Sunday, June 28, 2020

Wild Things People Overheard While Pretending to Be Asleep


Maybe it's better to be a heavy sleeper, so you don't hear your parents and friends say damaging crap about you. Maybe it's better to hear it and know what they think? Either way, people really need to do a better job of keeping things to themselves. Here are things that people overheard through paper-thin walls as well as the kindest things people overheard about themselves.

1.

Text - 3-methylbutylacetate 7.2k points · 2 days ago My grandparents won $10000 at the casino, and they told all of their children (and presumably gave them some of that money) except my dad. My dad is a dick so I didn't tell him either.

2.

Text - f4te 3.1k points · 2 days ago parents discussing the gift that "Santa" had got for me for Christmas O

3.

Text - BigRedCowboy 1.5k points · 2 days ago When I was a kid, I was pretending to sleep in the car. I was in the backseat, next to my older sister. I was probably six or seven, so she would have been around 13. She let out a raunchy, all windows down, gag the rest of the car sort of fart. It was loud, but we were both in the back. She immediately blames it on me farting in my sleep. The whole car laughs and rolls down their windows, and I stayed "asleep". No one to this day knows that it was he

4.

Text - YaBoiStego 1.4k points · 2 days ago When I was a kid, I used to be scared of monsters or something creeping up on me in my sleep, so I would always ask my dad to check on me before he went to bed. It made me feel more comfortable. One night, I was still awake when I heard him coming up the stairs, and I wasn't supposed to be awake and knew I would get in trouble if he saw me, so I pretended to be asleep. He came in to my room and just kinda stared at me for a few seconds, then came up clo

5.

Text - whiteblaze-22 36.8k points · 2 days ago · edited 2 days ago 合26 Something like “She's too old for this, I'm not going to carry her up to bed anymore". and that was the last time I was magically transported from the living room couch to my bedroom.

6.

Text - Orrblunk 30.8k points · 2 days ago F2 Old roommates planning to kick me out.

7.

Text - ClumsyValkyrie 30.3k points · 2 days ago e I was a camp counselor... two girls very much liked to make hot or not lists. One of them suggested a male counselor was hot, and the other said he was saying mean things about me behind my back, which made him not hot. Hurt to hear that from my campers, but glad they supported me.

8.

Text - FeedBean6 27.6k points · 2 days ago That I was dying with Meningitis but jokes on the doctors I'm still kicking

9.

Text - Needyouradvice93 19.0k points · 2 days ago · edited 2 days ago E O My parents discussing whether or not I was gay, and exploring where they went wrong with raising me (too many hugs). Edit: this really blew up and I've got a lot of people wondering whether or not I'm gay. For the record, I am straight and have had sex with a bunch of girls! Take that mom and dad.

10.

Text - lemonricesoup99 18.8k points · 2 days ago Before I got divorced. Was laying in bed late (11am or so) on my day off, after a long string of I think 10 or so work days in a row. My ex (who refused to get a job) was in the next room playing a video game, and I heard him say "that motherfucking bitch is still sleeping"

11.

Text - bodymeat_112 18.4k points · 2 days ago My "friends" talking about going into my wallet later and steal my money, and then leave before I notice, I kicked them out

12.

Text - Memerchild 3.2k points · 2 days ago I was doing a all nighter with the boys (gaming of course) I fell a sleep at some point playing Minecraft creative, and woke up to "How often do you guys pleasure your selves"

13.

Text - Runs_N_Goses 18.3k points · 2 days ago 2 My mom and aunt talking, thinking 10 year old me was asleep. Aunt, "Little Runs_N_Goses is so cute." Mom, " No, he's not very good looking at all."

14.

Text - bota08 12.7k points 2 days ago When I was a wee tot, I pretended to be asleep in the family room so I wouldn't have to actually go to ved and once my parents were distracted, I could keep watching TV. I then got to hear my dad proposition my mom for couch sex...it's been many years so I don't remember exaxtly what he said, but it was something along the lines of "hop on Pop."

15.

Text - anonymous_DoDoBeDoDo 12.6k points · 2 days ago Probably the funniest was on a camping trip with the boys. I have sleep apnea and use a cpap machine. I overheard a couple of my mates talking about smoking a joint and hotboxing me through the air intake of my cpap machine.

16.

Text - qwasymoto 11.6k points · 2 days ago I wasn't "pretending to be asleep" per se, but I was well on my way. I was under anesthesia and was fading in and out. I remember closing my eyes to help move things along. I was in a lot of pain because my appendix ruptured. This happened years ago, so I can't remember all of the details, unfortunately. I remember being moved over to an operating table(?) and they told me to take my shirt off (I think). I heard someone go, "What do you think would happ

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