Sunday, September 27, 2020

Wild Things People Said While Waking from Anesthesia


Anesthesia lets us do amazing life-saving surgeries on people all the time, but another one of its effects is that it creates some good stories. People say some funny stuff when they'e under anesthesia, and almost none of it makes any sense.

1.

Text - _KaseyRae_ 6.6k points · 10 hours ago · edited 6 hours ago 25 & 8 More Patient here with a great story nonetheless. When I got my wisdom teeth removed, I apparently had a religious experience (I'm agnostic) e. I told my mom (who was with me) that I saw people walking on water. Next, I kept telling her that I saw Jesus. Apparently, when the female nurse came back into the room I did the Catholic sign of the cross and whispered to my mom, "That's him. That's Jesus." The nurse lost her shit.

2.

Text - iletthe12dogsout 6.5k points · 10 hours ago 2 3 When I got my wisdom teeth out, the nurse was trying to wake me up and said, "okay, it's time to open your eyes. Can you open your eyes for me?" I said, "Say pleee-eease!" She said please very nicely, and I opened my mouth as wide as I could

3.

Text - serenasaystoday 5.4k points · 11 hours ago A man asked me if his body parts still belong to him and I still think about it Imao

4.

Text - godricspaw 3.4k points · 12 hours ago I had a male patient who as he woke up mumbled "I'm not pregnant?!"

5.

Text - GurgleQueen636 522 points · 12 hours ago Not a nurse but after I got my wisdom teeth out I was convinced I was Clark Kent and kept taking my glasses off and mumbling "I'm Superman." And then I cried when they told me they were going to put my teeth in the incinerator because for some reason drugged me thought they meant all my teeth.

6.

Text - female_aardvark 3.2k points · 12 hours ago Did a short stint in recovery as part of my graduate program. I got proposed to a couple of times. Same guy would walk past me in the corridor a day later and not recognise me!

7.

Text - Lasersandshit 2.9k points · 10 hours ago Not a nurse.. My wife woke up from a surgery and started pointing into the middle of the room and in a soft voice said " fuck you, fuck you and you. Whats that smell?" she then looked over at me and says "when did you get here yah asshat" LOL She doesn't cuss much, so I got a good laugh out of it.

8.

Text - Eekanumber3 359 points · 9 hours ago Obligatory “not a nurse," but a friend of mine said that one of her patients was convinced he was a burrito and needed her to sprinkle cilantro on him.

9.

Text - creepiest-greek-myth 2.8k points · 12 hours ago Not a nurse, but my twin sister started speaking fluent Spanish to my mom after she woke up from getting her wisdom teeth removed. We're half Puerto Rican (on our mom's side), so we've grown up hearing Spanish, but neither of us had ever carried a fluent conversation with her in it. But apparently my doped up sister could!

10.

Text - Flight_19_Navigator 2.8k points · 11 hours ago I was coming out of anaesthesia and the nurses in the recovery room were all poking fun at each other about which Hogwarts House they would be in. Me: "According to my ex-wife, I'm a house elf."

11.

Text - Cryptid-Fluff 2.7k points · 10 hours ago Me, coming out of it at the dentist's office: Me: "You have to save them." Dentist: "Save who?" Me: "THE OWLS." Dentist: "What owls?" Me: "The owls trapped inside the gas machine, they were HOOTING, I could hear them! You have to save them!"

12.

Text - Im2lazytobeoriginal 2.1k points · 12 hours ago I once told the nurses to stop I wasn't asleep yet. I wasn't ready. They laughed and said they were done. Another time I came out saying sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Almond joy has nuts mounds don't. No clue why I was singing this but the nurses thought I was hilarious and let family know this happened.

13.

Text - goshawkgirl 2.0k points · 10 hours ago Not a nurse, but was in charge of my sister after she got her wisdom teeth out. Got her in the car and she was bawling. Wouldn't stop crying and trying to put her fingers in her mouth. Mind you, she was 20 at the time. I got her back to my apartment, and she's having a hard time staying upright, so I'm helping support her as we walk up to the door. She's still crying, but is now trying to do a heel click. We almost fall over. My neighbor sees us and

14.

Text - SJ2390 1.9k points · 12 hours ago Also not a nurse, but I had ankle surgery last year. They gave me animal crackers after and I remember being really upset that I didn't realize until the last cracker that I forgot to look at the animals and appreciate each one.

15.

Text - Hexellent3r 1.6k points · 10 hours ago My brother got his wisdom teeth out not too long ago. When He woke up, he started laughing a lot, like He wasn't laughing super hard, but he was laughing for supper long and it almost sounded monotone. After a couple minutes of just flatline laughter, he stopped and mumbled "chicken" like it's what he was laughing at, don't know why but it stopped him from laughing for a bit

16.

Text - paprikaparty 1.5k points · 10 hours ago We had to slide board a patient from the stretcher to his bed after an endoscopy. (You put a board between bed and stretcher and. Then grab patient and slide them over to bed with sheet underneath them). My patient screamed "WEEEE!" And then proceeded to tell us that these are the best drugs ever and that it felt like the 60's again.

17.

Text - questionable_post 1.4k points · 10 hours ago I came out of it in the middle of a conversation with Gandalf. I was trying to sell him Tupperware.

18.

Text - Shrubbery_Bribery 1.3k points · 10 hours ago At the dentist I woke up like a shot from anesthesia, got up, and ran through the office..dental assistants chasing me. I ran to the washroom - still drugged up - looked into the mirror and while pawing my numb face said "I need to make sure I don't look like Joan Rivers".

19.

Text - BitchIDontWorkHere 1.1k points · 9 hours ago When I was in high school I was just getting put under and feeling loopy for a wisdom teeth operation and the nurse was making small talk with me and told me she graduated from the same high school I went to and was on the dance team and I told her "No you weren't, you have to be pretty to be on the dance team" right before blacking out. I think about this sometimes before I go to sleep at night nurse I am so sorry to do you like that when you

20.

Text - Lunch_Gun 963 points · 11 hours ago A friend of mine woke up after surgery and stated "I want to eat a Christmas tree".

21.

Text - Dobermanpure 821 points · 10 hours ago Not anesthesia but post op in ICU. Pt had brain surgery for a neuroma. He had a brain drain in but otherwise was fine. Me: hi sir, I have your dinner, do you need help? PT: Naw, I can do it. What is it? Me: white fish. PT: ugh... Me: it's brain food! PT: If that's the case I need a whale. I laughed for 2 hours after that.

22.

Text - witchserena 817 points · 13 hours ago Not a nurse but when I got all 4 of my wisdom teeth out at once, I woke up and immediately asked "can I eat KFC now?" And they all got a laugh outta that. To at was the only thing I cared about. Probably not as entertaining as I hoped but I got a laugh outta them so yay!

23.

Text - Wileykid 795 points · 10 hours ago Woke up thinking I'd had sex with my doctor. And apologised to him for how bad it was...

24.

Text - dustr 576 points · 10 hours ago It wasn't something he said, but I had a patient in his 50's attempt to motorboat his wife when she came to pick him up. She was mortified, and I managed to keep a straight face while giving her all his post-op instructions.

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