Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Funny Times People's Brains Went On Autopilot


Sometimes the brain clocks out for the day. Yes, these folks experienced some hilarious autopilot moments. You know, when you're in one environment, maybe at work, but some part of your brain thinks that you're elsewhere. Sometimes this comes about through sleep deprivation, while other times, it seems to be a totally random misfiring of neurons. Naturally, the resulting moments make for hilarious fails. 

1.

Text - LadyGruntfuttock • 1y Started unbuttoning and unzipping my trousers while I walked towards the toilet, just like I do at home because I'm efficient like that. Except I was at work and was walking through the shared office

2.

Text - [deleted] • 1y Was in college working full-time nights as a security guard and full time class. Stopped at a red light, pushed my garage door opener and drove through. Luckily there were no cars around.

3.

Text - axladrian • 1y Put my bluetooth headphones in the freezer to charge. Wanted to go to work with the car, but forgot to turn the engine on. I stood there for 10 minutes trying to figure it out. A neighbour even came to help me and didn't see the problem.

4.

Text - SavageJeph • 1y Go to check the mail, grab the keys, oh yeah! there is garbage/recycling that needs to go out, I stop at mailbox, I get mail, throw away the garbage, throw away the mail, throw away my keys... Neighbor asks if I am going to need those, I just kind of stop, look around a bit and say "Well, yeah, probably"

5.

Text - Tink_650 • 1y 3 2 Awards I'm an ex-bus driver and many times on my way home from work, I would go to pull into a bus stop, in my car...

6.

Text - Nobody_Likes_Shy_Guy • 1y 3 1 Award Put my phone under a faucet to fill up my water bottle. I recognized my mistake. And then I did it again

7.

Text - ChaoticRift • 1y My dog's favorite part of the day is dinner time. I pull out her food, she starts wagging and doing the tippy- taps, get a scoop of food, and instead of going to her bowl I dump the full scoop into the trash can. She then just looked at me with the saddest eyes and I felt terrible, so she got a little bit extra food and some pets.

8.

Text - Portarossa • 1y A S 2 Awards I was feeling an encroaching sickness coming upon me one time, so I decided to be proactive and make myself a couple of days' worth of the most baller chicken soup I could manage in advance, so l'd be able to eat well even when I was dying of the lurgy. I chopped the carrots, I sorted the onions, I stewed the chicken bones, and I cooked that motherfucker down for eight hours into the most delicious stock you could imagine. Then I poured it all through a coland

9.

Text - Etchisketchistan • 1y I used to work at the airport, and got used to yelling the word 'Next please!' a lot. One week, I was working really long shifts, and was pretty tired. I decided to stop at McDonalds on my way home from work and went through the drive through. When I stopped to tell them my order, I yelled 'NEXT PLEASE!" into the speaker.

10.

Text - MEG4NTRON • 1y 3 1 Award The pipe underneath my sink was broken so I put a bucket below it to catch the water leaking out. When it was full I poured it back in the sink...and proceeded to flood my kitchen.

11.

Text - [deleted] • 1y Woke up. Automatically got out of bed, got dressed, brushed my teeth, packed up my backpack, headed out of my dorm, happened to glance at the clock in the lounge. It was 1:30 am.

12.

Text - [deleted] • 1y 3 2 Awards I stepped on a cheeto and apologized to it.

13.

Text - shhhushnow • 1y I used to work on a farm & we always took our boots off before entering the homestead for meal breaks. One afternoon I absent-mindedly unbuttoned my jeans and started to take them off instead of my boots. I guess my brain decided I was done for the day!

14.

Text - Twokindsofpeople • 1y 1 Award "have a good day sir." "Love you too." Awkward shuffle out of Panera.

15.

Text - Ren 13 • 1y I was getting out of my car and went to take a sip of my iced coffee. Unfortunately I put the end of my car key in my mouth instead.

16.

Text - SunOnThelnside • 1y 3 Awards Reposting my own comment from a few years ago in a similar thread, because I still think this is my best response to this question. Came into work to work front of house after several extended nights of profound insomnia. I was holding up ok until a gal walks up with a dog in her arms. I. chat people up about their dogs because A. Dogs are awesome and B. people love to talk about their dogs, and often tip a little more when they feel like they've actually conn

17.

Text - Fef_ • 1y I made dinner. It was some exotic chicken and rice. Wanted a drink, poured orange juice in my chicken and rice. Tasted great though.

18.

Text - Polar_Ted • 1y 3 1 Award Started to trim my beard and didn't see the guard was off.. Huge swath of beard gone in one swipe. The kids still refer to me during the beardless months as "Creepy Daddy" and I am not allowed to shave it off again.

19.

Text - BananaVanillaLatte • 1y 3 1 Award I tried putting the milk bottle back in the microwave then got mad when it didn't fit. I only stopped trying cause my brother was there watching and he start laughing.

20.

Text - whyamiwastingmytime1 • ly I used to work in a factory, starting at 6am, so l'd have to get out of bed around 5:15 each morning. There was one morning when I got up, had my breakfast and left as usual, drove round the corner to the garage where I would buy my lunch. It seemed a lot quieter than usual, but being half asleep myself, it only half registered. Then I got back in my car and noticed the time... I was awake 3 hours early. FML. I went home and back to bed for a couple of hours

21.

Text - lunchladyshand • ly 1 Award I drove home from Phoenix to Prescott, forgetting the fact that I had moved to Flagstaff about a month prior. Got all the way to my old driveway before realizing my error. (Both Prescott and Flagstaff are north of Phoenix, but are about 1.75 hours apart from each other).

22.

Text - CatHerder237 • 1y On the railroad, you can get verbal permission to pass a red signal or flag, either from the dispatcher or the employee who placed the red flag. You cannot under any circumstances pass a BLUE light or flag, because that protects employees working on/under/between rolling stock beyond the blue signal. Driving home in the car late one night, I decided to take a shortcut through the local university. I go around a corner and see a blue light marking a police call station. I

23.

Text - optcynsejo • 1y 3 2 Awards Washed an apple at the sink. Dried it with a paper towel. Turned and tossed the apple in the trash and stood there holding the towel like an idiot.

24.

Text - GeneralAbalone • 1y My wife's friend & her husband were leaving after having dinner at our house. As they're leaving, she says "love you" to my wife. Naturally, I respond "love you t... uuuuuh... yeah, goodnight."

25.

Text - PineappleArts • 1y I once tried to zoom in on a paper when I wanted to fix a tiny detail in my drawing. I was very tired mind you, but that was still sort of funny to me because I did it like four to five times before realizing "wait this isn't my phone".

26.

Text - daiye99 · 1y One morning I was sick and stayed home from work. My wife was being really awesome and served me breakfast. Trying to show her how thankful I was I said "Thanks Mom." We both just stared at each other for a second then burst out laughing.

27.

Text - DeepBreathing4Me • 1y S 1 Award I was sitting in math class one day, and I was just humming to myself while the teacher explained something at the board. She went to turn off the projector, which is next to my desk. Then, still standing next to me, she gives me this weird look and asks, "is something wrong?" I had been so deep in thought that I had lost the tune but kept humming, so I was now just humming a long, low "hmmmmmmmmm" without any change in pitch. So yeah. That was embarrassing

28.

Text - YethFaru • 1y Just today I went to the grocery store, packed everything into my backpack at self check-out and went home. As soon as I got home I remembered I never actually paid. EDIT: To all those asking if I went back and paid, I did. As soon as I noticed, I went back, swiped my card in the self check-out and got it over with. Nobody had even noticed. The store is about 300m from my apartment complex.

29.

Text - supertucci • 1y 3 1 Award I lived in the same house for 16 years. Moved out. Years later I did some summer work as a construction worker..on MY old house! First day I walked in, mindlessly did what I ALWAYS did when I came in , waltzed Into the kitchen during the family's breakfast, opened the fridge and peered inside for a long while looking for something to eat. I came to myself (dude I don't live here anymore), looked up, and the family was all staring at me from the breakfast table, f

30.

Text - Catsrecliner1 • 1y 3 1 Award My wife says she once ate pizza at a friend's house and, out of habit, threw the crust on the floor for the dog. Those friends didn't have a dog.

31.

Text - b14nn • 1y O 3 2 Awards Was signing for a parcel on one of those electronic things delivery drivers use, and I wasn't paying any attention and ended up staring at it for a minute and then just drawing a straight line on the screen and handing it back He was confused

32.

Text - RollerKirbyDerby • 1y I placed my cellphone in the fridge and left the milk out after making myself some cereal.

33.

Text - [deleted] • 1y 2 Awards I was looking all over for my keys and finally thought that I might have left them in the car. I went outside and my car was locked. So I pulled my keys out of my pocket, unlocked the door, opened the door and realized how much of an idiot I am.

34.

Text - GrizzlyYear • 1y 3 2 Awards "Here you go, if you need anything else, just let me know!", as I graciously put down the plate with food I cooked for the only person in the room. Me.

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