Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Wasp Spawns In Guy's Bathroom, Duel Ensues


The painful sting of regret is too real. This guy missed his chance to eliminate a wasp that spawned in his bathroom. His attention to detail and use of vocabulary makes for quite the entertaining, visceral rollercoaster. That wasp is probably telling its buddies right now about its glorious revenge in a subreddit dedicated to wasp revenge stories. 

1.

Text - TIFU by not killing a wasp when I had the chance TL;DR at bottom This story begins three days ago and concluded yesterday morning. This is the most exciting shit that has happened to me in weeks, people. I have, despite loving the outdoors, never been stung by a wasp, bee, etc. I have no problems with insects, hell l'll pick up a spider, but the pointy asses I'm not a fan of (bees are cool though).

2.

Text - So I wake up and head to the bathroom to take my morning shit, I open the door and hear buzzing and notice Satan himself has decided to pay me a visit and is flying about my shower curtains. I immediately noped out of there and begin brainstorming how to kill this bastard. I had determined that the point of entry was my window as it was slightly ajar, I seal the weak point and prepare to suit up. I then spend the next 20 minutes putting on multiple layers of clothing, 2 pairs of socks goi

3.

Text - I slowly open the door to do some recon and see that little jerk was chilling on the ceiling vent. Close the door, grab The Executioner, take a deep breath and reopen the door. The enemy has since taken up a more tactical position behind the lights above my sink...clever. It turns to face me and opens its wings up, ready to kamikaze my ass at a moment's notice. It can smell fear, and probably the gallons of sweat l'm excreting from being in enough clothing to brave Mt. Everest. Il'm fucki

4.

Text - It tumbled down for a moment before regaining control and I shit you not made a beeline (more puns) straight for me and in a panic I slam the door shut. My mom is telling me I need to close the vent in my bathroom otherwise It could get in and then the whole household would be compromised. Understanding the stakes I muster the courage to open the door one more time only to discover that in my haste I have lost all visual of the enemy. Gone. After closing the vent I spent the next 10 minut

5.

Text - I spend the next two days afraid of my own fucking bathroom, carrying The Executioner with me like Jesse Pinkman and his pistol in El Camino. It must be in the vents, and so there it shall die. I awake yesterday morning to take my morning shit, the first time that I didn't take The Executioner with me and when I exit to go lie down in bed again I'm greeted with a familiar sound emanating from the window blinds next to my bed. Then I see it. That skinny waisted, stabby assed, flying fucker

6.

Text - On some wild west cowboy shit ready to draw, I make a move for The Executioner and backpedal to a central position where I can wait for it's next move. Mano y mano, bitch. I wait 5 minutes before deciding that I've had enough. I flank around the perimeter of my room and with one hand open up my window nice and wide, hoping and praying that I didn't just invite the whole wasp cavalry to make a grand entrance into my bedroom if it decides to release attack pheremones. It must've been behind

7.

Text - Window shut. I lick my wounds. The vents are opened. The war is over, but casualties have been sustained. Honestly, that little asshole deserves to live, so long as it never returns. TL; DR A wasp spawns in my bathroom. I failed at killing it. It disappears and remains hidden for two days before reemerging. It takes my sting virginity and escapes and I definitely didn't pussy out

8.

Text - EDIT: FUCK YOU WASP I GOT PLATINUM! A couple pics of the possible yellow jacket nest we now gotta deal with, plus my "armor" and the heathen himself: https:// imgur.com/gallery/exXFOhK Edit 2: The culprit was a single paper wasp. The nest in the first picture is a possible yellow jacket nest, entirely separate, like some fucked up level 2 on the horizon after surviving level 1.

9.

Grass - Mom > What do you think? It's about 3" in diameter I sent a smaller one to show you where it's located

10.

Text - Mom > How'd you make out with the wasp? RH STEL Currently preparing for war

11.

Font - Mom Oh no! Don't let it go through the vent. It could end up in my room! GET IT!!!!

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