Thursday, July 16, 2020

Technically Correct Dumb Jokes and Moments


When you can't think of the right answer, it helps to just think of something clever and technically correct. Well it doesn't actually help, but at least it makes you feel smart and that's something. So why not feel witty for a second with some clever and literal jokes that are technically correct.

1.

Text - Jon Erlichman O @JonErlichm.. · 4h Breaking: Google buys Fitbit for $2.1 billion 76 27 914 2,599 Maitrey Jukar @EmptyJayy Replying to @JonErlichman Oh. Bad deal. I bought mine for $69.95.

2.

Face - The Independent @Independent 13h Robert De Niro 'will be lucky if he makes $7.5 million this year', lawyers say Robert De Niro 'will be lucky if he makes $7.5 million this year', . Robert De Niro has apparently claimed that coronavirus has decimated his finances. 8 independent.co.uk 1K 12 2.7K 829 Jon Fisher @jonthepon Replying to @Independent I too will be lucky if I earn $7.5m this year.

3.

Text - Harry McNicholas • 1 year ago Jesus promised to rid the world of sin. We still have sin. Odin promised to rid the world of the ice giants. Seen any ice giants lately? I6 5K 500 REPLIES

4.

Helmet - Once you've read the dictionary, every other book you read is just remix

5.

Text - astelic C-***: @Astelic · 21h now instead of saying "-2k19" we can say "-2k2k" this is awesome!! 43 27 18 527 Ziaia @Ziaia6 Replying to @Astelic Were living in 2020 while shes living in 20002000

6.

Human - 1963 2014 hotsuburbandad This is fake. They haven't been sat on that rock for 50 years. If you look closely you can clearly see her swimsuit is different in the second photo, it has stripes on it. And the guy's shorts seem to have a more floral pattem in the latter photo.Also, if someone sat on a rock for 50 years, it would have made the news. My theory is, they simply returned to the same location 50 years later, and recreated the original photo.

7.

Text - Thate cancel culture. Imagine God cancelling you because you did or said the wrong thing. The very first bible story is God cancelling two people over an apple Imao what

8.

Text - r/Showerthoughts Posted by u/vincent28322 2h You cannot recite the digits of pi backwards. + 4.0k 162 Share Award SINGLE COMMENT THREAD VIEW ALL TeboeCubes · 2h ip fo stigid eht Reply + 169

9.

Text - keith @KeetPotato me: "my wife is having a baby" colleague: "omg, do you know what it is?" me: "it's a person but smaller" 4:51 AM Jun 28, 2019 Twitter for iPhone Who are you, who are so wise Lin the ways of science?

10.

Transport - A normal conversation 2022 You can spell "Tony" as "Ptoughneigh"

11.

Product - Kennedy Michael @lamKenneh Throwback to when I used to smoke pot and sniff coke. OO O thank God lam a changed man now.

12.

Text - Basic as bleacH @teragraMadden Saying you're a night owl is redundant because owls are nocturnal. Unless of course you're saying you're a knight owl. Like Sir Hoot of Mousehuntingshire. That would make sense. 4:59 PM - 12/28/19 Twitter Web App

13.

Text - Follow every gamer's reaction upon finding a blood-covered room: well that's not good I am pretty sure that is not exclusive just to gamers. 464,196 notes

14.

Font - TOP 3 RICHEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD 1 3 n.i Maurice Jeff Bill Jones Bezos Gates $17 $115 billion $89 billica 1.6K LaughS SUBSCRIBE 46.6K subscribers Comments 75 Fah Bassad • 1 day ago Technically, Maurice is closer to being a millionaire than both Jeff and Bill. 323 1 目 12 VIEW 12 REPLIES

15.

Text - alien skier @clichedout nurse: how do u rate ur pain me: zero stars nurse: me: would not recommend

16.

Text - The Academy @TheAcademy Name a movie that was ahead of it's time. Ae Educati The Educated Moron Moron @EducatedMoron A movie about the year 2020, named '2012', came out in 2009.

17.

Text - 8 The first cells were probably...? lonely

18.

Grass - A guy in Uruguay, collaborated with another guy from South Korea, which is exactly in the opposite of Uruguay, to make a sandwich of the world. 7.2k 151 Share Almighty_One 2h So the entire world is inbred? That explains a lot.

19.

Cartoon - if you weigh 99 pounds, and you eat 1 pound of cheese, then you are 1% cheese.

20.

Facial hair - Stay retired Paul you're a better commentator than fighter Paul Felder @felderpaul Does it make you feel good saying that? Now would you say that to my face man to man? Nope you'd kick my ass that's why I said it on twitter Paul Felder Fair enough @felderpaul

21.

Text - In an atom, the number of electrons 1 point is equal to: the number of neutrons. the number of electrons. the number of protons. Clear selection

22.

Design - Instead of all the negative postings, here is a pic of some topless chicks in short skirts

23.

Text - can you be your own grandpa ALL IMAGES VIDEOS NEWS SHOPPING Suppose you marry a widow who already has a grown up daughter, and your father marries the widow's grown up daughter. Now the widow's daughter becomes your mother. Since your mother's mother is your wife, your wife is also your grandmother. As the husband of your grandmother, you become your own grandpa. Apr 12, 2017

24.

Text - r/AskReddit Posted by u/301is301 • 10h What is your favorite paradox? 个2.3k 1.4k Share f TOP COMMENTS bomber665_ko · 9h e S 3 Awards If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie Up, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up. However, in doing so he lets you down. Thus creating the Astley Paradox + Reply 个3.5k

25.

Pug - Me: I'm so fat. Friend: No, you're beautiful. Мe: I didn't say I was ugly, I said I was fat.

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