relationship to rocks is apparently very different than mine

3.

Text - wodneswynn One of the characters in our D&D party is an orc named Brick. We've established that orcs get their names through tests of strength and that his name is Brick because it's the strongest thing he was able to break with his bare hands. By profession, Brick is a therapist. His ultimate ambition is to one day do therapy so good that he can change his name to Depression. naamahdarling I went into this expecting beautiful himbo and came out in love with Brick and crying over therapis

4.

Text - memewhore Follow i feel like we haven't fully internalized how cursed the iowa county map is 10:20 PM 2/4/20 Twitter Web Client chickenonabicycle Follow That's not a map that's an Excel spreadsheet. rantingandravenclaw Follow #god can someone gerrymander that a little #just for variety. #reblog #post.txt 22,924 notes A

5.

Text - trash-like-me Follow I'm still reeling over the fact when I went with my friend to a renaissance fair, there was a lady who was handing out samples. My friend took a bite of it and all I heard was "My lord that's soap"

6.

Organism - itseasytoremember someone help me find that image of 4 cats being held up in front of a brightly coloured background. the cats look calm being held but each have their own personality itseasytoremember nvm i found it

7.

Text - writing-prompt-s Your landlord is a vampire, so he offers you a deal. You can pay your rent in money... or in blood. hedgeworth Follow This is just the oh no rent's late how can I make it up to you porn trope but for goths.

8.

Text - the library haunter @SketchesbyBoze Arthur Conan Doyle: I have invented the greatest detective of all time Agatha Christie: hold my tea Doyle: ... why does this tea taste funny 9:40 AM · Oct 25, 2019 · Twitter Web App ladyvyola Follow This is even funnier if you know that Christie did not learn about poisons because she became a mystery writer, rather that she specifically became a writer of mysteries because she already had extensive knowledge of poisons due to her World War I training a

9.

Yellow - chat-chouage Follow the other day i started writing an office romance but i quickly remembered that i have no idea what working in an office is like ivan-fyodorovich Follow as opposed to your vast personal expertise in romance? chat-chouage Follow

10.

Text - falloutnewvegans-deactivated201 i love how scientists in fiction are always called "scientists". thats it. they wear a Labcoat Of +5 Science and +5 Medicine. They do not specialize in a tree of science, like Biology or Astrology. No. They are just Science Men ready to do Science. thefingerfuckingfemalefury "Do you understand what this could mean for science? It could mean real advances in the field of SCIENCE" sweetmeatdale Literature majors trying to figure out what everyone else does

11.

Text - rem-ir The Fahrenheit defenders have logged on rem-ir my defense of fahrenheit is that 69° is ideal weather in fahrenheit but dead people weather in celsius mollic-epipedon Great news everyone I have decided to endorse Fahrenheit 4,686 notes

12.

Atmosphere - The year is 2387. Earth is a'member of the Federation of Planets - but without Great Britain, which is still trying to leave the EU. copperbadge You know, this would explain why Picard, the most English person ever to walk aboard a starship, continues to claim he's French. dduane (snicker) Source: spikesjojo

13.

Text - sweaterwithpaintstains Follow 3 am is such a powerful time. there are people sleeping. there are people partying. there are people having a movie marathon. there are people crying. there are people loving. there are people dying. there are people living. toegther at 3 am. hugerez don't romanticize 3 am everyone should be in bed!!!! go to sleep bitch!!!! 313,233 notes

14.

Formal wear - hydro-homies Follow BRIGHTSIDE @Raelet how I, a millennial, filter spam calls: -if my phone rings, it's spam I answer for no one. madz-the-3rd Follow EXCEPT My mommy, 294,474 notes

15.

Green - officialfist - blurrymango tumblr Follow jdididydog So how long is it going to be until hollywood discovers e-girls and simps and decides to make a rom com about it h4xOrwaif This summer, Amy has to choose between her long time friend who she has been secretly in love with forever, and that one really sweet, really good looking guy who donates most of her income monthly, in Gamer Girl jdididydog she's among the top streamers on twitch, he's giving all he can to be in her tier 1 subscribe

16.

Text - rasec-wizzlbang: kenkit: rasec-wizzlbang: if an elf and a dwarf fucked, would it make a human? Going by older editions of D&D they made an awkward ugly thing called a Dwelf, which usually combined the worst aspects of both races personalities and physical construction. .. yeah, a human Source: rasec-wizzlbang 14,811 notes

17.

Face - onlytwitterpics Follow When you start an argument with bae to spice things up and he ends up leaving your ass can-oh-worm Follow Good for him rockn-roll-cat Follow good finally a version of this i can reblog 355,546 notes

18.

Text - @ origamityler-deactivated2016101 The best reddit thread l've ever seen was when someone asked if the gang from Always Sunny in Philadelphia could kill Darth Maul and almost all of the responses were over 4 paragraphs long experimental-sponge Best quote from that thread: "To give the gang a slight advantage, We'll assume that Darth Maul has not seen any of the films in the Home Alone franchise."

19.

Text - duendealexis Wasn't iCarly that guy with the wax wings that flew into the sun and fucking got rest because same sketchfilledpaper I just realized my phone corrected Icarus to iCarly because I type iCarly more than Icarus okay thanks pumpkinspicednp I thought this was just a god tier shitpost

20.

Boats and boating--Equipment and supplies - A yoi-shenanigans Here is a baby button quail on a spoon Here is a baby button quail falling off a spoon brainbugs-andreblogs BABY NO Source:ches-not-cheese 144,392 notes ...

21.

Dress shirt - 'Germs are not a real thing':Fox News host says he hasn't washed hands in 10 years Pete Hegseth denies existence of germs, saying: 'I can't see them, therefore they're not real' internetdumpsterfires His melee attacks inflict a poison damage

22.

Text - diplobrocus haldaisilme curseworm does mace work on birds curseworm if a heron is attacking me will mace be an effective deterrent curseworm time sensitive question please respond Source: curseworm 58,574 notes

23.

Fictional character - swan2swan Follow I was not prepared for Sheriff Snorlax overpoweredoriginalposter Follow this town ain't big enough for the one of me

24.

Text - schmergo Follow Isn't it suspicious that the sexiest man alive is always already a celebrity? I feel like they're really not plumbing the depths in their research. Like, imagine if you got the Sexiest Man Alive edition of People and your orthodontist was on the front cover and you were like, “Oh PHEW, I guess I'm not the only one who sees it." 4,903 notes

25.

Text - My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. Madigan does not understand this. She pouts and wraps herself around my leg like a scarf, trying to convince me to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in, she eventually gives up and lays in the corner under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dog's. When I want something with my whole being, an

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