Wednesday, April 8, 2020

Guy Won't Let Friends Enter Forbidden Room, They're Upset


This guy asked people on Reddit whether he was in the wrong for not letting his friends enter a special, "Forbidden Room" that he had created for his autistic roommate whenever they became overwhelmed. Apparently, the friends complained about this decision, and were demanding to be let into the "Forbidden Room" next time. Sheesh. 

1.

Text - AITA for not letting my friends enter the Forbidden Room? Not the A-hole OK, this is a throwaway, on mobile, English isn't my first language, etc. So I (M20) live with another guy (M19), who l'll refer to as Red. Red's autistic, and he's not a party person. I am. He also is extremely camera-shy, like he'll go out of his way to hide if someone is taking a photo that he could appear in. That's perfectly fine, but I still like my parties. So we came up with the Forbidden Room. The Forbidden

2.

Text - I never specified what the Forbidden Room is. I only told people it's locked, and so they can't access it. (Which is true – Red unlocks it to enter). The arrangement works great for Red and I. A few days ago, someone in the group WhatsApp casually mentioned Red disappears in parties, so I mentioned the Forbidden Room's purpose. (Red knew I was telling them.)

3.

Text - My friends are all now mad at me, because that's not a real reason to lock up a room, and that they like Red, and want to chill more with him, and by doing this, I'm essentially allowing him to remain socially distant from others. They've demanded entry next time to the Forbidden Room, and I've denied them; and they tried to compromise by saying anyONE can have a downtime in the room, and I've refused that. Red's argument is, he can't tolerate being social for very long, and some of my fr

4.

Text - So, AITA for having a forbidden room that only Red is allowed in? EDIT: this got a lot of attention overnight. I'm gonna try and read through this with Red, once he's up. Some points of clarification: I'm not throwing parties at the moment • a few said it's super obvious that l'm NTA, but honestly, based on my friends response to me wanting Red's Forbidden Room to stay intact, I might as well have committed a crime, to the point I second-guessed myself. • I am no longer second guessing my

5.

Text - LeSchad • 23h • Asshole Aficionado [12] NTA. You are your roommate have considerate setup, and that only works so long as others also extend that consideration. They don't seem to get that wanting to hang out with Red when he intentionally detaches isn't showing that they like him, it's just going to stress him out. really nice and

6.

Text - YugenSelcouth • 23h NTA. Your friends in the other hand... They're "demanding" entry? That's just plain rude. They think you're "allowing" Red to distance himself? I disagree, you are just being a good roommate who has come up with a creative solution to your roommate's needs. Sharing the room would defeat it's purpose so good for you for sticking to your guns. As someone who is not autistic but is extremely introverted with social anxiety to boot, I might borrow this forbidden room idea

7.

Text - BazTheBaptist • 23h • Supreme Court Just-ass [119] NTA. It's pretty fucked up that they would try to dictate what a room is used for in your own house and demand that they be allowed to use it too. They don't live there, they don't get an opinion. If it was me getting shit about this l'd make it clear that if they keep bitching they'll find themselves locked out of the rest of my house too.

8.

Text - maybeapanther • 23h • Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] What a beautiful example of compassion, communication, self-awareness, emotional maturity, cooperation... the list goes on! Seriously, I think this plan you and Red came up with is fantastic. NTA. Your friends are immature little shits.

9.

Text - MagicMauiWowee • 23h • Supreme Court Just-ass [126] 3 E 3 Awards NTA Your house, your rules. You are an awesome roommate and it sounds like you and Red have come up with a situation that works for both of you despite being very different. Huge congrats to you on that. That said, your friends are assholes. They aren't respectful of Red, his space, his needs, or his preferences about pictures. They sound unhealthily invested in "fixing" Red to be like them, which is terrible. You should eva

10.

Text - VegasNomad702 • 23h NTA The home belongs to you and your roommate. Your roommate has special needs. Your friends absolutely suck here for trying to force themselves on your roommate. Also, your friends aren't paying your rent, they don't live in your house, and they have no business being upset with you over your friend's sanctuary.

11.

Text - DangerouslyDia • 23h • Asshole Enthusiast [5] NTA. Your friends need to learn boundaries.

12.

Text - ReallyLuvUrPeaches • 23h NTA. You are a GREAT friend. They might not even be a-holes, but I do think they need to learn more about autism. If Red is comfortable with it, maybe he can personally explain it to them. If not, you can send them articles to read about it. Keep doing you, man

13.

Text - Order66-Cody • 23h • Asshole Aficionado [12] NTA hey like Red, and want to chill more with him, and by doing this, I'm essentially allowing him to remain socially distant from others. They've demanded entry next time to the Forbidden Room, and I've denied them; and they tried to compromise by saying anyONE can have a downtime in the room, and I've refused that. If they really want to chill with him they should talk to Red and see if he is cool with them coming into the room. Not force his

14.

Text - bklynpeter • 22h • Certified Proctologist [24] NTA - Why do you give a f_k what your friends say about Red's room? I'm essentially allowing him to remain socially distant from others Red is 19 and allowed to decide whether he wants to interact! What kind of insanely entitled shit that they have the right to "demand" access! Who are they to demand anything?!

15.

Text - mangonlime • 23h • Partassipant [1] NTA. This is Red's choice as an adult with the agreement and support of you, his room mate!They also aren't socially inclusive people. Your friends are terrible, entitled people deciding that Red's views on their own wants and needs is less relevant than their views of his needs and wants, which are utterly irrelevant. Also this is like Red needing to take a shit but them deciding when and how he does it. It's none of their business.

16.

Text - glom4ever • 23h • Asshole Enthusiast [7] NTA Are they going to demand you let them into locked bathrooms next? With the context this is terrible, but even if Red was just locking his bedroom door for parties they do not get to decide where in your house they are allowed to go. They do not get to decide how much socializing Red has to do.

17.

Text - bombyxmandarina • 23h • Partassipant [1] NTA - As long as you both think the arrangement works for you and it's helping him be social without overloading himself then it's a great idea, it's not locking someone in if they have a key and go there by choice. Also, it's your place, no one should go anywhere you say is off limits.

18.

Text - lobsteristrash • 23h • Partassipant [1] NTA Your roommate's very legitimate reason for needing this room aside, it is your house and his house and no one else's. Your friends have no right to demand access to any part of your home for any reason. (Nor do they have any right to demand access to a person who does not want to be around them, regardless of the reason!)

19.

Text - SavannahChelsea • 23h • Partassipant [3] NTA. How a room in your house is used should be you and Red's decision, no one else's.

20.

Text - Holysunlight • 23h NTA put red above everything. Everyone else in this situation is an AH.

21.

Text - GeneralFakename • 22h NTA. Your friends are being weird. My mom has a thing where her friends don't go upstairs. And they just... Don't go up there. You don't even need to have a good reason to keep them out of the room, it's not their house! It could be an empty room with no one and nothing in there, and if you say they can't go in there then they can't go in there. If they want to chill with Red more then they can do so when there's not a party and when he's comfortable to do so. They c

22.

Text - bramlugh • 21h NTA at all. And neither is Red. Everyone else though? Holy shit, the level of entitlement. Think of how they sound for a moment. "Well I want to spend time with him, so you can't lock me out". "Dammit let me in, I don't care if he's 'anxious' you are hurting MY feelings!" "I just HAVE to have an instagram selfie with Red, give me the key"

23.

Text - MoonpieSonata • 20h NTA. BUT... you totally fucked up calling it "the forbidden room" That's tempting as fuck. Call it "the dull closet" and no one would give a fuck.

24.

Text - dainty_dragonfly • 22h NTA I'm autistic, and I wish I had a place like this to hide when things get too much at parties not in my house. Your friends are definitely assholes for not being more considerate of your roommate

25.

Text - irian9 • 23h • Partassipant [2] NTA. And you should probably find better friends

26.

Text - H335 · 22h • Certified Proctologist [20] NTA And kudos to you for being an awesome room mate; helping Red by developing a win-win that allows him the freedom determine his own boundary levels for involvement; and also for sticking by your promise to Red. He trusts you to allow him to determine who he trusts enough to allow into that part of his life. That's awesome!

27.

Text - kitttenprincess • 23h NTA. You have come up with a great solution for you and Red. You get to have the parties you like, Red gets to scoot out when things aren't working for him. The rest of your friends are assholes

28.

Text - jlane13 · 22h • Partassipant [4] NTA, first of all you are a great friend for being adamant in your decision to not let them in that room. Everyone has a safe space that they go to when they need to get away for a second and that's his place. If your friends aren't respectful of that then what the fuck

29.

Text - Swedishpunsch • 22h • Asshole Enthusiast [6] NTA People who keep insisting that they be allowed in the Forbidden Room don't need to be in your house at all. It sounds like you need some more mature friends, OP.

30.

Text - C_Alex_author • 22h NTA x100000 and THANK YOU for being a caring friend! He knows his boundaries, you respect his boundaries and help him enforcet hem, this allows you to have parties that might otherwise upset him. You guys have a fantastic friendship! This level of compromise and understanding is seriously epic. Now onto your friends... 'No." is a complete sentence. They are disrespecting the house rules, Red's needs (his autism takes precedence over their need to have access to every i

31.

Text - karowl • 22h NTA. the problem is that your friends have no boundaries

32.

Text - florescentee • 14h NTA. Your post is giving me Troy and Abed from Community vibes. Just 2 different people totally respecting each other's quirks and defending each other against the world.

33.

Text - distorted_realities • 11h NTA in the slightest. The idea of a Forbidden Room is so thoughtful and such a great idea! l'd love to have a roommate like you; you guys came up with a great solution/compromise to fill both your needs. I have social anxiety and often need breaks from social situations, too. As a kid, I would go and hide in bathrooms or up in bedrooms to get away from the noise of family gatherings or parties. All throughout childhood I had people like your friends who would act

34.

Text - thekyledavid • 22h • Asshole Enthusiast [4] NTA If they don't like there being a room they can't enter, they can stay home

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