Wednesday, April 15, 2020

Clever and Literal Jokes That are Technically Right


When you don't know the actual answer to a question, it can be a saving grace to be a smart ass about it. Or it could backfire and make people think you're a moron. Either way, here are clever and dumb jokes that are technically correct. They might not be even close to factually accurate, but hey, at least they're technically accurate.

1.

Text - FLACU Fact @Fact A woman trying to commit suicide from the Eiffel Tower, landed on a car and later married the owner of the car. Bàbá ìbàdàn I @smish001 So... She fell in love?

2.

Text - Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers is that true? Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

3.

Text - The Madison @madisoncentreLA What's your idea of a perfect date?!? Shafeeq @Y2SHAF DD/MM/YYYY other formats can be confusing

4.

Statue - Disinfecting Pericles who died from the plague in 429 B.C. thestonecuttersguild It's a little late now.

5.

Text - Anonymous | 45243472 >be me >22 yo >overweight beta loser >decide to fuck it all and get my life in control >get new clothes >go to the gym >work out harder than ever in my life >sweat dripping off me >can't feel my legs >a couple of chads walk by >hear one of them say to the other >"What a fat loser" 42,2 kB JPG >... >He's technically right >l am losing a lot of fat 3 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY Anonymous 45243502 Nice keep going man

6.

Text - r/Showerthoughts Posted by u/Danvik03 · 4h Uranium has about 18 billion Calories per gram so eating a grams of uranium is technically enough food to last you for the rest of your life. 1 2,5k 114 Share BEST COMMENTS SquirrelSqueak • 4h That statement is technically correct in more than one way. Reply 1 842

7.

Text - leopharry I have decided on a new constellation. I call it The Bees. If you look up at the night sky and see all those sparkly dots, congratulations. You see The Bees. I have just made astrology 10000x easier, you're welcome. quiescens those born under the sign of the bees: have emotions think thoughts is likely introverted or extroverted has at least a few friends was born at some point

8.

Lingzhi mushroom - Beer Frozen, Burnt my food and Girl friend pregnant What Im pregnant t o CHILL YOU BURE? Im sure babe m so happy Night Cummer @Leribb_ You Just can't pull anything out in time. Can you?

9.

Text - You good? Yeah. Why? What's up? I thought I heard something loud drop That was my shirt Your shirt fell and made that noise? I was inside of it It's hard to argue with his assessment.

10.

Human - Me: “Thank you" My French friend: "I call that... mercy"

11.

Facial expression - SIX without S is 9

12.

Grass - Ride on lawn mower, as new $700

13.

Mode of transport - r/Showerthoughts Posted by u/Stormfly The sentence "Don't objectify women" has "women" as the object of the sentence. It's hard to argue with his assessment.

14.

Text - TEST rtt PREP 2. Which is the best estimate for the length of a football? QI foot b all O 4 feet O 5 feet O 8 feet

15.

Text - r/AskReddit A u/EyeOfOwl • 8h What is an immediate red flag to tell if someone is fake? Discussion 792 702 1 Share BEST COMMENTS DongVonJovi • 7h 1 Award They're wearing brand new clothes in the middle of a department store, are standing on a platform, and don't have the goddamn courtesy to tell you where the bathroom is. They don't even move. Reply 3.1k

16.

Text - r/AskReddit u/Dancer9d9 9h 1 O1 1 What under $10 item is a total game changer? 15.0k 6.1k 1 Share BEST COMMENTS - Austobausto • Now Video game updates Edit

17.

Electrical wiring - For those of you who cant work out social distancing.... this is two meters apart!!

18.

Technology - * Echo Angelpaw * @EchoAngelpaw I've got myself a hot date :3 26

19.

Cartoon - Nightmares are just free horror movies that you produce, direct, and star in.

20.

Text - 167 100 years from now I will be years old. I hope some day that I will foo TBáLand own 100 Dallar Bills 100 Ponies I never wish to own 100 or 100 Vnorornes. 100 years from now I hope to be Dead

21.

Face - THEOAKLANDPRESS.COM Man tells police he stole food truck because he's a 'dumbass'

22.

Column - l TESCO ? 17:06 ThioJoe 19 hours ago IT Support 2K Home Explore Subscriptions Inbox Library

23.

Cartoon - Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake No, no. He's got a point

24.

Facial expression - "Unlockable" has a double meaning. Both that it cannot be locked and that it can be unlocked

25.

Text - r/AskReddit Posted by u/UnRealDreamsofLife • 6h 1 What's the dumbest reply to a serious question you've heard? 6,3k 1,5k Share Y BEST COMMENTS ▼ IAhawkeyes132• 2h in physics there's something called the "right hand rule" which helps you find the direction of force given the direction of the magnetic and electric fields. it's a little hard to explain how exactly, but you literally use your right hand as a model. my professor asked me in front of the class what the first thing you needed to

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